Update

[cinnamon]

Hey everyone,

I seen my neurosurgeon today for the first time since being out of the hospital. It has been 2 mnths now since my surgery. I feel like my incision is healing good and my hair is growing back well. I am somewhat discouraged and I knew the doctor was going to tell me it would be awhile. He said for me to give it 6 mnths for the paralysis to go away and that I should consider a gold weight for my eye instead of this hideaous patch. I like many others i am sure am struggling with the way i look. My confidence level is really low. I am having a hard time even going to the grocery store. The good news I did get released to start driving- well with someone first and then slowly increasing to the highway. Anyways, I feel that I was a good looking, well dressed woman with a great smile and now that I can't even move my left side is really hard. I am supposed to go back to work in about 6 weeks and I just don't think there will be any change. My question is for those of you who have returned to work. I mean, I work in a dental office and it is so important to smile. How can you just go on with everyday life and not be self- conscience about the way you look?For instance, Taylor I see you attend school. You are so brave. I know that Gennysmom has went back to work. Life is so much about vanity. I have been talking to a life coach and will continue to see her over the coming weeks. I was just trying to get some answers from those of you dealing with this personally. I am going to do some research on the gold weight. I know Maren has one and I will email her with more questions. For me, I have always been so confident that this is really hard for me. I feel like I want to hibernate for the next 6 mnths but I want so badly to go to work because I am not a home body. I really have to do things on my own time but I would appreciate some support from others. I don't like feeling this way. I have even started having anger. I feel I have done my best being patient and that patience is running on thin ice. Thanks for listening.

Lisa

[pattibobatti]

Hi Cinnamon,

I think I know exactly how you feel.  Did you have the paralysis from the Very beginning??  That sometimes can help with predicting how long your face will be paralyzed. 

This is the hardest thing to live with for me.  There are so many feelings that go with this, too.  It's probably good to go ahead and feel them.  The emotions are hard to go through, but when I get in touch with how I am REALLY feeling, I do better. 

You are only 2 months out, so there is lots of time for improvement.  Try and think of that most of the time.  Please let me know how you are doing.  This is very hard,I know.....

I really wanted to share with you also that about a week ago my lip(on the bad side) started moving.  Now it is even Better!!! And my eye is blinking!!  I am 9 months out and all this JUST started.  There is lots of hope for you.  And lots of prayers, too.

Pattibobatti

[suelay]

I wish I could fix it and know I don't really have any idea what you are going through.  My guess is you look a whole lot better than you think.  You are a woman after all and we tend to see our faults, not our beauty.  Remember when you were a teenager and if you had a pimple it was all you could see?  Stay strong. 

[Laura]

Cinnamon - I have no idea what you are going though as I'm just on a w/w. I can tell you the old cliché that beauty is only skin deep but that doesn't really help when you are face to face with the world. Stay strong, lean on your family and friends, and always try to be thankful for the good in your life. Things will get better and I’m sure that everyone here will rally around you and send you support and prayer!

[cinnamon]

Yes Pattibobatti my Face has been paralyzed from the beginning. My neurosurgeon led my family to blieve that it would only be a week or so. I am feeling angry with him. I have tone to my face and it is not drooping at all. I have been doing lots of mouth exercises trying to keep it from being tight.

I think I have done so well staying strong and now I am sinking fast. i just had to talk about this because I don't want to keep it bottled up. I am so excited that you've had movement. I just feel like I want to sleep the next six months and wake up just fine. I don't even like to sleep that much. Anyways, thanks for the encouragement.

Lisa

[pattibobatti]

Cinnamon,

Well, that's good that your face isn't drooping. Mine did. And you have tone, too. Very good.

You might want to spend some time at the Bells palsey Forum site.  There is soooo much info about this.  They suggest not doing any exercises early on.. because with exaggerated movements, the nerves that are trying to repair will possiblly grow back in the wrong areas.  You and I could talk forever on this subject!

Hope tihis helps
Pattibobatti

[Gennysmom]

Hey Lisa,

I'm sorry that this aspect of what we have is getting to you.  I'm just finishing up my first week back full time (3rd week back) and while I'm not concentrating on my face, I do think about it.  I didn't lose tone either and I think that's what has helped me in dealing with it....I know it's really not that noticeable unless I smile...and when I smile, I just cover my mouth like when I yawn.  I really think it's a mental attitude thing, and for some reason it's just not bugging me....I think for you to get past it you need to work it out for yourself mentally.  I really hate when doctors give you a time frame, because for so many of us when that time frame passes, and we're not better, we seem to dwell on it more than others who did not get a time frame.  My advice would be to sit down and do some thinking about the reasons why it's so important to you and how that fits into your life...obviously it's not working for you and you need to figure out how to make it work.  Honestly, I've been out there and almost no one notices there's something wrong.  And if they do, I figure I've had a major life altering event that I'm proud of surviving, and I will answer their questions as to what's the matter with my face.  But other than friends and co-workers, no one has asked. 

I'm home alone tonight, BF is working, so feel free to give me a call if you need a shoulder.  I'll be home around 9 your time...shoot me a note if you don't have my # anymore. 

[cinnamon]

Thanks Kathleen,

    I appreciate your support. I was wondering how you were getting along at work. I just am realy struggling right now. I was hoping i could see some improvement by now. I think it would help if i had a desk job in a small cubicle but no i have this job working with lots of patients everyday and new ones too. I have always been a smiling person that is very happy at work and to not smile is devastating to me. I wish I would have thought more about the recovery period. Perhaps I could have lined up another job while I was healing in a secluded spot. My husband is the only one getting paid right now so there will be a point when i will have no choice but to work and i am so afraid. I just didn't think things would be this way. I know I am lucky to be well and with no headaches. Boy, I just am having a hard time. The good thing to look forward to is practicing driving this weekend.

Lisa

[Gennysmom]

Yup, I feel very lucky not to have headaches either. It could be a lot worse than this facial issue and the balance (listing to one side) things.  I know you're really self conscious, but really, the only one who thinks you look bad smiling is you.  If you greet your clients with the same enthusiasm and cheer that you did before, I'm sure they'll barely even notice...because someone smiling is more than just what your lips are doing...it's your eyes, body language, and attitude.  Practice it....that will help.  Go out and eat at a restaurant, go shopping, see how people react to you...it's not as bad as you'd think. 

Driving is coming real slow...I'm only on the back roads at 40 mph or less.  It's going to be a while before I get that down.  I don't have much confidence with it.  Good luck with practice!!!!!!!

[Kathleen_Mc]

cinnamon: When I returned to work 3 1/2 months after my orginal surgery I looked like I had stroked (in fact that is what most people thought), the left side of my face sagged and didn't move, my eye didn't blink much at all etc. I work as a nurse and so I know how you feel about being around people all the time.....I just bit the bullet and went forth. I don't really know what else to say but....it gets easier with time (to some extent). I am able to go around without thinking about how I look for the most part, actually when I take  good look in the mirror I am shocked to see what's looking back as I don't think of myself that way. I have self esteem issue's but life goes on and I just try my best to carry on.
Kathleen

[cinnamon]

So Kathleen Mc, when you went back to work and your eye did not blink what did you do? Any weight or just using drops constantly? My eye drys fast without this crazy patch. I am struggling trying to decide on this weight thing. See I am thinking I need to go back in about 3 1/2 mnths total which is still 6 weeks away and I have to get a hold of this feeling. I just want to stop life so to speak. I think my self esteem which show through and people will know I am not happy. I have worked with people for a long time and I know body language. I have always helped patients feel good about coming to the dentist and now I am just now thinking I am good for them. Again, my confidence is extremely low.

Oh, about my driving gennnysmom- I will be taking it slow too. I have to get on the expressway to go to work in Louisville, so I will try to start practicing I hope today. My husband is really concerned for me which is good because he is usually so carefree. I don't want to harm myself or others. My suv is my baby. I haven't even liked my husband driving it call me crazy.

Thanks you gals for boosting my confidence. I must get a handle on this. It is absolutely driving me insane.

Lisa

[Pembo]

Lisa, My surgery was 2 yrs 4 months ago and I remember well the feelings you are now experiencing. I was under the impression that I would wake up one day and my face would be fine again. The dr said it would move in 4 months. Little did I know he meant I would start seeing very tiny movements at 4 months.

I met new people about 4 months after surgery. My dh told them about my surgery and they had no idea that I was "different". I thought they were crazy. But then I started studying other people's faces. There are alot of people out there who have less than perfect faces. Their mouths are crooked when they talk, their eyes aren't even.....and I bet they don't have an explanation?! At least we have a real good reason.

Anger is one of the stages you will go through as you are healing. I was angry at myself, the docs, my family, everyone! I remember one appt with my doc about 6 months out when I really gave him hell for not telling me all that could happen and about facial paralysis.

As for your eye, mine didn't start blinking until last winter. I used Lacrilube day and night. Yes it's greasy, yes it blurs the vision but I figured out just the right amount to put in to not be as greasy and I adjusted to the blurred vision. The irony, people thought my eye was watering, not dry.   I do not have a gold weight. My eye doc said I did a good job taking care of it and he said it might affect the way I look. My eye looked normal.

Good luck to you. This is a long and hard journey that you are on but it does get better....Stay strong.....

[tony]

This may sound strange but even having the anger is a good sign
Basically  (for most of us) it is like having a 500 bit puzzel picked up
and then dropped - gradually, over time the bits are put back into place.
Ironically it was 6-8 weeks after surgery before I had the ability
to "loose it" - let alone the strength.
It will all return - it just takes time
Best regards
Tony

[Jeanlea]

Hi Lisa,

I had complete left side facial paralysis along with numbness after my surgery.  Because of the numbness the doctors put in a gold weight before I even left the hospital.  I never really had to think about it.  Or got to for that matter.  I am happy with it though.  I also had the lower lift raised and had a stitch or two put in the outside corner of my eye just after six months.  That was so have less of my eye showing so it wouldn't dry out so fast.  I can't really tell a difference now.  It looks normal.

I went back to work after 2 months...on Halloween.  I thought that was an appropriate day since I felt like I was already wearing a mask.  I teach elementary school.  I remember really worrying about how my students would react to seeing me.  I felt really ugly and weird looking.  Like you, I was used to smiling all the time.  I considered my smile my best feature.  It was awful to lose it.  But I needed the money and knew I couldn't stay home forever so I went. 

My face did not show any movement at all until 3 months after surgery.  Ever since then it has been coming back at a painfully slow rate.  At my six month check up my doctor said it would not come back.  I was devasted, to say the least.  At my one year check up he seemed pleased with the progress.  Just recently my cheek started to move (I would have to measure it in millimeters).

I'm still sad that I can't smile.  It still makes me angry from time to time.  But then I move on by thinking of all the things that I can still do.  I have found that being able to vent on here with people who understand is helpful. 

Good luck to you.

Jean

[pattibobatti]

Hi jean,

My daughter is a teacher for the first year!  She teaches first grade.  We had a blast fixing up her 'ladybug' themed class room.  The kids are too much.... A little girl looked at me and said (real loud!), 'you smile crooked...  I just love the way children are, they just say it!!

I'm one one those people that smile constantly,too.  Since my face is starting to move I feel sooooo much better. Like I'm back in this thing....You did say you can move yours a little, right?? 

Can't believe I can reallly blink, too.  Can you? 

Cinnamon, one day (very soon I hope) you will have all this to tallk about!!!!!

Smile everybody
Pattibobatti