Author Topic: Constant sarcasm...  (Read 7183 times)

vicki1967

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Constant sarcasm...
« on: March 22, 2008, 12:04:24 pm »
I was somewhat hard of hearing for the last six, or so, years. I often found myself asking others to repeat themselves, and I always found it hard to hear someone whispering. In August of '06, the hearing in my left ear suddenly sounded different, as I answered the telephone. I went to the doctor, who ordered an MRI. I was diagnosed with an Acoustic Neuroma.

Since my diagnosis, I've been suffering from severe depression - the tumor is the least of the causes, though, yet it is the reason I am constantly made fun of - at work. I work for a large corporation in Cleveland, Ohio. Since my diagnosis, our Office Administrator has called me 'deaf', 'dumb', 'retarded', and more, on numerous occasions. On a few occasions, she has stood right next to me, pretending like she is 'talking', yet no words come out of her mouth - on the first occasion, I asked 'what are you doing'? She said 'Ha!Ha! You so deaf, you couldn't even HEAR me!!' She does this to entertain the other workers. The department manager will use sarcastic 'sign language' when she speaks to me (although I don't have a problem hearing when someone speaks directly to me) - if she were to say 'Kim will be calling the client', she would (all the while) roll her two pointing fingers in the air (around in circles) - directly to the individual (Kim) sitting next to me, then pretend as if she is picking up an invisible telephone, dialing numbers on it, and placing it (the invisible phone) up to her ear. This is so embarrassing to me. On other occasions, during corporate meetings, for no reason at all - she would suddenly ask someone (for no reason),'is Vicki wearing her hearing aid today'? After diagnosis, I became the office joke. At work, I am treated as if I should feel guilty for even living.

After dealing with this treatment on a daily basis, I notified my corporate Human Resource Department. I asked to be transferred to another department because I could not deal with this treatment. The HR Director advised me 'that is not our policy', and recommended I seek a job somewhere else. Since I would consider AN surgery within the next year, I don't believe I want to seek another job due to the fact I would lose my short term disability benefits (to cover the weeks following surgery) since I had been with this company for several years. When the two individuals (that I complained about) found out about my HR complaint, they took me aside, in private, and 'scolded' me. After that 'meeting', I've become isolated. I am now completely ignored by the Office Administrator, and my manager now treats me worse (she reprimanded me in front of other workers for my 'sending a coworker a work-related issue - with no sense of urgency - to her (company) email on her day off).

I am recently divorced, and raising my two year old son on my own. I always try to stay positive, but it's so hard when I'm treated like a dog everyday. Nearly everyone in my department received large salary increases, and/or job advancements - yet nothing was ever offered to me. I am a responsible, hard worker. I treat others respectively. I don't even have much time to consider my options for surgery, or to even find a brain-tumor specialist. I would like to know if anyone else out there has ever experienced this type of treatment after diagnosis. Any help would truly be appreciated.

« Last Edit: March 22, 2008, 12:31:45 pm by vicki1967 »

Kaybo

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2008, 12:16:44 pm »
Vicki~
I replied to your other post...
K
Translab 12/95@Houston Methodist(Baylor College of Medicine)for "HUGE" tumor-no size specified
25 yrs then-14 hour surgery-stroke
12/7 Graft 1/97
Gold Weight x 5
SSD
Facial Paralysis-R(no movement or feelings in face,mouth,eye)
T3-3/08
Great life!

OMG16

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2008, 12:22:50 pm »
That is just so wrong you do not deserve this treatment.  You need to contact a good employment lawyer and proceed with litigation.  Sometimes that is the only way you can get justice.  Start keeping a log of what happens daily and who said and did what.  If you can remember write down past abusive behavior.  Stay focused for yourself and your child and let us help you through this.  Kisses to your forehead 16
I believe you are given choices in life and it is not what has happened to you that defines who you are.  It is how you handle the situation and finding the positive in an almost hopeless situation that counts the most.  My son is my hero and I have had the pleasure of learning this from him.

Omaschwannoma

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2008, 01:07:39 pm »
I second 16's response.  This is way out of line  >:( and you can do something to "right" their wrongs by taking 16's advice with a lawyer, documenting as much as you can, etc.  You do have it hard given your recent diagnosis, a single mom with a child, and abusive co-workers, your trying to cope with many serious and important issues as best you can.  You must rise above the taunting and abuse, we are here to support you in your efforts, don't become "the victim", you are worth so much more.  Keep forging ahead, even though it is rough having to face the abuse, come here to "vent" to keep yourself clear headed for yourself and your child.  Come up with a "mantra" (a saying that will bring you joy or peace) that you can say to yourself over and over when times are tough, even if it sounds ridiculous, it works by taking your focus off what is causing you distraction. 
1/05 Retrosigmoid 1.5cm AN left ear, SSD
2/08 Labyrinthectomy left ear 
Dr. Patrick Antonelli Shands at University of Florida, Gainesville, FL
12/09 diagnosis of semicircular canal dehiscence right ear

LADavid

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2008, 04:00:33 pm »
Hi Vicki
I am very sorry to hear that.  I've been in exactly the same place.  I was working for a major ad agency and my client was one of the top three pizza chains.  My boss ridiculed me continuously.  I tried to get a phone headset but he denied it.  One day, while I was in a meeting, I was writing something down and didn't hear him speak to me -- suddenly he was yelling "hey clean the wax out of your ears."  Every one in the room laughed.  I didn't.  He responded by telling me to chill.  I went to HR.  They filed the complaint and a month later I was terminated because the client didn't trust me to hear in meetings.  I filed an EEOC claim which they felt was warranted.  Unfortunately, on the way out, I signed a waiver so I could get my final paycheck.  The EEOC could not continue.  I left the ad business.

My advice to you is to document everything.  Make note of potential witnesses.  Eventually you will want to contact the EEOC.  But in the meantime, I think you realize that you are stuck until you have your surgery -- if you do.  Then take full advantage of medical, medical leave, disability insurance whatever there is to offer.  Then I would check into hearing aids and see what the company insurance will cover.  I'm an actor and I wear one.  They are very descreet and do an amazing job.  It doesn't help with severe tinnitus or on the AN side, but I hear a lot more than I ever did before with an aid in my "good ear" which has about a 50% loss.  Mine cost $2700, but insurance paid for half of it.  Once you've taken full advantage of what the company has to offer, take your case to the EEOC and see what they have to say.  Then look for a new job.

I know there are some who might say that's a bit radical, but damnit, I've been there and I know what you are dealing with.  It's ugly, it's unfair, and but it takes a plan -- as calculated as it is.  It's tough to go through but keep the objective in mind and know that you have friends on this board who care.

If you ever want to contact me for a shoulder to email on, please feel free to.  In the meantime, best wishes.

David
Right ear tinnitus w/80% hearing loss 1985.
Left ear 40% hearing loss 8/07.
1.5 CM Translab Rt ear.
Sort of quiet around here.
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mema

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2008, 04:49:29 pm »
Hi Vicki,


I experienced similar abuse at work from the managers.  Not because of my AN.  But other medical issues I had.  I also called regional HR and was told basically the same thing you were.  I often wonder if they knew the expense it was going to be for short term dissabilty and in their own way trying to force me out.  When I left for my 3 month leave these specific managers and the head of  HR never wished me luck. I hung in their  had my treatment for my AN .  On return to work they said they missed me and glad I came back. Sure!.  The day I retired the head manager came up to me, hugged me and said she'd miss me.  I looked her straight in the eye in front  of 10 other co-workers and  said "really, you could of fooled me"  She was speechless and I walked away.  And the day my other manager left for another store I said  "I hear you are leaving.  Bye!"  So I felt I got the last work on both of them.  Hang in there.  Your focus right now should be on you and your daughter.  Remember none of us on this forum will ever mock you.


mema
6mm x 8mm left AN FSR 26 treatments Nov.-Dec.2005
MD Anderson Orlando, Fl.

Boppie

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2008, 04:58:09 pm »
Vicki, I am shocked that you should get such treatment especially from an HR person who should know better than try this type of bullying.  Hang in there and don't leave your job under their guise.  The folks at your office and thr managers need a heads up.  Get yourself some documentation and a lawyer at the same time.  Don't tip them off until your arguments are lined up.

Debbi

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2008, 06:29:58 pm »
Vicki-

I agree with all the others who advise to document, document, document - and find a top level legal beagle.

I would also add that you sounds like you may be suffering from depression - it would be more than understandable given all that you are facing and experiencing, both personally and professionally.  Please don't hesitate to talk to your doctor about this, and don't be afraid or embarrassed to seek out medical solutions.  There are a number of very effective drugs on the market that have given many people a new lease on life in terrms of helping manage depression.  And, it is not like you need to sign up for a lifetime of anti-depressants - many of us can and do take them for a period of time and then, when the time is right (and only under medical supervision!), we wean off of them. 

I hope you won't take offense at me offering this up - it is just that I hear the fear and sadness coming through your email and I know how hopepless life can feel at times.  You don't have to try to get through it alone, or without help.

hugs,
Debbi - awaiting surgery on the 16th
Debbi - diagnosed March 4, 2008 
2.4 cm Right Side AN
Translab April 30, 2008 at NYU with Drs. Golfinos and Roland
SSD Right ear, Mild synkinesis and facial nerve damage
BAHA "installed" Feb 2011 by Dr. Cosetti @ NYU

http://debsanadventure.blogspot.com

leapyrtwins

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2008, 09:31:13 pm »
Vicki -

what you are describing is called discrimination and it is against the law.  It also falls under the category of harassment.

You need to talk to a lawyer - first consultations are usually free.  There is absolutely no reason you need to stand for this abuse.

Being a single parent to a two-year old is stressful enough, you certainly don't need the added stress that you are dealing with at your job.

Good luck and hang in there for your son,

Jan
Retrosig 5/31/07 Drs. Battista & Kazan (Hinsdale, Illinois)
Left AN 3.0 cm (1.5 cm @ diagnosis 6 wks prior) SSD. BAHA implant 3/4/08 (Dr. Battista) Divino 6/4/08  BP100 4/2010 BAHA 5 8/2015

I don't actually "make" trouble..just kind of attract it, fine tune it, and apply it in new and exciting ways

lori67

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #9 on: March 22, 2008, 10:33:12 pm »
Vicki -

I agree with everyone else who has answered you - it is illegal - they are creating a "hostile work environment", not to even mention the fact that it's rude and childish for them to act that way.  Would they make fun of someone who came in to your office in a wheelchair because they were paralyzed, or someone who used a guide dog because they are blind?  Probably not.  They obviously don't understand how much of a disability it is to lose your hearing - even if it's only on one side.

I would suggest checking out the website for the League for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing - there may be some resources or someone there that can help you out - those of us that are only half deaf are covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and your employer is required to accomodate your needs - not make your time there unbearable.

I'm wondering if they know the reason you are hard of hearing?  I would totally understand if you didn't feel like disclosing that information to them, but I can't imagine any adult with any sense of right or wrong teasing someone who had a brain tumor and had clearly already suffered a loss as a result of it.  Maybe the next time she starts making fun of you in front of others, just blurt out the fact that you have a brain tumor and that is the reason you are hard of hearing.  I'd be willing to bet that would shut her up pretty quickly.

I'm sorry that this is happening to you.  It makes me so hot under the collar just thinking there are people like that out there.  Stay strong and do whatever you have to do to prove to them that this behavior is unacceptable!  You deserve better than that - and your little boy sure deserves to have a mommy who isn't being beaten down at work every day.

I hope things get better very soon. 
Lori
Right 3cm AN diagnosed 1/2007.  Translab resection 2/20/07 by Dr. David Kaylie and Dr. Karl Hampf at Baptist Hospital in Nashville.  R side deafness, facial nerve paralysis.  Tarsorraphy and tear duct cauterization 5/2007.  BAHA implant 11/8/07. 7-12 nerve jump 9/26/08.

Lorenzo

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2008, 12:15:14 am »
Vicki,

That's absolutely shocking! I'm not in the US, but here that would be a case of harassment, bullying and discrimination! All in one. Perfect case for a legal route. I agree with all the others, keep a record of what happens and when and with whom. Not only is it useful for any action you may take, but it also helps you. I found writing things down helped coping with it. Remember, you're the one that is wronged, there's nothing, NOTHING wrong with you, you're just deaf on one side. It's their ignorance and heartlessness that is wrong. Try to rise above it if you can, but at the same time try not to react in any way. Bullies like that tend to go to any length, even accusing the person of bullying against them! I know. Stay focused on your life, see the work as a means to an end and exploit it for as much as you can, as David said. Also, if you are depressed, seek medical advice. That in itself is a record of the effects of the bullying / harassment you are suffering, and will be useful if you decide to take action.

Ignorance in others is a terrible thing, for them! We're the ones that end up suffering from it. Unfortunately I don't find it hard to believe that people like that exist out there!

Lastly, remember that none of us will ever judge you or ridicule you, neither will the people that really mater to you. We're here to listen and support.

Be strong, you are strong, you are dealing with a lot, and a lot more than those idiots ever will be able to!

Ciao

Lorenzo
CK, Stanford, Drs Chang and Hancock, Dec 04,
doing great now.

Kate B

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2008, 04:26:59 am »
Vicki,

Most important during this time is that you make choices for you and your son.  It is a vulnerable time and you are tackling two different hurdles: a recent divorce and a diagnosis of your AN.
I urge you to set a timeline and goals for yourself that help you feel that you have some control of what is occurring around you. Make the steps as small as you need to, but a few steps become a block and then a mile and before you know it you are there.  It helps fuel the ever important sense of "hope".

Related to work, those type of sarcastic comments are inappropriate.  Not only are they unprofessional, they are downright mean.  That being said, it sounds like you need the job for insurance purposes.  This is a question for you to think about and not one that needs to be answered on the listserv: If insurance is keeping you there, how long do you anticipate before you can treat your AN?  What is your timeline?  Then keep your eye on that decision and keep moving toward it.

There are times that quotes from others are inspirational.  Easier said than done, but I love Eleanor Roosevelt's quote:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

As you move forward,  keep this quote in mind and if possible, ignore those rude comments so that it doesn't distract you. One can never know your workplaces motivation, so don't even try to figure it out.  Do what is best for you and your son! 

Kate
Kate
Middle Fossa Surgery
@ House Ear Institute with
Dr. Brackmann, Dr. Hitselberger
November 2001
1.5 right sided AN

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JeWeL41

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #12 on: March 23, 2008, 05:51:13 am »
I can't do anything to help you - sorry, except offer support and say you are doing amazingly well to bring up a child alone and have to cope with an AN too. Your co-workers are nothing more than playground bullies. If you were in the UK they would be fired and you would be compensated. Be secure in the knowledge that you are better than them, hang on until after any surgery and then look for another job. I wish you loads of luck. :)
Sudden hearing loss Nov 2006 (left), tinnitus, fullness,imbalance, left side headaches and strange sensation on that side of face - but not AN!
Diagnosis - SSHL. Bouts of spinning vertigo now!
Saw Prof Ramsden (April 08) and it may be Atypical Menieres with Migraine Syndrome!

Brendalu

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2008, 07:34:52 am »
Vicki,

I filed and won a lawsuit against an employer for creating hostile work environment.  It did not hurt my employablity, as I was told it would.  It has been twelve years and the same employer has been under fire several time since.  They didn't learn their lesson, but have settled out of court on several of the lawsuits. 
Like others have said, document, document, document.  I think yours also comes under the ADA.  Good luck and hang in there.
Brenda
Brenda Oberholtzer
AN surgery 7/28/05
Peyman Pakzaban, NS
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vicki1967

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Re: Constant sarcasm...
« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2008, 11:03:46 am »
Lori, thanks for your response. They all know I have a brain tumor, and that the tumor is the reason for my hearing loss. They just don't care. They seem to use my weakness to drag me down as far as they can. They are the most insensitive, cruelest group of people I've ever encountered. What took me to my breaking point, and made me go directly to HR, was when I was kneeling down, filing some paperwork in a bottom drawer, and the office admin walked by and said, loudly, 'Get out my way before I kick you in your face!' On a separate occasion, during a small meeting with the manager, the office admin, and several others, the office admin said - after I finished speaking - 'Wah, wah, wah, wah, that's the sound Laura (the manager) hears everytime Vicki speaks...she (me) sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher'. I thought, for sure, the manager, or my direct supervisor, would finally take some kind of appropriate action, but they didn't. They actually ENCOURAGE IT. The manager continually causes hostility, as she talks about the workers (negatively) right behind others' backs.

Vicki -

I agree with everyone else who has answered you - it is illegal - they are creating a "hostile work environment", not to even mention the fact that it's rude and childish for them to act that way.  Would they make fun of someone who came in to your office in a wheelchair because they were paralyzed, or someone who used a guide dog because they are blind?  Probably not.  They obviously don't understand how much of a disability it is to lose your hearing - even if it's only on one side.

I would suggest checking out the website for the League for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing - there may be some resources or someone there that can help you out - those of us that are only half deaf are covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and your employer is required to accomodate your needs - not make your time there unbearable.

I'm wondering if they know the reason you are hard of hearing?  I would totally understand if you didn't feel like disclosing that information to them, but I can't imagine any adult with any sense of right or wrong teasing someone who had a brain tumor and had clearly already suffered a loss as a result of it.  Maybe the next time she starts making fun of you in front of others, just blurt out the fact that you have a brain tumor and that is the reason you are hard of hearing.  I'd be willing to bet that would shut her up pretty quickly.

I'm sorry that this is happening to you.  It makes me so hot under the collar just thinking there are people like that out there.  Stay strong and do whatever you have to do to prove to them that this behavior is unacceptable!  You deserve better than that - and your little boy sure deserves to have a mommy who isn't being beaten down at work every day.

I hope things get better very soon. 
Lori
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