depression is depressing; need prayers for daughter

[Keri]

Thank you everyone.

Hi Clarice!!! I've been wondering how you were doing! I'm on the forum off and on and have many times thought,'Where is Clarice?!'  You're always so helpful and encouraging to so many. Want to be more 'on' but I've really gotten away from keeping up with all the newbies! I wish I could keep up with everyone like I used to. Anyway, when I am here, it's always encouraging.

Noely's still in the hospital - hopefully will be out soon. They she'll go to a day program then transition back into school.
I've learned a lot about depression and my 'judgements' about it - not really understanding people who had it/have it more severely than just the average ups and downs of life.
The hard thing about Noely's depression is that she can look so happy so much! So you don't 'buy' it when she says she's so down (well, we do now - we've seen the extremes).
I'll post more now when I know when she'll be released and the latest with all that. People have been so helpful. We opened up with our church about what's going on (put her on the prayer chain) and it's amazing how many people struggle with this or have. And how it can make your life hell for a while. Or so it seems at the time. Two weeks ago I felt we were in a dark tunnel that we'd never come out of. Now I feel like there's light somewhere! We have been supported by so many (here on this forum too) and it's been a help.

Keri

[Jim Scott]

Keri ~

Thanks for the update on your daughter and her situation.  I'm so pleased to learn that she's doing better and that you and your husband can see some light at the end of this particular 'tunnel'.  I'm a firm believer that 'prayer changes things' so I'm delighted to learn that your church is involved and also that the experience has increased your understanding of depression, which can be insidious.

We all know that the teen years can be an emotional labyrinth for many and I believe that girls have it much harder these days, if it ever really was 'easy' to be a teenager, male or female.  I trust that the days ahead will find solace for your daughter's depression and peace and some serenity for you and your husband.  Meanwhile, you, your husband and your precious daughter will remain in the prayers of many, including mine.

Jim

[lori67]

Keri,

I'm glad your daughter is doing better.  I think it's a good reminder that just because things might look okay on the outside, there could be a storm brewing inside and we can never really understand what someone is going through.  I know that your support, love and understanding willl help Noely get through this.  I'm glad you looked to your church for support.   People should know that they are not alone in this struggle.

Thanks for keeping us posted.  I hope the rest of your family is doing well.

Lori

[CHD63]

Keri ......

So glad Noely is making progress and will soon be out of the hospital.  Depression is such a lonely road, not only for the person in it, but the caregivers, as well.

My prayers continue not only for Noely but for you and your whole family ..... it affects all of you in very different ways.

Thank goodness you have a strong support group with your church.  I don't know what we would have done without our church friends the past two years.

Clarice

[moe]

Keri,
Thanks for the update. Continued prayers for Noely's recovery, slowly but surely. Poor girl, so many stressors today for teen girls especially (just listened to a segment on teen sexting ) Very scary world out there. She is no doubt feeling the stress of everything- school, mom, sis, etc. and probably doesn't want to upset everyone. So the outward smiles continue, the inward turmoil continues too.
Hang in there. Hopefully she will learn to open up, relax and just "be" at  her home environment.
My 16 year old son comes home and appears rather comatose, but I know he is giving it all in his very large high school. I wish I could be invisible and follow him through a day in the life of a teen at school!
One day at a time
Maureen

[Adrienne]

Keri,

Just read/saw this post now and I can't believe how eerily similar it is to what is going on in my extended family.  My niece (16) seemingly out of the blue started feeling 'down' about life in general.  I'm sure it was building, but as her aunt who lives thousands of miles away-we had no idea.  As you said, she was happy and cheerful when we saw her.  She comes from a great and supportive family.  She ended up on some meds, and then shortly after a friend of hers came to my sister in law's house and told her that she hated to "tell" on her friend but that my niece was having suicidal thoughts.  She was admitted into a crisis centre and had to stay there for a few weeks.  They were adjusting her meds and doing lots of counselling.  Apparently, the drugs that you can take for depression can actually CAUSE suicidal thoughts.  Crazy, but that's what we're being told.  They tried new meds and after a few weeks, sent her on her way.  They changed schools and tried to 'start fresh'.  They went on a family holiday together (which they say was great) but shortly after they got back she admit that she was still having suicidal thoughts.  She ended up in a new facility, and spent 10 days there.  She got out about 5 days ago and still isn't allowed to go to school or to be on her own at all.  She has a full analysis by a new counsellor later this week.

It's scary and hard to understand.  She's a cute girl with a real bubbly personality.  She says she just wants to be loved.  Lots of her issues stem from guys and wanting them to love her.  She also struggles with an eating disorder. 

I have no idea how to help my sister in law, and my brother in law is beside himself.  They're doing everything they can, and their life is on hold while this is going on-as it's all consuming.

I so feel for you, and I completely understand your journey of learning more about depression, and the roller coaster of emotions that are going on (both with her, and with you).

Sorry you're going through this too.  Please know that you are not alone, and certainly if we have any 'break through' moments with my niece, we will share in the hopes that it will help you too.

Huge (hugs).

Adrienne

[Keri]

Very similar stories - my Noely and your niece, Adrienne. Noely's has never gotten in with the 'wrong crowd', gotten into any trouble, has had a loving and supportive upbringing. There are issues, like Cheri mentioned, with sometimes our special needs older daughter gets a lot of attention, but we've been careful to take Noely on special trips and things like that (thank you, Cheri, for your insight there - we had never considered that before this all started).

The terrible irony of these dang meds causing them to be suicidal at times - that's so true! I don't envy the doctor's work. It takes to long to get the meds into their system to works properly, then to get them out of their system if they don't. I've totally changed how I feel about mental illness - at times I just thought it was all part of high teenage drama. But some of these kids can truly be sick or ill and it's NOT because they've been abused or been through some kind of personal hell that set it all off.  I really feel for you niece and her family/parents - I totally understand. You want them to come home but are scared that when they do, in a very low moment, they could try to harm themselves, even though this is not really what they want. It's heartbreaking.

Thank you, everyone, for your continued support. Noely going to be released today and then go daily to the hospital for a day program. She's scared; we're scared (but excited too), but we're glad she's being more open with us and not just saying 'everything is ok' when it isn't. They're still trying to get the meds right, and she's having a lot of anxiety.

So, keep praying! Adrienne - please keep me posted on your niece. Thank you for sharing.

Keri

[CHD63]

Keri ....

My prayers will double up this week ..... that Noely will be able to believe in herself again and have peace and that you can have the strength (both emotional and physical) to support her along this next stage in her recovery.

Clarice

[moe]

Keri,
Prayers going your way for peace and healing and hoping the medication issue gets resolved and she feels better.
Maureen

[SML]

Hey Keri,

Rich and I send our prayers for Noely and your family.

You are such a strong person with a very positive outlook on life, and although your daughter is going through a tough time right now, down deep… I’m sure she has enough of her mom inside to help her get through this.

We will be keeping you in our prayers,

Scarlett

[yardtick]

Keri,

I have raised four sons.  I have been told by many people how much easier boys are to raise than girls, I don't know about that.  The only thing I know is each child is a cherished gift from God, with distinct personalities.  I also know that the kids today have so much more stresses in their lives than we ever had growing up. 

I have been following this thread very closely.  I know your daughter has a loving mother and father.  With the grace of God, the guidance of her Doctors and the love and support of family and friends Noely will get through this. 

Take care Keri,
Anne Marie

[Larry]

Keri,

I've just logged into this thread and my thoughts go to you and your family. I have two daughters, 23 and 26. Both with eating disorders and depression comes with it. I'll share a couple of things so they may help you.

My eldest daughter has anorexia and a zest for exercise. We have hospitalised her into an eating disorder clinic three times now. After the third time, she started cutting herself on the backof the hands. This was an attention gathering exercise. She learned about this from other girls in the clinic. My eldest has always had an attention seeking streak in her and this was a good way of getting that.

My youngest daughter has a different issue although a serious case of Bulimia. She has a self esteem problem. She is not a big girl by any stretch but with eating disorders, they see themselves as something different to what they really are. She fights depression a lot. Going back to my eldest, she has been seeing a shrink for some time who has been experimenting with drugs to curb her mindset. At one point the mix of drugs did cause her to have suicidal tendencies so the drugs were quickly changed. She is slowly on the improve. My younger daughter saw a shrink but stopped coz she couldn't relate to the shrink and has been battling it out without meds.

My eldest is She is 5 foot 6 and weighs 110 pounds. My younger daughter is 5 foot seven and weighs 115 pounds. They both see themselves as FAT.

This has been going on for years and we have learned a hell of a lot and this is why i wanted to share the above with you. What we know is that coming to a diagnosis is very difficult, nearly impossible. We have found that professional medical help only worked when my eldest daughter related to the shrink. previous attempts did nothing. They will switch off unless they can get on with the helper. We continually gave encouragement and supported both kids even though the issues made both my wife and I depressed at times. With my younger daughter it was purely a self esteem issue. She fits into the tiniest dresses but still thinks she's fat. We keep encouraging her and praising her appearance and things have improved a fair bit and she is getting better with her bingeing and purging episodes reducing.

The thing that I have been trying to get my youngest daugyhter to do is go to toastmasters to increase her self esteem but she is reluctant to do sio.

Keri, sorry to provide a long winded scenario of my household but depression is a serious issue and i thought by explaining my situation, that it may shed some light for you going forward. The most important thing is to try and get Noely to see a shrink or psychologist that she can relate to, maybe a younger female. My kids opened up more in that situation. Be careful of the meds they prescribe - do your research on the combinations they give. praise her lots and don't show your concerns openly. Try being positive - very, very difficult. Do silly things inf front of her to get her laughing. Hopefully she will open up and identify the causes for her depression.

Hoping for a positive result


Laz
 

[Jim Scott]

Laz ~

Although I certainly don't envy any parent struggling with a teen-aged child going through emotional problems, sometimes manifested in eating disorders, as your daughters have, I have to admire the strength of character driven by love for the child (or children, in your case) that gives parents such as you and your wife, as well as Keri and her husband and the many others parents battling these mental diseases and ensuing problems, often for years, the tenacity and patience to see the child through the situation to a successful end. 

Every parent wants the very best for their child .  As parents of an 'only' child, Tina and I sure did.  Parents will do whatever is necessary to help their child/children achieve the best life possible, both materially and of course, emotionally.  Sometimes that is a monumental struggle, sometimes a fairly minor, temporary one and sometimes, no struggle at all.  For those that are fighting the good fight to help their troubled child or children, as you, Keri and others are 24/7, my heart and my prayers go out to you and for you.  May you all have better days ahead.

Jim

[sues1953]

Hi Kari and Laz

Wow, I haven't checked in with this thread in a while.  It breaks my heart and brings back so many memories.  I just want to tell you both that things do get better.  I have two grown children that have been through so much.  I can certainly relate to the anorexia.  My daughter suffered, we suffered through that and just want to tell you that with love, support, therapy, it does get better.  Although my daughter never was percribed anti depressants she worked through her issues with a counselor and has a wonderful life now.  She is an elementary school teacher with 3 beautiful boys and a wonderful husband.  I couldn't have wished any better for her. 

I just want you to  know that it really means alot when you open your hearts and tell others of what you are going through.  I had so many people praying for me and my children and it meant so much.  Thank you both, God bless you.  Know that you are never alone.

You are in my prayers 

Sue in Michigan

[Larry]

Thx for the thoughts. i really didn't want my post to appear as opening out, it was designed to give Keri a bit of hope and examples of what we have found through experience. I guess though in hindsight, it did help me when typing away. Might be useful for anyone else to share their experiences like this (hopefully there aren't too many) and from these posts and experiences, maybe some of us can pick one or two things to try.

i firmly believe, much to the disgust of most medicos, that forums like this provide a much better insight to a lot of medical processes and healing guidelines than the medicos provide (apart from their technical skills of course)

My decision to go gammaknife was based on the info provided on this forum. lets hope we can help Keri and Noely with some helpful tips

cheers


Laz