Post op depression

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

Zeek,

It is important to not bottle up emotions. Coming on-line here and opening up to us here on the forum is a good step forward.

Try to read about clinical depression and see if you think it is this becoming that serious or not
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression
It is very important that it not go on too long without help “if� you think this might be the case.

If you look at this link
http://anausa.org/forum/index.php?action=search2  (type in "depression")
…you can see there are 8 pages of threads on this very topic. So know you are not the first and won’t be the last to feel depressed post AN treatment.  Know you are not alone in the dark with this.

Regardless you need a big hug.

There is no doubt in my mind that all the drugs were affecting my post op moods- ...and even after I assertively weaned as soon as possible … there seemed to be a time needed for my body and brain to settle even after the wean. Remember too we had steroids pumped into us during treatment time… and there are plenty of testimonies as to what steroids did to us after surgery… some were even laughing right after the craniotomies and while others testify they were having wild nightmares.

There is bound to be some natural grieving to loosing one’s hearing… you are entitled to this.

There is much evidence that exercise can be very helpful in easing depression symptoms
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression-and-exercise/MH00043
http://www.psychologymatters.org/exercise.html

Try to get out and exercise- even if it is only 20 minutes per day at a brisk walk.

I find going to ANA support group meeting very uplifting as it is nice to meet people who are going through what I am- and can relate. There is always lots of laughter as we share our commonalities… and occasionally tears (there is nothing wrong with shedding tears- this is much healthier than bottling emotions up)

Here is a list of the ANA support groups
http://www.anausa.org/local_groups.html

Schedule of meeting topics and times
http://www.anausa.org/group_meetings.html

Phyl will also be able to connect you with people who are willing to talk. See this link
http://anausa.org/forum/index.php?topic=3252.0

More HUGS

Daisy Head Mazy

[ppearl214]

Hey Dazy Mazy,

Glad to help in any way that I can. Thanks for sharing all that you do!   xoxoxo



Hi Zeek and welcome.  Apologies for not saying hi sooner... sometimes it's difficult for me to keep up with all the new folks, but you didn't slip under the radar and we are here to help.

In follow up to Mazy's post, she mentions the ANA WTT (Willing to Talk) list and provided a link to a thread I started a while back, to let everyone know this list exists.  The list contains AN'ers of all walks of life, with all AN experiences... some that have had surgery, some that have had radiation, some that are wait/watch. I know that recently the ANA has been updating the list... and for those on it, such as myself, we volunteer our time to speak on the phone to those that may have questions, need our good ears (and soft shoulders), etc. We have been extensively interviewed by the ANA to be selected for the list, so know that regardless of whom (or is it who?) you speak to, regardless if on the WTT list or here on the forums, we are here to help.

You can contact the ANA office directly to obtain the list... or PM (email) me here.... our inboxes and hearts are here for you.

Hang in there. As you can see, plenty of folks here that truly do understand.  We know what it is to walk a mile in your AN shoes.

Again, welcome.
Phyl

[er]

Hello Zeek,

I didn't go through what you went through, I didn't have to take the meds. I was one of the lucky ones I didn't get any head pain after the surgery. But I also went straight to what I wanted to do afterwards. I started driving in about a week PO. I don't like to sit around, my husband was upset at me for doing it. Then I went back to work in 3 weeks with a doctor permission. Yes, I got tired a lot but my employers helped me with it.
 Congratulations on kicking the meds. and you are doing the right thing.
eve

[leapyrtwins]

ANA symposium? Interesting. Didn't know there was such a thing. I am not to lift anything over 10# until I have an M.R.I. in August. Something about the electro something or other in my brain are trying to reconnect? And straining would interfer with that somehow.
As far as being bored or whatever you want to call it, I take a nice trip every summer, and every winter. I've been in all but 5 states of the U.S.A. The carribean, Mexico. I have not been over seas, but don't know if I really want to. Since I'm a bachelor, and self employed, I can pretty much go when I want. I know, I'm spoiled. Maybe that's part of the problem. Isn't life funny? My old friends and classmates all got married and had familys. I stayed single. Now who's got all there marbles and who doesn't? ha! A wife and kids must do something to the brain to keep one sane.

Zeek -

the ANA holds a symposium every two years; the place varies.  The location usually depends on the doctor who is sponsoring (financially supporting) the symposium since the ANA is a non-profit organization.  The 2007 Symposium was held in Philadelphia, the 2009 Symposium will be held in Chicago.  2009 will be hosted by Dr. Richard Wiet of Ear Institute of Chicago along with the Northwestern University Medical School located in Evanston, IL.  The symposium is usually attended by doctors, patients, and family members of patients.  I've never been to one; 2009 will be my first one.

I have a brother (44) who is a bachelor and lives a lifestyle similar to yours.  He works for a pharmaceutical company, but he travels a lot and has been to all but 2 states.  He also goes overseas for work and vacations in various places like Honduras and British Columbia to scuba dive.  The rest of my siblings are married - and I was for 22 years until just a few years ago.  We all envy my brother's lifestyle.  So it's ironic to me that being single you would envy married people.  I guess it's all in the way you look at your life.  I relish being single and although my children are a huge responsibility I can't imagine life without them.  In fact if I had to do it all over again, I would have never gotten married and had about 6 children 

You have certainly not lost all your marbles    You are just at a "low spot" in your life right now.  A lot of it probably has to do with your AN diagnosis and subsequent treatment.  Having an AN is a big deal; so is having brain surgery.  Try reaching out to people and getting involved in new things.  As Mazy suggested, a local ANA support group might be a tremendous help to you.

You'll get through this; have faith,

Jan

[sgerrard]

Hi Zeek,

I myself had to give up worrying about being "almost 50" several years ago. 

It is fairly well documented that as you get to around this age, your interest in thrills and excitement tends to die down, and you start yearning for satisfaction and good company instead. Things like building a deck in your backyard; running in a half-marathon - or helping to organize one; volunteering to read stories to kids at the library; teaching a class at a community college; taking a yoga class.

It's not always an easy transition to make, and having an AN stuck in the middle of it doesn't make it any easier. One thing I have found that helps is this forum; you may have noticed several others here feel the same way about it. I also highly recommend meeting other ANers in person, if you have a chance. It is not only interesting, it is fun and rewarding.

Or I suppose you could try that convertible red sports car thing.   

Steve

[Kaybo]

I'm going to try this again -- I was in the middle of replying to this and getting the girlies ready for school and my hubby deleted it & went to something else on the computer...AAAHHHHHH!

Zeek~
Hello and welcome to our little club.  I don't think this would be any of our first choices in groups to join, but it sure is a good one!!  Feel free to ask anything or even just vent...we are here to help & support you.

I agree wholeheartedly with what Jan says (I do that a lot) - I realize that you are able (financially & time-wise) to do as you please and have experienced many things.  However, I think that there is a whole world out there left for you to discover.  Two things that seem to come to mind first are kids and animals.  I think that people almost always receive more in return from these two than any other.  You've always heard of the young single guy who wants a dog to walk to attrack girls or borrows his nephew for the day to be a "chic magnet" - there is a reason!  There are many animal shelters that would be so grateful for someone to come walk the dogs...have you thought about Big Brothers/Big Sisters or being a mentor at the local elementary school (trust me, teachers ALWAYS need people to come read w/ kids).  I get the most satisfaction when I am helping someone else -- & I mean getting my hands "dirty" not just writing a check (even though that is needed too).  There are many things you could do that would not require lifting (which I haven't heard of that, BTW -- the only thing near I have experienced is my OB doc didn't want me pushing too streneously in childbirth, but you don't have to worry about that!! LOL).  I love working with the elderly -- I like to plant flowers outside their windows or you might be able to shop for someone that can't get out or drive them to the store...how about Meals on Wheels?  Habitat for Humanity? The opportunities and needs are endless...there has to be something that interests you!  You will gain so much and be so much happier and it kind of takes the focus off of you!

Good Luck in finding something to fill your time and give you more of a purpose!  In the meantime, we are here for you!  Don't be a stranger!

K

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

Zeek,

K is so bang on here. Finding purpose will make a big difference in your life and in the lives of others… especially those who have needs (kids, elderly, disabled)  through your service. It is such a healthy thing to do- mentally , physically and spiritually… for all parties involved.

Daisy Head Mazy

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Zeek:

I think I can understand how your experience with an Acoustic Neuroma can throw you off course.  This is not unheard of when a person has an unexpected medical crisis that impacts their quality of life.  Usually, it's middle-aged guys that have a heart attack and lose their zest for life because they now feel 'fragile' and/or 'damaged' and have seen their own mortality a bit too clearly.  However, it appears as if an AN can sometimes have the same effect.  I believe this is unnecessary angst.  I was 63 when I received my AN diagnosis.  I had no intention of giving up on anything.  Naturally, I've settled down a bit as I've aged but I refuse to become jaded on life just because I had an Acoustic Neuroma and have a few little obstacles to deal with, albeit fewer than most AN patients. 

Zeek, you're three months out of major, 13-hour surgery.  I'm an impatient type too, but we have to realistic.   I know I'm stating the obvious here but we all age and we're all mortal.  I'm not the guy I was at 50 or 40 or 25 - and I don't care.  I have a wealth of life experience to draw on but I'm acutely aware that I don't have all the answers.  I know I've got a lot more living behind me than ahead of me and thats O.K.  I've done what I wanted (family, career) and like Sinatra sang, I did it my way.  That doesn't mean I've done it all.  I still have things I want to do.  Some are fairly big (and expensive) and some are pretty small, but I want to do them.  I haven't lived my entire life quite yet.  Just posting on this board has shown me that I can be of some use to others in some way, and perhaps you can, too.  I respectfully suggest you cease looking at what you may feel you've lost or can't do, and look at what you can do, which is probably a lot more than you realize.

Granted, turning 50 can be a bit intimidating - but only if you let it be.  It's a state of mind.  Wait until you turn 65!  I just did  (February).  I don't try to shy away from that reality but I don't allow it to dominate my life or color my attitude, either.  Same with my AN.  That happened; I went through the doctor consultations, tests, cancer scare, surgery, ICU, recuperation and now I'm pretty much back to normal and happy to share my experience with folks who can relate to it, here.  I trust that you'll be doing something similar in a few months, Zeek.  Give yourself a break.  You had serious, major surgery.  This wasn't a little operation.  You've done fine and are only three months post-op.  Things will steadily improve.  You'll find new challenges and interests as long as you remain open to them.  That is up to you.  No one can 'talk you into it'.  I trust that you'll see the many experiences waiting for you, if only you accept the fact that simply being older does not preclude learning or experiencing new things.  I first sat down at a computer when I was 50 years old.  Now I spend hours at one, for pleasure.  If I had thought I was 'too old' to learn how to use a computer (and the internet), I would have missed out on a lot.  Don't allow yourself to miss out on anything, Zeek. 

As for the headaches, I can't say.  Could be stress.  I'm not a doctor but if Tylenol zaps it, it can't be too serious.  Tell your doctor, just to be cautious.  I assumed the lifting restriction was so that your skull and membranes that were cut can heal properly.  I had no problem with the restriction and when I did lift something a bit heavy, I could feel it in my skull, so I stopped and followed the restriction.  Within a year, it was lifted.  I'm sure yours will be, too. 

Thanks for your time, Zeek.  I hope the responses, including this one, are helpful.  Try to stay positive. 

Jim

[zeek]

I want to thank all of you for your wise and kinds words. It means alot to me. You people really know your stuff. I guess I really had my self overly prepared, or was overly sure of myself going into surgery. Doc always says " You just had major, major surgery" And I'm like, " O.K. I know, can we get this thing over with? " I'm just not used to being restricted in anyway. But, I want you to know that today I planted my flower beds. I didn't think I could, but I took my time, and did it. It's something I have enjoyed for about 25 years now. ( I set out 150 plants)I am a full time farmer, and I had a friend help me with the lifting work today so I could drill soybeans. So I had a busy day. And, I also made vacation plans for August. A friend might even go along. I scheduled it a week after my M.R.I. so I can kind of celebrate a little after it shows no regrowth.
As far as some of the other suggestions, I do have alot of nieces and nephews, and great nieces and nephews that I spend as much time with them as possible.And my own b rothers and sisters. And I'm involved in my church. And I socialize with alot of people, so it's not like I'm living in a cave. I will reread some of your advice, and learn from it. Thank You.

[leapyrtwins]

Zeek !

You're sounding better already!

BTW, that "convertible red sports car thing" that Steve suggested is a great idea.

I had a purple Sebring convertible with leather seats until about a year ago when the kids complained because there was no room for them plus all their buddies in it.  Had to trade it in on a van   Damn, I miss that car - it made me feel young again!  So, if all else fails, head to your local car dealer 

Jan

 

[Boppie]

Zeek,  Hang in there.  Your good ear sensitivity will settle down.  My experience was similar.  I was annoyed by loud talking and echoes in large rooms.  I had to accept the ringing in my head and grieve for hearing loss at the same time.  I think it is important to take time to get over the loss.  Gardening and being outdoors are good ways to get some peace from the background sounds.

I always remind people to keep up with hydration, too.

[GM]

How about bouts of depression...no matter what your treatment?

[zeek]

I forgot to say, I have been walking about a mile every evening weather permitting. As far as the convertable goes, I always wanted to drive the pacific coast highway in a convertable. I've driven it before, but not in a convertable. I guess I was always to practical. I figured, 1) It was more money. 2) More dangerous in wreck. 3) Hassle to put the top up everytime you leave the car, and not get stuff stolen. 4.) I tryed a Mustang in Miami once, could not fit into it. Got a Sebrien instead, but was at night, so didn't really use it.
My ear ringing has been worse the last few days, I wonder if I didn't over do it work wise?
I've also been having migrain headaches that I haven't had in years. During the night, and early morning.

[sgerrard]

I would consider renting a car. In some cities in CA, you can rent just about anything. It would be more than a regular rental, but cheaper than buying one. The pacific highway is great, very scenic in some places, and it has some open stretches where you can "exercise" your car.

If you haven't been doing hard work for awhile, and suddenly did some, I can see that setting a few things off. I usually feel it in my back. In another 3 months, with some gradual build up of activity, I bet you will be close to your previous self. You sound like you are an active person by nature.

I agree with Boppie, too - drinking water really does help.

Steve

[leapyrtwins]

Zeek -

life is too short to be practical 

Jan