Carol Ann ~
As the previous 7 posts indicate, many AN patients have had to deal with this issue of friends pulling back from us, post-op/treatment because they're unable or unwilling to give their support. Of course, I'm sorry to learn this has happened to you and, as you noted, without a spouse or family, you do need and count on your friends. Unfortunately, this is not the first thread I've seen on this subject because it it is all too common with AN patients. I think it's even worse when a spouse and/or your immediate family refuse to support you and act as if you're somehow burdening them with your AN-related problems, when all you want is some understanding. I've come to the conclusion that most folks we consider friends are, like most of us, basically self-centered and simply unable and/or unwilling to offer us more than a certain amount of sympathy and, more importantly, understanding. Fortunately for me, much like Nancy ('nanramone'), I've always been inner-directed and never had a wide circle of friends that I counted on for support in difficult times. However, I've also been married a long time (40 years) to a woman who has the biblical 'servant's heart,' is totally giving and loves me very much so she is all that I really need. However, in your case, it's obvious that your friends are disappointing you, which, in my opinion, reflects more on their character than yours and also shows you that the friendship was, basically, superficial, even if it lasted a long time.
The harsh reality is that most people are self-centered, have their own set of problems that may seem insignificant to you but are important to them . Few friends will really want to hear how bad anyone is feeling on a regular basis. Those who care about you and want to help and support you are like gold and should be especially valued. Still, the withdrawal and rejection of your friends is, clearly, hurtful. My only suggestion is to try to adopt a positive attitude, realizing that no one wants to hear how bad you feel every time they see or talk to you. In effect, fake it. I do this on a regular basis and so does my wife, who suffers with myriad pains and minor disabilities, yet always tells anyone inquiring about her health that she is "taking it one day at a time". She does this with a smile, no matter how she actually feels. However, she has a wide circle of friends and they are quick to 'unload' their problems on her but she is relentlessly sympathetic and tries to help where she can. I admire her. I simply internalize whatever may be bothering me, which, luckily, isn't much. Anyone asking me how I feel will always get a 'Fine! Thanks for asking" response, no matter the reality. I do this because I know the questioners eyes would glaze over if I started telling him or her about my SSD, tinnitus, lack of stamina, etc. I know they don't really want to hear about it so I keep these things to myself. Although my wife tells me about her pain, she almost never shares that with others. Of course, I sympathize and help her as much as possible.
So, Carol Ann, many AN patients have been through the unpleasant experience of losing erstwhile friends due to their AN and related issues. You're certainly not alone in this experience. As Syl pointed out, these AN discussion forums exist to help and support AN patients. We've 'been there' and can understand your emotions. Use these forums to vent and receive the kind of understanding only those who've been in your shoes can offer. Our members are eager to help and support you. We consider you our friend...and we won't abandon you.
Jim
