not sure what a BAHA "sleeper" is, but my implant was done 9 months after my AN surgery. I'm guessing that the sleeper is part of the combo surgery.
The BAHA "site" (the area where the rod and abutment lie) does sink after the implant, leaving a concave spot. As the sinking occurs, the abutment actually gets closer to the skull; this is normal.
Red, scabby, oogie aren't normal - sounds like an infection; call your doctor as much as you hate to. Better safe than sorry.
I didn't experience the side of my head feeling tight and uncomfortable, so to me this isn't normal but maybe it's normal for others (?) I'll let them speak for themselves.
The whole abutment area "dropping" and becoming closer to your ear isn't normal. This didn't happen to me and IMO it shouldn't happen to anyone. While the site sinks, the abutment doesn't move; even when it's calcifying.
I never experienced swelling, but know others who did and used Clobestasol cream - it's normally prescribed. If it's only helping a little, ask your doc if he can give you something else (maybe something stronger).
I would not wait until the 14th to touch base with your doctor. If things continue the way they are IMO you won't be able to wear your processor on the 14th. Better to call your doc now so you get the issues resolved so you're on track for the 14th.
Docs are used to getting calls about things, especially about issues like this. Don't feel bad, don't hesitate - it's all part of their job.
Good luck - and, please keep us posted.