Birthday

[pejavar]

Friends ,


            Exactly 520 Days back I had a AN surgery for a large tumor and ever since i have noticed one thing .....last year ie 2005 and today on May 18th 2006 some of my  friends who used to wish me for my birthday stopped calling me , emailing me or sending greeting cards . Iam surprised that all them used to wish all the years and suddenly i have a AN surgery and  life changes !! .... people distance out from you ...no more do people want to share time with you ...is it that they are afraid that i might lean on them or vent about Bells palsy ... I dont think so i have always been as energetic , bubbling as ever . Is it just me or anybody in this forum who has faced a situation when suddenly your Dear and near ones stop calling you to wish on ur anniversary ,birthday etc !!

Pejavar !!
Birthday Boy!!

[Gennysmom]

Well, goodness golly, Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This is my question....what happens to those people when they get sick?  Do they disappear on themselves?  I just don't understand that...I believe that friendships are kind of like marriages..once you decide on it, you're in for the good, the bad, the sickness, the health, all that.   I don't get people, I'm telling you!!!!!

I hope that you're doing something fun on this birthday AND the anniversary of Mount St. Helens being the biggest candle you ever had!  (I'm in Washington State  )

[Raydean]

Happy Happy Birthday Pejavar and the best is yet to come!!!!

First of all we're one of the lucky one's who have seen how  good looking  you are .  It was a wonderful picture of you with 2 other couples.  It saddens us to think that your friends may have distanced themselves.   I wish I had a answer to your question.  But i think it's a combination of things. 

It may not be you at all, rather your situation may cause them to face issues they rather not confront.  Their own mortality, or perhaps it brings back memories of a loved one's illness, or a difficult time in their life.  It's issues that they have to come to terms with in their own time and place.

On a personal note there was a time when we talked to much about AN life to others outside the AN community..  We forgot that "How are you" is a polite social phrase.  It was a TMI overload ( To much information )   and we were pushing others away by talking AN stuff to much.  It's much safer to talk here on this forum, then in public with others. 

It could also be a mix of we're not the same person in some ways then we  were prior to AN.  We don't mean the physical outcomes, but our awareness and priorities change, different perspectives, maybe different focuses.  Maybe as simple as being on different levels.

Pejavar, i'm a firm believer in "when one door closes, another opens" and the same goes for friends.
As some friends leaves, new friends will enter your life and value you.

Know that you have friends on this forum who care.  And you know what  YOU"RE STUCK WITH US!!!!!!!!!   All of us!!!!

Happy Birthday, Birthday Boy!!
Raydean and Chet

 



 

[Battyp]

[size=20pt]Happy Birthday PJ!!![/size]

They are just rude rude rude people!  My birthday was about two weeks after my surgery and I remember sitting in the dark with my son and my parents, after having invited a few "close" friends and family over and no one showed up.  I learned long ago who my true friends were and who my acquaintances are.  Heck, even my sisters have treated me bad.  I'd hate to see them have to suffer through something like this as they could not handle it.  THey are the ones truly missing out! 

I agree a lot with what raydean and chet said..I think it makes people have to look at their own life and the choices they've made and their mortality. 

When I lost my husband to cancer I lost all our friends too (except one person who's been with my through thick and thin)  I'd rather have one who will come to my rescue than a bunch of people who'd walk away in the event of an emergency...they're the first ones to call when they have a problem but never ask how are you do you need anything. 

With that being said...many happy birthdays to come..next time just send us the invite we'll party with you!

[matti]

Happy Birthday Pejavar!!

There has been alot of disucssion on the subject of "Friends". I have also experienced this let down through my AN journey as well as my husband's illness. I think Raydean sums it up very well.

Just know that we are all here for you Pejavar and would love to celebrate with you!  The wench crew on the good ship Battyprincess would love to throw you a party ;D 

Happy Birthday to you!!!!

[DeniseSmith]

Happy belated birthday!!!!!

[ppearl214]

Although I have been quiet lately and missed this, Pejavar, HAPPY HAPPY BURPDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!

I started a thread about 2 mos ago in this forum about friends (or those you thought were friends) and how they disappear from our lives when we need them most. I recently took it upon myself to try to reach out to a few of the folks that blew me off when they found out. I now have stronger inner peace knowing I had the last word, I did what I could to reach out and learned that they continue to be real schmucks  in their attitudes... BUT, you know what? Those that left my life because of my health don't even, nearly compare to the new AN "family" I have made here!  Oh, gawd, how blessed I/we am/are to have our fellow co-horts in AN-crime for all we do for each other.

I really am blessed.  And, now, so are you. So, the drinks are a bit watered down around here and some of the jokes could be better  but at least we remain side by side by side!  Raydean and Chet *waves hello to R&C* are correct when they note "You're stuck with us!".  We are more sticky than any AN!   A joy to have you here with us!

Phyllis

[Captain Deb]

Aw Phyll--you are so well spoken!!
I concurr--ya know who yer freinds are when ya get a major illness.  The SSD doesn't help either--I just don't enjoy parties where I have to sit in a corner because I can't follow a conversation.  I went to a cinquo de Mayo Party and was able to talk one-on -one with a few people, but participate in a conversation in a small room with background music and lots of people--not a chance.
Which is why I love my buds on this forum--don't have to hear a blessed thing and can chat with my fingers all day long!!!

So, Pejavar, Happy Birthday, a little belated, and we're glad to have you here!

Capt Deb