Dear Joseph, Linda, klangel,
Oh, gosh! I guess I am Pollyanna.....!
I absolutely hate how bad some of you are feeling...not wanting to wake up...wishing to die...
Maybe my AN experiences were not as bad as many. But...When I look around & outside of myself, I see so many things worse than an AN, & I am truly grateful for having had an AN rather than so many other things. And I think, "Whom would I wish my AN upon?" And I honestly can say, no one else. No one.
A man I have known most of my life died last fall of a malignant brain tumor.....would his widow have chosen an AN for him instead of what he had? Most assuredly so.
Would the person with terminal cancer trade his diagnosis for an AN? The one with leukemia? What about the veteran returning with no legs? My friend who was diagnosed with Lou Gehrigs's disease a year ago, who can no longer speak? Would an AN be worse than the cross that she is bearing? I truly don't believe so....
Is the ringing in my AN ear bothersome at times? Oh, yes. Am I off balance at times? Yes. But I can walk, I can hear, I can even tune out the ringing when engrossed in something interesting.
Was having an AN scary? You betcha'! Would I have chosen to have one? Hardly! But having one has made me stronger, more compassionate, and more grateful for the things that truly count. Am I the same as before my diagnosis and surgery? No. But I hope I am better...I feel better...inside, where it counts.
I truly don't mean to come down hard on you, and my prayer is that you do have better days, that you do come to accept your AN as just one of those things....one of those things that you can accept and overcome...and finally, actually receive grace from.
Praying for good days for you,