Yardstick / Anne Marie ... it doesn't sound like you have lost your faith but are just in a bad time where not understanding the why's of the way things are have you down and wobbling a little ...
My mom is battling breast cancer , my dad fighting lung cancer ... had a friend and her 2 sons brutally murdered in October by the ex boyfriend of the 16 year old , 3 kids at school lost a parent each in the weeks following the murder and then the mayor of the little town where my girls school is located lost his mom when a former renter of hers killed her for a couple thousand dollars worth of jewelry ... there were days when I thought where is God
... a natural response we humans have in response to life altering experiences we have ... we doubt ...
Thoughts and prayers coming your way
Mama Gina ,
I am tired all the time ... I was tired pre-surgery ... not sure if from tumor effects or from lupus as it can cause fatigue too...but after surgery it became a major problem ... as Beachmommy said ... I too sleep like a baby sleeps , intermittently and around the clock â€¦I probably sleep more hours now than before surgery but it is broken into 1 -2 hour stretches and I donâ€™t feel rested â€¦ if I sleep 3 or 4 hours in a row I call it a full nights sleep â€¦
I too have feelings that I am not doing enough for my family â€¦ they donâ€™t always have their clothes all washed or what one wants to wear is washed but I forgot to pop it in the dryer â€¦. Or it is wrinkled because although I got it washed and dried I may not have taken it out of the drier and it is wrinkly â€¦ sometimes this can be fixed with a damp rag in the dryer and a quick tumble â€¦or the iron if there is time â€¦ I cook but have been leaning to fast meals â€¦fewer favorites that take longer to prepare â€¦ and fewer deserts because they take time and somewhere along the way I decided they were not necessary to life â€¦ sometime I am snoring instead of doing something with them as I used to â€¦ and with this comes guilt â€¦
then my husband takes up where I leave off and this makes for more guilt â€¦ he works all day at his public job , comes home to farm work and then finishes things I have not got done â€¦I am learning to not be so hard on myself â€¦ I have multiple health issues that keep me spinning â€¦I know with my head I canâ€™t do all I used to do â€¦getting my heart to know that is harder â€¦
and when really down I come here to vent and look for help and answers to what has gotten someone else through a rough time that is similar â€¦and I quote my now 10-Â½ year old with a sentence she said to me shortly after surgery when I was down and mad at the world and just generally pissed off â€¦ I had said I wished I had not had surgery â€¦ she said â€œbut Mom , you are still breathing â€ â€¦ an option that doctors told me would soon be gone without surgery â€¦
Remember that you are more than a laundry maid and cook â€¦ your kids donâ€™t have to have a bath every day , and your house doesnâ€™t have to be spotless â€¦ I bet that your family is like mine â€¦ happy to have you here with them â€¦and your kids will learn and grow in good ways â€¦ as you said , your 11 year old has learned to wash and dry clothes â€¦ mine have this mastered (maybe not exactly as I would but my husband has not ended up with pink underwear ) and they also have learned to cook simple things without help aside from me sitting to the side watching â€¦
someone here once said that we need to learn to give ourselves permission to feel bad â€¦we have been through a lot and for some the recovery is longer than others and we may always have things like headache pain , fatigue , facial paralysis etc to deal with â€¦I am still learning to give my self permission to be down , but to not dwell on it to the point of it feeling like I am a failure â€¦sometimes I forget and beat myself up over it and that just makes it worse â€¦
Take Care â€¦