Surgery February 11..and so emotional

[ewchisek]

Hi all. I've posted some on here since my diagnosis December 3, but I have read MUCH more than I have posted. In fact, I feel like I know many of you and haven't even really spoken. Either way, this really has been a great support...
My surgery is soon, but not soon enough. As much as the thought of surgery scares me, I can't take the waiting anymore. I have become so emotional and my mind had gone out of control with all the "what ifs."  My family and friends are so supportive, but if just isn't helping. I cry on a daily basis, sometimes several times a day. Is this normal? I feel like I have been strong and I try to keep my faith, but it sure is being tested! Every little ache and pain I feel, I begin to believe that something else is going on...I know I sound crazy right now and I'm sorry, but I feel crazy too!
I guess I just needed to vent, maybe someone out there has had the same type of feelings?

[LakeErie]

This forum is where you should vent. Everyone has misgivings about their surgery as it approaches, but the degree of it varies.
You mention the " what ifs." That is letting your imagination work. You selected a surgeon with experience, and your tumor, 2.5 cm, is not yet considered large. Those are the two most important factors in determining a successful outcome for AN surgery, so says Harvard Medical School.
Each person's recovery is different. Instead of imagining which potential complications you may have, realize that most problems that do occur are most often temporary and any that persist can be treated.
Take the coming weeks a day at a time, literally, and the surgery will be behind you before you know it. Good luck
 

[MDemisay]

Dear Ewchisek,

Take it easy! If you're happy with your doc pic and are comfortable with your treating facility(hospital) then the what if's are a natural part of the process! Sleep when you can! If you have nightmares pray until you can go back to sleep. I've been through this before discuss your fears with us.

We can't stand it our minds go on overdrive when we sleep it is then when you have to get up and calm yourself down. .May I recommend Dr. Wayne Dyer "I AM" meditation CD it is just what you need. It is available online (I think) from Hale House.

I can pray for you and ask that others pray too! Would you like that?

Don't worry so much be thankful that you have us weKve been there, I know it's scary to be so vulnerable but at least you can come back and discuss it here.

When I got the date of the surgery I was nervous too! But in time it will be behind you! Do you have a supportive family? What you do in the final weeks before surgery is up to you, encourage them to rely on each other!

You could write each a note.

If you have done all you could with research then trust in God and let HIM guide the surgeon's hand!

Can I PM you?

Mike

[ewchisek]

Thank you both! I am very happy with my surgeon, so that part is ok, it really is just everything else. Thanks for your advice. Yes, mike please feel free you message me.
Elizabeth 

[Cheryl R]

The time before surgery is scary and the not knowing makes it hard.    I have had 3 tumors and 4 surgeries and know before the first surgery was my worst time as I was a basket case.     Some of us can be more emotional than others and we all have our own personality which differs in how we handle all of life.       I have been thru many of the possible post op issues and came thru.    After surgery you know what you are dealing with while before you do not.        I had facial paralysis, off balance feel, some post op usual pain but never major headaches, never dizzy, do have the hearing loss, and have coped with it and survived.      Some issues I still have to some degree due to NF2 and tumors on both sides.      I can look back now but at the time of recovery know it seemed like forever.    The fatigue was not fun but it did get better.         All I can say is hang in there and you will make it and it does all get better.           On the forum one hears of so many with major issues as many of the ones who do well are on for a time and off then and back to their usual life possibly with some adjustments.           Do what you can at home to be ready for a period of no bending,straining and lifting.    Do what you enjoy alot as you wil be slowed down for a while.  Know that we understand and are here for you to help however we can!                      I wish you well!                             Cheryl R

[Cheryl R]

I will add that I cry easily too and even did some once I got home that I made it and am home again.      Cheryl R

[Chances3]

There is always anxiety when it comes to surgery.  We seem to focus on all the potential negative outcomes, but we don't focus on the positive.  Look at it this way.  Doctors have been doing these surgeries for years with great outcomes.  You have so much to look forward to.  Getting your tumor out and getting back to your life.  So many of us here on this site have been through the surgery process.  Here we are posting and living our lives.  Perhaps this will be you someday - to take the time to give a fellow AN suffer words of encouragement.

Now some advice.  Inside all of us is our courage.  You have already exhibited it, because you have had the courage to get your tests done, and to book your surgery.  Find within you that courage, and you will find the peace with these days of waiting.

I will keep you in my prayers, and look forward from reading your posts about your progress.
Stay strong !!

God Bless.

[MDemisay]

Dear Chances3,

Bravo! So well said!

Mike

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Elizabeth ~

Your pre-surgery emotional intensity is fairly normal and many prospective AN surgery patients have a similar experience so know that you're in good company. 

Allowing our fears to consume us is a very natural but negative reaction to the unknown, which, in a sense, is how we view this serious surgery.  You know it's necessary, that your doctors are very competent and experienced and that the chances of coming out of it in good shape are excellent, but of course, the caveat that worries us is that, like most things in life, the outcome cannot be guaranteed. 

I can only suggest that you chose to take control of your emotions and refuse to allow your fears to consume your thoughts.  Obviously, if you have a religious faith, now is the time to call on that faith.  I did when I faced my AN surgery (for a 4.5 cm AN) and it was a great help.  Many good people were praying for me and that gave me strength.  I envisioned myself coming out of the surgery just fine - and I did...no complications and a very good recovery. Use whatever motivation you need but if you can, truly let go and put it in God's hands.  Try to focus on being tumor-free and recovering.  The fact that you have a supportive family is a real asset.  Some AN patients do not. 

I'm confident that you'll be fine and in a few weeks wonder what you were so worried about but for now, know that we understand your emotions because we've been in your situation (awaiting AN surgery) and that you'll have many folks thinking and praying for you as The Big Day draws closer.   You are not alone and you will get through this. 

Jim

[sidecar Kathy]

Its all in your state of mind.  Mine is getting it out, recovering and getting on with my life.  I told my husband no pity parties here!!!  I tend to over think too and i sometimes think of different scenarios but all in all its your scenario and it will come out how you make it come out.  Be strong my friend and it will be alright.  We are all here for you.
Kathy

[mindyandy]

Anxiety is awful.  I remember. It didn't matter what anyone said. My mind wandered. Anxiety is the hardest part.
Hugs......
Mindy

[MDemisay]

Dear Elizabeth,

Please don't allow yourself to be consumed by anxiety,instead be welcomed into the healing encouragement and embrace of those who only wish the best for you. It is time for the Prayer Warriors to start another mission of healing!

Mike

[sarahinPA]

Elizabeth,

I think what you are going through is normal, we've all been there, the not knowing and feeling scared. My surgeon said to me at my pre op appointment "This is out of your hands now, you must find peace with it, and allow us to do our job" This was very reassuring to me, knowing that he saw me as a person, and not just another patient. As, yuo said, you are comfortable and happy with your team and thats wonderful.

As for the thinking something is wrong all the time, I am the SAME WAY!!! My husband jokes some times, but dont be afraid to call the doctors after surgery when you have a question or concern. I called on call a few times in the night and they were very very considerate and understanding. One, piece of advice, I may suggest, without sounding harsh- After surgery keeping your distance from the forum might benefit you, as it did to me. The people here are SO supportive and have helped me through the past few with their support, information, and guidance. But, when I was post op, I thought I was having a CSF leak every day, I thought that I was dying because I was reading the forum 24/7. I had to distance myself for a few months until I knew that I was feeling better and more comfortable with my post op progress.

You may be different than I was, but every time i read someones experience, I was automatically having the same problems, CSF leak to be specific, when in reality I never had a leak, just my own anxiety and fear.


But, use this forum as a support group, its an amazing group of people, they are here to help and they care about you, they are wonderful people. I hope that this forum has given you some hope.

I will pray for you, as your surgery approaches, I know you will do fine and everything is going to work out great for you. what yuou are feeling is normal, and being emotional is ok. This is a scary thing to go through, so hang in there, and please feel free to talk to myself through PM if needed!

[ewchisek]

Thank you for the encouraging words. I will work my last three days this week and I am REALLY trying to think positive.  I am thankful for all of you and thankful to have all your prayers!

[mikechinnock]

I know I sound crazy right now and I'm sorry, but I feel crazy too!

Do not feel sorry, unless it makes you feel better. You may have read the book, 'Catch-22', or seen the movie. From that book I gleaned that only when it is okay to be not okay can one be okay. So if you know you are crazy, then you really are not.

My dog lives in the 'Now moment'. He never goes through, 'What if' scenarios. I think that is a real benefit. I find it a plus to be able to simply accept the givens and go from there. It sounds like you have done that, as you have a surgeon and a surgery date. You are in hands greater than mine and the outcome will depend a lot upon your personal perspective. You might read a little Benie Seagal between now and surgery.