Author Topic: having trouble coping tonight...  (Read 4766 times)

sarahinPA

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having trouble coping tonight...
« on: June 26, 2009, 07:52:38 pm »
i really just need a place to vent..feel free to read if you'd like...


i havnt been feeling well lately, headaches are coming back here and there, more balance isssues and dizziness post GK  sine pre GK i have been getting infections, and wonder if any of this could all be related? i am currently taking 3 antibiotics for infections, and am miserable with that.

also, my spirits have been low, i have been exhausted, extremely emotional, down and hard on myself for many reasons AN and not AN ..i get to sleep at a normal time every night between 10 and 11. i work 50-60 hours per week just to pay the bills; my boyfriend broke up with me last night, my friends arnt any support and only ever want to go drinking ( we are 24)

i guess my question is did the AN contribute to anyone's weight gain, fatigue, pesimistic thoughts, ect...


i apologize but i need to get this all off my chest and i truly feel that i have no where to turn but this message board.

thank you for listening.,,

sarah
2.3cm Diagnosed 12/19/08
Gamma Knife @ UPMC Pittsburgh 1/12/09
.2mm Regrowth 6/2011
Translab 7/29/11 @ UPMC
     temporary paralysis of throat-feeding tube 8 days; SSD; facial numbness; blood clot & pnemonia developed; 11 days hospital stay.

Dog Lover

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Re: having trouble coping tonight...
« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2009, 08:50:40 pm »
Sarah,

You say you're post GK? How long ago did you have the GK? I don't know a lot about radiation, but I do know that after the surgery I delt with the fatigue (among other issues) for almost 8-9 months.

The friends thing sucks. No other way to put it. I can relate to that somewhat - ever since moving back to IA, I really don't have any friends here except my family or married friends who have their own family lives outside of work. You work a LOT of hours. No wonder you're tired.

Sounds like you've just had a lot hit you all at once. Hang in there. We all have our ups and downs. :( Vent all you want. :)

Cathy
Cathy
9mm x 3mm Left Side AN
Mid Fossa Aug. 21, 2008
Dr. Gantz / Dr. Woodson
Univ. of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics
No facial issues, hearing saved, I keep active and feel back to normal.

moe

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Re: having trouble coping tonight...
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2009, 10:40:06 pm »
Hi Sarah,
My story is completely different from yours but I just want to say I  do sympathize with all your emotions (except the boyfriend one!)
Working 50-60 hours a week is bound to cause great fatigue. It is good that your are getting to sleep at a reasonable hour. Fatigue/stress  may cause decreased immunity and infections. The emotional energy it takes to work as much as you do takes its toll, no doubt, with the headaches,balance,dizziness issues. So yep it may be all related. And the pessimistic attitude goes with all the crummy feelings. PLUS
you may feel disconnected with your friends who want to go partying and drinking. A lot to deal with at a young age.

Hang in there,I feel for you girl. You're young and probably want to do much more than you have the energy.

So give it more time, as people have said. It takes a while. 6-12 months.

I'm older and use my  AN symptoms as an excuse NOT to go out!

Try and make time for fun things that YOU enjoy.
Sorry to hear about the boyfriend >:( (creep)
Maureen
06/06-Translab 3x2.5 vascular L AN- MAMC,Tacoma WA
Facial nerve cut,reanastomosed.Tarsorrhaphy
11/06. Gold weight,tarsorrhaphy reversed
01/08- nerve transposition-(12/7) UW Hospital, Seattle
5/13/10 Gracilis flap surgery UW for smile restoration :)
11/10/10 BAHA 2/23/11 brow lift/canthoplasty

CHD63

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Re: having trouble coping tonight...
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2009, 07:53:02 am »
Hi Sarah ......

So sorry you are having a lousy time right now ..... it's not fair!  Although I am much older than you are, as you can read here on this Forum, the one universal thing we all seem to have in common is fatigue.  If you put fatigue together with the number of hours you are working, it is bound to affect your emotions.  Also, many of us have expressed that after receiving our AN diagnosis, our priorities in life changed.  I suspect that is playing a part in your life now, as well.  If you add in the headaches, dizziness, and infections you are having, it is no wonder your immune system is in poor shape and you are on an emotional roller coaster.

Now, what to do about it ......  is there any way you can cut back on the number of hours you are working?  Or, can you take frequent breaks to rest when needed?  Have you talked with your primary care physician about your symptoms, especially the pessimistic thoughts?  He/she may be able to give you some temporary help through this hurdle.  Do you have one especially good friend, who understands your situation, that you can just "hang out" at home or some place quiet with?  (IMO it would be best to forget the boyfriend, who apparently cares more for his own needs than yours right now.)

We truly are here on this Forum to listen and empathize so please continue to vent all you need to ...... this is one sympathetic crowd, who understands!!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you through these difficult times!

Clarice
Right MVD for trigeminal neuralgia, 1994, Pittsburgh, PA
Left retrosigmoid 2.6 cm AN removal, February, 2008, Duke U
Tumor regrew to 1.3 cm in February, 2011
Translab AN removal, May, 2011 at HEI, Friedman & Schwartz
Oticon Ponto Pro abutment implant at same time; processor added August, 2011

Jim Scott

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Re: having trouble coping tonight...
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2009, 02:23:19 pm »
Hi, Sarah ~

Please don't ever feel a need to apologize for venting, here.  It's allowed.  :)  I'm sorry to learn that you're feeling disheartened and are having problems that seem to be overwhelming. 

You've gone through a very unsettling experience; the AN diagnosis - a condition few people know about, much less understand, the GK and now, the aftermath with headaches and exhaustion.  No wonder you're feeling a bit despondent!  Who wouldn't?  Add to that the usual stresses of life - often compounded at your age by the long workweeks, lack of peer support and a disappearing boyfriend - and you have a recipe for emotional distress.   The best advice I can offer is that this will pass.  Just as you won't always be 24, you won't always need to work so hard, you'll find a boyfriend that cares about you and friends that can sympathize and support you when you need them instead of just thinking about their pleasures, which is all-too common in your twenties.  I wasn't much better then your friends at 24 - single and very self-involved.  Frankly, the fact that you're responsible and fairly resilient as well as intrepid is impressive.  You're very likely a much better person that you realize.  Not perfect, but certainly worthy of respect and attention.  Perhaps you'll need to consider seeking out some new friends who actually care about you and a boyfriend that cares as much about you as he cares about his car , favorite sports team or his buddies. 

All this is much easier for me to write than for you to accomplish, I know.  I'm also several decades older than you but to get where I am now, I had to be 24 at one time. At 24, I was insecure, worried about my future and just assumed that I would never get married.  Three years later I had a great career (that I worked hard to get) and was just married to a wonderful girl (we're still married) and very confident about my future. 

To answer your questions; my AN (a biggie) didn't contribute to any weight gains or pessimistic thoughts (I was very anxious to get back to normal and I focused on that)  but I did experience fatigue for some time, post op ( I underwent both surgery and radiation - FSR).

I think you'll be O.K. Sarah.  Total healing takes time and you have to choose to feel good about yourself.  Others can be encouraging - or discouraging - but only you get to decide how you see yourself and who you want to be.   I think you're a very brave young woman who has gone through a lot for someone your age.  I'm confident you'll get through this 'down' period and emerge stronger and more sure of yourself than ever before.  At 24, you really do 'have your whole life ahead of you'.  As with every life, there are 'speed bumps' and setbacks.  No one gets a free ride.  It may be a cliché but I really believe the setbacks can make us better and stronger - or bitter and discouraged.  Another cliché is that 'it's not what happens to us in life but how we handle it'.   On contemplation, I see that as quite truthful.  I'm just offering a few suggestions for you to think about.  What you do with them is up to you.  They're free.  ;)

I wish you better days.  :)

Jim
4.5 cm AN diagnosed 5/06.  Retrosigmoid surgery 6/06.  Follow-up FSR completed 10/06.  Tumor shrinkage & necrosis noted on last MRI.  Life is good. 

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.  The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.

Syl

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Re: having trouble coping tonight...
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2009, 09:40:02 am »

i guess my question is did the AN contribute to anyone's weight gain, fatigue, pesimistic thoughts, ect...



Sarah,

It is difficult keeping a good attitude when the AN, it's symptoms, or side-effects continue to be part of our daily lives. I had my surgery 1 year ago and it wasn't until recently that my dizzines/light-headedness began to subside. I now feel that I have energy, I feel alive. I haven't felt this good in some 5 or 6 years. I realize now that the reason i felt so crappy for so long was because of my AN. So for many years, my AN has gotten in the way. Sometimes I wonder if I was depressed from feeling so out of energy all the time. From not feeling like doing anything. I made it to work fine, but everything else was not interesting.

I am currently getting treatment for headaches with Pamelor, which is working wonderfully. Not only do I have less headaches but they are not as intense. Pamelor has been used in treatment for depression. I think that's part of the reason I feel so good. Not only do I have more enegy, but Pamelor is helping me with more than just my headaches.

Is it possible that you might be depressed? If so, pls seek professional help. 
I'm so sorry that you don't have moral support close to you, but know that we are just a mouse-click away.

Syl
1.5cm AN rt side; Retrosig June 16, 2008; preserved facial and hearing nerves;
FINALLY FREE OF CHRONIC HEADACHES 4.5 years post-op!!!!!!!
Drs. Kato, Blumenfeld, and Cheung.

sarahinPA

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Re: having trouble coping tonight...
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2009, 12:04:04 pm »
I want to thank everyone for your positive thoughts and suggestions. The past day was better, slept well last night and slept until almost noon today! about to go exercise and hoping that will help my energy level today!

thanks again i really appriciate all the happy thoughts.
2.3cm Diagnosed 12/19/08
Gamma Knife @ UPMC Pittsburgh 1/12/09
.2mm Regrowth 6/2011
Translab 7/29/11 @ UPMC
     temporary paralysis of throat-feeding tube 8 days; SSD; facial numbness; blood clot & pnemonia developed; 11 days hospital stay.

goinbatty

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Re: having trouble coping tonight...
« Reply #7 on: July 10, 2009, 07:47:28 am »
Glad to hear you're feeling better.  I just wanted to add a bit about what I've dealt with this year.  It started with my father being seriously ill which went on for over 2 months.  He got better thankfully.  Then my sister, my only sibling, same thing.  By the way, she had a ruptured Meckel's diverticulum.  Having a Meckel's period is a rarity and if problems occur, it's typically in childhood.  (I told her we can say we are both rarities.  They just occurred at opposite ends of the body!).  During those stressful times, I know I didn't eat right, certainly didn't sleep much and was literally stressed to the max.  And I gained about 8 lbs during it all.  Being a nurse, I started delving into reading what I can get my hands on about stress and brain chemistry.  It's pretty interesting.  Just do a search on cortisol, which is considered the stress hormone.  Basically the goal is to increase the serotonin levels.  And you're doing exactly that.  Exercise is a great way to achieve that effect so keep up the good work.  And I've got to practice what I preach! 
Sandra
http://stress.about.com/od/stresshealth/a/cortisol.htm
1/2007 - 6 x 4.5 mm AN
8/2007 - 9 x 6 mm
CK at Georgetown 1/7/08-1/11/08; Dr. Gagnon
3/2008 - 10 x 7 mm
7/2008 - 9 x 10 x 6 mm (NECROTIC CENTER!!!!!)
5/2009 - no change/stable
4/2010 - 10 x 7 x 6 mm; stable/no change
5/2011 - 10 x 7; stable/no change
6/2012 - 8.1 x 7 mm
4/2014 - stable/no change

 


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