Pre-surgery life worse than post-surgery life?

[janitorx]

It's been a while since I've posted in this forum.  I was wondering if anyone is feeling better since the surgery.  Several years before my diagnosis, I was far more depressed, impulsive, had difficulty concentrating, etc.  Pre-surgery, I did some really bizarre, self-destructive things that were more pronounced closer to my diagnosis.

Now, despite having some facial paralysis, I am WAY happier and more motivated to tackle life's difficulties.  Others have noticed the change in my personality.

My mouth is obviously lopsided when I speak, but that didn't stop me from giving a presentation at an academic conference.  I am not terribly self-conscious about it.

I started walking less than 24 hours post-operative; granted, this was down a hallway and back, but before I left the hospital I was walking up and down stairs.  About 10 days post-op I walked for no less than an hour.  I started running again during my 4th week post-op and cross trained with the elliptical trainer.  In Sept., I ran the fastest 10k I have run in 3 years.  In Nov., I ran the fastest 5 miler in 3 years as well.  I am convinced the tumor was considerably compromising my biomechanics because not only am I running better, but my footstrike has changed. 

Please don't think I am crashing the boards with condescension or belittling everyone who had post-surgery problems.  I am seriously beginning to wonder if this thing held me back for many years and if anyone else experienced the same thing.  Did my neurosurgeon give me a lobotomy, too? 

[lori67]

Well, they do the "liposuction" of your abdomen - maybe they threw in a lobotomy for you too!  What a bargain!

Seriously though, I don't know if I'd say my life is better now than it was - it's definitely not worse.  I think some things are definitely more of a challenge and can be frustrating, but overall, I think it has changed my outlook.  I used to stress out about everything - now I have loosened up a little.  It used to make me crazy to have dishes in the sink or shoes laying around the house - now I can actually ignore it for 10 minutes because I know that , in the big picture, it doesn't really matter.  So, maybe it is better - less grey hair for me and I'm probably not as big a pain to live with!

So, in answer to your question, maybe you'll never know if it was the AN "holding you back" or just your outlook, but either way - things sound like they are good now so I'd just enjoy it!  It's like a second chance we've all been given.

Hope you continue to do well and keep that positive attitude!
Lori

[Jeanlea]

Janitorex,

I'm impressed!  That's great that you are feeling so much better after your surgery.  Perhaps the AN was pressing on part of your brain that was causing some of the problems you experience pre-surgery.  It affects balance and hearing.  Why not other areas?  I started doing much more running after my surgery.  I had more motivation to do it than before my surgery.  I'm not setting any records, but I'm increasing my speed and distance. 
Keep on running.

Jean

[ppearl214]

janitorx, so good to see you again .. it has been a while. I'm tickled to hear that things are really going well for you.  Hearing this news brings a smile and hoping that, by you sharing this with everyone, helps to remind everyone that life really does go on for many during this unique journey that has come our way.  Continued wellness to you... and again, good to see you...

Phyl

[nancyann]

Janitorx:  Wish I felt the same as you, maybe some can rub off on me?    I find life much more difficult post op.   Have had 3 surgeries since, trying to repair the damage...
Still having daily eye issues due to the paralysis.   Maybe I'm just holding myself back, I don't know.   I got the facial paralysis fixed recently with surgery, you'd think I'd be happier - well, I am glad the droop is gone, but I haven't gone swimming, don't take vacations like I use to (this surgery just cost me a bundle).    I know I'm alot better off then others,  but still.....   This AN really took a physical & mental toll on me.....
Trying to find the good thoughts,   Nancy

[leapyrtwins]

I can't really say that my life post-op is better than it was pre-op, but it's definitely not any worse.  Things are status quo.
I haven't noticed any increase or decrease in my level of happiness or level of motivation post-op.
I do feel extremely fortunate that SSD is my only surgical "issue".  Life is different because of it, and it frustrates the hell out of me, but things could be a lot worse.  All in all, life is good.

Having an AN made me more aware of what others have gone through in life and it also made me realize that I'm not as invincible as I'd like to believe.  It also connected me to some really wonderful people (present company included). 

That said, I'm hopeful that 2008 will be a better year for me than 2007 was.  After a couple of really tough years, things were looking good - and then I was diagnosed with an AN.  So while I'm thankful it wasn't a fatal brain tumor, honestly, I could have done without it.

Jan

[janitorx]

I have been off the boards for so long because I relocated across the country and started a new job this summer. 

Perhaps because my tumor was really large (I think the official report stated it was 3.7 cm!), any degree of removal would have been an improvement.  My surgeon was surprised that the enormity of the tumor didn't impair me further. 

Single-sided deafness can be annoying at times.  For example, when my husband tries to talk to me from another room while the water is running, etc.  I can't hear a word!  I have to be really careful to look both ways several times for car when I am out running.  Sometimes, I'll just talk really loud and I have to be mindful of curbing that as well. 

A few weeks post-op, I attempted to eat sushi and that was amusing.  It was very difficult to keep it all in my mouth.  Now, I don't seem to have a problem stuffing food in my mouth. 

Random things: My abdomen looks silly; I thought about getting a tattoo to cover up the scar.  I've noticed that eyelashes tend to fall out on the paralyzed side of my face.  Maybe I am too harsh with scrubbing off mascara on that side 

nancyann, you've had several surgeries and that is several times of being under anasthesia.  The fact that you do not have facial droop anymore really is a cause to celebrate!  I can relate to the surgery costs: I am several thousand $ in the hole from my surgery.  Apparently, my former state of employment doesn't care too much about providing adequate health insurance for its employees.  That said, in attempt to replenish some funds, I have put off traveling to visit anyone for a while.  This also means no exotic vacations.  Luckily, the Rockies aren't too far away!

Jeanlea, keep running!  You may be more motivated now because if you had moderate to severe vestibular disorder, it is a joy to not feel wobbly.  I can actually make it up a hill without veering off to the side or feel like I am falling backwards. 

[nancyann]

Isn't it weird about the eyelashes?  At LEAST 3x/week an eyelash lands in my eye & sticks like glue to my eye - I have to flush it with drops then get it out with a tissue.  Then put in the ointment all over again.  I understand that vacations might be just 1 next year, but the surgery to fix the droop was definitely worth it - that $ was going to buy me a new car, which I need.    I'm just really lacking in motivation to get moving....   

[krbonner]

janitorx,

While we may be in the minority, you're not the only one.  I certainly didn't have the severity of problems you describe about your life pre-op, but I've found I feel better post-op (not counting the immediate recovery period).  I was blessed to have no facial complications, and I find I know have more energy, less fatigue, and an easier time dealing with life's minor annoyances (I think the last one is more mental than physiological).  My surgery also had the benefit of pulling together a small group of my friends to be even more tight than we were before - they came through for me and my family in a way that no one else did, and our friendships now run deeper and truer than they could have otherwise. 

And I've personally met one other ANer who feels physically better now that she's 1+ years post-radiation.

I don't think I could go so far as to say I'm glad I had the AN, but I definitely feel like life is pretty good right now.   

Katie

[OMG16]

Don't ever feel bad about your terrific outcome.  I am so happy for you.  I am doing a happy dance for you now.

Sometimes it takes a life altering experience to help us appreciate the great lives we do have.  There is so little known about the brain and brain tumors that you may be on to something.  Only time will tell.  My son's tumor is in the area of the brain that does regulate emotions and has shut down many hormones throughout his body.  This is a known fact for his location and everything is related in the small area of the brain.  Not to mention some of the medications that others are on can cause similar symptoms.  Good luck to all of you and take care.   16

[ShanaBee]

Well at 28 years old I wouldn't say that my response is the right answer...but I feel that it is all about state of mind.  I am doing much better now that the surgery is over and I think it is only partially because I had a great outcome.  Going into surgery I was smiling and laughing, I think I have only cried a couple of times before surgery and it was always when I was alone.  I believe state of mind can change due to those around you, the desire to be strong for others, etc...  I didn't have facial problems after surgery but a year ago I had treatment for skin cancer on my face.  Although only for about 12 weeks, I went through a period where I looked horrible and I can't even tell you how many rude comments I received....but to this day I tell everyone I was lucky for my experience because it reminded me to always be kind to others.  When my mind begins to focus on the fact that I can't hear out of one ear and music will never be the same to me again...I remind myself that I am alive.  I lost a friend to cancer when she was just 27 years old, every time I think of her or I hear sad stories from fellow AN'ers I tell myself that I have lost my right to complain.  Although I must admit that I still have to remind myself of this fact.