This is possibly a bit late, but I've never been real connected to that whole time/space continuum thing anyway.
All things in moderation, including moderation itself...it's okay to be out on the edge occasionally. Adults are allowed to throw tanturms, as long as you don't make it a lifestyle choice. No reason to feel bad about it. I worked in retail security for four years, you would not believe some of the minor things adults will throw a fist pounding, scream in your face tantrum about. Being upset and frustrated in the long grind of AN recovery... the fact that more of us aren't in a continual snit of frustration and anger is what amazes me. People with AN's truly are rare individuals, even beyond the medical statistics.
Having never been very photogenic I've adopted a paraphrase of a Mark Twain saying... "There are lies, damn lies, and photographs." If I hid everytime I saw a photograph that I thought made me look terrible I'd be so reclusive that it would make Howard Hughes look like Paris Hilton. I used to avoid the lens side of camera, then I realized that if one of my friends or family was trying to take my picture it's because I have value to them. That's a pretty wonderful thing and my need to honor that value turned out to be stronger than my ego. I made the decision to just think of myself as refrigerator art... you know what I'm talking about, those things you hang on your refrigerator that would never be judged acceptable by any objective social measure of art but are valuable beyond compare because of where they came from...your first graders heart.
The primitive mythology got it exacly wrong...the problem with photographs isn't that they capture your soul...it's that they don't and can't.
..take care.. tim b
