I'm certainly sorry you are having to go through all this and I'm sure having a little one makes it that much more difficult. But, he will be your strength to get through this; you will find more within yourself, when you really need it, to get better and get well. I can't really imagine what you are going through, and I'm sure having to stop your normal meds has only made matters worse. Try to keep in mind that not taking your antidepressants IS causing a lot of your difficulty and it isn't all "you." If you know what I mean. I'm sure it is hard, but as Donnalyn suggested, try to replace some of your negative thoughts and fears with positive ones. Just make yourself do it. I know it isn't easy, but it does help. You have lots of people "with you" in spirit and we're all good listeners; so, post away to get it off your chest if that will help you. You'll be on my prayer list. Hang in there and let us know how you're doing. It WILL be okay! Keep telling yourself that. You will handle whatever comes your way; just take one day at a time if you can. Kids are resilient and adjust to changes better than adults. Your son will be okay too!