Sharon,
Your brother's situation really hits hard. Before I give you my thoughts on what to do, let me tell you why it hits me hard. My late husband, who was, unlike your brother, in his 70s at the time, had brain surgery for a benign tumor (NOT an AN) that was pressing on his medula. In that surgery, he lost his gag reflex (the swallowing part). He didn't suffer meningitis, but the whole experience did him in and he died 2 months later.
Secondly, my parents were both social workers who ran and organized social service agencies, so I have some knowledge and many friends who've worked in health and social service agencies. The way I see it, social service agencies act like "insurance" should work -- some of us (by "random draw" or whatever) suffer circumstances that are hard to handle. Living with your mother has given your brother a substantial "net" to catch him during this difficult time, but he needs more help. If he COULD dig his own way out of the hole that circumstance has put him in, he would. But the circumstance - his physical condition post-surgery - doesn't allow him to do that. He needs assistance from others knowledgeable about resources available to him, which can be very confusing in this bureaucratic world of ours. And when one is having headaches, and hearing and dizziness problems, one gets depressed very easily and hardly wants to wade thru figuring out where to get help.
As Sue said, you can help alot by getting some information about how and where your bro might get some help with his situation. I did a google search for the Dayton United Way. http://daytonunitedway.org/find_help/index.htm Check there for info. They also have a HelpLine phone number: (937)225-3000 or (800)917-3224.
It will most likely take some persistence to find the right help, but this is a good place to start. United Way should have the best database of resources in the Dayton area. Because your brother's situation is not the more common domestic violence or extreme poverty or .... ?kind of situation, the first person you talk to at HelpLine may not come up with recommendations right away. Be gently persistent, perhaps ask to talk to the director of the HelpLine Center.
Either you or your brother could call, but as I said if he has severe headaches, etc., it would probably be easier for you pursue information, at least in the beginning. If they recommend you talk to Agency A, but you don't get any help from Agency A, call them back, tell them that, and ask for another recommendation.
As you support your brother, please feel free to tell us what you find and ask for our thoughts so we can support you. This is a great group of supportive, caring and clear-thinking people and my feeling is that you and your brother need mega-support. Our contribution is (1) letting you know there are people who care, and (2) helping you find the support he needs in Dayton so hope ISN'T lost.
Regards and hugs,
Dana
