Hey, Josh.
It's getting close, my friend, getting close. I wasn't going to tell you this, but it might put your mind more at ease. I've talked to the doctors and arranged for a little "surprise". They're going to tighten up those optic nerves just a bit (for better vision), when they remove the fat from your stomach they're going to take ALL of it (so that they can pick through and get only the finest cuts). You know how they can stimulate your facial nerve to make sure they don't damage it? 8 hours of stimulation for your legs, arms and chest muscles. You'll have a marathon workout and not even break a sweat! Of course, when you come out, you'll look like you did when you were 19 years old. It's not that hard to remove 6 years of aging, though.
They will also be using only the finest French Gauze during the procedure, lovingly hand crafted by French maids using imported cotton from the rain forest. Your stitches are made from Peruvian vines, hand picked by South American neurosurgeons. You'll be swinging from the chandelier doing your Tarzan yell in a few weeks.
During your recovery, I have hand picked a team of cheerleaders from your very own school to give you massages while chanting "Yaaay, Mr. K. Recovery today." Well, they're not the smartest, but they are pretty. They couldn't get a good rhyme for "Mr. H". "Yaaay, Mr. H. Gimme a Laitch, faitch, naitch, waitch, hmmmph"
There is a bright side to all of this. Come 7:30 Monday morning, your work is done! Just lay back and let the skilled team do their work. When you wake up, you'll be your old self, sans toomaar. And then, you can start cashing in that large bank of sympathy coupons I sent you. And if you run out of them, the puppy-dog "I just had brain surgery, don't you think I still look cute?" look works.
Incidentally, this might not be the best time to tell you, but on reading the MRI, they found out that I don't have AN on either ears. Bilateral! I wasn't expecting that.
