HI Lori....
Well, it sounds like you have been pro-active in searching for various helps for the emotional side of all you have gone through, even to meds. And I am struck by the fact that in total you had 30 hours of surgery plus the Gamma experience on top along with even episodes of psychosis and rresidual paranoia in ICU etc.... i see, too, that you are only 1 1/2 years out from the start of all that so I end up thinking your docs that seem to think you should be back to normal are maybe being a bit naive here as we all know that not everyone fits into a nice, tidy, post op recovery schedule graph type thing.....
When I think about the typical six weeks time frame mentioned for recovery for almost all ops (generally speaking) , I have to smile. For instance, i was told six weeks after an appendix op... uh huh, my incision was an inch wide, pencil thin, almost invisible soon after, I was young, the gangrene got cleaned up even with the endoscopic procedure, I was fine in 3 weeks; an op that sliced across my stomach was also said to be six weeks recovery but i was plagued by fatigue, post op meds and it turned out to be more like six months (This op was about 2-3 hrs whereas the first was like 20 minutes lol); an op to set a broken leg etc. took more than a year to recover from and still left residual complications affecting me still and some leftover psych stuff from the entire experience......ptss for one....
When I think of someone having two ops in the head plus radiation, I am not surprised at all to hear that a year and a half later some might still have residual things that crop up. After all your head has been "assaulted" chemically with the anaesthetic, physically by drilling and cutting etc. the whole shebang.......it really surprises me that more isn't said about the emotional/ mental states of procedures like this....
When you go to sites that explain how the brain works all sorts of areas in the head factor into the emotional side of things. To me its a no brainer that we may have swinging moods etc.....from a medical point of view and even biochemically in ways that are not all that well understood.... and it doesn't suprise me that various meds may not really help all that much sometimes....
I had 25 days of fsr and i was suprised to see how "giddy" i got towards the end....like being high but not having taken anything to do that....so the reverse doesn't surprise me either....
I lost most of April too, was getting quite down, and i knew that my answer wasn't anti depressives because all i really needed was answers to my symptoms then (the physical ones) and a way of eliminating them.... that alone would bring me out of the dumps...
You mentioned support groups and meds. I am wondering if you have tried anything like the qi gong, the tai chi, relaxation classes,, meditation, diet, all that sort of stuff? Done't get me wrong... I am not saying this miraculously takes away your problems... I am suggesting that they can help.... you are a therapist as you said so i am sure you are well aware of the role this plays... it's interesting that even in heart patients it's known that a balance in all areas helps promote healing and well being and reverses physical symptoms too. The best recovery happens in patients who have these things in balance:
1. spiritual ( believing in something greater than themselves).. developing inner peace, being in touch with own self etc.
2. emotional ( having a support system...isolation is not good)
3. Physical ( things like meds, diet, exercise, and so on)
4. Mental ( attitude) losing anger, cynicism, hostility, becoming open (all sorts of things..)
Wishing you all the best. Sometimes simply getting recognition that there is a connection between ones "head" symptoms and one's treatment (ops in your case) and knowing that brain treatments can affect moods, helps......
Good luck and all the best,
Windsong
