Author Topic: A Lesson Learned  (Read 4793 times)

nancyann

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A Lesson Learned
« on: April 04, 2010, 05:10:42 pm »
I am writing this b/c I need to get it off my chest. I know all of you will understand how I am feeling.
 I spent the Easter w/e with mom.  Yesterday we were at her condo pool.
I noticed a man with left sided facial paralysis.  Here is the awful part:  I did not go over & introduce myself to him like I do anytime I see someone with facial
paralysis.  I even noticed him looking at me, & yet I didn't go over to him.  I don't know why,  I don't know what caused this 'indifference' in me.
It is so unlike my nature.  I watched him leaving, seemed to be with an older man I assumed was his father.   I waited a few minutes too long.
I went after him - but it was too late, he was gone.
After Mass today mom & I headed back to the pool - I waited for him to show up but he never did.
I don't understand why I let this happen.
The lesson learned is that I will never allow it to happen again.  I only hope we may cross paths again.

Always good thoughts,  Nancy
2.2cm length x 1.7cm width x 1.3cm  depth
retrosigmoid 6/19/06
Gold weight 7/19/06, removed 3/07
lateral tarsel strip X3
T3 procedure 11/20/07
1.6 Gm platinum weight 7/10/08
lateral canthal sling 11/14/08
Jones tube insert right inner eye 2/27/09
right facial paralysis
good to go.

Kaybo

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Re: A Lesson Learned
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2010, 05:21:11 pm »
Do you think it might have been because it was not that he was a stranger, but because it was a HE and not a SHE??  I talk VERY openly to people - especially those with "facial issues" but I might not be so open (willing to approach someone) if I were by myself and it was not another woman...hmmm...I will have to think about this.  Nancy, thank you for sharing this because maybe it will make the  rest of us not "miss any chances" to talk to someone!  Maybe you or your mom will be able to see him again...

Translab 12/95@Houston Methodist(Baylor College of Medicine)for "HUGE" tumor-no size specified
25 yrs then-14 hour surgery-stroke
12/7 Graft 1/97
Gold Weight x 5
SSD
Facial Paralysis-R(no movement or feelings in face,mouth,eye)
T3-3/08
Great life!

nancyann

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Re: A Lesson Learned
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2010, 05:49:15 pm »
Hi K:  thank you my friend:  Since I've had the T3, I have no problems at all going up to men or women.  I don't think I'll ever understand why I did this.
Maybe I was feeling too 'high on the hog' & God decided to put me in my place !  A bit of humble pie was needed ?  I don't know....
2.2cm length x 1.7cm width x 1.3cm  depth
retrosigmoid 6/19/06
Gold weight 7/19/06, removed 3/07
lateral tarsel strip X3
T3 procedure 11/20/07
1.6 Gm platinum weight 7/10/08
lateral canthal sling 11/14/08
Jones tube insert right inner eye 2/27/09
right facial paralysis
good to go.

Jim Scott

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Re: A Lesson Learned
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2010, 03:51:19 pm »
Nancy ~

Obviously, I'm not clairvoyant or a psychiatrist so I cannot tell you why you hesitated to introduce yourself to the man at the pool who had facial paralysis.  However, that doesn't mean that I can't indulge in some unsubstantiated speculation.  Perhaps you are trying to disassociate yourself from being 'the lady with the facial paralysis' and in your subconscious, thought that introducing yourself to the man in question would be like putting yourself on the same level when you would rather not think of yourself 'that way'.  Of course, this is simply idle conjecture on my part and of no consequence. 

The important thing is that you immediately felt remorse and regret for purposely ignoring the man and have vowed not to do so again, should he return.  As your post title states "lesson learned' and as James Barrie, the creator of 'Peter Pan', once wrote: “Life is a long lesson in humility.”

Jim
4.5 cm AN diagnosed 5/06.  Retrosigmoid surgery 6/06.  Follow-up FSR completed 10/06.  Tumor shrinkage & necrosis noted on last MRI.  Life is good. 

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.  The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.

Kaybo

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Re: A Lesson Learned
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2010, 05:12:33 pm »
Nancy~
Today I was at a SMALL meeting of our Women's Ministry planning board at church.  There was a "new" member there that OBVIOUSLY (to me) had some facial issues - I would bet cha a quarter its an AN...Anyway, I wanted to say something but didn't want to call her out across the room.  I had to leave early to get to another meeting so I didn't get to talk to her but KNOW I will see her again.  After weighing this, I consciously thought that I WOULD see her again so I could leave w/o saying something!  Because of this, I will always think before I leave a situation involving someone with facial paralysis!!

K   ;D
Translab 12/95@Houston Methodist(Baylor College of Medicine)for "HUGE" tumor-no size specified
25 yrs then-14 hour surgery-stroke
12/7 Graft 1/97
Gold Weight x 5
SSD
Facial Paralysis-R(no movement or feelings in face,mouth,eye)
T3-3/08
Great life!

sgerrard

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Re: A Lesson Learned
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2010, 01:14:22 am »
Nancy,

I think that at that moment, you happened to be in a mood that said "I don't want to be the designated facial paralysis greeter right now." Which I think is pretty understandable.

I also think that you are not supposed to be the "designated facial paralysis greeter," or the "designated acoustic neuroma greeter." None of us should have to think of ourselves that way. It is nice to do when you are in the mood, but you are not obligated to be in the mood all the time. Sometimes you may just not feel like it.

I think you should give yourself permission to not feel like it whenever you feel like it.  :)

Steve
8 mm left AN June 2007,  CK at Stanford Sept 2007.
Hearing lasted a while, but left side is deaf now.
Right side is weak too. Life is quiet.

Debbi

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Re: A Lesson Learned
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2010, 01:23:47 pm »
Hey Nancy-

I agree with Steve.  Some days you just don't have to be the "official greeter" and that is totally okay.  It doesn't make you any less of a wonderful, kind human being (which we all know you to be.)  You're allowed a day off now and again.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  Think, instead, about the many, many people you've touched (me included.) 

Hugs and gratitude to you,
Debbi
Debbi - diagnosed March 4, 2008 
2.4 cm Right Side AN
Translab April 30, 2008 at NYU with Drs. Golfinos and Roland
SSD Right ear, Mild synkinesis and facial nerve damage
BAHA "installed" Feb 2011 by Dr. Cosetti @ NYU

http://debsanadventure.blogspot.com

ppearl214

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Re: A Lesson Learned
« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2010, 01:42:23 pm »
ya know, MissyNancyAnn......... don't beat yourself up over this.  Let's turn the tables on this... would he have done the same for you?  You have one of the BIGGEST hearts I've witnessed and I KNOW you reach out to so many... and my hope is that he would do the same.... but, guess what?  You looked at him, he looked at you back. Now, doesn't mean you have to get out of the chair and inquire further.... eyes catching each other can also note "ah, you are like me and I am like you and nice to see you".  His situation could have been from many other issues (ie: a stroke, etc), so even though situations may have been different... you had a commonality and your eyes catching each other were enough of a statement to note that you understood... and he understood as well.

I swear NancyAnn... truly, a fantastic heart you have.   :-*  :-*

xoxoxooxoxox
Phyl
"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness", Capt Jack Sparrow - Davy Jones Locker, "Pirates of the Carribbean - At World's End"

nancyann

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Re: A Lesson Learned
« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2010, 03:48:25 pm »
Thanks for the replies everyone.  I'm blushing....  Maybe something in the subconscious Jim ?   I've let it go & am movin' on
(I like to live like Caesar says of dogs:  'keep moving foward !').
Always good thoughts,  Nancy
2.2cm length x 1.7cm width x 1.3cm  depth
retrosigmoid 6/19/06
Gold weight 7/19/06, removed 3/07
lateral tarsel strip X3
T3 procedure 11/20/07
1.6 Gm platinum weight 7/10/08
lateral canthal sling 11/14/08
Jones tube insert right inner eye 2/27/09
right facial paralysis
good to go.

 


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