Author Topic: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.  (Read 10848 times)

Funnydream

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Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« on: October 28, 2010, 02:02:09 am »
I keep wanting to work and do stuff. But I'm like totaly tired and sore and whaaa whaaa whaaa. Can't even drive till I see the Doc on the 10th of Nov.

Just letting others that are like me that can't stand all this laying around. That I think it sucks.

I feel robbed. I only have so much life and I may loose a whole half year production towards my retirment. And my nest egg has taken a huge hit.

I'm a dream fighter and I'm down for the count. Trying to get back up before 10. But mother nature I think put lead in her gloves.
Age 42, AN left, 2.8cm
left hearing gone, balance getting better.
16 hour Surgery 9-27-10 CSF leak fix 10-4-10 3 hours
Miracle I feel my left face and tongue again.
If we evolved from monkeys into humans? When do we stop being human and become something else? What would that something else be?

Tod

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #1 on: October 28, 2010, 04:30:32 am »
I understand. Never in my life had I ever imagined that I would have to spend three months at home learning to walk and function again.

I learned not to feel robbed, or at least not focus on that aspect, by trying to appreciate the experience it myself. Why? Because I also had never imagined having to go through such an experience. I had always gone through life with relative ease. Everything happened to those around me, never to me. So I finally got first-hand experience and learned empathy along the way.

It can be hell going through this, but it does seem to fade over time.

Those are the physical and emotional aspects. The financial aspect and costs (real and opportunity) just plain suck.

Do try to find things you can do. As a friend told me, "It makes no sense to focus on dozens of things you can't do when there are still thousands of things that you can do." It really helped me to look at it that way.

-Tod
Bob the tumor: 4.4cm x 3.9cm x 4.1 cm.
Trans-Lab and Retro-sigmoid at MCV on 2/12/2010.

Removed 90-95% in a 32 hour surgery. Two weeks in ICU.  SSD Left.

http://randomdatablog.com

BAHA implant 1/25/11.

28 Sessions of FSR @ MCV ended 2/9/12.

Suebedo

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #2 on: October 28, 2010, 08:24:13 am »
Could you find a group you could volunteer for from home? Maybe making phone calls? I've been making calls for a candidate I support in our upcoming elections and that has helped me feel like I am contributing to "the world" at large. Of course, campaign is over next week - will find something else if I am not back at work soon. I know a group here who phones seniors who live alone. Maybe that's next.  Keeping busy is hard!!
Diagnosed with AN June 10, 2009. Mid fossa surgery 9/30/10 at University of MN. Tumor over an inch at that time. CSF leak after surgery. Eight years later, regrowth. Starting the decisions all over again.

deheisel11

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2010, 09:31:42 am »
I agree with Tod.  My empathy factor has really soared.  You might try tai chi.  I began tai chi before I found out about the AN.  I thought my balance problems were a factor of age.  It is fun, takes up some of the extra time, helps balance, and you can do it as long as you can move.  Things do get better.
translab surgery of 2.6cm neuroma, right side, by Dr. Welling at Ohio State, 6-18-10.  BAHA base placed on same day.  Facial paralysis. Gold weight 7-14-10.

Doc

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2010, 09:47:22 am »
Here's a dose of Tough Love - Time to get off your duff and get back in the game...plane and simple!
Left-Translab July '09. Cyberknife Jan 2010. In Apr 2017, four more tumors found; three in the brain and one, 7cm long, on my spinal cord; it was surgically removed. It was cancerous, and so are the others. I've been receiving Chemo since June '18, and I'm still in treatment.

Lizard

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2010, 10:02:39 am »
I hear ya, recovery takes a long time and it taught me some serious patience.  Its hard waiting around to feel better and you probably feel pretty trapped in your own home.  I remember how excited I was just to go to the grocery store, but its the little things during recovery that keep you going.  Try not to feel robbed, its a tiny bump in the road in the grand scheme of things and you will be back on your feet before you know it.  Staying positive can be difficult, but its necessary!  You're body is telling you to slow down and take it easy, so listen to it. 

Don't know whatelse to say except that there are plenty of things you can be enjoying during your recovery, as said above, focus on those and not the things you can't do.  You'll be driving in just a week!  Freedom once again!

hang in there,
Liz
Left AN 2.5CM,retrosigmoid 11/2008, second surgery to repair CSF leak. 
Headaches began immediately.  Dr. Ducic occipital nerve resection, December 2011!!!!!

"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

moe

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #6 on: October 28, 2010, 10:12:33 am »
Funnydream,
Being that your surgery was just about a month ago (a 16 hour surgery at that!) indicates you have a lot of time for slow progressive healing, and it WILL happen.
So many good suggestions.

It's all about doing what you can within your means and as time moves along, you will see the difference in your energy, and what you are able to do. So the important thing to do is MOVE the BOD!
Walking, walking, balance games.
What are your other post op symptoms, I can't recall. Are these affecting what you can do?

It's all about the "new you" post op and adjusting your life around it. It sucks, and I'm sure there is some grieving going on for the "old" you. (I'm still trying to accept the "new me" - it is ongoing for some people ::) )
Depression is very common post op. Nothing to be ashamed of. Talk to your doc if this is the case. Meds may help your outlook and give you energy to focus more positively.

Keep venting, it's OK, but also try and set a schedule and realistic goals of what you CAN do.
Okay, pep talk for the day is over! Hope this helped :)
06/06-Translab 3x2.5 vascular L AN- MAMC,Tacoma WA
Facial nerve cut,reanastomosed.Tarsorrhaphy
11/06. Gold weight,tarsorrhaphy reversed
01/08- nerve transposition-(12/7) UW Hospital, Seattle
5/13/10 Gracilis flap surgery UW for smile restoration :)
11/10/10 BAHA 2/23/11 brow lift/canthoplasty

Jim Scott

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #7 on: October 28, 2010, 03:09:19 pm »
FD ~

As you can see from the previous posts, most of us have had similar frustrations while recovering.  I was a docile and co-operative AN patient from the time of my diagnosis, through all the pre-op testing and, finally, the surgery.  However, once the surgery was over and I was past the first few days (where I just wanted to sleep) I was a bear.  I was borderline maniacal about getting out of the hospital, home and back to normal.  Once home, I needed a lot of rest but I was still almost desperate to resume some semblance of my normal activities, which I proceeded to do.   I asked my doctor for permission to drive about 10 days post-op.  He cautiously said that I could - but to only drive locally and short trips.  I agreed, and meant it, but after one brief jaunt on local roads, I was driving on the interstate to get where I needed to be - and had no problem.  I decided not to share this with my doctor.  Fortunately, he never asked for specifics, just 'how's the driving going?'  I simply replied: great!  Granted, in some ways I pushed myself during my initial recovery, but it worked out fine.  Of course, I was retired at the time of my surgery and that took a lot of pressure off as far as work responsibilities and generating income, so my experience is not directly analogous to your current situation and it's attendant frustrations.  However, despite diverse lifestyles, I believe we can all relate to your dissatisfaction with being involuntarily idle.  The reality is that it is temporary and I believe that is the best way to look at it.  How it is today is not how it will be next week or next month, for that matter.  Keep looking ahead and that should help relieve at least some of the stress of your recovery. Well, it worked for me so it's the best I can offer you.  I hope it helps.

Jim
4.5 cm AN diagnosed 5/06.  Retrosigmoid surgery 6/06.  Follow-up FSR completed 10/06.  Tumor shrinkage & necrosis noted on last MRI.  Life is good. 

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.  The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.

Kathleen_Mc

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2010, 03:51:07 am »
Funnydream: I don't know at what level you are functioning but if you're feeling worthless I agree with "I'm not a doctor" and it's time to get moving. Likely you are not ready to return to your work (whatever that is) especially since your doctor has yet to give you the go ahead to drive but there must be something you can be doing. I don't know if maybe you have aging neighbors/parents that can use help with fall clean up in the yard, or have a dog that needs walking, or any kind of help around the house but that is something you could use your time to do, at your pace and when you have the energy. Are you single? The housework could help with feeling useful if you are single or married, particular if you are married helping out the wife with earn you bonus points! ;)
I can remember when I started feeling well enough to feel useless, bored, depressed......I forced the issue with my doc's and returned to work against their better judgement, it was difficult but it certainly helped me emotionally and pushed the physical recovery, mind you by the time I was done my shift I was DONE! (and my coworkers were helpful and covered my butt to some degree)
Kathleen
1st AN surgery @ age 23, 16 hours
Loss of 7-10th nerves
mulitple "plastic" repairs to compensate for effects of 7th nerve loss
tumor regrowth, monitored for a few years then surgically removed @ age 38 (of my choice, not medically necessary yet)

Kaybo

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2010, 08:05:22 am »
My Dr. kept telling me "The more you do, the better you will feel and the faster your recovery..."  Of course, I think this means to listen to your body.  My mom always said she knew when I was really feeling bad because I wouldn't do anything but sleep - every other time, I was TRYING to do SOMETHING.  I would set little goals for myself every day - even if it was just to get a shower (at first) or walk to the mailbox...of course, I had a LOT of recovering to do since I had a stroke too!

K   ;D
Translab 12/95@Houston Methodist(Baylor College of Medicine)for "HUGE" tumor-no size specified
25 yrs then-14 hour surgery-stroke
12/7 Graft 1/97
Gold Weight x 5
SSD
Facial Paralysis-R(no movement or feelings in face,mouth,eye)
T3-3/08
Great life!

nancyann

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2010, 05:35:10 pm »
hey funnydream,  as others have said, it's only been a month - after dealing with facial paralysis, more surgeries, eye issues, balance, etc., I went back to work 2 months post op - part time for 2 weeks then full time,  this was 4 years ago.
It will get better,  just go with your body telling you to rest....  however,  you do need to walk, push yourself,  but rest/sleep when your body tells you to.
You'll get through this,  just takes time....
Always good thoughts,  & keep a peaceful heart,   Nancy
2.2cm length x 1.7cm width x 1.3cm  depth
retrosigmoid 6/19/06
Gold weight 7/19/06, removed 3/07
lateral tarsel strip X3
T3 procedure 11/20/07
1.6 Gm platinum weight 7/10/08
lateral canthal sling 11/14/08
Jones tube insert right inner eye 2/27/09
2.4 Gm. Platinum chain 2017
right facial paralysis

leapyrtwins

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #11 on: October 30, 2010, 08:49:13 am »
Funny -

I'm puzzled by you saying that you can't do "anything". 

Although I know you've been through your fair share of recovery issues, most docs will tell you that you should be getting back to your normal life.  As Kay, and others have said, you need to move around - walking is one of the best things for your balance, in my opinion.

I don't know what kind of restrictions your doctor put on you, but the limitations I had from my doc didn't last that long.  Some of them like - no heavy lifting - lasted for about 3 weeks; others - like no sneezing with my mouth closed - lasted about 6 weeks.  I was told that I could drive once I felt that I was up to it, but to take it easy and stick to short trips on slow roads to begin with.  He let me go back to work part-time (desk job) at 2 1/2 weeks post op and full-time at 4 weeks. 

We all recover differently - and the same is definitely true for AN surgery - but the typical recovery period is 6 weeks.  Obviously you should listen to your doctor (since I am not one) and do what he says, but I'd question him if he tells you that you shouldn't "do anything" for 2 months.

Jan

Retrosig 5/31/07 Drs. Battista & Kazan (Hinsdale, Illinois)
Left AN 3.0 cm (1.5 cm @ diagnosis 6 wks prior) SSD. BAHA implant 3/4/08 (Dr. Battista) Divino 6/4/08  BP100 4/2010 BAHA 5 8/2015

I don't actually "make" trouble..just kind of attract it, fine tune it, and apply it in new and exciting ways

Funnydream

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #12 on: October 30, 2010, 12:31:21 pm »
To tell the truth I have a huge bruise on my right side and hip is super sore still. I can NOT sleep on my right side which I'm used to. So my sleeping is jacked.

Was told that since I'm a big guy. 6'4" 225LB. That they had a hard time proping me up and I was like that for 16 hours.

I have hardly any head pain and have been off the meds a long time now. And things seam ok except for my right side. Like right under my arm pit just now stopped being so swollen. And is still red. Right hip hurts when I walk or lay on it.

I'm self employed. And I'm able to close up. But it means I loose out in many ways. I will have to build back up. Kinda sucks. And I'm not released to drive yet. I also weld on the side for extra cash. Which is manual labor. I got welding work I need to do. But just can't.
Age 42, AN left, 2.8cm
left hearing gone, balance getting better.
16 hour Surgery 9-27-10 CSF leak fix 10-4-10 3 hours
Miracle I feel my left face and tongue again.
If we evolved from monkeys into humans? When do we stop being human and become something else? What would that something else be?

Tod

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #13 on: October 30, 2010, 01:34:11 pm »
I am, was even moreso, quite a bit heavier than you and the same height. I had a large lump on my right hip for months following surgery. Could not sleep on right side or my left side comfortably. For the first time in my life I had to sleep on my back night after night. That took a while to get used to.

I'm fortunate to have an office job. But one of my hobbies is woodworking and it was quite few months before I felt safe returning to that. So I have some sense of what you are going through.

There probably are no easy solutions. The easiest and best thing to do is walk every single day, as much as you feel you can do safely. Otherwise you have to do the hard work of healing: rest, exercise, good nutrition, and being active.

-Tod
Bob the tumor: 4.4cm x 3.9cm x 4.1 cm.
Trans-Lab and Retro-sigmoid at MCV on 2/12/2010.

Removed 90-95% in a 32 hour surgery. Two weeks in ICU.  SSD Left.

http://randomdatablog.com

BAHA implant 1/25/11.

28 Sessions of FSR @ MCV ended 2/9/12.

moe

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Re: Kinda feeling worthless not doing anything for 2 months.
« Reply #14 on: October 30, 2010, 01:59:42 pm »
I have a huge bruise on my right side and hip is super sore still. I can NOT sleep on my right side which I'm used to.


And things seam ok except for my right side. Like right under my arm pit just now stopped being so swollen. And is still red. Right hip hurts when I walk or lay on it.

I'm self employed. 

Okay,
That helps to answer some questions! You can get "back to work" but it's not the same, since you are self employed. Frustrating....

And you have that pain in your hip when you walk or lay on it.

You say you are off your meds? What about good ole Tylenol and Motrin for your pain? Motrin will help relax the muscles too. Gotta take it around the clock, and with food.
I'm not a doctor-just a nurse. Unless contraindicated by your doctor with the anti-inflammatory, maybe give it a try.

Keep moving, you'll feel better as time progresses... The journey continues ;)
Maureen
06/06-Translab 3x2.5 vascular L AN- MAMC,Tacoma WA
Facial nerve cut,reanastomosed.Tarsorrhaphy
11/06. Gold weight,tarsorrhaphy reversed
01/08- nerve transposition-(12/7) UW Hospital, Seattle
5/13/10 Gracilis flap surgery UW for smile restoration :)
11/10/10 BAHA 2/23/11 brow lift/canthoplasty