Am I depressed? Or is this normal?

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

Marci,

It has not even been a full month since surgery.

Remember that you were pumped up with pain killers and steroids during surgery. Surgery in itself is a trauma to the body being that they cut our heads open.

I would think that the brain chemistry would be altered by this and I would expect some depressive emotions- to be normal.  The steroids have us on a high. As we are off these there is going to be some sort of a crash as our body (and brain chemistry) come down off of these…. Simply being inactive, as part of the rest and recovery, will cause depressed emotions - too.

Try to stay positive.  Get out and walk as much as you can without extreme exhaustion. Physical activity will get the adrenaline going and can help combat these feelings. Also be sure to eat, on schedule, healthy foods to keep blood sugar levels at a stable rate (as appetite loss and or carvings can alter mood too)

Remember that up to and during treatment there was much adrenaline flowing in anticipation of the surgery outcome… now you body (and mind) is coming down off of that.

If you feel tears coming on – be sure to let these out and not bottle up emotions…A good cry  can be healthy. 

Give it some time- I think many of us felt depressed, for a stint, post surgery.

If after a month you still feel it is out of control then you should mention it to your doctor.

I would recommend exercise; healthy diet, quality sleep and plenty of fresh air time (i.e. get out of the house as to not feel shut in).

HUGS

DHM

[lori67]

Marci -

I'll pass along two things I was told - one by my surgeon - and that was that most patients feel like they've hit a wall after the 2 week post-op point.  He said he thinks it's because the improvements seem to happen so quickly in those first two week that we expect the rest of our recovery to be that fast.  I guess we expect (myself included) that since one day we were having out head opened up, the next day we were sitting in a chair and the next we were walking around the halls, that things are going to continue to improve at that lightning fast pace.  I definitely was one of those patients and hit a great big, brick wall after the two week point.

The other thing I was told by my primary care doc when I told him I was feeling depressed was that "this is a totally normal reaction to a totally abnormal situation".  I was actually embarrassed to admit to anyone that I was depressed over everything that had just happened.  I had my surgery about a month after my diagnosis, so I didn't have a lot of time to process the whole thing either.  After all was said and done, the staples were out and I was declared healthy, I was still left to deal with the collateral damage - the SSD, the facial nerve issues.  He started me on a mild antidepressant and it helped more than I ever could have imagined.  I have to say, at first I felt weak or like something was wrong with me that I needed medication to get through this, but after I thought about it, I realized I probably had more reason than most people to need it!

It does get better.

So, in answer to your question - yes, this is normal.

Lori

[Debbi]

Hey Marci-

I'm late weighing in (actually, I'm haivng a bit of a down day myself!) but for what it is worth, I agree with everyone here --

1) what you are feeling is probalby normal, and partly physical and partly emotional.

2)  If you don't feel better in a reasonable amount of time, talk to a professional and/or look into a pharmaceutical "fix"

In looking at my own recovery, I can say that there are just days where I feel "down" and sometimes for no particular reason.  I do believe it is part of the process. 

You have an enviable ability to find humor in your situation, which is a sure sign of a healthy psyche - give yourself a little time, Marci.

Sending you hugs,
Debbi

[MAlegant]

Wow.  Thank you. I am floored by your responses (in a good way) as usual.  I did call my therapist and talked to her for a bit.  Will see her on Tuesday.  Between all of you and a therapist I'm sure I'll get past it.  You (plural) did.
Marci

[Dana]

Just one reminder -- for reasons unknown (scientifically and otherwise), a 'depressive episode' can sometimes trigger long term depression.  That's why it's wise to deal immediately with what you're feeling now.  You may move through it comparatively easily, but there's a possibility that it could 'settle in'.  Depression is a combination of - events, brain chemicals and repeated thought patterns (which of course get stronger the more the brain repeats them).  To nip the latter in the bud, you might want to consider therapy and/or an anti-depressant.

These are thoughts from a decades-long depressive who fights and fights.  Please believe me, depression is the worst disease.  I'm so sick of it.  Sorry to vent, but it's the way I feel these days.  I can't sort out whether the AN (for which I had GK, so no surgical aftermath) has increased my depression;  I don't think so.  But I do hope you take it seriously, and try to stop it in its tracks (which it sounds like you're doing!).

Hugs,
Dana

[fbarbera]

It is so important that we be gentle with ourselves.  I've learned that my body will heal on its own time, not on mine, and that in addition to taking good care of myself, my job is to accept and surrender to that timeline and try my best to stay strong and positive in the meantime, so that my life is not at a standstill.  Blessings, Francesco

[Kathleen_Mc]

Depression after a "major life threatening illness or surgery" is completely normal. Add to that fact: brain surgery will disrupt the brains "chemicals" that effect mood and this takes some time to heal. add to that pain, disrupted sleep habits, disrupted eating habits, decreased energy, sitting at home instead of being busy working and social isolation that is bound to happen at this time.....ya getting depressed is very common place.
I myself was treated for "post traumatic stress disorder" after this experience and have conitinued to battle a chemical depression ever since.....sometimes it's not an issue and sometimes it is. I was treated by a counsellor for the PTSD and the depression that lingered has been addressed only with my gp.
If you need help, get it, and the sooner the better.
Kathleen

[MAlegant]

Yes, PTSD, sounds about right. Holding on until Tuesday.

My son's girlfriend is visiting for the weekend. Feels so normal!
M

[Kate B]

\Some of my dear friends I'm totally ok with but others seem to be watching to see if I'm really me after brain surgery. You know, like in "Regarding Henry"?  Marci

Marci,

This part of your comment intrigued me.  To be honest, at work, I never called my AN a brain tumor for just that reason.  Instead I told people I was having ear surgery on my 8th nerve. It avoided that "brain surgery" reaction.

I hope your appointment Tuesday gives you answers.

Kate

[Lainie181818]

Marci,
I agree that you should not wait to seek treatment. I "crashed" twice with deep depression. My husband was great but he is a guy and couldn't really relate to my state. I couldn't eat, sleep, kept crying and in the end couldn't get out of bed or shower.I was actually in a mourning period, mourning the old me. I still miss that person and finally after 2 years I am coming to grips with the new me. I think if I had been told, when you wake up from surgery you won't look the same, hear the same, be treated the same. Yes i feel like wearing a sign around my neck that says " Don't worry I may look a little different but I am still the same person " It makes me so happy to hear of such great success stories like Katherine and Nancy L, I hope to hear of more AN successes to come. We all need a little help and sometimes that may involve therapists and medication. I was helped enormously and if I ever "crash again" would not hesitate to nip it in the bud ASAP.
What you are going through is NORMAL.  With some of us it is part of the healing process, letting go of the old person and acceptance of the " new me "
Lainie

[JulieE]

Isn't this forum great - Concensus is that you can expect this, but if it lingers too long, or you have if you have harmful thoughts-  you know what to do.  Personally, (as a woman, artist, and runner) I can remember extreme frustration that I coined as "depressed".  Then I had some friends who were clinically depressed straighten me out.  If you can "pick yourself up by the bootstraps" then you are experiencing a normal response to the 'change' and surgery.  Someone else mentioned it, but Steroids have an effect, and it throws your hormones off for a while after you finish your last round.  My docs cleared me to do normal activities fairly quickly, but they are eternal optimists.  I remember the first time I put on my running shoes my dogs (three big ones) almost bowled me over. I ran a total of 8 steps.  My dogs have learned to wait with bated breath, and me too.  You are fortunate that you don't have many vesibular issues, but you had brain surgery.  I'm hopeful you will get back to running and you will self regulate your hormones that way.  For me, the energy boost running or working out gives is not there yet, and I instead, have to sleep.  Now, I am being told 5 years to reach optimum: what pessimists!  For me, I think us artists (and others) tend toward perfectionism, and then when it doesn't work that way, we adapt.  I think now, 4.5 months after my surgery I really only need spritual guidance, and you can get a dose here.
Off to go run/walk my couple miles!
Jules

[Nicole222]

Wow!  I could've posted this same thing myself a few weeks ago!   It's so nice to read that I wasn't alone   I always say that I feel like I am going through this backwards.  It didn't have time to hit me, or sink in-- in the 3  short weeks from diagnosis to the operating table.  There are still some days when it takes my breath away to realize exactly what happened.  I actually stayed away from the forums b/c I felt like a downer in a mainly positive place.  Anyway, I'm feeling much better now   I hope you are, too.

[MAlegant]

Jules, thanks for yours.  And I hope your runner's high comes back soon, in some form or another.

Nicole, thanks also.  It is always comforting to know you're not alone.  And yes, I am doing better.
M

[sgerrard]

Hi Nicole, nice to hear from you again. Take a break from the forum if you feel like it, but not just because you think you are a downer (which you are not). We like you whether you are grumpy or cheerful.

Hi to Marci, too, since it is your topic. Glad to hear about the 4th lip quadrant. Tingles are good.

Steve

[lori67]

Nicole,

You are definitely not a downer!  I think we've all felt overwhelmed and maybe even grumpy.  You don't have to feel like you need to endure your grumpiness by yourself - that's the nice part of this forum - you're bound to hit one of us on a good day!   

Lori