Fed up...

[vicki1967]

I am so tired of asking the same people to repeat themselves, over and over. Each time they 'have to' repeat themselves, I either get the 'oh, I forgot you were disabled' look, or the 'I am so sick of repeating things to you' look. In any event, I always get that brief 'stare' before the next attempt is made. Then, when they repeat themselves, they do it in the SAME TONE. Sometimes, I get a huff and a puff - as if it's putting them out of their way to repeat a small sentence. If I didn't hear you the first, or second time, sometimes I just give up and pretend like I heard you, and then I just nod my head in agreement (if it's small talk/non-work related). One of my coworkers knows about my medical condition, yet she feels it's 'my problem, not hers', so she refuses to turn her head to face me when she speaks (she sits behind me with her back facing me) - as I cannot hear whispers, or words - when someone's back is turned and they are speaking to me. Sometimes, I get a very loud SHOUT  that nearly scares me out of my chair. That's not necessary, but it sure entertains a group of coworkers - as I turn my head (after hearing my name SHOUTED), and see that everyone is giggling, joyfully, at the expense of my hearing condition - just because I didn't answer the first time. At other times, it's just too much effort to repeat themselves, and I get the 'oh, just forget it' response.

Funny, at my job - Now, anytime someone doesn't have an explanation as to why they did something wrong, they blame it on ME 'Oh, but I told Vicki to do it...she must not have heard' - when THEY KNOW that is a flat-out FABRICATION.  Just the other day, a coworker lost something important. When confronted by another, her look actually read 'oh, damn, I must have tossed it in the trash', but, instead, she said 'Oh...I...uh...GAVE THAT TO VICKI!' Then, everyone around had the same 'she's deaf, not blind' look on their faces.

I've reached my boiling point with this issue, and I've decided to turn the tables. I've decided I'm going to start speaking to others (the repeat offenders) - just as I hear them  . I'm going to start speaking very softly, with my back turned. If they actually hear me, I will bump it down - just out of their range. I will start mumbling as if I am speaking to myself. If I mumble the first time, and realize they didn't hear me, I will shout LOUDLY, AGAIN, so that they can be embarrassed in front of everyone else, too. Then, I will laugh, sarcastically, as if your 'stupidity' made my day. They will find themselves CONSTANTLY asking me 'what did you say?', or 'were you saying something to me?' I will huff and I will puff. I will hesitate, stare, and sometimes sigh (this is beginning to sound like the hearing-impaired's oath  ) If I find they are sick and tired of finding the need to constantly ask me 'huh'? maybe I will advise them to see an audiologist, or a doctor. I may sympathize with them, and offer my own personal experience, along with advice 'you know, I NEVER expected to be diagnosed with a brain tumor...'

It bothers me to know that it's the behavior of others that has led me to stooping to their levels, but I firmly believe it's the only idea that will work...

[thornapple]

They don't understand. My dad had hearing loss and I watched him go through it and hated it. but I didn't really understand. Now I have hearing loss, and I do.

I have found in most situations that to speak up with a big SMILE makes a huge difference. "Hey, i didn't hear a word you said, because I am partially deaf. Would you please say that again, looking straight at me, and louder? I missed it!" If they can't be civil in the face of that, they need to be superglued to their church pew until they get it.

It is aggravating. But mostly it is their juvinile (sorry, perhaps canine) behavior. I treat behavior like that as it deserves: I used to be a teacher.

The shouting and giggling thing; I would stand up and say quite loudly so EVERYBODY HEARS THE CONVERSATION (with a big happy smile on my face, I can fake it big time, teachers learn how or they couldn't teach half the disgusting children on earth) , "I'm sorry. I didn't hear you the first time. Are you aware that deafness is a disability covered by legal statutes? I am surprised; you appear to not be aware of this. It would be helpful for you to get my attention first and then ask your question; that is the appropriate way to communicate with someone who has a hearing disability. Actually, it appears that the human resources department needs to do some disabiity training for the staff here, since people appear to have no skills in this area. That would be of benefit to the functioning of the entire office on this matter. I will make a written memo about this incident, suggest the training series, and copy the appropriate people and agencies. May I include your name? Oh, thank you. I will certainlly do that. (hey, you didn't hear them say no---after all,  you are deaf! see how evil teachers really are?) Thank you so much for bringing this to important matter my attention! I am sure this will improve the workplace for everyone, Management should be made aware of this lack of training, surely they would want to rectify it...."

The people who repeat themselves who I cannot hear simply cannot help it, and neither can I ; I have hearing loss right where their voice happens to fall. You know what I do? I laugh and tell them the part of my ear that hears their voice is  broken, and they should go back to their desk and send me an email if it is something important.

One woman complained I stand too close to her when talking to her, and I told her point blank that it was either that or we can communicate by email from our desks, because I cannot hear a word she says if i am more than two feet from her. AND, I told her it isn't anybody's fault; not mine, not hers, that my ears are broken. I have hearing aids, but they can amplify something I can't hear as loudly as possible and I still won't hear it. I can't.

That annoyed me. If she tells me again it annoys her, I will tell her in the same language that it annoys me too, I would rather not stand near her at all; but that since I cannot hear her from where she would prefer I stand, she will have to stop talking in her tiny little library voice. Otherwise, email me.

My boss is a case in point; she kept wondering why I didn't do things and I told her I probably thought she said something else or didn't hear it, and to send me an email. She finally "got it". Most of that problem is solved. Except that I can't fix her personality.....heh.

[leapyrtwins]

SSD isn't fun - that's why I opted for the BAHA 

Jan

[vicki1967]

Thornapple - it's not that easy for me. My manager is setting me up for failure - so she can fire me - I KNOW THIS. When I filed a formal complaint with HR, she told me (behind closed doors) that, if I didn't like it, then 'there's the door'. She had assigned a HUGE project to me - to go through the last few years' documents, and LOCATE EVERYONE'S ERRORS, AND FIX THEM. Even though each individual (that I was to correct the errors for) works different jobs than I do, and their work is ALWAYS supposed to be quality-reviewed by THEIR OWN MANAGER, it was decided that 'I' would be in charge of 'auditing' their work. Anytime I complain about something, I have to take the heat. I've been through my immediate manager, bypassed my department manager (since she was part of the formal complaint), then went to HR. NOBODY in HR did anything except recommend I 'post for another position within the company'. When one individual in my department went to HR, and supported me, she asked why, after so many years of this particular department manager's complaints, was nothing done? The lady from HR said to her 'why would we get rid of somebody who brings in so much money to this bank, from the department?' I thought I was hearing wrong. This individual would not lie, as she explained that she 'finally' got her explanation after all these years. My immediate manager told me to 'stop sending so many emails to' her. I average approximately 2 a day. She told me 'half of them aren't even read'. My emails have helped me when I've been wrongly accused of 'not doing something'. I've been archiving all emails to/from clients. I've PROVEN many cases on numerous occasions, and now I'm being told to stop! I received a terrible annual performance review, and I've always received praise for my work - from previous managers.  On one instance, during my review meeting, I was WRONGLY accused of not doing something, AGAIN. When I immediately offered to PROVE my evidence in my archived emails, my immediate manager told me 'that won't be necessary'. So, I can't even provide my evidence, and I just have to sit back and take the black marks on my performance review - preventing me from another department even CONSIDERING to hire me, as I look like a complete idiot with my manager's comments. The more I stand up for myself and take action, the more I am beat down...

[ppearl214]

vicki,

Ya know... I've sat back and have tried to account for people's reactions.... to no resolve. Last week, I had a co-worker from my Japan office (side note: she has lived in Boston, schooled here and family still here) start in about my brain booger and its affects on my job. I was SO highly insulted......now, as my friend, I know she worries about me (as having worked with her for years and have met her, in person, in work-related and social environments many times during the years).....I let it be known to my boss that my AN has no correlation to my job performance..... but I'm still peeved.  She even asked my boss to step in on something feeling it was too "heavy" for me to handle and that I would need his assistance (yes, she used the word "heavy" and send him and another co-worker side emails inquiring about my health...... we know she can't do that but located internationally, makes for an interesting situation).  She did send me an email over the weekend trying to apologize but...... not sure how I will handle as I'm sitting back and contemplating the response....)

I'm not sure if you are aware but I was also appointed by the town I live in to the Commission on Disability Issues..... and I sit in meetings with many with all forms of disabilities (ie: sight, hearing, wheel-chair bound, etc).  I sit there and look at each and every member of the commission and see just how much they contribute to the community, esp. to help educate folks that do not wear our shoes... and just how much we are viable members of the community, including the work force. 

I did note to my boss all the positives that I have brought forth, in my role at work, that I have done for the company.  I have had 8 annual job performance reviews that all ranked near the top.  They know my endless dedication and devotion to my job (ie: when I am on vacation, I log onto emails and work mobile phone on at all times, even if I'm out of the country... they always have access to me then... and even on sick days, which are far and few between).  I have reminded them all of what I bring to the plate in performing my role and that customers have given terrific feedback on me and that is what needs to be recognized.  Maybe noting to your boss your strengths and all you have done for your job.... not to "defend" yourself, but.... not to sell yourself short.  I am a firm believer of "open door policy" and if your boss does as well.... speak up.  Just my opinion, regardless if right or wrong.

I'm sorry you are going through this as one who is generally pissed at my co-worker right now....for trying to combine my physical issues with job performance.  I have yet to figure out how I am going to handle this (my boss is already aware and its my understanding he send her an email, in Japanese, which of course, I was not copied on the email since my use of Japanese language is minimal.....) and have no clue how I will address this..... like you, folks pointing fingers at me when this journey has no relevance.  I can see that this journey does have an impact for you due to your SSD and how others are trying to "milk the opportunity" for their own short-comings....well, shame on them!

I have no clear answers.... but will watch this thread to see what others chime in...... as I'm in the same shoes as you with my other disabilities that I generally don't discuss here.... very discouraging when we know we give our 200% to our jobs.

Please hang in there.
Phyl

[Joef]

Vicki .. be carefull about lowering yourself to their games .. I know its hard ..

Yes!.. I saved all of my work email .. and archive it on googles mail now .. (gmail) .. I have years worth of email .. . it does come in handy sometimes!

[satman]

If HR is telling you that then I would file a complaint with the E.E.O.C.
This is by law a form of harrassment.I have heard that if one has a complaint filed with E.E.O.C than you can not be fired,this is what I heard but i do not know for sure.
If you start throwing around words like disabled,harrassment,work place bulling,etc,,, they will change thier tune.
Pisses me off !  Get your Google on and research theses things,and shut them up.

[Melissa778]

I'm so nervous about all the issues that go along with SSD.  I currently have no hearing disturbances in my AN ear, and in 31 days.....all hearing in that ear will be gone when I have my translab.  Anyone know of any sites that offer any helpful hints or ways to adjsut to SSD?  I will eventually get the BAHA, but not until year end most likely.

Melissa

[thornapple]

Vicki....I am so sorry you are experiencing all this bullroar on top of the many other issues you face.

I am facing similar things at my place of work. We have a new boss; she is very good, but she is struggling, and she is systematically setting up the staff to take the blame for her inability to manage the place. She is a good administrator, but she is perfectly awful at managing and motivating people. She has no skills in this area at all, and thinks being "the boss" gives her license to throw fits and temper tantrums. Everyone is quitting. it is too hard on us, and especially on me, with my #&$^%@* AN and hearing and balance issues.

I see we have two solutions in our office; find another job before she ruins our reputations (mine is particularly hard to ruin as my work is world famous), or get a lawyer and go legal. That hardly seems worth the effort, and frankly I think they deserve to have the toxic boss stay there and ruin them, and they deserve to lose the skilled and experienced staff. They have lost six degreed, respected, well-known professionals in the last 24 months. They are about to lose three more. I ran out of sorry for them quite some time ago.

Take positive action and get out of there. You deserve the best; you dont deserve any of the stuff they are shoveling at you. And they don't deserve you. Don't quit; find another job and dance right out of there. Put down some goals. And you might consult a lawyer about your employee file; keep copies of your performance reviews that are good so you have documentation. Ask HR if you can copy them because you want to try to improve on the skills you have been told you need to develop.

Having a lawyer can help protect your professional reputation; the lawyer does not have to do anything, just be retained. Only let them know you have one if they figure out how to fire you. If you arm your lawyer with the proper ammunition (documentation)....your place of work will bend over backwards to cover up all they have been doing.

I guess what I am saying is that you don't need to get even or solve this problem....you need an EXIT STRATEGY.

[Tamara]

Melissa,
  Even though I have not yet had my surgery, I do not have servicable hearing in my left ear.  It was probably easier for me to deal with, as the hearing has worsened gradually over the years.  HOWEVER, please do not be nervous about being SSD.  I guess there are a number of real idiots out there to deal with, but I have had the good fortune not to encounter ANY, EVER.  Either that, or they were being jerks into my deaf ear, and I missed it...
  I hope that most members on this forum have had similar experiences with understanding people, and will chime in somewhere to let you know that while Vicki's situation, and some of the others', are deplorable, I don't think they are the norm.
 
Ever the optimist,
Tamara

[Sam Rush]

Jan  (Leapyrtwins)


I think you have unrealistic expectations of your BAHA>  It does not correct SSD !!!  Only  helps in certain well defined  limited situations.

[Kaybo]

Melissa~
I agree with Tamara - I have had SSD for 12 years and have NEVER had these kinds of problems.  That is not to say that they do not exist, I know that they do...I have just been forunate to have wonderful co-workers or naive enough not to know that people were making fun of me!!   

K

[LADavid]

Melissa and all the other pre-ops who are concerned with SSD.

I've been SSD for 23 years.  It does present challenges in certain situations.  I struggled through corporate life.  Although I became successful, I had an Achilles Heal that adversaries took advantage of.  I just realized that I was in the wrong place and made a change.  Lemons to lemonade.  You will always deal with difficult people.  Over the years, I found if people are going to mumble, tiny-talk, and be ignorant, I ignore them.  I actually broke up with a woman because she refused to speak up.  All my friends are very well-spoken, distinct and clear.  And my daughter who has spent her life-time around me has a booming stage voice.

Remember, SSD is not total deafness.  You make adjustments -- turning your head slightly, positioning yourself at the right place at a table, avoiding loud and noisey places, raise your voice so others do and when you have to, read lips.

What you will discover in some cases, that you will have to make an adjustment to listening to things like TV, radio and iPods.  You're only going to hear one channel -- and often -- especially in over-produced 80s music -- you'll totally miss some of the sounds.  And with TV, you may have to turn it up a bit.  I wear a hearing aid in my good ear.  I generally don't wear it at home when I'm alone.  I wear a headset to watch TV and it works fine.  And if I'm having problems, I just switch on the closed captions.

There are things that will be different with SSD but it isn't anything that can't be overcome and worked around.  Your family will make adjustments.  And friends that don't ...well .. they may just go away.

And remember the good part of all this -- if you're in a noisey place and trying to sleep, all you gotta do is turn your good ear toward the pilow and the noise goes away

One big piece of advice -- Protect the hearing in your good ear!!  It was a mistake that I made.  Please feel to write me if you have any questions or need some tips on dealing with things.

Best Wishes.

David

[Jim Scott]

Vicki:

I'm so sorry to read about your problems at work caused by insensitive, boorish co-workers and callous superiors (who should know better).  'Thornapple' gave you excellent advice that I can't improve upon so I'll simply urge you to follow it.  Having an attorney that specializes in workplace harassment issues is worth the cost of the retainer (which could be pricey) especially if he or she is well-known in the area.  Having documentation of your positive performance reviews and e-mail is also a good idea as you may need them. 

Companies attempting to fire an employee due to their physical handicap know very well that they need a valid 'paper trail' to justify the firing.  This is why you suddenly go from being a valued, productive employee, good at your job, to being a 'problem' and inept at your job.  It's a lie that they use to say, in effect: "See, Vicki had her operation and now she can't do the job anymore  Hey, it isn't our fault".  Granted, some of the harassment is simply stupid people showing their ignorance and getting unnecessarily annoyed at a co-worker who has a hearing problem.  Those morons will always be around; at work and in stores as well as in families, I'm sorry to say.  My wife and son are very aware of my hearing limitations but still sometimes speak to me from too far away for me to hear.  I usually just say: "I can't hear you!" or, if feasible, I walk closer to them and ask them to repeat what they said.  They usually say "sorry" and repeat whatever they said or else say they didn't realize I wasn't close enough to hear them, which is usually true.  Then they repeat what they said.  We adjust to each other.  Fortunately, if I lean in, I can usually hear store clerks and such but occasionally I have to ask them to repeat something and when I do, I usually state (with a smile) that I'm 'hard of hearing'.  So far, no unpleasant situations have arisen and I trust none will.  However, with the lack of civility so rampant in today's culture, I'm afraid I'll eventually get some dim-wit who'll insult me for having a mild handicap that requires him to make a slight effort to accommodate me.   Oh well.  I'll temper my own irritation by knowing that this person has likely risen to his or her level of incompetence and will remain a low-level employee for many years, since they, like Thornapple's boss, have zero people-management skills and will likely not go very far before ticking off too many people and finally being recognized as a very flawed employee that is bereft of the kind of inter-personal skills necessary to successfully manage people, especially those with a distinct talent and/or simply the ability to work elsewhere if unhappy where they are. 

Frankly, reading about these work-related problems associated with some folks who, along with many of us on this forum, struggle with SSD, I'm grateful my AN didn't manifest itself until I had retired, even though my hearing on the 'AN side' had seriously diminished some years before.  Fortunately, it never affected my work.  I pray that all who are being harassed on the job due to their SSD can either overcome it or find better employers in the near future.  No one needs that kind of hassle.

Jim  

[leapyrtwins]

Jan  (Leapyrtwins)

I think you have unrealistic expectations of your BAHA>  It does not correct SSD !!!  Only  helps in certain well defined  limited situations.

Doc Sam -

thanks for your concern; maybe my answer was a little too "flip" and was misunderstood by others.  I didn't mean to imply that my BAHA was the solution to all of my SSD problems.  And I do realize that it won't be the same as having my hearing back and that crowded rooms and directionality will still be problems.  I do, however, think it will solve a lot of hearing issues I currently have and make my life easier.

Now when I attend a meeting I have to position myself at the table so that the majority of people are seated to my right (good) side.  I also get frustrated when my children are walking on my left side and speaking to me - I currently have to physically move them to my right side or say "what???".  I also want them to be able to stop asking me "is this your good ear?"  In addition, I have had way too many one-on-one conversations with someone seated on my left side where I have just nodded in agreement or said "right" when I have no idea what they are saying to me or what I am agreeing with.  Once I get my processor I think a lot of these kinds of things will go away.

Some people adjust very well to SSD; I have found that I am not one of them. 

Jan