Good days vs. the bad

[BlueSky]

Some days I'm really positive about this AN, thinking I can get through this and it will be ok.

Other days I'm more like, OMG I have a BRAIN TUMOR. I mean as far as medical diagnoses go cancer would be definitely be worse but brain tumor has got to be in the top three of things you don't want to hear come out of a doctors mouth.

Not really a point to this post, other than ranting... 

[schmidtkat]

Blue Sky,

Having some ups and downs pre and post AN is quite common. This forum is a great place for support through it all. Some days we lean and all days we find support. You will find the whole spectrum of emotions as you read posts. All are a part of the journey/process toward healing and health.
Thoughts and prayers.
God bless ~ Kathy

[wwarr]

Blue Sky,

     Kathy said it well.  What you are feeling is normal.  There are so many emotions along your AN journey.  Please know that you are not alone in what your feeling as many of us have been there.  It is a shock hearing and accepting your AN.  This forum is a great support.  Take care and I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts your way!
Hang in there.
Wendy

[Soundy]

I see sawed with being OK today and next day doing the OMG I have a brain tumor thing ... then one day I adopted the attitude " I have a tumor but it doesn't have me" ... I tried to keep my life as normal as I could and go about life as normally as I could around the many doctor visits ... I just decided I was not going to let it rule my life and this helped me cope

still had a few OMG days but not as many

[MDemisay]

Bluesky,

Have you read Elizabeth Kubler-Ross? You are going to be ok with it one day....Trust me, trust us! We all have to realize that we will all go through this....I initially did not accept this and when it finally came time for me to notice it (my AN) it was too damn big to radiate......yet I did not want to have an operation!!!! You see, I had had a brain operation before.(for an AVM, which my docs were suprised to learn was really 3)....How could it be happening again.....It was surreal!!

When it finally came time to have it operated on in 2004, I did not do it with group support like you are doing, after I came out of my 4 month long depression 14 doctors later I finally decided that I had to let go and let God. I came through that second surgery with issues as many of you have had here but I dealt with them all alone. It took me 2 years to master and come out of.

Why am I telling you this? Because at least you have us whom you can rely on. Take heart my friend, you can rant and rant, we will listen. Eventually, you to will come to Kubler-Ross's last stage which is acceptance. For now, please know that we are all "here" for you to provide encouragement and group support for you!

It is a process which some people move through slower than others, heaven knows, I was stuck in the denial phase much, much longer than most people that you meet on here!

Regrowth brought with it a whole new cycle of fear as I had to move through each of the stages again!


What am I trying to say here?

I am trying to say that through this marvelous medium of the ANA forum we each are there for each other......isn't that special? Just a short while ago we didn't even have this, even further than that back the technology didn't exist to properly take them out, or analyze or diagnose them properly. No doubt there will be other advancements in years to come, be ever thankful for those that are available now......Healing will not take place without acceptance and of course action!

Be well my friend.

Take the good with the bad....it is a part of life.

Mike

[Chances3]

Hi BlueSky,

If you can't rant here, where can you.  We all go through the valleys and mountain tops.  I am one of the strongest people you would ever want to meet, psychologically that is.  I grew up in a single parent home, I've been working since I was 14 years old.  I was a man by 16. Today I have a lot of people relying on me, from a sick wife to unemployed or underemployed grown children.  I'm the rock in the house, and yes I broke down during my recovery.  Me ?? Impossible.  My mantra is this - if we dwell on the past, we can never make plans for the future.  I hope my words have made you feel a little better, we are all here at ANA to listen. Your feelings, emotions and anxiety are all perfectly normal so hang in there kid, and stay strong.

God Bless.

[MaryEBS]

Hello Bluesky -

Can I tell you that you have captured my thoughts exactly?  It's nice to know that I am not the only one that feels this way. 

Most of the time now I think I am okay and try to joke about it to put others at ease with wise cracks like 'talk to my other ear if you want me to hear you...' etc.  But... there are times every now and then when I want to cry for no apparent reason... just to wallow for the moment in self pity I guess when the reality of the situation takes hold of me. 

Thanks for posting your rant ... I was feeling like posting my own when I signed on tonight.  It wasn't a great day today so tomorrow has to be a better one.

You aren't alone.

Mary

[wwarr]

Can I say again that, these emotions are so normal.  I remember the first few weeks after being diagnosed was such a rollarcoaster of emotions.  From unbelief to tears out of no where.  It is a journey, and we're all in this together.  Some at different stages.  You can do this and you have a great support in this forum and are among those who understand what you're going through.
I realized that having courage is moving forward despite uncertainty.  Its not brave unless your scared.
Hang in there! :-)
Wendy

[BlueSky]

Thanks everyone for posting your encouraging words. This is a strange journey I'm on, but luckily for me I know others have made this journey before me and I can learn from them.

Hopefully tomorrow will be one of the good days! 

[leapyrtwins]

You WILL get through this and you WILL be okay.

Attitude is important on your AN Journey.

You're stronger than you think!

Chin up, and keep the faith!

Best,

Jan

[Handma1d]

Howdy Bluesky,
We hear you, friend! Even though my surgery went great and I feel wonderful - even at 8 weeks post-surgery - I still have my "devil-days," as I call them. Those days when negative thoughts like "what if it comes back or something" try to put their two cents worth in. It's like this for me - I know God does not want my mind cluttered up with negative thinking, fear, worry, anxiety or anything that takes my focus away from loving and serving Him with whole heart, soul, mind and strength - and my neighbor as myself - each day. I trust Him and literally ask Him to cast out my negative thoughts as I know He is up for the job! : ) I don't know what your own spirituality "looks like" but regardless how you envision God, God is with you always. I keep a fridge magnet up that says "Give your cares to God, He'll be up all night anyway." I'm good with that. Also don't forget that God sends help in diverse ways - personally, I talk to my therapist also when I need someone to rant to or just need an "objectivity" tune-up. I'm kind of rambling here, but I hope it helps you to know so many nice folks are with you in thought and prayer - folks that walk the same walk as you are daily. Be well and God bless you. If I can help in any way, just "holla."
Peace,
Diane

[MDemisay]

Bravo Diane! Kudos to you! Good job!

Mike

[Handma1d]

Hey Bluesky,
How you doing?
Peace,
Diane

[BlueSky]

I'm doing pretty well right now. Actually had good days for most of the weekend and today. The bad days are less frequent, but man they can really get you down. I have a appointment set up for a second opinion in a couple of weeks and sent my records to house so I am on the right track and being proactive.

[millie]

Bluesky, Soundy, Mary, Handmaid- I'm with you guys!  There are good daysand  then there are panic-attack days. Right now it seems everything revolves around the neuroma.   But hopefully there will be a new normal and it will be fine.
Thank God for this forum and the wisdom  and sympathy of those that have gone before.