ANA Discussion Forum
Post-Treatment => Cognitive/Emotional Issues => Topic started by: Palace on April 08, 2009, 09:37:23 am
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Hello AN Friends,
I was always in complete control under duress and horrific stressful conditions. Do others on this forum experience a spark of "temporary insanity?" I noticed my patience has worn-thin.
Regards,
Palace
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I know that I do. Just yesterday I hurled a corning ware bowl at the wall shattering it in a thousand pieces. It was something ridiculous and insignificant that set me off. I was more angry with myself than anyone else when I did it.
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Palace ~
Immediately following my surgery, during my early recovery period, my wife tells me that I was very grouchy, mostly with her. I only dimly remember this and I think it had something to do with the fact that I hated having my life disrupted with all the tests and doctor visits I had to go through. The angst of the surgery was also a factor, although I didn't have much time to worry about it. I loathed being in the hospital with all it's attendant impositions and small humiliations and was eager to be discharged. However, because everything I went through was for my own good and very necessary, I never balked or whined about it. Finally, when it was essentially over, I guess I thought it was time for my real feelings to came out. Unfortunately, my resentment over all the disruption in my life came to a head and I probably gave my ever-patient wife a hard time when there wasn't any reason to do so. I recall resenting her attention to my comfort. I would snap "I'm fine!" if she asked if I wanted anything. What a jerk I was! That kind of gratuitous unpleasantness, for which I've apologized, many times, mercifully passed within a few months. The fact that I had an excellent recovery probably helped. My wife has told me that if I stayed that way (perpetually grouchy) our marriage would have been in some jeopardy. The happy ending is that I got past this stage of my life and have regained my sanguine disposition. Well, most of the time, anyway. :) I trust your current impatience will also diminish with time.
Jim
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My hubby said I was a ****** the first 5 or 6 weeks. I feel like I've been my normal self since then though.
Vonda
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Hi! I love your question! :D
I bet we all have temporary insanity stories!
My major "temporary insanity" came about just prior to my surgery. Almost everyone was so wonderful when they found out I would be having "brain surgery." Almost every day leading up to surgery, people where I worked would bring me lotions, pjs, robes, books, etc., even gift certificates. My husband was wonderful, my family concerned and worried, etc. Plans towards having surgery went like clockwork, and there was nothing for me to get mad at! Well...so I thought!
It (the anger that I had repressed) all came tumbling out when the granite crew cut our master bathroom granite countertop wrong! (We were building a new house at the time.) When I got home from work and saw they had not cut the granite correctly for the faucets that I had picked out, I "lost it!" The crew was (luckily!) gone, but my poor husband saw a banshee and heard words that he'd never heard come out of me! I really was out of control, suffice it to say.... :o
The next day, I realized that I was really angry at my situation, not the faucets. Long story short, I did not have the crew bring out new granite, but had the faucets I'd picked returned, chose new ones to fit the holes they'd cut.....and some months later, had my sister, who does beautiful needlework, to create for me a picture with flowers that says, "There is more to life than faucets." This picture hangs in our master bath now!
So glad you asked the quesion, and I am looking forward to reading more "temporary insanity" stories!
Kathy
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Hey, Palace, good to see you - it's been a while; hope all is good with you ;D
Patience has never been one of my virtues either pre or post AN diagnosis and surgery - and lack of patience and frustration seem to be big "temper" factors for me - lack of sleep also is a factor. I generally don't suffer fools gladly either :D
While I haven't hurled any dishware lately, I do have a temper. I tend to think it's just related to everyday life circumstances though (bad economy, stressful job, single-parenting - the list goes on and on); I don't see any correlation between my temper and my AN.
That said, I'm not always "hell on wheels" - I do have my good points ;) - but none of us are perfect.
Jan
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as i noticed before, some one said it. i was out of my mind the weeks just prior to my surgery. some of that was due to my taking from June until December of 07 to have it doen. that was a scheduling thing as i teach jr. college.
after wards? no more then normal . in fact i was very docile for 6 weeks after it really drained me , the surgery. now 16 months later all seems to be pretty fair back to normal or at least my new normal........
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I think I've actually gone the other way. I used to have a quick temper. I think this experience has made me a better person. I appreciate life more and I'm calmer.....except when driving...I am a Bostonian after all.... ;D
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I have found that as I am now SSD I get angry when someone says something and I don't understand them and I say 'What?' then they reply, 'nevermind.' This drives me crazy!
:-[
Neal
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I have found that as I am now SSD I get angry when someone says something and I don't understand them and I say 'What?' then they reply, 'nevermind.' This drives me crazy!
:-[
One of the major reasons I got a BAHA. This used to frustrate the hell out of me, which made me angry. Obviously a TransEar will solve some of this problem, too. Aren't you getting a TransEar, Neal?
Jan
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Well, since we are sharing anger stories :)...
Years and years ago before my AN existed, I threw an oreo cookie at my ex-wife and it shattered on her forehead. That was only after she tried to throw a heavy telephone at me, but the cord held and it stopped a few inches from my face. I'm afraid, however, that I feel no remorse over the cookie, other than it went to waste.
AN related, I called the post-op recovery nurse "incompetent" because she was across the room when I needed her, and there was no way to get her attention. Luckily my wife showed up just in time to get me a small container to "hurl" into, or it would have just been all over the place. The nurse finally heard the comotion and came running over. Her first words? "Why didn't you call me?!?! I was right over there!" Remember, I had no call button, and no voice because of the intibation tube they had just removed. I suppose I regret calling her incompetent, but at the same time, she could have been more understanding and showed a bit of compasion.
Even after a couple of weeks at home, I found myself short with people and getting grumpy. I am happy to say, however, that I am almost back to my usually pleasant self.
Ernie
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I have found that as I am now SSD I get angry when someone says something and I don't understand them and I say 'What?' then they reply, 'nevermind.' This drives me crazy!
:-[
One of the major reasons I got a BAHA. This used to frustrate the hell out of me, which made me angry. Obviously a TransEar will solve some of this problem, too. Aren't you getting a TransEar, Neal?
Jan
Yes, still waiting for it to come in. I am hoping this will help but I find myself having less than high expectations (that way I won't be too disappointed). I will report once I get it.
Neal
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Dear Ernie,
;D ;D ;D at the oreo cookie ex wife story. I was more passive agressive with my ex husband. Once he seriously choked on a raw carrot and I actually debated whether or not to call 911. ;)
I think any assault to the brain or surrounding areas has long lasting effects. People with strokes and head trauma have residual temper flareups for years. I would also think that stress - whether current or delayed - can impact temper too.
Sometimes, though, I think it's just life. Our secretary has a magnet on her file cabinet that says, "I meditate, do yoga and read affirmations daily. Why do I still feel like smacking someone?"
Have a calm and peaceful day everybody.
Miss Molly
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I get angry easily, but try not to, when I do I have to go to a quiet room, sit, take deep breaths before I do anything else.
Btw Im back guys! ;)
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Just to be the voice of opposition, I've been told that since surgery I seem more emotionless than before the surgery. I've been told that I seem to not get mad, angry, happy, sad, etc as much as before. I disagree with that, but that's what I've been told. I've never been one to hurl oreos at people, though. ;)
Btw, welcome back Lisa! :)
Regards,
Brian
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Palace, m'dear! :-* :-*
I moved this to the "Cognitive/Emotional" forum as it certainly is an emotional aspect of illness, even for AN'ers... so, thanks for understanding the topic move.
I'm sorry to hear about this... you know I worry about you... so, know that I'm sending my hugglez to you... I'm always keeping an eye open for you. Please hang in there!
xo
Phyl
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Palace,
I have noticed that since surgery I do not suffer fools gladly. My colleagues joke that my "diplomacy chip" was removed. I think it has gotten lots better but I also think the change is due to my brush with a brain tumor. In my mind, life is short, people spend too much time worrying and complaining about unimportant things and I just don't feel like I have time for it anymore. Of course, if I don't feel well, which happens too often, I'm even less patient. The interesting thing is that I believe I am a better wife, mother, and friend than I was before because I understand what is really important. It's an interesting contradiction, isn't it?
Best,
Marci
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I like to call it "Low People Tolerence" ::) ::)
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"LPT"
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I like to call it "Low People Tolerence" ::) ::)
Sounds like a great description to me ;D
Jan
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On the outside I am about the same most of the time ...if I lose my temper it is gonna be to grumble
and or yell at my husband who pats my head and tells me everything is gonna be alright which in turn
makes me madder ...
I am now and always have been on to hold in emotions ...if I am mad at you you won't know it and if I am
sad and miserable people don't know that either ...
I feel bad that I jump Bo who is too good about it ... and I still think that somewhere in the heat of the
moment I nail him because I feel safe that he is tough enough to take it ... this is something that is a "since
surgery" thing ...doesn't happen often but any is too much
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Today is one of those days!I can not figure out if its LTP(low people tolerence) or PMS!They are both so much alike. ::)
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You are too funny......but I hear you!!!!
Anne Marie
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Patience is one thing I have alot of. Given my line of work (teaching 16 yr olds how to drive) and raisiing four boys, taught m patience. I have notice no change in temper and have just asked my partner about it and he said no change. I feel I am so lucky during this recovery. The last 3 days I have had an almost back to normal head day. Wonkiness occurs when I"m tired. I try not to do to much, but when feeling good I tend to over do it a bit. Then its nap time for sure..
JO ;D
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I have not had any problems with anger. Depression has been a bigger problem for me.
It was interesting that I really had no emotion in the hospital. I'm sure it was the drugs. At about 2-3 weeks after surgery I started crying in the shower and I couldn't stop. Then for about a week I would just abruptly start crying for no reason. I couldn't say then, or even now, whether they were tears of joy to be alive, or sorrow at my outcome. I think it was both. I think I was adjusting to the new me.
Since then, I do get pretty depressed at times, but it is leveling off.
Samantha