surgery looming closer

[TxNurseNoelle]

Tomorrow is July 1st, surgery is scheduled for July 24th..I am trying to keep busy, working, projects at home, b-ball games with my dtr, swimclasses and so on and so forth..but..if I stop for a second to think...there is is...surgery looming closer! Im not sure if I want everyone to pity me and get alot of attention or everyone to ignore that Im having this surgery and continue on as normal..There really is no winner here..Im very moody and either way you approach this with me it is not going to be nice...(ok writing that made me laugh) I am sure that I am envoking memories as you are reading this of my fellow ANers who went through this..It is normal? Im not going crazy? The sensible part of me knows I will be ok, but the unreasonable part of me wants to be, well, unreasonable! Well just putting my thoughts in print, and who else could I do this with? Thanks for listening ..Big Hugs to all....

[Kaybo]

Noelle~
You are entitled to feel however you want to feel - you are about to have brain surgery and that IS scary.!  However, the good news is that once it is over, it is behind you & you can start living again!
Call me if you want...

K

[kabby]

I know exactly how you feel.   My surgery date is 7/29 and I've been very good at keeping incredibly busy up until now.  But as of tomorrow, I really don't have much to keep me terribly busy and I find myself feeling okay until somebody asks how I am.  Then I feel pangs of panic!  I keep telling myself that in 29 days, a whole new beginning since this has been looming on the horizon for so long.  I wish I had picked an earlier date....

[ghenier27]

Kabby, I am nervous too and I don't even have a surgery date yet -just a date with neurosurgery! I would just like to go to sleep and wake up with this all behind me! I am sleeping alot these days, I am sure it is from being so mental tired. Because of not only this but, in 2007 I bought a home in Gulf Breeze, florida. 2 days after closing on the home, my daughter got sick there and was put into the local hospital. To make a very long story short, they couldn't treat her there because of lack of knowledge and didn't have the equipment to do so. We ended driving 6 hours 1 way to get her treatment every 3-4 days for over 2 years. Needless to say, we all know what happen to the housing market. We found out about a program called ship and my daughter & I quanifity for the program and was able to get a house in Gainesville. But I was honest with the lender the whole, sending them proof of her medically conditions. Anyway, I told Countrywide that I would do a deed in leu of instead of a forclosure on the house. But they send me forclosure papers instead. And I am a witness on a court case of my girlfriend's boyfriend abuse case. Hummm...no wonder I am mental tired? And of course, all this information on AN's can be over whelming at times too. Sometimes, I have to read alittle and then go back to it.
So you are not alone, I feel that most likely my surgery date will be late july or early August. Please keep us posted and let us know everything. Debi

[wendysig]

Noelle,

I had surgery last July and think that it is perhaps the best time for surgery.   If the weather cooperates it is a time of year you can keep busy doing fun things.  I stayed very busy prior to my surgery and had a lot of fun in the process, feeling that it would be the best part of my summer.   As for nolt knowing how you want to feel or how you would like others to treat you, I think it's part of the package.  About a week prior to surgery I finally settled on letting go of my anxiety and fear.   I went out to lunch with friends, shopped  and stocked the pantry and fridge and cleaned like crazy (cleaning the house top to bottom is something many women in this forum seem to do just before surgery).  The day of my surgery I felt calm and a prepared for whatever would come as possible.  I hope this happens to you too.  Hang in there, you will get through this.

Best wishes,
Wendy

[Jim Scott]

Noell ~

Let me assure you that you're not going crazy and that your emotions are fairly normal for this situation.  I think all surgical patients want to get the tumor out and get past this but are apprehensive to some degree about actually undergoing brain surgery.  The emotional dichotomy is understandable when you consider the seriousness of the surgery as well as the benefits of having it.  In some cases, such as mine, the decision to have the surgery was hardly optional (due to size and location of my AN) so that made it a tad easier.  I only had a week or so to wait for my surgery and that also helped me avoid a lot of emotional turmoil.  Your moodiness is probably a manifestation of your conflicting emotions and not really unusual or weird.  We've all been there.  You'll get through this and come out the other side before you know it.  Our thoughts and prayers will be with you on July 24th so you won't really be alone. 

Jim

[CHD63]

Noelle ....

As others have said, it seems odd but it is actually quite normal to feel like you are losing a grip on reality while awaiting brain surgery.  When I look back, the days before my surgery almost seem surreal .... like it didn't really happen, or I'm watching someone else go through it.  In my case, I really did not want anyone bringing it up ..... if they were going to wring their hands or act upset ..... but if they were reassuring or just had questions it wasn't so bad.

You will "be on the other side" very soon and all of this will be in the distant past.  Just stay active and involved between now and the 24th, be it cleaning, preparing ahead of time meals to freeze, good movie watching, reading, etc. .... whatever is productive or calming at this point.  I know you will do well in the surgery!

My thoughts and prayers.  Clarice

[cherrypiper]

a good friend of mine who didn't have a thing in common with ANA stuff said this....

"Steve is it life threatening surgery? " ummmm no in fact here in Houston at Memorial Hermann in 19 yrs of doing this they have never lost a patient .

Then don't make it life threatening. Major surgery? you bet. they are going to crack open your skull . life threatening ? no......."

for me, that helped a lot. and the last month b4 my surgery i sure went "bonkers" . wife saw  it, friends who knew about the surgery knew it.

i waited 5 months from finding out about the tumor in June 2007 to having it removed Dec. 3rd. that was so i could take the Christmas break off from my teaching here in town and not be back until early January.

hang in there. the larger my support group was the better too. cause for months afterwards i wasn't too up to snuff.....

[TxNurseNoelle]

I have been reading all of the replies to  my post and it sure feels good to know that although I have never met any of you, we still have a common thread..I have one good friend here and my husband and dtr.(who is 8yrs old) and the rest of my family is 1900 miles away. Thanks for letting me vent here it does help. Happy july 4th!

[moe]

Hi Noelle,
Vent away that's what we're here for. I take it you are a nurse? Maybe being on the "other side" as a patient is causing some anxiety too.
I'm a nurse, and funny thing was I was not nervous at all. I just wanted the thing out!

Ineresting  how the subconscious just kind of takes over, huh? with those unreasonable thoughts.

This bugger will be gone soon, and we are all here to root you on, pray for a successful surgery and recovery and answer any questions/concerns- no question is too silly to ask.

Staying busy does really help. And you are going to be fine, remember it is non life threatening, and benign.

You could scare yourself silly reading posts about what "might happen" but everyone has a different story.

I didn't even join the forum until last winter.
I knew one person who had the surgery and she emailed me about her experiences post op and what to expect. Sometimes easier to just get er done, and deal with the symptoms that are dealt.
You'll be in great hands post op with whatever you may need.
Enough rambling.
It'll be OK, really.
Maureen

[salamander]

Nervous before Brain surgery?  Never. . .

I remember before my surgery that the upcoming "adventure" was all I could talk about.  I got sick of hearing myself, but talking definitely helped.  My daugher and I would talk, and then stop each other with the word "speculation", because we kept talking about various scenarios.  There are so many potential outcomes that it is confusing.  By researching what could happen, it helped me to sort out how my outcome fit into the broad range.  When the doctors talked about my case with me I was able to fit my outcome into the range that I had read about.  (Helpful if you are as analytical like I am, some find it more helpful to not know what "might" happen and just learn as they go)

There are two things that I advise for that waiting period prior to surgery.  Walk alot to strengthen your cardiovascular strength.  I found that walking was not only good for my heart, but gave me an outlet for all that pent up energy and made me feel good.  Where I walk in the woods gave me peaceful memories that I would draw on when I wanted to mentally escape what was going on around me.  It was good to have as a goal to return to walk there as soon as I could,

The second thing is to accept help.  People constantly asked what they could do for me, and I would say nothing but prayer - although that itself is big.  But one friend asked more insistently and I really started to try to think of things people could do because they really do want to help.  I asked one girlfriend to please walk my dogs while I was laid up.  Another friend offered a free massage, which really helped - and also got her a lot of business when I got home and needed regular cranial sacral massage for my spinal fluid flow.  Ask one of your friends to help coordinate meals when you are recovering so that you don't have 6 casseroles arriving at the same time!

Do special things with your kids and loved ones -  and take LOTS of pictures.  Those memories will carry you through the tough days ahead. Oops, that was three pieces of advice!!

Before you know it, the time will be up.

Samantha

p.s.  Sorry, but I do have a fourth bit of advice - get some cool new slippers for the hospital 

[Cheryl R]

Noelle, I think being a nurse in some ways makes it a bit more nerve wracking.       We know just enough  info  that it is easy to think what if this or that happens.         It usually doesn't but in rare cases can.               We hear so many people here who end up with post op issues but I know over time how many people do fine and are here for a short time and gone.          No big long term problems at all.                    I feel like I was back to close to completely normal over time until finding out I had NF2 caused my more long term problems.                   Most people just to see me would ask what problems I have as they are not real evident unless you are around me alot.                  I miss being a nurse, having retired, in most ways. ( I don't miss the loads of paperwork)
 It is all hard to wait for this surgery.   It's ok to be nervous but just try to enjoy life now.                   Back in 2001 when I was waiting there was not this type of forum and there was no talk what so ever how you will have a normal life again with maybe a few adjustments, maybe almost none.            I finally read in the  AN newsletter of how a person did well and there was life again.
 That helped so much.                          My big message is to not push yourself post op to prove you will be normal again as it does get better but takes some time.                                             Cheryl R

[Brendalu]

Noelle,

If you need someone to talk to in Texas, I am available.  IM me and I will be happy to give you my number. 
Brenda

[ppearl214]

nervous anxiety and stress... doncha just love it?  Noelle, you are doing everything right... you are keeping busy, getting things organized, opening up to everyone here so we can cheer you on.... and as you can see, everyone is here to help you out.  Please hang in there. I know it's easier said than done..... but we're here for you. 

Phyl