Author Topic: Holidays were great but returning home......  (Read 3150 times)

yardtick

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Holidays were great but returning home......
« on: April 26, 2009, 09:57:49 am »
Hello my friends,

Louie and I had a fantastic holiday.  He looks like a native Dominican and I got rather tanned myself.  The resort was gorgeous.  We were treated that royalty, the food was great, the drinks nice and cold and the entertainment amazing.  A funny story, we broke the bed not once but twice  ::)  I won't say anymore about that  ;)

April 1st Louie took is father to the Dr with a list of many concerns, rapid weight loss since Christmas, the loss of his bodily functions and very painful bone pain.  At the appointment the Dr was going through his notes and asked Louie what was the out come of the lesion found on his father's lung in 2005.  Louie was stunned to say the least.  We found out his brother had taken his dad to a specialist to discuss treatment options and declined treatment.  His brother also failed to inform Louie what was going on at the time.  Louie works in the hospitals and could have arranged for his father to have a second opinion.  Well we had to put our anger aside and deal with the issue his father was dealing with now.  Louie took is father for a chest xray and it revealed he has a mass now. 

The day before we were to leave for our holiday Louie was to take his father to the cancer clinic to discuss the situation, and to stage his father.  The Drs all feel that the tumour is cancerous and has probably spread to his bones.  I would guess liver also because of his colouring.  As luck would have it the appointment got moved to the following Monday, so since we were on vacation his brother had to take the father.   We called home that night and my brother-in-law was very upset because the Dr told my father-in-law that they are sure he has cancer but they need to do a needle aspiration into the lung to confirm it.  My father-in-law will be 82 in July and has been a very heavy smoker all of his life.  He also has to have some bone imaging done.  My father-in-law has also started to pass out for a minute or two throughout the day.  It scares the poop out of my mother-in-law.  The situation is not good to say the least.

Wednesday night I called my house to talk to my sons, I was missing them so much and Thursday night we were flying home, but would not actually get home until 4:00 Friday morning.  Anthony answered the phone.  I was so happy to hear his voice.  He was rather upset, he had just gotten of the phone with his grandmother.  Her sister was in the hospital in a coma on life support.  She suffered cardiac arrest on Monday and was without oxygen for several minutes.  I kind of freaked and told Anthony I would call his Nonna (grandmother).  Louie called his mom and she was a mess to say the least.  Thankfully I had packed up everything before all of this, because we were just so numb. 

The airplane ride home was just beautiful.  It was a very clear night all the way from Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic to Pearson International airport in Toronto.  We arrived 45 minutes a head of schedule.  I guess the pilot was speeding!  The shuttle bus picked us up and took us to our car.  Louie was off in another world and took the wrong highway cutoff the 401 West to London.  We needed 403 West to Hamilton.  We ended up in Guelph, an hour away from our home.  At this point we are both so tired, we were very giddy.  We finally got home at 4:30 am.  Of course we couldn't settle, but we went to bed at 6:00 am after bathing and showering. 

My youngest son came in our room at 9:15 to kiss me before he went to school.  At that point I got up and called Louie's cousins.  I went back to bed and got up just after the noon hour.  Louie and were going back to Toronto to the hospital to see his aunt.  His mom decided she wanted to come also.  My 2nd son Nicholas stayed with my father-in-law because he cannot be left on his own.  My poor mother-in-law was so distraught when she saw her sister it was heart breaking.  Seeing someone on life support isn't a pretty sight.  The poor lady has phenomia now with a very high fever.  The Drs gave her 76 hour window frame for improvement but she hasn't improved.  Tomorrow they will do another brain wave function test, if there has been no improvement the family will have to decide when to pull the plug. 

So that is what we have come home too.  Louie is hanging tough for the most part.  I am here for him.  Now my headaches and facial pain that is a whole new topic!

Anne Marie
« Last Edit: April 26, 2009, 09:59:20 am by yardtick »
Sept 8/06 Translab
Post surgical headaches, hemifacial spasms and a scar neuroma. 
Our we having fun YET!!! 
Watch & Wait for more fun & games

cin605

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2009, 10:41:39 am »
Wow..thats alot to read never mind go through!
I am glad your vaca. went good & wish your family well soon!
2cm removed retrosig 6/26/08
DartmouthHitchcock medical center lebanon,N.H.
43yrs old

leapyrtwins

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2009, 01:28:57 pm »
Welcome back, Anne Marie.

Glad to hear about your great holiday; but sorry to hear about your relatives and their health problems.

Will keep everyone in my prayers.

Jan
Retrosig 5/31/07 Drs. Battista & Kazan (Hinsdale, Illinois)
Left AN 3.0 cm (1.5 cm @ diagnosis 6 wks prior) SSD. BAHA implant 3/4/08 (Dr. Battista) Divino 6/4/08  BP100 4/2010 BAHA 5 8/2015

I don't actually "make" trouble..just kind of attract it, fine tune it, and apply it in new and exciting ways

moe

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2009, 06:43:15 pm »
Hi Anne Marie,
Welcome back to reality :( Unfortunately you had a good dose of it during your "holiday" but at least were able to keep it a bit at bay.

Hang in there- you and Louie and all family are in my prayers. Hope you have lots of pics to look back on.

Remember to take care of YOURSELF through all this.
 
Don't you just HATE coming back from a vacation when things are going good, so this must be especially tough.

Hang tough,
Maureen
06/06-Translab 3x2.5 vascular L AN- MAMC,Tacoma WA
Facial nerve cut,reanastomosed.Tarsorrhaphy
11/06. Gold weight,tarsorrhaphy reversed
01/08- nerve transposition-(12/7) UW Hospital, Seattle
5/13/10 Gracilis flap surgery UW for smile restoration :)
11/10/10 BAHA 2/23/11 brow lift/canthoplasty

suboo73

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2009, 06:48:09 pm »
Hi Anne Marie,

I have been wondering about your time away - sounds like you had a very nice vacation!  ;D
Well deserved, i am sure.  Would love to see some pics, sometime, if you are up to it.
-----------------
My prayers to Louie and you and your extended family, especially Louie's father and aunt.
I know God will help you thru this difficult time
Rest when you can.  Stay strong.

All my thoughts and prayers,
Sue
suboo73
Little sister to Bigsister!
9mm X 6mm X 5mm
Misdiagnosed 12+ years?
Diagnosed Sept. 2008/MRI 4/09/MRI 12/09/MRI 1/21/11
Continued W & W

yardtick

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2009, 07:45:42 pm »
My FIL is having a CT scan on Tues.  He is getting weaker and weaker.  My poor MIL is up day and night taking care of him.  He can't even roll over in bed at night.  Yesterday she told him she needs to get some help in the house, that it is too much for her.  He started to rant and rave, no way does he want a stranger in his house.  She told him that it is no longer his decision.  Louie and I are just standing back and watching the show.  My poor husband who is quite knowledgeable in the medical field had his sister told him off a few nights ago.  She claims that it isn't true that their father has cancer, it's probably osteoprorsis.  First off he is the wrong sex, secondly the Dr he is seeing is at the Juravinski Cancer Centre, thirdly all of his test are being done at The Henderson General Hospital that is the cancer hospital. 

Now for Louie's Aunt, she still is in a coma and on life support.  His cousins still are not ready to let her go, but know the time is approaching.  My MIL told her niece last night that her and her sister did discuss being on life support and they both agreed they do not want it.  My MIL also told her as far as she is concerned her sister had passed when she had the cardiac arrest and it is time to let her go. 

Thank you so much for asking Donnalynn.  Our hearts have been very heavy.

Anne Marie OXOX
« Last Edit: May 02, 2009, 10:59:25 am by yardtick »
Sept 8/06 Translab
Post surgical headaches, hemifacial spasms and a scar neuroma. 
Our we having fun YET!!! 
Watch & Wait for more fun & games

Kaybo

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2009, 09:16:53 pm »
still praying for you all since our facebook chat the other day...

K
Translab 12/95@Houston Methodist(Baylor College of Medicine)for "HUGE" tumor-no size specified
25 yrs then-14 hour surgery-stroke
12/7 Graft 1/97
Gold Weight x 5
SSD
Facial Paralysis-R(no movement or feelings in face,mouth,eye)
T3-3/08
Great life!

yardtick

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2009, 09:20:54 pm »
 :-* :-*

Life is so precious.  Thanks Kay  :-*

Anne Marie OXOXO
Sept 8/06 Translab
Post surgical headaches, hemifacial spasms and a scar neuroma. 
Our we having fun YET!!! 
Watch & Wait for more fun & games

leapyrtwins

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2009, 11:45:05 pm »
Anne Marie -

I'm so sorry you don't have better news to report.

Remember we are here for you  :-*

I will continue to pray.

Jan
Retrosig 5/31/07 Drs. Battista & Kazan (Hinsdale, Illinois)
Left AN 3.0 cm (1.5 cm @ diagnosis 6 wks prior) SSD. BAHA implant 3/4/08 (Dr. Battista) Divino 6/4/08  BP100 4/2010 BAHA 5 8/2015

I don't actually "make" trouble..just kind of attract it, fine tune it, and apply it in new and exciting ways

Jim Scott

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2009, 12:57:38 pm »
Anne Marie ~

Unfortunately, your pleasant vacation ended on a jarring note, with relatives in terminal conditions and all the associated angst, denials and general chaos that seems to accompany these horrendous situations. 

In the situation with Louie's aunt, I believe your decision to 'stand back' is the best policy, when possible.  When it isn't possible, avoiding unnecessary confrontations and recriminations is the next best approach. Trust me, I've learned this the hard way.  There will be time for that stuff later.  Right now, there are people in a terminal condition and they take precedence over finger-pointing and futile arguments.  Louie's aunt appears to be existing on life-support.  Whether to end that support is one of the hardest decisions some of us will ever have to make.  Louie's father is also in a difficult situation.  Likely suffering with a terminal illness, grumpy but pugnacious yet needing care that his wife can longer provide.  I have empathy with the man's emotions but what has to done must be done.  Your sister-in-law's denial of her father's (probable) bone cancer is rather poignant but ultimately, unhelpful to the situation.  However, denial of reality is common in these cases, even if it seems downright irrational.  The likely loss of your father can have that effect, even when he is 82.  It was good of you to give her some slack.  She'll probably apologize later.  Even if she doesn't, she was probably speaking out of fear and can be forgiven her irrationality.   

Overall, a stressful time for you, your husband, your kids and, to some extent, every family member.  I can only offer my sympathy and of course, my prayers for all concerned.  Try to remain as calm as possible and know that this too shall pass and that life inevitably moves on.  Meanwhile, also know that we're here for you Anne Marie.  We care about you and are sending good vibes to you all the time.  :)

Jim
4.5 cm AN diagnosed 5/06.  Retrosigmoid surgery 6/06.  Follow-up FSR completed 10/06.  Tumor shrinkage & necrosis noted on last MRI.  Life is good. 

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.  The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.

yardtick

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2009, 02:29:02 pm »
Thanks Jim,

I have stepped back and so has Louie to let his sister handle things.  Louie has many contacts to different agency because he is a health care provider, a month or so ago Louie did calling around to get his mom some help, but the poor woman is so confused from sleep deprivation she doesn't remember.  Now his sister is going through the motions of getting her help.  I'm hoping she will call Louie for his contacts, but I doubt that this will happen.

My mother-in-law calls when she gets the chance and I listen.  I'm an old softy and I cry when she cries.  Louie and I see his parents twice a week and my sons pop in several times throughout the week.  My oldest son will take his grandmother to the bank and for groceries while another son is with their grandfather.   It is one day at a time.
 
I lost my father when he was 83 and I was 33.  I held his hand when he passed, he was awake and knew his time had come.  His passing was actually very peaceful.  I was upset no doubt but I found the day of the funeral to be the most difficult, because I would no longer physically see him.  I'm sure this is what Louie's cousins are going through with their mother.  Their father passed twelve years ago.  My mom passed away when I was 8, and when my dad was buried I felt so alone.  Even though I had Louie, my sons, my sister and brothers, I cannot describe the emptiness.  No doubt many of you can relate and I'm sure Louie's cousins are going through many more emotions. 

Thank you for all of your support.  It really is a comforting thought to know you are all there.

Anne Marie
Sept 8/06 Translab
Post surgical headaches, hemifacial spasms and a scar neuroma. 
Our we having fun YET!!! 
Watch & Wait for more fun & games

yardtick

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2009, 07:06:16 pm »
Here's an update on Louie's aunt.  The Drs have told his cousins the time has come to remove their mom from life support.  It looks like Monday will be the day.  Such sad sorrow for our family. 

Anne Marie
Sept 8/06 Translab
Post surgical headaches, hemifacial spasms and a scar neuroma. 
Our we having fun YET!!! 
Watch & Wait for more fun & games

moe

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #12 on: May 02, 2009, 07:44:38 pm »
Anne Marie,
I am so sorry about everything. Great advice and wisdom from my predecessors on this post.
 Like you said, one day at a time, and my prayers are with everyone. So much to process, and 2 situations simultaneously.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Hang in there, rest, take care of yourself too.
Maureen
06/06-Translab 3x2.5 vascular L AN- MAMC,Tacoma WA
Facial nerve cut,reanastomosed.Tarsorrhaphy
11/06. Gold weight,tarsorrhaphy reversed
01/08- nerve transposition-(12/7) UW Hospital, Seattle
5/13/10 Gracilis flap surgery UW for smile restoration :)
11/10/10 BAHA 2/23/11 brow lift/canthoplasty

leapyrtwins

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #13 on: May 02, 2009, 08:37:03 pm »
Anne Marie -

I am so sorry to hear the latest development on Louie's aunt. 

My sympathies,

Jan
Retrosig 5/31/07 Drs. Battista & Kazan (Hinsdale, Illinois)
Left AN 3.0 cm (1.5 cm @ diagnosis 6 wks prior) SSD. BAHA implant 3/4/08 (Dr. Battista) Divino 6/4/08  BP100 4/2010 BAHA 5 8/2015

I don't actually "make" trouble..just kind of attract it, fine tune it, and apply it in new and exciting ways

Kaybo

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Re: Holidays were great but returning home......
« Reply #14 on: May 02, 2009, 09:13:39 pm »
AM~
I know that the days to come will be very trying to everyone.  I am going to pray for YOU specifically to be pain-free to help you be able to deal better with everything that is going on around you.  Strength and prayers to you all...

K
Translab 12/95@Houston Methodist(Baylor College of Medicine)for "HUGE" tumor-no size specified
25 yrs then-14 hour surgery-stroke
12/7 Graft 1/97
Gold Weight x 5
SSD
Facial Paralysis-R(no movement or feelings in face,mouth,eye)
T3-3/08
Great life!