Panic attacks

[badbadbrain67]

I was diagnosed with AN in October. Because the tumor was so large, it was blocking the spinal fluid from draining properly. As a result, I had to have
surgery to put a shunt in my brain that drains the spinal fluid into my stomach. A month later (Dec 7), I had the tumor removed. AS a result I have
partial facial paralysis, a numb scalp from three incisions, damaged vocal cords, balance problems, slight headaches and general body weakness.
I was in the hospital for almost three weeks and for the first week and a half I was out of the hospital I was doing fine.
Then one day out of nowhere anxiety consumed my head. I could not catch my breath, I could not sit still and the walls
were closing in on me. The next day I went to urgent care and got some Xanax which helped a lot.
My theory is that the better and more clear headed I get (my head has felt cloudy since the surgery) the more keenly aware I am of the things
that are wrong with me. Although my facial muscles are improving, I can feel the paralysis more than before. I get these itches on my scalp
that I can't scratch because it's numb. I stumble around like a drunk and food comes out of my mouth when I am trying to eat and not choke.
All this can be a bit  too much for me but I feel like  am being a cry baby. Should I just shut up and bear it or is this a fairly common thing.
I just need to know that I'm not the only one going through this. The feeling of isolation and anxiety can be unbearable at times.

[Kaybo]

Hey BBB67~
I had/have most of what you are describing so you are definitely not alone.  Glad that the Xanax is helping!  Everyone sees the world differently everyday so it only makes sense that everyone will recover differently - sounds like you have had a rough go of it and it really hasn't been that long.  Cut yourself some slack...trust me, it WILL get better!  If you would like to PM me your contact info and if you are in the US - I'd be happy to call & chat with you.

K   

[opp2]

Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. Welcome to the forum. I haven't had surgery yet, but I've been on this forum for about 4months now, and you are most definitely not alone. There are lots of folks on here who've had large tumours and are coming along very well. Hold on and they'll be through here soon to talk to you and share and give you some positive thoughts to hold onto in your darker moments.

[moe]

You are definitely NOT a cry baby! My goodness that is a lot to deal with.
Like Kaybo said, you are still pretty fresh post op for all you've been through. You need to give it time.
It's baby steps every day- slow steady improvement. More people will chime in. At Least 6-8 weeks.
So concentrate on getting stronger and resting, drinking lots of fluids, and just walking (not the mall if possible!). Balance exercises (WII fit) are VERY popular on this forum, and really do help.

Where abouts do you live?

You will NOT feel isolated after you see the great support here, so hang in there.
Maureen

[sgerrard]

I know sensible people who have taken Xanax for anxiety with far less going on, and they were not just 4 weeks out from major brain surgery. Give yourself a break, we are all certainly willing to. Wow, you went through the wringer; you deserve a 3 month vacation with Xanax at every meal. 

Now get some rest and take your time recovering. Hibernate for a while. Things will be looking better when spring rolls around.

Steve

[badbadbrain67]

Wow, what an emotional boost to know I have all this support out there. I have kept a very positive attitude the last few weeks
but it's not always enough. The Xanax and your support should get me through.
Also I have decided to concentrate on the progress I have made and not the progress I want to make.
For example, just a month ago I was a useless lump who could not do ONE thing for himself. Now I make my own meals. bathe myself,
go out for walks and clean up after myself. While I still have a long way to go and still have to deal with a lot of problems, I have
to look at how far I've come in one month. If I look at how far I have to go I can drive myself crazy. It's not always easy when
you are feeling down or anxious, but I think concentrating on what we've all accomplished can go a long way in helping us cope
with these difficult times.

By the way I live in Vegas but I was visiting family in San Diego when I was forced to go to the doctor back in October.
Some vacation huh? Of course I've been stuckhere ever since. At least most of my family lives here or close enough.

[pjb]

I just read your post and never think that you are a cry baby and you never have to bare it and toughen up we are all here for you. I too felt the same way in the beginning and my doctor prescribed xanax not just for anxiety he said he was surprised that the surgeons did not put me on this it has to do with the nerves and not an anti-depressant I am also on vicodin for headaches and severe neck pains then at night I have to take ambien just to sleep.  I was not one for medication and felt guilty taking all this now I came to terms with it I need it right now and that is okay I think I am strong enough to know eventually there will be a time I can come off of them and right now I am not ready and that is okay too.  So if you would like someone to cry with just PM me and do not stress over it just take one day at a time.

Best Wishes,

Pat

[moe]

BBB67,
Glad that we can be of support. You are definitely not alone, and you HAVE come a long way from what your post says.  We of course are not prepared for the possible aftermath of this type of surgery.
Some have it easy, others not so.....It IS an emotional roller coaster, along with a physical one.

Many "forumites"  regret they had to go to their doc for antidepressants,  and the doc is like."Oh yea, sure, it is very common to be depressed (or anxious)." So not a biggie.

At least you are in sunny California through all this.

I am the queen of antidepressants, and xanax, low dose, for my tinnitus so don't feel bad!
You do what you gotta do.

Humor is good medicine too...I had to have my facial nerve cut so I used to joke that the entertainment for the night would be to watch me eat, and talk. Try saying the Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, 10 times really fast with facial paralysis! The kids got a kick out of it.......Things are better now 3.5 years later, but still working on the face.....

Keep taking those baby steps- soon you'll be running!
Maureen

[Jim Scott]

BB ~

O.K. if I call you 'B.B.'?  Good.  I want to welcome you to the ANA site discussion forums and assure you that, while every AN patient has a different experience, some do have struggles and apparently, you're one of those folks.  A lot of the issues you're dealing with; balance problems, partial facial paralysis, damaged vocal cords, numb scalp, mild headaches and general body weakness are not unknown to AN surgery patients.  Some have all of these, some have a few, some have mild cases, others have severe cases .  Some heal quickly, others more slowly.  There is no 'standard' and you certainly aren't being a 'crybaby' for feeling somewhat despondent about all of these obstacles to regain your health and a normal life.  These are impacting your quality of life and you are being perfectly normal when you want to vent about it.  If an AN patient can't vent about his challenges here, where can you?   That's what we're here for, among other things.

If you benefit from taking Xanax  then you would be foolish not to use it as you need it to curb your anxiety.  

Please don't feel isolated.  Whatever your living situation, you have a host of friends here, most of whom have or had an acoustic neuroma.  We're eager to support you and offer whatever help we can.  Check our 'Willing to Talk' thread for the names of folks you can call for advice and support.  My best advice is for you to remember that things won't always be this way.  They will improve, as many of the people posting here can tell you.  Please feel free to post any question or comment you wish.  Our members are always willing to respond.  That includes me.  

Jim

[badbadbrain67]

I find myself reading and re-reading everyone's responses to my posts. For some reason , I find great comfort in that.
Thanks to everyone. I have been doing better since taking the Xanax. I am supposed to take it twice a day but I am
trying to take it only once a day. Days are usually ok but once night rolls around I find I have a harder time dealing with
the anxiety. I do worry that I will get dependent on it. Can anyone out there give me advice or insight from personal
experience? Will I have to wean myself off of it eventually? I decided that there are no stupid questions so you guys
will be hearing a lot more from me. Discovering this site gave my morale a giant boost.

                                                                                                                Lots of love to all

[Kaybo]

  Glad we could help - ask away - that's why we hang around!!   

[moe]

BB,
Story about xanax:
I have been on xanax for quite some time for tinnitus control. I know it is an extremely addictive drug and doctors don't like prescribing it.
When I lived in TX my civilian psychiatrist didn't think twice about   prescribing it for "anxiety" at the time.  Then I found out I had the AN. My husband was stationed in WA and I was home in TX with the kids so they could finish high school. I stayed on it for the duration of my pre and post surgery for "anxiety."
(Went to WA for the surgery, went back to TX for the year following my AN surgery with kids)

Then moved to WA. The nurse practitioner freaked that I was on "xanax" -0.5 mg two times/day. Sent me to psych. Appointments not even available. I basically weaned myself off of it without problems.
I think you run into withdrawal symptoms with high dose xanax (2-3 mg/day).
Anyway, I noticed my tinnitus became screaming in nature. Finally got to the psychiatrist. He tried me on different meds for the tinnitus, and then I mentioned that the xanax worked the best!
So there you have it.
Xanax 0.5 mg two times a day, in Extended release form.
I feel like I could easily stop taking it if I had to.
Low dose should not be a problem. It's when you have to keep increasing the dose to get the same effect. That's the problem.
Hope this helps! Sorry about the rambling.
Maureen

[pjb]

Wow, what an emotional boost to know I have all this support out there. I have kept a very positive attitude the last few weeks
but it's not always enough. The Xanax and your support should get me through.
Also I have decided to concentrate on the progress I have made and not the progress I want to make.
For example, just a month ago I was a useless lump who could not do ONE thing for himself. Now I make my own meals. bathe myself,
go out for walks and clean up after myself. While I still have a long way to go and still have to deal with a lot of problems, I have
to look at how far I've come in one month. If I look at how far I have to go I can drive myself crazy. It's not always easy when
you are feeling down or anxious, but I think concentrating on what we've all accomplished can go a long way in helping us cope
with these difficult times.

By the way I live in Vegas but I was visiting family in San Diego when I was forced to go to the doctor back in October.
Some vacation huh? Of course I've been stuckhere ever since. At least most of my family lives here or close enough.

I just wanted to know how you are doing ? Also how have you been sleeping at night I am on Ambien so that I can get a good night sleep everyone is saying that this one is not addictive ? But at this point in our journey we do not need anything else to stress us out in the recovery process and whatever could help is very important in healing.

Best Wishes,

Pat

[rupert]

   I was perfectly fine until about four weeks out from surgery.  Then, everything  started to bother me.  I couldn't sleep,  got hot and cold,    and everything around me was a blur.   It even bothered me thinking about having a bandage on my head after surgery.    Went to the doc. and got some xanax.   .5 mg  when needed.   No anxiety now,  calm as a cucumber.    Yes it can be addicting, but it takes a long time.  My doc didn't think a month or two was any problem at all.    I find that one pill a day before bed is all I'm needing.    The post from Moe about xanax and tinnitus  is interesting,  that's the first I've heard of that.

                                                                                                                                                                 Bryan

[marta555]

I have panic attacks and anxiety too which escalated around the anniversary of my surgery.  I finally talked to my PCP who referred me to a therapist along with starting me on Klonopin to help both with the anxiety/panic attacks and with my vertigo.  The therapy along with the meds have been very helpful to me.  I also try to meditate and do relaxation exercises (I started these before my surgery when I was just dealing with vertigo).  I think these are very helpful as well.

You are no crybaby.  You have been through a lot.  Be kind to yourself.  You do not always have to put on a good or strong face.

Use medications to help yourself feel better!  It took me a year to agree to take Klonopin! I look back and think "Why was I suffering?".  I guess I felt it was a sign of surgical failure, that my vertigo didn't go away even though they got the tumor out.  I even felt guilty, like it was my fault that I still had vertigo.  Now I feel so much better.  Don't let your mind get in the way with appropriate treatment (i.e. Xanax, if it helps).