I'm new, I'm scared, but I'm here

[Jim Scott]

Marci:

On the issue you raised about spouse/family dealing with your AN diagnosis I would simply add that your attitude is crucial.  My wife was very concerned (to put it mildly) when I received my diagnosis and surgery was indicated.  However, I maintained a fairly serene attitude throughout the consultations, lab tests and so on and although she remained anxious, she handled it well and involved herself in making appointments, driving and accompanying me to the doctor visits and all the things necessary when dealing with an AN and deciding on a treatment.  I doubt she ever completely shared my equanimity but her efficiency and moral support were invaluable.

The underlying point is that this is about you, not your husband or relatives.  They have a right to feel some anxiety but not to make the situation worse by becoming more of an obstacle than a help.  There is obviously no point in arguing about this with your husband but by setting an example of relative calmness and having some control over your emotions (not always possible, I know) you can set the 'tone' for the situation.  I expect you're already doing this and that your husband's fears are abating and his attitude has stabilized by now as your surgery is scheduled and the reality of the situation is coming into focus.  Prayers are already being said for you and of course you have the support of many unseen but very real friends on this forum.  You'll be O.K. 

Jim    

[leapyrtwins]

Marci -

Jim is right about your attitude.  IMO also, it's crucial.

Try to stay upbeat and don't let others "bring you down".

I'm confident that everything will turn out fine for you.  Count me among those who are praying for you and hoping for the best.

We're here to support you.

Jan

[MAlegant]

With surgery on Tuesday, I have settled  into a strange sort of calm.  As a musician, I've perfected the art of "positive visualization", except instead of a good performance and wild applause, I "see" the surgeons going in and getting the tumor, or most of it, and then I imagine myself opening my eyes--both of them, so that I can hear the doctor say, "you did great, you're going to be fine".  It may sound hokey, but it's gotten me through my share of stage fright. Of course, wild applause would be welcome as well.

My husband has also calmed down and has been terrific in the pre-surgery days.  I can see in his eyes that he's worried about me, but I know he will be the rock I need as I try to recover.  Interestingly, our 20 year-old son has been calmer than either of us.  After his initial meltdown he has been amazing.  I maintain that my son is my most important accomplishment.  He is an exceptional young man.  I am prouder of him than I can say.

I can feel your good thoughts and your prayers--keep them coming.

Marci

[Debbi]

Marci-

Perfect visualization is a wonderful and powerful tool.  I am glad that you are able to do this.  And, yes, there is a certain peacefullness that seems to descend as you get so close to surgery. 

Prayers and good thoughts are with you and your family.  You're going to be fine.

Debbi, visualizing your smooth recovery...

[sgerrard]

Of course, wild applause would be welcome as well.

Then wild applause it shall be:
http://stevegerrard.home.comcast.net/applause2_x.wav

Steve

[MAlegant]

Steve,
That's hilarious and it made me laugh.  I shall play it repeatedly.  Thanks for that.
Marci

[LADavid]

Marci
I'm jumping on this thread a bit late but I'm glad to see many of the issues you started with have been resolved.  There are two things I want to share with you.  The first is SSD.  I've been SSD for nearly 24 years.  It does present some challenges like making sure where to position yourself at a table and walking with people on your "good ear" side.  But it is managable.  The one caution though -- do everything you can to protect the hearing in your good ear -- including wearing ear plugs it you feel you are going to be in a loud environment.

The other issue is running.  I too am a runner and have been since I was 10 (I'm old now ).  Going back to running after surgery was probably the biggest shock I had.  About a month after surgery, I tired to run.  It felt like my brain was bouncing around in my head.  You may experience the same thing.  It does get better.  Five months after surgery I ran a 5K and I'm now in training to do a Half Marathon in October.

Best wishes
David

[MAlegant]

David,
Thanks.  As a long-time runner (27 years or so) I know I will be chomping at the bit to get going.  I will consider the first step I take after surgery to be the first step in my new training regimen.  And I won't do too much until I get the doctor's ok.  We're thinking about getting a treadmill at home.  We have an elliptic machine but I don't think I'll be up for that.  I appreciate the advice from a fellow-runner.  As for SSD, if that happens I don't think I'll be able to sing anymore.  That will cause me great sadness but I will deal with it. 

Good luck with the half-marathon; I ran one of those about 9 years ago but I don't think I trained hard enough, it was not fun.  But after, they served hot buttered pierogies! It was November in Cleveland after all.

Thanks again,
Marci

[sgerrard]

As for SSD, if that happens I don't think I'll be able to sing anymore.

Jim Scott has pointed out here before that among others, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys was born deaf in his right ear. You may still be able to sing!

Steve

[MAlegant]

Well if Brian Wilson could do it, I can too. 

[LADavid]

Marci
I agree with Steve and Jim.  Brian Wilson was just one example.  If I'm not mistaken, Cher may be SSD.  There's a list I came across one day.  Listening in stero goes away, but I wouldn't worry about the singing.

And being a Pittsburgh boy origianally, those hot-buttered pierogies sound great for the end of a Half.  I used to run the Atlanta Half on Thanksgiving Day so I could eat as much as I wanted for dinner without the guilt.  I wonder what kind of food they'll have at the end of the Long Beach Half -- tofu?

David

[leapyrtwins]

I "see" the surgeons going in and getting the tumor, or most of it, and then I imagine myself opening my eyes--both of them, so that I can hear the doctor say, "you did great, you're going to be fine".  It may sound hokey, but it's gotten me through my share of stage fright.

Marci -

this isn't hokey at all.

One of my docs and I had this ongoing routine after I made my decision to have surgery.  Everytime he told me something that he could tell was frightening to me, he would follow it up by saying "You'll be fine".  I got into the habit of answering him with "I'll be fine".

At some point "I'll be fine" became a mantra that I would repeat to myself and it got me through a lot of tough spots post op.  It gave me confidence that everything would turn out okay.

The good news is, my doc was correct.  I am fine.  You will be too 

Keep the faith,

Jan

[MAlegant]

Hi all,
Went for my run this morning and saw two deer!  It was a beautiful sight and I loved it.  My dogs were extremely confused however, and nearly lost their minds.  Be that as it may, I am enjoying my last couple of days of "pre-treatment" and look forward to just having it over and done with.  On a brighter note, yesterday I went to have my driver's license renewed and I smiled the biggest, goofiest smile I could muster.  Just in case I lose my smile.  Just in case.  It's the best looking driver's license picture I've ever had.   
Marci

[Debbi]

Good for you, Marci!  No matter what, you now have a kick-**** drivers license picture!  And, hopefully, your smile will be as big and bright as ever come Tuesday night.  (Okay, you may not feel much like smiling when you wake up from surgery, but you get the idea...)

Debbi, giving you my biggest half-smile!

[MAlegant]

So today I went for my Mapping MRI and they shaved my hair in a few places and placed big green and white eyeballs in various places on my head, including right above my eyes.  I'm looking pretty bizarre at this point.  But probably a cake walk compared to what I'll look like tomorrow.  Anyone else have this done pre-surgery?

I'm going to see if I can contact the mother ship now.

Marci