Author Topic: Birthday Gift with a Message  (Read 2401 times)

Soundy

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1329
  • prophetic picture done by my 5 year old, June'04
Birthday Gift with a Message
« on: November 07, 2009, 01:13:39 pm »
I wnet to my PCP yesterday to go over MRI reports and plan of attack...he gave samples of lyrica ...enough for 4 months or $800 if I had to pay for it ...I concidered this an early b'day gift

but as I was leaving he gave me a CD... he saind the song reminded him of my 10 year old and her attitude on me since surgery... she has told me and others on many occasions that I'm alive ... her and our doctor talk about me and when I have been down and she is with me she has told him when I have been down and pissed at the workd that I'm alive ... she is a great kids with insight beyond her years ... both girls keep me going but this one has something and can touch people ...doctor even said once that his live is brighter when she is sick because she is just her...not that he likes her sick just that he misses seeing her ...

anyway ... the CD is Kenny Chesney's Lucky Old Son album and the song is I'm Alive... when I heard it a while back it seemed to be written for me ... it was telling me to lighten up on myself and get on with it ...kinda a don't worry be happy message ...him giving it to me was a nice  unexpected gift ... if you haven't heard it , here are the words


So damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me I’d like to thank my lucky stars that
I’m alive, and well

It’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I’m alive

And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin' in and out's a blessin' can’t you see
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
And I’m alive, and well
I’m alive, and well

Stars are dancin’ on the water here tonight
It’s good for the soul, when there’s not a soul in sight
But this boat has caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I’m alive, and well

And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin' in and out's a blessing can’t you see
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Now I’m alive, and well
Yeah I’m alive, and well


3mm AN discovered Aug 2004
Translab July 2 ,2007
3.2cm x 2.75cm x 3.3cm @ time of surgery

Brendalu

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1286
  • Smile..it makes everyone wonder what you are up to
Re: Birthday Gift with a Message
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2009, 01:21:47 pm »
I would consider this a huge birthday gift!  What a great doctor you have and what a wonderful child you have.  I think those songs have a lot of meaning for all of us!  Thanks for sharing...oh and give your child a hug from me.
Brenda
Brenda Oberholtzer
AN surgery 7/28/05
Peyman Pakzaban, NS
Chester Strunk, ENT

Jim Scott

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7241
  • 1943-2020 Please keep Jim's family in your hearts
Re: Birthday Gift with a Message
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2009, 01:53:27 pm »
Soundy ~

You're obviously blessed with remarkable children - and a very astute, compassionate PCP!  The words to the Kenny Chesney song ("I'm Alive") are poignant and ring so true.  As a church Deacon in charge of our benevolence ministry I often come in contact with folks who are in some kind of crisis, often financial but sometimes coupled with emotional issues, too.  I try to gently steer them toward a recognition of what's good in their lives and to leave the bad behind if possible and focus on the future.  Recriminations, guilt and disappointment manifested as bitterness helps no one.  Bad things do happen to 'good people'.  While I don't wish to proselytize, I do have to mention that a firm foundation in my faith has been of enormous benefit in dealing with adversity over the years, including some scary situations, including my AN diagnosis and a cancer scare (which proved baseless).   

I think the Kenny Chesney song lyrics demonstrate more than simply 'putting on a happy face' or 'seeing the glass half full'.  I believe that looking for 'villains' to blame for whatever troubles may befall us in life is ultimately destructive.   I recommend looking forward, refusing to wallow in past disappointments , betrayals and just plain 'bad luck' (like an AN diagnosis) and forgiving those who may have hurt us in the past.  I think we all know that forgiveness is of more benefit to the person doing the forgiving than it may be for the person we forgive.  Carrying animosity in our heart is a heavy burden that eventually hurts us while the person we blame for - whatever - is often totally unaware of our feelings and suffers no guilt at all from our seething resentment of something they either don't think was important or are blithely unaware of the negative effect their words and/or actions had on us.   

We're all a product of our life experience and while we can't realistically put everything negative that ever happened aside, we don't have to let it control our future.  Tomorrow is a new day .  We get to chose our 'mood' and how we'll deal with whatever happens.  I've seen people in pretty dire circumstances (physical disabilities, poverty) that still managed to be optimistic about 'tomorrow' and believing that 'things will get better' while they truly enjoyed the present and surmounted their troubles.  Troubles that would have crushed most people I know, myself included.  Again, a firm, unwavering religious faith (mine is Christianity) is a tremendous help but I've seen those with little or no spiritual faith overcome great odds and live 'in the moment', enjoying their life as it is, here and now.  Kenny Chesney seems to grasp that - and his song lyrics reflect it.  Thanks for posting them.

Jim
4.5 cm AN diagnosed 5/06.  Retrosigmoid surgery 6/06.  Follow-up FSR completed 10/06.  Tumor shrinkage & necrosis noted on last MRI.  Life is good. 

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.  The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.

Soundy

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1329
  • prophetic picture done by my 5 year old, June'04
Re: Birthday Gift with a Message
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2009, 10:00:11 am »
I will hug her for you Brenda... she is a little bit of sunshine ...


Thanks for you post and insight Jim ...I always enjoy reading your posts and gaining a little insigght from them ...sometimes the way others see something helps me to see things in a better light or just differently and it helps ... you do this for me ... Thanks

I think both girls have this insught in life from both living on the farm where we live close to the earth and life and death are a normal part of things ... they have not been sheltered from any of it ...and also from seeing their aunt who was bed bound from the time Sarah (10 year old ) and Hannah (12 year old ) were 10 months and 2 1/2 year old ...they would help as they could ... drawing pictures or bringing in birld nests , feathers , flowers and what not for her when they were toddlers to helping feed her before she lost the ability to swallow when they were older... when she passed away shortly before my surgery they were sad but also glad she was no longer suffering and knew she was now OK... toward end she was in constant pain and just lay there drugged into a comfort level that made her able to tolrate it ... she had a feeding tube and breathing machine and the whole time from when she went down until her death she was at home and was a daily part of their lives since inlaws house is 1000 feet away from us  ... sad but in many ways it was good for them ... they are different from most their friends and more compasionate than most kids ...

I am working on my Girls Scouts and we have adopted some grandparents in the local nursing home ... I want them to know they are not the only ones in the world that count ... most are all about Me Me Me ... don't know how this will turn out but have the blessing of their parents to get them to see the world a little different ....

Me ... I need work too... as long as I stay busy and am around people I am good ...alone I slip sometimes and get down... and sleep... if I sit down for a little bit to watch a show or read I drift off... doctor tried to explain to me something that I am going to get him to give me in writing ... something was damaged in surgery ... and he says it contributes to sleep and mood ... all I know is the me who was a loner when my kids and husband weren't around and functioned is gone ... and it makes me mad .... but I am alive and evolving and the song just drives that home ... it talks  to me ...

as for faith ... I have a simple one ... take care of myself and family ... do for those who can't ... take care of the earth ( it is the only one we have ) and stay out of trouble ... my parents fought about religiaon and as a 2nd -5th grader when dad was stationed at Malibu and we lived in LA and then Moorpark , I would get up and leave the house Sunday morning and walk til a church bell started ringing and go into whatever church I was nearest to ... interesting way to learn faith but left me seeing many sides of way different people worshiped and that alot of things were very simular... I took from different churches and developed my own faith for lack of a  better word ...I go to church with my son and DIL and so do the girls ... them more often than me ... I need to touch base and don't need to go into a building to stay in faith...

kinda weird but works for me ... I am not knocking the faithful that go to their place of worship regularly ... I am doing what someone taught me years ago ...applying MARF... Maintain Absolute Rigid Flexability... in other words go with what works for you and if it doesn't work be flexible and find what does...

I pray .... before surgery several people wanted to save me by getting me into their church and baptizing me ... I was baptized at 11 and again at 15 ... it was what I wanted and needed... I am good where I am at ... don't worry about death ... it happens to the best of us ... I am not ready to go but prepared ... I have things worked out with my older kids to help with their little sister if need be , funeral is arranged  and plot picked out , and my faith in place that I have done things to make a little of my world better and when I go I will be OK...

all that said I still get blue ... but know it will pass and will pop CD in when I need a reminder... and listen to my baby girl when she points out to me that I am Alive
3mm AN discovered Aug 2004
Translab July 2 ,2007
3.2cm x 2.75cm x 3.3cm @ time of surgery

CHD63

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3235
  • Life is good again!!
Re: Birthday Gift with a Message
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2009, 10:25:42 am »
Soundy .....

You may not realize it, but you have a deep and powerful faith.  No where do I know that it says "Thou shalt go to church every Sunday, etc., etc."  You truly have your priorities straight and sound like a very loving, compassionate person.  Your daughters are following in their mother's footsteps!

My thoughts and prayers are that your times of feeling blue will be short-lived.

Clarice
Right MVD for trigeminal neuralgia, 1994, Pittsburgh, PA
Left retrosigmoid 2.6 cm AN removal, February, 2008, Duke U
Tumor regrew to 1.3 cm in February, 2011
Translab AN removal, May, 2011 at HEI, Friedman & Schwartz
Oticon Ponto Pro abutment implant at same time; processor added August, 2011

Jim Scott

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7241
  • 1943-2020 Please keep Jim's family in your hearts
Re: Birthday Gift with a Message
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2009, 02:15:35 pm »
Soundy ~

I admire your determination to live a relatively simple life which, no doubt, has enhanced your firm grasp on reality as well as benefited your children in ways you may never fully know.  I'm confident that, with your grounding, you can weather the inevitable storms of life that are inherent to mankind.  Clarice is correct regarding church buildings.  Our pulpit minister often makes the point in his sermons that 'the church' Jesus talks about in the Bible is not a building or some hierarchy with a set of rules and regulations, but is within us and that we don't need to be in a church building to worship and/or pray.  I was baptized at age 13, by my choice, and while I've drifted away at times from my original faith I never left it entirely.  Over the past quarter-century I've drawn much closer to it with mostly intangible but wonderful results.  While I strongly adhere to a fundamental Christian faith I won't presume to tell anyone else how to live their spiritual life, only what I've experienced and what works for me, and I won't even do that on a public forum (beyond simply stating the fact) because I don't wish to be accused of using the ANA site to proselytize.  However, I find that PMs and e-mail are suitable for such correspondence.  Like you, I'm not quite ready to leave this earth, even at age 66 - but I am (spiritually) prepared.  I'm pleased to learn that you are, too. 

I think you'll be fine, Soundy but a few minutes of introspection and an uplifting Kenny Chesney song can't hurt.  Thanks for your comments.

Jim
4.5 cm AN diagnosed 5/06.  Retrosigmoid surgery 6/06.  Follow-up FSR completed 10/06.  Tumor shrinkage & necrosis noted on last MRI.  Life is good. 

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.  The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.