Numb face keeping me from laughing and having a good time.

[Funnydream]

I'm totally pulling back in a crowd from having a good time because when I smile or laugh my left side of my face feels so screwed up.

I'm starting to smile inside when I tell a joke to myself and hold my face still. I like smile with my eyes. Not sure if you know what I mean. But even my left eye is starting to give me problems when I smile with my eyes. I feel like a total weirdo doing that with people don't really know me.

I can't even sit back and watch the comedy channel anymore.

This is a huge let down for me in my life.

Were is my WHAAAABULANCE. Holy crap my fun is being stolen.

[Kaybo]

Funnydream~
I am sorry that you feel this way...while it is a normal feeling, you are robbing yourself of the life that you have been given - especially when you are alone.  I have been totally paralyzed on the right side of my face for almost 15 years (I had surgery when I was 25!!!) - I'd be missing out on a LOT of life if I pulled back everytime I found something funny.  Do I like looking this way?  Um...NO!  But it sure beats the alternative!!  We were at church camp this week and the pictures of me in the slide show were NOT flattering (my SIL was the photographer & she asked me about putting them in but they all had OTHERS in them - why make them not be in the slide show just because I have a funny face?) - in fact, one was downright HORRIBLE but it showed me and two other ladies laughing hysterically at what MY DAUGHTER was doing (that I didn't know she could do - she was "rolling" her tummy for a weirdest body tricks contest!).  It was a very funny part of the week...I didn't like the picture but it was OK and the people that really care about you don't even notice your face - trust me, I have been there.  Yes, it is hard when new folks see it, but if they take the time to really get to know me, it is not an issue.  If they are so shallow that a thing like the way my face looks bothers them to the point of NOT being friends with me, then I think I am better off without them!!  I know that you have heard this before - but probably not from someone who lives daily with a paralyzed face - there are MUCH WORSE things in this world that could be happening to you or the ones you love!!

Keep your chin up...& LAUGH! 

K   

[moe]

Funnydream,
When was your surgery? And was your facial nerve intact or cut?-Maybe this was on another post.

I totally understand about feeling "robbed". I was mad for a long time that my facial nerve was cut during the AN surgery (okay they saved my life but really!)and have tried everything in my power to get that face moving again (I have been blessed with military health care which has paid for  two of my surgeries). I'm still a work in progress.... 4 years post surgery.

 So keep exercising those facial muscles  by looking in the mirror, and like Kay said LAUGH anyway.

I Definitely know what you're going through. It gets old "smiling with the eyes." But people CAN see you are smiling, just by lifting up the eyebrow and lifting up the good side just a tad.


Hang in there, I know it can be a downer. I'm pretty much a happy person, but feel the AN took some of  my happy  with it. It is what it is.
Keep laughing, plz?
Maureen

[Funnydream]

I'm still waiting on a Date. At the time of this post.

[leapyrtwins]

Wonderful response, Kaybo.

And you are right.  The people who really care about you don't even notice your face.  We love you just the way you are 

Jan

[darnett]

I certainly know what you mean....someone says something funny or you watch something funny and it's hard to smile. When I dream it's always my pre surgery self and I'm laughing or playing music and then I wake up. My face and eye are still paralyzed and people can't tell if I'm laughing or crying. But it is what it is....I know the difference and in the end that's all that matters. I will never give up and if the facial nerve never recovers then so be it. It's hard to go out and be among others but, as time goes by I find it getting easier.

[moe]

Can totally relate to this! But it is getting better now that I have some cheek movement on the affected side. I too dream about the pre surgery "me" and I'm 5 years post op!

Darnett- I've had lots of surgeries to get that darn facial nerve rebooted, (it was cut, reattached during the original brain surgery but failed along with other surgery).
I was determined not to give up, and had that cheek implant last May. So now it's better, never will be perfect, but I've accepted that this is where I will be.

If you need to vent I totally can understand! I can't believe you had a 7 cm tumor. Did I read that correctly?

Sometimes I just laugh and lift that sluggish side up!
Maureen

[leapyrtwins]

Nothing should EVER keep you from laughing and having a good time.

Life is short; you should make it a habit to laugh your *ss off on a regular basis 

Jan

[Tod]

Jan,

While I completely agree, for most of the last year I simply could not laugh. I found things funny, that never stops, but because of my vocal cord paralysis, I simply could not make the sounds. (There were also the minor issues of swallowing and breath control that compounded things.)That had a profound affect on my sense of humor. Fortunately, the laughter has returned. My point  is that there seems to be, in my completely uninformed opinion based on one sample case, a direct relationship between the physicality of laughing and the desire to laugh.

-Tod

[leapyrtwins]

Tod -

glad your laughter has returned.

I can't imagine not being able to laugh for an entire year 

Best,

Jan

[sarahinPA]

Hi funnyDream,

I can relate to where you are coming from. Recently, I have been having "facial spasms" where my entire AN side tenses up and looks very unattractive! In my house we call this "monster face"   its a way that we can make light of the situation and look at it the best way. This happens when I smile too long, laugh, cry, or do just about anything with my face that isnt the flat affect look.

I do not hold back from having fun, laughing, and enjoying my friends and family! This is what is getting me through this tough time and its so important for your mental health to laugh and smile!!!!

At work, I have different story, I do tend to keep from laughing and smiling much and try to avoid things that would make "monster face" come out, but sometimes it does and I have gotten really good at excusing myself quickly or turning my head until it goes away.

This has caused me stress, but I make sure that once Im home, or alone, I let it out! let the monster face come to the surface, because I know that the people in my life that matter, wont care if I look like that forever!

keep smiling, and good luck!

[Kathleen_Mc]

FunnyDream: I understand where you're coming from and years ago I felt the same way, I isolated myself a lot and really just stopped living because of the way I looked, over time I came to realise it was more about how I FELT about the way I looked......I was angry. As I worked though the anger, as well as all the other stages of grief (we do suffer a grief reaction to being so ill) things got better, and this coupled with having some "plastic repairs" done to my face (which helped even it up) and some counselling as well as passing of time and accepting the "new smile" things got better and I regained some confidence. I still do not like having my picture taken (something that really gets my father as he loves taking pictures of the family) but I would say that's a long way from where I was.
Give yourself some time to "recover" and fit into the new you, maybe think about some therapy.
We all need to remember we a lucky to be alive and loosing ones smile is a small price to pay.
Take care, Kathleen