I think I'm going to implode!

[NancyMc]

Hold my hand.  We'll walk through those doors together that morning, although I'll be on the East Coast three hours ahead of you.
And we'll walk out together and go on with our lives, however altered or limited.
Nancy
Translab April 8 Boston

[Mickey]

Two surgeries on the same date! There will be alot of love and prayers going out from this board on that day. Nancy, I guess youv`e had alot of time to prepare with W+W for so long. I`ve been W+W and know also that I may face a similiar fate in the future. On St. Patty`s Day a special prayer!, Mickey

[NancyMc]

Oh, no, not exactly.  I was in denial. 
Dr. McKenna once said, "You'll have to get it out some day."  And I walked out, muttering, "Oh, no, I won't!"
He was right.  I was wrong.
Thanks for your kind wishes.
Nancy

[Jim Scott]

DLM ~

I'm sorry to learn of your pre-op distress.  However, it's relatively normal, as these things go.  I've observed some useful suggestions posted from Sue, Wendy and others that take into account your rather severe limitations.  I concur with Sue that having a 'pity party' is both understandable and probably inevitable, but once you've gotten past that point, one has to confront reality and try to take some control of this unwanted situation.  The fact that you need this surgery and will  be better off when that tumor is out of your head, should give you some measure of assurance.  Also note that many people have gone through this (I'm one of them) and come out the 'other side' just fine, even if slightly different than before.  You'll get through this.  Please don't allow yourself to succumb to your fears and anxieties.  Try to be strong and think positive thoughts, such as how much better you'll feel when the AN is finally gone. 

I've added your surgery date to our 'AN Treatment Calendar'  -  http://my.calendars.net/an_treatments/d08/04/2009?authenticate=&display=M&style=B.  Feel free to add or alter the entry as you see fit. 

Jim

[Mickey]

I hear what your saying Nancy!  I`m hoping that my decision to W+W will come out OK. Personally if my doctor wasn`t agreeing with my decision calling it 1 of the 3 viable treatments, I`d be done. Many known to never have intervention starting at my age. Believe me I am not in denial, just trying to do the best I can to come out of this OK. So far so good and feeling good.  Wishing you the best and lookning fowards to your recovery, Mickey

[NancyMc]

Thanks, Mickey.  Me, too.  You're very kind to be concerned about me as are all of the forumites.
Nancy

[leapyrtwins]

I can't go for walks--for a variety of reasons.  One, residual effects from one of my broken bones (ankle); two, asthma that although [currently!] well controlled, makes activity difficult; three, DIZZINESS from the lovely AN.  Starting in June 2003 I fell three times and broke three bones, one requiring two surgeries and another one requiring one operation...and my dizziness is MUCH, MUCH worse now than it was then.  So walking is out.

I can't drive--I had to give that up a month or so ago due to...you guessed it!...the AN-related dizziness.

I can't read, at least not for prolonged periods (like more than 5-10 minutes) because it exacerbates the dizziness.  I've always been a voracious reader, so this really sucks.

I can't work on the computers--and I'm a programmer/sysadmin by profession, so computers are like...my LIFE--because of the dizziness.

I don't drink, so wine is out.

I basically can't do ANYTHING that requires standing up or even being upright for prolonged periods--so cooking is out, gardening is out, going to the beach is out, going to the movies is out, pretty much everything I enjoy doing. 

I don't see any mention here of chocolate.  So my recommendation is a Hershey bar 

My best words of advice to you - and Nancy - is to focus on the abilities of your surgeons and just put your trust and faith in them.  They are experienced at this - all you have to do is sleep 

Seriously, I found that my confidence in my neurotologist and my neurosurgeon was a huge comfort to me and I actually approached my surgery day with little or no anxiety.  By the time I arrived at the hospital in the wee hours of the morning, I was just ready to get on with things  and get back to my "normal" life.  This was a tremendous step for me - since I am a certified control freak - but I had pretty much decided that things were out of my hands and if I wanted my AN removed (which I did) there really was no other way to go.

I also found that second-guessing myself (I had also had the option of radiation) was something that made me anxious early on, so I completely abandoned that idea. 

You will both find "peace" in your own way.  In the meantime, remember that you will be fine and that we will all be thinking of - and praying for - you guys.

Jan

[cin605]

DLM4me sorry i did not read your previous post of your pre-op problems.Most of my problems came after surgery.I had dizzieness,fatigue & some head bangers but i was skiing,zip lining in mexico & cleaning 3 building w/five flights of stairs on each end.
That was before i knew what was going on.....now i do not know whats going on in a different sense,but everyday i am investigating & learning from this site on why i feel the thiings i feel.So...i take back all the go dancing driving in the dark stuff.Take a
pill & put your feeet up & watch the comedy channel for a while...or Duece Bigalow movie always cracks me up.

[Pembo]

Hang in there. Even 5 years post op I remember the weeks before surgery as the most stressful! I was pretty sick too with 3 young children. Just try to enjoy each day and make plans for what you are going to do when the dizziness is gone!! :)Stay strong......

[Sue]

Okay, here's my advice.  You may not be able to do much in the way of physical activity to relieve the pent up rage/stress you are feeling.  You CAN  grab a pillow, hold it over your face (NO, don't smother yourself!!) and do a primal SCREAM.  Do several.  Just let it go.  Put that anger, pain, fear, disappointment, frustration, everything you have into that scream.  If you live in a private area, do away with the pillow.  I just don't want the cops coming to your door, looking for some insane mad person and haul you away!!    So, scream away, kiddo.  That will help get rid of some of that "stuff" building up in you.  And then...sit and calm yourself and light a candle and stare at the flame and try to find that stillness inside of you and get in touch with your theta brainwaves.  Maybe sitting in a hot tub, or bath tub would be relaxing.  And then go back to screaming!  You will feel much better, trust me.  Scream every morning and every night, if you have too.  Or every hour on the hour.  Whatever it takes to get through the day.  Seriously.  Try it. 

Sue in Vancouver USA

[DLM4me]

I'm not exactly sure what happened, but Tuesday morning I felt like I'd been run over by a steamroller--I just COULDN'T get going, couldn't even stay awake.  I slept ALL day long...I barely remember any of that day.  Yesterday was nowhere near that bad, but I was still very tired.  But I'm back now!

How funny that Nancy and I are having surgery on the same day!  Nancy, I wish you all the luck in the world and look forward to comparing notes afterwards.

Someone mentioned chocolate...that sounds so good!  My husband started calling me a "chocoholic" MANY years ago, long before we ever heard anyone else use that term.  So that should give some indication of my love affair with chocolate. 

One thing that's come out of all this is that I'm in touch with more people, and more often, than I had been for a while.  Relatives and friends I adore but are far away are making it a point to call and e-mail more.  And vice versa.  Talking on the phone really is helping a lot.

Forgive me if I've already said this in this thread (I'm too lazy right now to look), but I want to clarify that my pre-op jitters are NOT normal for me. The last time I was scared going into surgery was when I was 22 and having a life-saving hysterectomy.  I wasn't afraid for me, but for my husband and our child.  I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing my little girl grow up, and the idea of my husband being a young widower raising a child on his own was hard to imagine.  Since then, despite dozens of operations, I've been pretty nonchalant about the whole thing. However, as each surgery happened and it took longer to rebound--physically AND emotionally--it's gotten to a point where I just dread the whole idea.  It's a weird concept, really, KNOWING that you're going to feel like crap as a result of something you're doing voluntarily, and doing it anyway!

[Sue]

Are you screaming yet??    Go, on.....don't be shy.  Scream a little scream for me!   

Sue in Vancouver USA

[Rivergirl]

I don't know what to say how about, that is a really crappy hand you have been dealt, it all sucks, my heart aches for you.  I hope you can pull yourself out of the skids, think positive it has to get better.  Sounds like the only enjoyable thing is for your hubby to bring you some pretty, sweet smelling flowers.  Sending you best wishes and I will carry my special stone in my pocket on April 8th so that I may think of you often during the day.

[LisaP]

Nancy,

I also have Dr. McKenna and I am also watching and waiting.  It has only been one year (March 31,2007) to be exact since I was dx.  No growth, but you also had no growth for a while.  Dr. McKenna never made that statement to me about that it will "someday come out".  He told me that because I had no growth, I had a 50/50 chance that it won't ever grow.

Oh boy, being on w&w also makes me nervous when I read about people like you who were and now are having surgery.

Again, keep in touch, best of luck, will keep you in my prayers!!!

LisaP

[joebloggs]

DLM, Nancy, Annissa and Tara,

As someone who has just recently been through what you are all going through/about to go through, I'd like to share a little bit with you all.  The last week before the surgery for me was the hardest.  I had put it to the back of my mind but the last week it became suddenly very very real.  I even spent a day frozen in my chair playing sudoku puzzles because I was kind of stuck and couldn't get my brain to actually get me to do anything because concentrating on the puzzles was the only thing that kept me from thinking about the surgery.  I got past that stage thank goodness!  For me it was all the what ifs that scared me, but to be honest, the night before the surgery and the morning of the surgery I was cool as a cucumber.  I felt good, I felt relief that it was all about to be over, the waiting.  As everyone says the first couple of days are the worst in hospital but you won't be aware of much.  Document it if you can, have a friend take some pictures, you will be absolutely amazed at your progress a few days later looking back.  I can't believe I am the same person who was lying in bed two days post op.  After two days post op I stopped being ill (I was only ill about 6 times) and I started getting better.  I'm not sure if being sick is normal or a reaction to the anaesthetic, but that's what happened to me... but just ride it.  The nurses will give you drugs if you feel in pain.  I didn't.  A couple of times I woke up with a slight ache just before my next dose of drugs, but they managed the pain really well because I never felt horrible like that... it was just the dizziness that I found weird.  My eyes found it hard to focus properly - I had pretty good balance before the surgery.  So how do I feel now?  9 days later... fantastic.  I just posted on my update thread from when I was in hospital so you can see photos of me before surgery, two days post surgery (with my fat swollen head!) and yesterday.  The night before the surgery, just think, in a week I'm going to feel great!  It will be over soon and you'll be on the flip side and so grateful for that.  Too much thinking and worrying is not good for you!

Best wishes xxx

JB