Reactions from others about my "too-mah" and thanks to all you folks out there

[Tricia (horsekayak)]

Now, if I can just convince my  former working partner  that I did NOT get a brain tumor just to get out of working duriing the holidays, things will be fine, but am not sure it's gonna happen.   She's not responding to any communications from me...guess i've just got to let her work thru things and deal with it in her own way.  I cant control that...I can observe, but I cannot do any thing else, other than to take care of myself.

But have to vent somewhere, it really hurt when I heard from my working partner's  husband that I had caused her so much trouble and extra work because I had to go stop workiing (dizziness like crazy about 3 weeks ago), and because I had to go to Florida for Linac radiosurgery.

 iT'S been interesting to observe reactions from various folks who know about this little chapter in my life.,,overall people have been true angels...support and help from all over the place, so what more can a girl ask?

However,  I'll fiind someone else who can use me and my computer and my organizational skills, so there!!!!

Have others been blindsided by reactions like this?  I was really surprised at how angry she was at me.  Basically, I finally just had to say "oh well....honey, it's your loss, I've got other things to concentrate on...like getting my balance back, and getting back on a horse as soon as possible"

Oh, and by the way.....

Thanks to all for great support emails you've been sending!!!! 

[cherrypiper]

hang in there kayak.....i didn't have those reactions until AFTER my surgery when they saw the aftermath of the Halo rig, and the hole in head and the morphine and stitches and spinal tap etc etc........

then i looked like a stroke victim and had NO balance, i still lean to the left when i get real tired, and night is worse cause rt side cant compensate as well .

but do what YOU gotta do and find a support group maybe thru hospital or ANA.

hang in there 

[lawmama]

I've had mixed reactions from people.  I sent a joint email to all of my Professors explaining that I would be out a few times this semster for medical appointments and telling them why and one really jerky Professor responded (I SWEAR):  "In a professional environment, why would I care about any medical issues?"  Wow.  You know, I just consider the source.  Someone has to be a pretty miserable human to respond that way, so I just let it go.  There are enough great people who care about me (and YOU) to worry about the selfish people who don't.

By the way, I think your attitude is great.  Either she will come around or she won't, but either way, I am glad that you have others in your life to support you.  This stuff isn't easy!

Lyn

[DR]

Tricia, I think your response was spot on.  Don't concern yourself with what the narcissist thinks, don't let them bring you down.  You have much bigger issues to deal with right now.

Lyn, I have a real issue with pompous professors (goes back about 20 years or so) and would have responded "Professor, to be honest I wasn't concerned about you "caring" in the least, I was attempting to conduct myself in a professional manner and inform you of known appointments in advance."

[wendysig]

Tricia,

Most of the  people in my life were pretty supportive although some were against my choice to have surgery and let me know it.  That was out of concern though since they thought Iwas taking an unnecessary risk.  I just felt radiosurgery was not for me for many reasons, the biggest one being that I just didn't want to be exposed to more radiation (I'd been advised against having  unnecessary x-rays).    I didn't consider radiosurgery unnecessary, just an option I didn't want.

My husband was the one who really surprised me.  He didn't come to doctor appointments with me after the first two or three and didn't want to talk about my AN, even when I needed to.  He said this was my decision to make and he didn't want to influence me.  I now understand he was just freaked out and trying to deal with his own reaction, but at the time it really hurt.    People can have strange reactions to hearing that we have these brain boogers.  If your work partner doesn't come to realize what you've gone through and are going through (shame on her if she doesn't) it is her problem, but hopefully she will.

Hang in there,
Wendy

[Jim Scott]

Tricia ~

Your work partner's frosty response to your AN diagnosis and subsequent treatment is, unfortunately, not unknown to AN patients.  It's glaringly obvious that there are some people who are either frightened by having to confront what they consider a 'sick person', are ambivalent toward them or in some cases, resentful because the 'sick person' interferes with their schedule or lifestyle in some way.  As you noted, because we cannot control other people's reactions, we have to deal with them by simply letting these people go or 'working around' them, as with employers.     

Thanks for your kind words and with your attitude, I know your future will be fulfilling. 

Jim

[suboo73]

I cant control that...I can observe, but I cannot do any thing else, other than to take care of myself.

...Basically, I finally just had to say "oh well....honey, it's your loss, I've got other things to concentrate on...like getting my balance back, and getting back on a horse as soon as possible" 

Hi Tricia,

So sorry about your partner's response, but as Jim and the others have said, this is not unknown to those of us with ANs.
The first time it happened to me, i was pretty shocked; then i didn't want to tell anyone for awhile. 
Now i choose carefully (although this is not always possible when you have to take time off from work.)

And here is from another perspective...i work with someone who has been very sick off and on for at least the last 8 months with multiple problems, some serious.
This person will not tell ANYONE when he is really sick - he has even sent us sarcastic e-mail comments saying, "I am sorry i cannot do this or that, i have been the hospital for the last three days."  WHAT THE HECK!  How were WE supposed to know, read his mind?  --  Now i understand about medical privacy and all that - but when you are in the hospital, don't you think you should at least let your boss/supervisor know?  Oh, btw, did i mention he is a professor with classroom and advising responsibilities?  OH MY! --  It has been MOST frustrating for those of us trying to work with this person, as well as his students.  And yet, he is the first one to criticize ME if i say something he thinks is not correct or personally 'offends' him about getting work done.  Uuuuuurrrrrrgggghhhhh!

I think you are doing what you need to do and i know that with your positive attitude you will come out of this just fine!

Many thoughts and prayers as you go thru treatment.

Sincerely,
Sue

[lholl36233]

When my symptoms and appointments started in May 2008, I told my boss and a few work friends.  They were all aware of the developments as they happened and understanding so it wasn't out of the blue when I told them I was going to be out 6 weeks to have daily proton radiation treatments at MGH.

However, there were other coworkers I didn't choose to tell.  One in particular was upset to know I was going to be out but she didn't know why.  It was going to mean more work for her.  If the situation were reversed, I wouldn't need to know why she was out, not because I don't care but because it is none of my business.

[HeadCase2]

Tricia,
  People's reactions to being informed of a serious medical issue can sometimes be surprising.   But it sure is a guick way to find out who your true friends are.  On the forum here, we've heard about all kinds of reactions. I think it's harder for people to understand radiosurgery, since you don't look any different after treatment.  Hopefully your work partner will come around, but being "incommunicato" does bode well for a good working relationship.
 Wishing you excellent results for the LINAC treatment.  We all understand the personal issues that can come up with AN.
Regards,
  Rob

[pjb]

I to cannot understand people and probably never will but your first concern is to yourself, I firmly believe when one door closes another one opens.  Remember it is her loss and will be someone else's gain and you have this wonderful forum that everyone knows exactly what you are going through.  I am back home from trying to work after my surgery having several complications but those 3 weeks when I tried to work all I kept hearing from coworkers was that I looked great and when I tried to explain how internally I was feeling they looked in disbelief as if I was just making it up. I always was one to never judge anyone you are not in their shoes and do not know what they are going through having had this complicated surgery only made me a stronger believer to never doubt or judge.

Regards,

Pat

[Sue]

Unfortunately, this happens a lot, and not only to AN patients.  My aunt's ex-husband (note the EX part!) was always greatly annoyed if she had ANY health problems that might upset his schedule.   She had a terrible reaction to a tetanus shot, and she was home but was scared that she might have some kind of further problem...so what does he do?  He leaves.  So much for the concerned husband!   

Sue in Vancouver, USA