Mei Mei ~
I'm so sorry to learn about the auto accident hassle and, more to the point, your difficulty in dealing with stressful situations. Obviously, I'm not a medical doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist or councilor. Just a fellow who has been around awhile and tends to have a lot of opinions.
I have long believed that most normal people do not like confrontations and will avoid them, whenever possible. When forced into a confrontation, as you were, the situation is definitely stressful and that stress, in your case, is manifested in shaking, nausea, etc. that is very unhealthy. Unfortunately, try as we might, we cannot always avoid confrontational situations. We all deal with them in our own way but in your case, they appear to have a physical effect on you that is not good. One solution is to avoid confrontations. (insert 'duh!' here
) When that isn't possible, I try to breate slowly and deeply, stay focused on the point at hand and be as calm as I can manage. Granted, this doesn't always work, but I try - and I'm usually successful. Frankly, feeling stressed after a confrontation of any sort doesn't seem to be abnormal. Like many of us, your parents may have taught you that confronting people is 'unacceptable', so when you do have to deal with a confrontation, part of you feels as if you're doing something 'wrong' and that produces stress and the physical effects you mentioned in your post (shaking, etc
). I may be dead wrong here but I don't think that women generally have the same kind of ego as men so they are not generally as anxious to 'win' a confrontation and will capitulate easier, to 'keep the peace'.
My only real advice is, when faced with a confrontation, to remain focused on the issue (a bill, an insurance claim
), refuse to allow yourself to be intimidated by anyone (assuming you're in the right
) and take deep breaths as often as is feasible. I don't have all the answers (or I'd be rich, I suppose
) but I believe that many of our problems can be surmounted with a determination to be in control of what we do and how we do it. In the auto accident case, I would appeal the insurance company decision and go to the state insurance commissioner with a complaint. I had a similar auto accident insurance hassle many years ago. I wrote a letter of complaint to the state insurance commissioner and got a reversal of the original decision., absolving me of any liability in the accident (which was fair and just
). As for the lack of manners and patience in people today, it is clearly disturbing. However, I hate to sound like an old poop whining about the 'good old days' - so I won't go there. I'll just offer my hope that the insurance business is resolved in your favor and that you'll be able to handle confrontational stress a bit better in the future. I hope I've helped a bit. If not, I hope others can and will. Jim