Does anyone have Bipolar Disorder and an AN?

[Nancy Drew]

Hi!

I am looking for someone out there who is dealing with bipolar disorder or ongoing depression in addition to having an AN.  I have been stable with my bipolar disorder for quite awhile.  I have had a difficult to treat bipolar disorder, and it took years for me to find the right medication to help me manage my bipolar.  My AN has grown slightly this past year, and I am starting to see my mood go down, and I am getting scared.  I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist the end of this month.  Just wondering if anyone else out there is coping with a mental illness and an AN. 

Thanks,

Nancy

[JulieW4]

Nancy, I recently had surgery to remove my AN and my mother is bipolar.  I am so glad to hear that you have worked hard to find the right medication to treat your disorder.  I know that is the most frustrating part is finding the right medication for you, but it is worth the effort.  It took many years before my mom was able to find the right medication so she could function.  I'm glad you will be talking with your psychiatrist soon because it's important that you stay on top of your medication during this time of stress and decision making.  I wish I had more answers for you other to say that you seem to be doing a good job taking care of yourself and searching for the right treatment option for you and your AN and bipolar.  Keep up the good work.

Julie

[Nancy Drew]

Hi Julie,

Thanks so much for your support.  I see from your signature that you were misdiagnosed for 13 years, and that must have been earth shattering when you finally got the correct diagnosis.  If I read your signature right your AN was small, but it was also causing problems.  I didn't realize that a small AN could cause one to seek treatment so early on instead of W & W.  But, then again I met someone here who had a 2.5 cm AN found by accident, and she doesn't have any problems at all.  However, she is going to need treatment because of location and other problems that can come from having a bigger tumor.  My AN doctor feels I should go ahead with GK now that the AN has started to grow.  The doctor I went to see for the second opinion said I could continue to W & W.  However, he said if the AN was going to cause me to have emotional problems then it would probably be best to go ahead with treatment.  I keep flip flopping because I don't want to make a decision that I will regret.  If I lose my hearing I will have wished that I had W & W longer.  Or, maybe if I go ahead and have GK I will have a positive outcome, and I will be happy that I made the decision.  I guess if I lose my hearing either way, I will have to come to accept it.  I have come to the point where I treat my bipolar disorder like a baby.  I want to protect it in every way possible.  I never go off of my medication, and I get help when I feel like something is not right.  So, this is the time to get help, and maybe in the long run I will come to a point where I can separate what is a normal reaction to having an AN, and not feeling like I am losing my mind.  This AN is hard on everyone in one way or another, and we have to accept it because it is a reality that is not going to go away. Thanks again for your support.

Nancy 

[sgerrard]

... and maybe in the long run I will come to a point where I can separate what is a normal reaction to having an AN, and not feeling like I am losing my mind.  This AN is hard on everyone in one way or another, and we have to accept it because it is a reality that is not going to go away.

Nancy, you are starting to sound wise. 

I'm not sure there is such a thing as a normal reaction to having an AN. My parents certainly never taught me what that should be. It is unusual enough, and odd enough, that it is quite difficult to react to it in a level headed way. As you put it so well, "we have to accept it because it is a reality that is not going to go away." That includes accepting the risks involved in whatever treatment approach we take, and accepting the result we end up with. Most of us find that life not only goes on afterward, but goes on well, and we share that joy on this forum every chance we get.

Steve

[Nancy Drew]

Hi Steve,

I don't know about the wise part, but I do know that I still have a couple of hurdles to go over before I get to the acceptance phase of this process.  When I found out I had bipolar disorder, I denied it for about six months.  The denial really got in the way of my treatment, but when I finally accepted that I had the illness I started down the road to recovery.  One of the things I do to manage my bipolar disorder is to try to normalize things.  So, I am trying to "normalize" the feelings that are associated with dealing with the AN.  My emotions are so intense that I have a difficult time sorting things out sometimes, but I know that I have been through a lot in my past to know that I have the courage to get through this.  Thanks for your support as always.

Nancy

[Brendalu]

I'm guilty.  Not diagnosed until after my surgery and couldn't get through the depression.  I see a "shrink" and a therapist on a regular basis and take lots of meds.  It all helps.
Brenda

[Nancy Drew]

Hi Brenda,

No need to feel guilty.  No one would ever ask for bipolar disorder.  In my case, it was my genetic cesspool (sp).  Seems like my family tree in covered with mental health disorders.  Hopefully my husband's "normal" genes have passed on to my son.  Of course, my husband is an engineer so that is kind of mental!!!  Just kidding all of you engineers out there (I'm sure you get ANs, too).  I take meds and go to therapy also.  I am sure I will continue to cross the therapy line if this AN continues to bug me.  I think anyone who can admit that they have a mental health issue and then get help is someone who has a lot of courage and strength.  I guess I just gave myself a compliment, too.  Thanks for your honest reply. 

Nancy 

[Brendalu]

Thanks, Nancy,
After I was diagnosed I was very embarrassed and didn't want to admit it to anyone, even myself.  Once I read up on it and looked back at my life and the highs and lows that I could never figure out, everything finally made sense.  Life still isn't easy, but then maybe it isn't supposed to be, but at least I know why.  My meds help a lot.  So does therapy.
Hugs,
Brenda

[Dana]

Nancy,
I will write more later, but just wanted you to know that I have had clinical depression since age 14; I'm 59.  My mother did too, but she was a stellar fighter, fighting not only her depression, but societal injustices.  So I learned to be "feisty" too.  I've been on meds since 1990; they've definitely helped, but I'm in a new round of trying to find the best meds.  Depression is FAR worse than having an AN (in my book), and I encourage anyone for whom the AN experience has prompted depression to get immediate help, since meds can help the brain NOT get into the repetitive patterns that are one of the other "pillars" of depression (There are 3:  chemical imbalance, life experience and thinking patterns, all of which have to be addressed - with, respectively, meds, talk therapy and cognitive therapy --  to overcome long-term depression.)

I also have experience with my hubby's bipolar, which isn't severe, but is substantial.  He's "integrated" it into his personality, as I phrase it.  Bipolar is a long discussion; we'll have it sometime.

I found an organization and online discussion forum very similar to ANA for depression and bipolar -- http://www.dbsalliance.org
Check it out.  Just like an AN, it's very healing to know that others have the same problem, and ain't the internet wonderful!

Hugs,
Dana

[Nancy Drew]

Hugs to both of you--Brenda and Dana,

Yes, I can tell that you relate.  I have struggled many, many years with bipolar disorder, and it has been a heck of a journey.  Meds that almost killed me, talk therapy until I was blue in the face, numerous consults, and of course the stigma that goes along with having a mental illness.  As ironic as it might seem, I sometimes wished that a had a more obvious disorder that people could actually see.  But, now they can see on scans that bipolar and depression are bioneurological disorders.  But, it is a "silent" illness, and I am sure we could get more in depth here but not necessary.  I have learned how to manage my bipolar disorder with the tools in my toolbox, and I have done quite well.  Even when my dad died back in October, I was able to get through that without any major dips into depression (it is normal to get depressed when someone dies--whether you love them, or like in my case, the world is a better place with one less mean person in this world).  I am sure the feelings I have about this AN are pretty "normal" in a real sense, but I also know that those of us who suffer from mental illnesses have to be careful because I think our emotions can sometimes be more intense.  I have to be careful to make sure "little" things don't become "overwhelming" things.  Right now my tiny AN feels HUGE, and I have the HUGE feelings go with it.  Thanks to you who have stepped up to the plate to share such a personal issue.  Having both things going on at the same time really stinks.

Take Care,

Nancy 

[tony]

I would suggest that most here find the concept of a
"BRAIN TUMOUR" quite frightening - there are so many labels and implications
that link with such a sentance.(ie we all gonna die ?)
So its hardly surprising that that many of us find our moods altered as a result
Any one prone to mood issues could get caught up in this
The cautionary tale here links to the single-balance-nerve survivor
Basically many deppression meds work on the central nervous system
- and if you already have reduced capacity, the balance may get worse
An example would be the Red wine - which now disables me with the one
bottle - where two would be required pre-condition/OP/etc
(any booze has a similar effect)
So persue med options for sure - but you may need to search to find
Best Regards
Tony
the one that works for you with the least consequences

[Nancy Drew]

Hi Tony,

Interesting that you would mention medications.  My AN was found as a result of vertigo related to my bipolar medication.  I went to the ENT with severe vertigo in Nov. 2005.  Long story, but he sent me for a MRI, and that is when they found the AN.  Was referred to an AN doc, but he said vertigo is not usually a presenting symptom with these ANs.  My hearing and balance were good, and the tumor was small, and it seemed only natural to W & W.  The vertigo continued on for about two months.  It started when I woke up and went away around noon.  It was horrible.  I literally had to sit still and not move my head until the vertigo went away.   AN doc and PCP said probably a migraine without the headache.  I wasn't buying that because I have a history of migraines, and I had never experienced that kind of vertigo with the migraines.  I finally went to see my psychiatrist because I just couldn't imagine having to deal with this vertigo forever, and I needed some answers and thought he could give me some guidance.  I have been on the same bipolar medication for about 12 years, but in early 2005 I had started feeling depressed and the doc increased my meds.  Depression continued to hang on, and he increased it a little more over time.  My psych doc had an idea about the vertigo maybe being related to the increase in my meds so he had me get a level.  Turns out the Lamictal (anticonvulsant I take for bipolar) level was way too high.  As soon as I went back to regular dose, the vertigo totally went away.  So that is how my bipolar met my AN.

August 6th I am going for a third opinion on what to do with the AN.  This doc is supposed to be very experienced with GK.  In fact, CaryF who hangs out on this board told me about him.  We both live in Denver, and he did CaryF's GK, and it is going well for him so far.  I think once I talk to this doc I will be able to come to my conclusion.  W & W probably makes since, but  I just want to cover all of the bases.  Thanks for your response, and you are a sharp cookie to pick up on the medication connection. 

Thanks,

Nancy

[Linda Rene]

Nancy,
          I too have bipolar disorder and had my tumor removed about 4 years ago. My doc put me on additional meds for the stress due to the tumor. This helped me alot. I know that before and after the surgery my level of frustration, depression and down right pissyness increased. They have not gotten any better because I deal with my husbands loss of patients over my memory problems as well as lost past memories, poor short term memory and being deaf on one side. I also go to therapy when I start to feel overwelmed. Zanex has helped me keep my mind during the really stressful times. It is normal to be stressed out over the diagnosis of a brain tumor. Keep the stress to a minium with a therapist. Don't wait around until you are at your wits end. Go on a regular basis and you will be amazed how much better you can deal with all of this. Hang in there.
                                                                                                                      Linda

[Nancy Drew]

Hi Linda,

Thanks for sharing your story.  I have been anxiety ridden since finding out my AN had grown the past year, then having to decide if I wanted to continue to W&W, or if not, then what treatment route I would choose to go.  After much research, seeing many doctors, asking questions here on the AN Board, and doing a lot of soul searchiing, I finally decided to go with GK.  I went for my pre-op visit with the doc today, and I was thrown a curve ball.  There was a scheduling error between my doctor's office and the gamma knife center, and instead of having GK next week, Oct. 7th, I will be having it Oct. 21st.  Along comes the anxiety in full force again.  Actually, I think I will do well since I have been waiting for over four months anyway.  I have a therapy appointment set up for next week.  I am pretty good about staying on top of things.  In the meantime, I will try to be patient and not go too nutty on this board for the next three weeks.  Everyone has been so supportive here on the board, and I appreciate all of the ranting and raving that everyone has put up with from me.

Best wishes to you Linda.  Having bipolar disorder is very difficult to live with, and when a stressor comes along it puts one's strength to a test.  So, here's to digging back into the "tool box" to find the coping skills that I will need to keep my anxiety under control until the 21st.  I do have a bottle of Ativan, but to be honest I haven't dipped into it for awhile.  Maybe long walks and keeping busy will help in the meantime.

Nancy

[Dana]

Dear Nancy,
Deep breath...Oct 21 will come quickly.  I personally think GK (or CK...etc) is the way to go if the docs think it will kill the AN.  My experience was that it was very NON invasive, both the day of the treatment and in symptoms thereafter.  I had mine July 07.  My symptoms have gotten ever so slightly worse as the tumor has slightly swollen in reaction to the GK, but the AN is also showing signs of dying.  The only painful part of the GK was getting the "rack" on my head, but that really wasn't any worse than going to the dentist. 

As I've said, my depression is a FAR more invasive disease than my AN.  I have now found a good combination of drugs for me, Lexapro and wellbutrin, for which I'm SO grateful.  I think, again, that a radiation treatment (if appropriate) is probably best for those of us with depression since I think it takes a lot of emotional fortitude to persist through microsurgery recovery.

I'll be giving you a big hug Oct 21st.  Let us know how you do.
Love,
Dana