Newly diagnosed - 28 years old, have young kids, so scared!

[JohnnyDiaz]

As many have posted you are in good company with a lot of us in this group. One of the reason I choose surgery was due to the great ladies in my support group with children that had gone through this journey. So remember you are not alone. Positive thinking is the key to this AN issue. So be strong for your family - and remember that FEAR just stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.... Turn your fear over to GOD, Cast your burdens on to him. Prayers from Florida....

[wendysig]

Hi and welcome

It is normal to be frightened after receiving your diagnosis, all of us were.  The most important thing to remember is that while this is a frightening experience, you will get through this in one piece.  My children are older (12 & 14) so I didn't have the concerns you have regarding nursing but I too was concerned about how I would be after surgery and how it would affect my children.  The best advice I can give you for now is to continue breastfeeding your baby since this is a priority and pump to increase your supply.  As others have said, have an advocate come to the hospital and help you.  Do your homework.  Research ANs on the internet and ask questions here.  Understanding what you are faciing takes the mystery out of it and  (in my case anyway) understanding what you are facing can relieve much of your fear.  Dr. Brackman and the House Ear Institute both have excellent reputations and many in this forum have been treated there.

Please know you are not alone -- we are all here to help in whatever way we can.  Feel free to ask any questions and vent when you need to.

Best wishes,
Wendy

[Pembo]

My kids were 1, 5, and 8 when I had surgery. And yes I was scared. I never verbalized it but my the night before surgery I stayed up late writing each of them a letter. I put them in a place where my husband would find them if something happened to me. My hospital stay ended up being almost 2 weeks and he did find them. He said he cried when he read them even though I wasn't in danger.

My surgery was 5 years ago. My older two still ask questions about that time and I learned months after surgery that they each asked people if I was going to die. One asked my brother, the other asked a family friend.

After surgery, my kids stayed with my parents for about a week after surgery and they came home one at a time. My mom did bring them over every day for long visits. I have to admit I looked forward to the peace and quiet when they went back to her house. I had them all home and to myself about 3 weeks after surgery. For me that was right, I had a longer than normal hospital stay.

You are not alone, as others have said. The days before surgery were the most anxious for me. My mom said I called her numerous times a day saying "Just one more thing". I made lists upon lists upon lists. I cleaned my house (like nesting).  I took my 1 yo to the zoo in my VERY dizzy state because we hadn't been yet.

Stay strong and we are all here for you..........

[Joef]

you'll be in good hands... I also had Dr. Brackmann.. and I was also 4+ cm !!... 

I know its scary  ...  it will be hard at first.. we will all be here for ya...   

[LADavid]

Hi Bdsgurl
I can't add much more than what has already been said.  I think all of us go through the fear and anxiety.  It's normal.  But you'll find that as the day gets nearer, you'll find a sudden peace -- especially when you talk with the doctors.  Also, there is a group of us here in LA that get together with ANers when they come into town before surgery.  If you're interested in getting together with us, let me know and I see who's available.  We usually meet in the St Vincents cafeteria.  There's generally two or three of us -- we're there for support.
David

[Jwh]

Hi,
I've read your post and feel your pain.  I was 28 when I had my first AN removed and was just married.  Over the past 7 years I found out that all of the cells were not removed and that I had a regrowth.  At the age of 35 and with two kids, I just had a translab done 5 days ago.  I found out about the regrowth 7 weeks after my son was born and waited two years for the surgery.  Two years of serial MRI's, worry and everything else that comes with it, I've braved my second AN surgery.  I probably should've done it sooner but couldn't get the nerve to do it.  Given that you have no choice but to have it removed in a timely manner will work to your benefit.  You will find a sense of peace as the surgery closes in as you must put your trust in god and your surgeons.  You will do great!  Get this behind you and you'll be "mom" in no time flat. 
Jen

[Dana]

I hope you've gotten some comfort from the posts. 

I would only add two things -- one is to make sure and tell Dr. Brackman himself of your concerns, your desire to continue nursing, etc.  My impression from posts here is that he's a wonderful guy; we tend to idolize doctors so much that we forget they are actually interested in our lives, our children, how your surgery will affect your particular life -- and they're willing to help your particular situation.

The other is to please, please, make sure YOU get enough rest after your surgery.  Experience with relatives has 'proven' to me that rest is critical to recuperation. 

As many have said, children are resistant -- they'll do fine.  If it's any solace, my mother had a radical mastectomy in 1952 when I was three years old (I'm 59 now, and my mother was a 40+ year breast cancer survivor when she died in the '90s), and although I think I've had some "abandonment" issues because of that experience (none of which I remember), I'M FINE -- I like myself, I'm having a good life, it definitely didn't "scar" me forever.

Do keep us posted, acknowledge your fears, know that it'll take time to recover, but know that you'll be OK and your kids will be OK.
Dana

[AMD]

Hi there!!!  Everyone else has pretty much said everything, but I figured I'd post a little something too.  I am 29 and was diagnosed last July.  My son was 15 months at the time of my diagnosis.  My surgery was Nov. 17th, and with regards to the tumor removal, everything went perfectly.  I had a few complications stemming from something else, not the tumor.  Surgery lasted around 10 1/2 hours because the tumor was about 3 times bigger than they thought / or had grown since the MRI. 

You will do fine, and have faith!!!  I prayed a lot too because I wasn't ready to leave my family either, but I knew it had to be done because of the consequences of letting a tumor continue to grow near my brainstem.  Surgery was going to help me live long enough to see my son grow up. 

This forum is a gold mine and a great source of information from people who understand more than anypne else what you are going through.  Hang in there and best wishes for a speedy recovery.  If you have any questions, you can PM me.  I am also an operating room nurse, so I can help you out with any fears/questions you may have about that as well.  You are young and healthy and those are both greatly in your favor for a positive experience.

-Amy

[bell]

Hi,  welcome to the AN site.  Sorry to hear you are joining us.  I am 10 weeks post-op with 2 kids 8,10.  I also was scared and did not want to say good-bye.  I put my faith in God and my Dr. at the Mayo clinic.  I did tons of research and knew I was not going to die from this operation.  This forum will help you prepare.  It will be tough while you are in the hospital, but time will go by and you will be home before you know it.  My kids only came to the hospital 1 time but that was ok, they did not know what to say or do.
  Have babysitters for when you get out for at least 2 weeks because you are not going to do anything.  It really helped when  my friends brought over dinner for 2 weeks after I got home.  Your kids will be in good hands and can see you are doing good.  They are passionate buggers and will help you and be good.
  Stay on top of your meds and write them down, recovery will be slow, take it easy and rest alot. 
Sending warm hugs to you and your family, keep reading and will keep you in thoughts, JB 

[cherrypiper]

ok Mom now here's what they told me about my almond sized tumor.

1. this is serious surgery yes. but its rarely very rarely fatal. you have a far better chance of getting hit on way to ER for the surgery.

2. 4 to 6 days in hospital is the norm more or less as i hear folks in here. THEN its going to be weeks at home until you are even close to functional again. so get some help at home. Mommy isnt going to be just jump up ok for quite awhile.

3. relax . do what YOU do to relax. cry if needed. find a local ANA support group if you can. ask hospital and or your ENT about those.

4. and of course you have here too. relax mom its going to be ok..........really

[Melissa778]

I sent you a PM, hang in there.  But one thing I forgot to add that I thought was very helpful to me, and especially helpful to my children was that my family/friends and I tried to keep there lives on the same schedule and as "normal" as possible.  I think it helped with there comfort level to keep normalcy and a routine like we do everyday.

And dont' feel guilty about resting or getting in a much needed nap when you're at home, you're no good to them if you're not feeling well.  And they can sense all of that!  I also talked with our pediatrician before I had my surgery on things that may help them through it.  And a few of the things he said were: "don't fake that you're fine, because they'll know you're lying.  Get as much rest as you can so you can be there for them, dont' feel guilty about getting rest.  Keep as much normalcy as you can in there lives during this time.  And be open with them and be as honest as you're comfortable with about what is happening and going on with you....the unknown scares us, imagine how they feel.

Hang in there!  And please feel free to contact me

Melissa

[mimoore]

Good Luck tomorrow. Sending great healing thoughts your way.
Feel the love we are here for you.
{{{{{Big Cyber Hug}}}}}}}}}
Michelle 

[arkansasfarmgirl]

I'm hoping she'll get someone to call or post on here to let us know how things went today.  Annalisa, you remain in my prayers...

Vonda