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flier58:
OK guys,
This is a tough one.  My 81 yo mother lives in Europe.  Due to her age and health issues (including mental), it became very difficult for me to share my diagnosis with her.  My sibling knows what is going on and I update her with new developments.  We agreed to spare my mom until I decide on procedure.  I am going to have CK in Nov.  I called my mom today but she was very distraught, kept crying on the phone, complaining about her health.  I did not have a heart to let her know.  Now I have a huge dillema whether I should tell her about the procedure, when and what etc.  I would tell her for sure if I had to have craniatomy which may have immidiate negative consequences but I am going to have CK which will (or hopefully won't) have delayed complications.
  Should I wait and tell her after CK.  I am simply afraid that she may not be able to handle "brain tumor" and I don't think I can ease her anxiety.  My mom is very educated and smart woman however age is taking it's toll on her perception of many things.
It is a huge  moral dilemma that I am trying to deal with on top of everything else.
Your thoughts?  :(

Sincerely,

 Flier58
   

Chris:
Hi Flier,
I am in the same position. Although mum is relatively well we recently lost dad to a long illness. Mum can be a bit over the top sometimes and I would hate to put her through more stress or have her fuss over me as I don't need that. My symptoms are not noticeable to anyone after FSR so I am choosing not to tell her. We had a discussion on this previously on this site. Maybe someone can let you know where to find it.
Regards
Chris

nancyann:
Hi Flier: Sorry to hear the trouble - my mom's going to be 81, but is sharp & in such great shape she took care of me the 1st 2 weeks - & swam everyday because she was bored alot ( she's in way better shape then me, even teaches aerobics at her retir. condo).   In your case, I definitely wouldn't tell your mom at this time, but that's me, I don't know the whole situation;  it's a tough call. 
Keep the faith, Nancy

Boppie:
To all you folks who have "older" loved ones:  When I had my surgery at age 63 I agreed with my sisters and brothers that our widowed Mom, 86, would not be told about the date or diagnosis.  I didn't tell mom about my translab until three months post op.  She couldn't understand the big deal over hearing issues anyway as she'd been through so many terminal losses of siblings, relatives, and spouse.  But mom does know that tumor means "bad".  Besides I felt assured that I'd at least "make it out of the ICU". ;D Mom has no sense of humor about such things. 

The problem is older people remember when [someone went in for surgery, they "opened him up and he was finished"]...this meaning cancer was found too late and people couldn't get further treatment.  Of course this scenario is an exaggeration but they (older folks) have bad memories and firm beliefs, and who among us hasn't heard similar lore? 

AN forum members, you are lucky if your elder person is "hip" enough to use PCs and surf the net for medical information.   God bless them and you.

So, in my opinion, it is better to keep your affairs in the hearts of your most able caregivers and let mom and dad rest from the worry.   Tell her later when you can celebrate your new normal and show that you can "carry on".  At my young age I'd have one wish for my own children, that they are equipped to "carry on", too.

Joef:

I told people at work it was a tumor on the hearing nerve, and they would go in behind the ear causeing hearing loss .... I never used the term "Brain Tumor"  ;)

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