As we always caution, the AN experience; from diagnosis, treatment decision, surgery or radiation and recovery - including emotional issues - is different for every AN patient. Obviously,your experience was a blow to your self-confidence and affected your quality of life. This is more common that you might think. However, many AN patients, while struggling, have responsibilities they must deal with and choose to push their disappointments and frustrations relative to their AN recovery, aside. Unfortunately, doing so can have negative consequences yet allowing AN -related problems to overwhelm you is just as unhealthy. What to do?
Aside from venting here, which I consider very constructive, I would suggest you consider some form of counseling with a professional. Many of our members have done this and most find it beneficial. I have no experience in this area and won't presume to offer advice but I can offer you empathy and extend the promise of keeping you in thought and prayer. I doubt I'll be the only person on these forums doing this so know that you are not isolated but surrounded by those who have been through their own AN journey, are rooting for you and wish you a successful recovery. My final thought is that I believe we determine our own state of happiness. I hope you'll decide to choose to be at peace and to find a way through this.