Dealing with getting this comment all the time: “what’s that look for?”

[angelanderson0909]

Hello,

I am almost 2 years post-opp. Most of my facial movements have come back but not all. I’ve been getting very upset about some of the things people say to me. I get the comment: “What’s that look for?” all the time. I guess my face looks like I’m pissed off at people or something?!? Who knows. I know my facial expressions are somewhat lop-sided. I get the comment from just about everyone in some way or another. Even people who saw my face 2 years ago when it was completely half paralyzed!!! Hello! RUDE PEOPLE! Most of the time I’m just smiling! I spent the morning in the bathroom crying at work today. I’ve always had dimples on my cheeks when I smile, but now the one on my bad side sometimes gets stuck. I guess it’s better to have dimples when you smile than to not be able to smile at all! I feel like I need to wear a sign saying “I can’t hear you & don’t be offended by my face” Anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it? 

[MG]

Hi Angel,

I am sorry people are so unthoughtful. My heart breaks for you. Do they know what you have gone through?  I would tell them your story and get it out in the open. I would hope there would be some compassion. You sound like a very sweet person to me.
Hugs, MG

[Tod]

I am fortunate enough rarely are my facial or speech deficits noticed by normies. Occasionally one will make a comment - say on the fact my left eye closes when I chew food, or if I have emotional tears and only the right side gets wet.

I respond, "I have a brain tumor. What's *your* excuse?"

Sometimes I add expletives, or, as I like to call them, "adult descriptives."

-Tod

[shannonbehling]

Hi Angel,
Sorry to hear that people can be so mindless. I am fortunate that I work at a hospital and others have been quite understanding. I am three months post op and still have facial paralysis. I have had a few people, who didn't know about my surgery, ask if I had Bells Palsy. Pretty harmless comments. I do still have a fear of going out in the community for social events. I've never had someone be so bold as to make rude comments. I hope you manage to find the strength to ignore their ignorance.

[Kristena]

I am a little over a year, and I have never had anyone ask or comment on my face. Everyone just pretends like things are normal--which they are not--from early on when I had the complete lax side to now when I have the frozen smile and synkinesis with every movement. I've been waiting for someone to say something so I can say, "Thank you for asking! Here's what happened..." but no one has. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side, right? I am sorry you are dealing with rude comments. I hope it gets better for you. I find myself going through ups and downs about it all too, but I do feel better when I am feeling more accepting of the current situation. Not much we can do about it!

[millie]

Angel…yes, people can be insensitive.  Once, I apologized to someone, saying, "Sorry, I'm deaf on that side, I had a tumor," and I think they thought I was being a wisecracker! She just stared at me balefully.
There are friends who understand and tell me they hardlysee the difference or that the face seems to be improving, which it is.  My worse experience, however, is with looking okay but not having the balance and energy-and the hearing-I had two years ago.   Some folks whom I thought were close friends don't get that everything is a little harder now,  and that is painful. Thinking someone was a best friend and then they are not there.
I try to force myself to do kind things for others, if the opportunities present themselves…like making soup for a friend newly on chemo.
We must count our blessings.   The little everyday things that are nonsensical however are so trying...