Work and how we do what we do...

[Gennysmom]

Another thread made me start thinking that we haven't really centralized comments on us ANers back in the workforce and how we're coping with it.  I am a paralegal, so I spend a lot of my day on the computer, answering calls and pulling files from a floor to ceiling file system.  I went back to work 1/2 time at 8 weeks, and full time at 10 weeks.  I'm now 6 months out, and I still have to take it really slow when looking for files at floor level and navigating around the office trying not to lurch.  I think the single hardest struggle for me has been that I was a high output employee before surgery, and feel like I need to continue living up to that expectation, and some days I just can't.  I work in an office where there's a lot of "pretend" teamwork, but really there's a lot of talking behind other's backs, and it's much more stressful on me post-surgery.  I haven't quite figured out yet how to not let it bother me, other than frequent coffee breaks with my boyfriend to decompress.  How is everyone else coping at work post surgery?  Any tips, strategies, and stories would be greatly appreciated! 

I do have to finish this up by saying I am grateful every day that I can work.  I feel so much for those of you who struggle to or can't. 

Hugs!

Kathleen

[Jeanlea]

Kathleen,

This is an interesting thread.  Thanks for starting it.  I went back to work on the same schedule as you.  First half days at eight weeks (although the first day I stayed all day) and then full time at 10 weeks.  I was teaching third graders.  I had a great sub that made the transition easy for me.  I found that weaving in and around the desks was very good balance therapy for me.  All of the other adults in my building were aware of my situation before I came back and were very supportive.  The teacher across the hall from me explained to her students what had happened to me so they wouldn't be so surprised when they saw my paralyzed face.  i did have a question from a student in another class.  I simply told him that I had a tumor taken out and now my face didn't move anymore.  No more problems.  I even went back to work four days after having eye surgery.   I had my lower lid lifted.  Do you know they actually put a string on it to hold it up in the beginning??  I went to school with the string on.  lol  As bad as it might look at the moment I knew at least that would get better. 

Now that I've been back at work for a little over a year it's not really an issue.  Rarely, if I'm squatting down, I may fall over.  We all laugh and then get back to work.

You mentioned that you feel stress about the talking behind backs in your office.  Does what these people think really matter?  Do they make the decisions on whether or not your keep your job?  If not I would stop worrying about it.  You are doing your best and that is all that matters.  Don't let others make you feel stressed.  You stay in charge of your own feelings.  :-) 

I also am grateful that I can still work.  I truly love what I do.

Jean

[roub1]

 Been back to work about 7 months and still adjusting. First few weeks were tough but a good bit of my work is administrative and it piled up while I was off. Ain't it funny how you can't do it right but nobody does it for you while your gone? I had vaction scheduled and took a week off after four weeks, which helped. Came back and started doing real police work. I was getting along fine until September. Got a call on a guy we had a warrant for. He was in an industrial complex and walking around in a factory. I show up and am the only one there. I see the guy and he runs. I start chasing him. Bet you can guess how that went. Good thing I knew the building better than him. Got ahead of him somehow and arrested him without any trouble. Running sucks! Decided I'd better practice that some.
 I know  exactly what you mean about the talking behind your back stuff. Most of the guys are good about everything but there is one who would like to see me gone. Sam and I have been talking about that. I decided that this guy ain't worth fretting about. There is still some talk in the background though but I just do the job and let the talk go on. I keep getting better and better and the talk is soon out of date.      
 Like you I thank God for being able to go back to work. Hang in there, keep your chin up (that way you don't get as dizzy),and know that you are getting better.

Charlie

[Obita]

I still have a little trouble multi-tasking.  I work in a busy, large lighting showroom where everyone needs help at the same time.  If it is real crowded in there and I have trouble hearing someone, I get an immediate hot flash.  It just adds to the fun. ::)  I did work half days the first two weeks back and I am very glad I did. 

Not knowing where someone is when they are calling me drives me nuts. There is not a darn thing I can do about it so I take a deep breath, guess which way to turn and hope there is someone there.  I have half of my co-workers trained to go to my right side to talk to me and when they call my name, they say "on your left" or "on your right".  It has made all the difference in the world. 

My employer and co-workers were/are terriffic.  Never once did I get a hint of anyone thinking I was milking the situation.  They knew it was a serious surgery and they were all very supportive.  They even gave me a "Its a Tuma" party on the day before surgery.  Everyone brought food, they had a 4' X 6' good luck sign hanging in the break room which everyone had signed and added personal notes.  When it was time to go home, I started freaking out a little because all the hugs were bear hugs, don't want to let go hugs.......I started thinking:  Holy crap, they are afraid I am not going to make it!!  All the good luck and good bye hugs from them was the only time I even questioned my decision to have surgery.  By the time I got home a half an hour later, the uneasiness was gone and I couldn't wait to start shampooing my hair with the lovely disinfectant shampoo!!   

I feel very fortunate to be able to work doing what I like to do and what I am good at.  I do feel very bad for my AN friends that were not so lucky.  My Irish really gets up with I think about all the people that have been disabled by an AN and can't get social security.  It is not right.

Kathy

[Static]

I wasn't working at the time I had my surgery.  I had left a job in catering approximately 3 months prior to diagnosis and hadn't found anything else.  Funny thing is that I was having trouble at that job because of constantly feeling lethargic and not being able to handle/balance with the trays not knowing I had this thing going on.  I had also heard a whistling in my right ear (an side) whenever the wind blew.  When I told my doctor, he just looked at me, but now I think I know what was causing that  whistling!  Anyway, I had surgery in January '04, CSF leak repaired in May then found work in November '04 doing collections.

That job worked for me because I was finally back working in an office, mostly an office alone, so I had my quiet to concentrate and collected lots of $ that was due the company.  That company ended up moving to another state around September '05 and just before they did, I was lucky enough to find another position in an office closer to my home processing inspection work required by the state.  The job required alot of concentration, multi tasking and details that I had a hard time handling at the same pace which is used to be  able to handle things like that.  My employer said that I was doing ok then after awhile, it seemed to me that she was frustrated because things were taking me longer to catch on to and I didn't remember things well.  I worked very hard and did my best and felt like I was finally getting into a routine with it when I was laid off of June of '06.  It didn't seem to me that the work had lessened to where they didn't need someone rather than the fact that I just wasn't fast enough for them :/   I took a breather for a couple of months because frankly, after that job, I felt like I could really use it, I was exhausted!

After looking for awhile, I never really came across a job I felt confident with.  Honestly, that last job I had made me feel like I couldn't do anything anymore.  Then, after about 4 months, my neighbor told me of a position at a local retirement home as a medical driver.  As much as I thought I couldn't handle that type of thing, I can drive okay and after some thought, decided to give it a try.  I started working there in October of '06 and am still there so far.  The salary isn't quite there yet, but I'm trying to hang in until it is.  I do like the job so far although it is something I had never thought of doing.  I also feel like I am doing something worthwhile and helping others who really appreciate it and don't  care whether or not I'm deaf in one ear but just appreciate me for who I am.  To make it simple, they seem like they are happy to have me and I am happy to feel needed by an employer!  Hopefully things will continue to go well.
~Karen

[nancyann]

Hi all:  I too went back to work 8 weeks post op - 3 days a week for 2 weeks, then full time.  I work in a psychiatric hospital getting inpt. days authorized from insurance companies - alot of phone calls, pleading the cases, going to units for clinical info. , etc. (Thank God I'm not direct care - did that for 17 years as an RN, 7 years before that as a nurse's aid), been doing this job for almost 10 years now.).
I no longer am involved in restraining aggressive patients, or the rare medical emergencies.   My co-workers & boss have been great.

Sounds like we all have the 'nasty folk' at work - the 'backstabbers';  funny, I'm able to ignore it a lot better now (Most of the time they speak in Spanish anyway, so I have no idea what's being said, just the looks & sneers).

I do get tired by the end of the day; it's alot of mental work.  But I do thank God I have a job & great co-workers & boss.

[Lorenzo]

Wow guys, some stories and inspiration!

I work as a lecturer at a design college part-time (two days a week) and the rest of the time I'm self-employed as a designer. I went back to work about four weeks post CK on our return from the US. For me, it wasn't that easy. Initially I had to reduce my work load at the college dramatically, to purely working with students, giving up on all meetings and admin stuff. Just couldn't deal with any of it! Seemed that I just couldn't undrstand any of it, it was like a foreign language to me. It was pretty demoralising and upsetting, as well as very frsutrating. That was the college work. My own work as a designer had by then vanished anyway, after clients decided i couldn't really handle their accounts and went to other people. Only a few stuck around and gave me work. This said, I was glad of that in a way, that way I could have an easier time and take a step back, and still have a small income. Fortunately my partner is working full-time, so that kept the ship afloat.

Our employer (we work at the same college) was very good and gave us all the time we needed and facilitated me in any way they could before, during and after treatment. This situation went on for the best part of 10 months. After that, things started improving for me, and I was able to take on full duties again at the college. My own work by then had stabilised at practically nothing, so I had it easy. Since then, I've been building my design work up slowly, making a lot of changes in the way I work and the type of work and clients I take on. In fact, from that prospective, deciding to take a step back from my clients at the time turned out to be a blessing. I can now choose my clients differently, and I have no hestitation to refuse work I feel I can't handle.

Some things are still a bit difficult to do. I find I'm much slower at work, and it isn't quite as easy as it used to be. I get tired much faster and can't handle more than one or two projects at any one time. Before, I could handle five with no problem. College work is now settled back to normality, except I'm now in the process of trying to improve working conditions for myself. I need to reduce the amount of noise I'm exposed to, as at the moment I get back home after being in there for 8 hours feeling like a floor rag, only good for going to bed and snore. Not sure that my employer will be quite as helpful to me in that respect. Seems a lot more difficult to convince them that there are still issues I need to deal with. There is a lot of educating to do with this.

I'm grateful I can still work, do what I love, have a better design studio here now, and also having college to fall back on for extra income. For a while I thought I would loose it all, but that is not the way it turned out. Things have changed for sure, but mostly for the better. The other stuff that didn't I just ignore, like the talk behind the back, the lack of understanding and support from colleagues and supposed friends within the college, and all that. I'm just glad I can still function and I don't care what they think.

So, that's my lot. Great thread by the way, glad you started it.

Ciao, Lorenzo

[Gennysmom]

Wow, guys, great replies!  I remember just before my surgery that I saw a lot of stories of when people went back to work, but not a lot of stories on how ANers coped every day at work.  I wanted to start this thread for people like me that could have used the informational support when I was getting ready to go back to work and not sure if I could do my job or not.  I guess that was/is another biggie...it seems a lot of us lose confidence as a part of being a postie, I think partly because we can't do what we did before and probably a little cognitive issues because of having our brains messed with.  I know working really helped my rehab, but it was that double edged sword of not living up to my own expectations and the inner battle I have with myself about it... I don't have kids, so work is a lot of my identity...who I am.  I talked about my co-workers in that way moreso to explain my lack of closeness with them...luckily, I've only had a couple struggles with their reactions to me...mostly because "I wasn't the same person anymore"...but it, to me, totally ties in to this alone feeling I have with not so many people that understand how I feel...and not so many people that want to either.  I love my job, I've been doing it for 18 years, I just some days am not too thrilled about my co-workers. 

I found at about 2 months back to work full time, I started having severe anxiety issues, I think related to the fact that it was all so overwhelming to me...I had the energy to work, which I had to to pay the mortgage, and do a little cleaning at home, but then there was nothing left for me...all work and no play makes Kathleen a very dull girl...and it really was hard on me.  I finally started on a daily anti-anxiety and I've found the best benefit to it is that I have a ton more energy and can do more stuff now, which I am so happy about!!!  I think it's important to note that even if it's a job you love, you will have days that you wonder if going back to work was the right decision, but then the next day, you'll have a good day. 

Jean, that is so funny, that's one of my issues...I have to squat down to find files and 50% of the time I fall over.  I squat down and I forget that I can't do that and on my kiester I go!!!!! 

Charlie...I admire you so much for getting in that foot pursuit and getting your guy!  Besides the other ways I know your job that I already told you about, I also spent 10 years before my diagnosis working with police explorer youth...training, academies, competitions....I can't imagine running in the dark trying to hold things in this condition.  I also know what you mean about coworkers...so much has changed in the last 15 years here...my guy has 26 years in, does all the accreditation stuff and still pulls 40-60 hours of OT and off duty stuff every 2 weeks.  All the new guys don't want to do anything but their shift. 

Thanks for responding everyone...and along with David's pay it forward thread, I encourage everyone that can work to adopt and help out someone who cannot...in any way you can, because I think we all know how we would feel if we couldn't do it...I sure did think about that pre-surgery and as I rehabbed at home...it would be devastating to me.  We all talk about family, but work can be so much of who we are as well...

Keep up the thread with more stories!  Hugs to all!  Kathleen




 

[Static]

Oh my!  I am such a goof sometimes!  I misunderstood the question on the first post and just listed my job journeys! LOL  What I do..........  I help elderly to go to and from doctor appointments, various tests, and sometimes accompany them, upon request, during the visit.  Make new appointments, remember their paperwork, etc.  You guys all know the drill, we've all done plenty of that stuff ourself.  I think I'm pretty qualified with all my experience and the people I've met are great!  I prefer this over office work any day!  I can handle myself enough to assist other people, just have a hard time hearing things sometimes!  Just glad to be able to get out of the house and go to work 

[markojarvis]

Just wanted to add that it gets better!  I had surgery in 2001 and then again in 2003, and life and work are just plain ol' NORMAL, now.  There are, of course, small adjustments that I make--my co-workers and students know I am deaf on my left--but I am no longer embarrassed about asking for simple accommodations (asking people to repeat what they said, walking on people's left so I keep them on my good side, etc.). 

I do run out of energy by the end of the day, but I think that has a little something to do with the four young children running around my home!

Anyway, life is good; work is good.  I feel very blessed--the road has been smoother than I expected!

Marko

[Brendalu]

I had quit work as a retail make up consultant about ten months before my AN was discovered.  My short term memory was the pitts, my balance was so far off and I was tired all of the time.  About the time I was released to go back to work we were evacuated for Hurricane Rita, came back from that and fell and broke my ankle.  It has been downhill ever since.  I applied for SSD because I cannot do what I did before.  Noise, bright lights, crowds, all make me crazier than normal.  Not knowing where sound is coming from is another problem.  I can't seem to get past having to take a three hour nap everyday and going to bed at 8 p.m.  I truly admire everyone who works and are back to "normal".  I was such a busy person before that this is not fun.  My handwriting used to be my pride, now it looks like a hen scratched the page.  I used to be able to blo my hair dry and make it look great, now the heat and the noise cause too much pain.  Of course like a lot of you I am still fighting the system.  My attorney says that SS tells them that they can call and find out when my hearing is on January 8.  Maybe it won't take as long as I was told it would.
BrendaO