ANA Discussion Forum
Post-Treatment => Post-Treatment => Topic started by: Catflower on December 31, 2007, 07:03:05 pm
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I find I'm having a lot of anger and depression for the past week or two. I'm really missing my pre-surgery life and not being able to do what I want to do. I've also recently been diagnosed with either rheumatoid arthritis or lupus and am on some medication that makes my balance much worse. I vowed that I was going to get back to exercising as soon as my joint pain got under control, but now my balance is the biggest problem again. Prior to the medication I was doing pretty well. I tried to go to the Mall Sunday, but could only tollerate it for a few minutes and had to leave. I had the same experience at Wal Mart today. Some days I just feel like life reallly isn't worth it any more.
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BIG HUGS............... I am sorry you are having so much trouble..Surely it will be getting better for you soon as you get used to the meds. Isn't there something else they can prescribe? I am on a anti anxiety/depression med as well that I think is helping me to not feel so down....... Can you look into something like that with your docs? More HUGS.............
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RE
I tried to go to the Mall Sunday, but could only tolerate it for a few minutes and had to leave. I had the same experience at Wal Mart today.
Even before surgery I felt this way about the mall and more so about Wal-Mart specifically. Today I could not tolerate the shopping scene but this is normal post Christmas as I have had enough of it…I think many people who have not even had AN surgery feel this way - right about now.
This is the time of year when schedules really get messed with and people who need routine can really feel thrown off. I know I have consumed more than the allowable amounts of sweets and various fats that accompany the festive holiday making… as I have every year in the past around this time.
RE
I vowed that I was going to get back to exercising as soon as my joint pain got under control, but now my balance is the biggest problem again.
It is important, not just for your physical health but also mental and spiritual, to exercise. Often dormancy can magnify depression. See if you can get hold of a stationary bike to start off with. Today I dropped off a load of “stuff� at the Goodwill and could not help but notice the abundance of exercise equipment on the floor they were selling for cheap ($ 15 – $100 as this is the time of year when people make New Years resolutions and buy the latest and greatest exercise “stuff� – and are purging their older and often hardly used equipment.) I found that when I was still having balancing issues and could not hike for exercise that the stationary bike was very good for me. My surgeon actually suggested and encouraged me to get on a stationary bike. Being that it does not move I did not have to balance it- giving my brain a break while I exercised. (I got mine for approx $15 at a church garage sale- basic but did the trick). The non weight bearing exercise of the stationary bike is also good for the days I have sore joints.
It is also the time where we, in North America, \have the least amount of daylight (I am assuming you are writing to us from the USA). I grew up in Canada spending hours in the snow with the bright sunlight reflecting back into my ski goggles. It took me awhile to figure why the winters, here in the PNW, are so depressing.
Here is a basic link on SAD
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder
Many of my friends and neighbors who were also transplants here recommended this light to me also.
http://www.northernlighttechnologies.com/index.php?country=us
(I am sure there other brands- this is just what my husband bought for me)
I have an in-law who had a stroke leaving him blind in one eye. He suffered from depression that year. His neurologist recommended he uses the light since his ability to absorb light into the brain was reduced in half. Both he and I find our lights to be effective. I only use mine in winter and have my stationary bike set up in front of it. I use it when it is too wet and miserable to go outside for my daily walks (i.e. exercise.) I think there are also precautions for patients with Lupus and sunlight so you might want to read up on that further before trying the SAD light.
I know for myself that the days I do not exercise – I am not a happy camper.
Here are a couple of articles to read this New Year's eve
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=000B0A8E-839C-1C61-B882809EC588ED9F
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression-and-exercise/MH00043
I have read your posts- 2007 was a tough year for you (as me). Try to sweep 2007 out-the-door and welcome in this New incoming Year.
Keep moving forward and know you are not alone here on this AN journey. Try to examine the positive and how far you have come since the weeks just after your surgery.
Hang in there Catflower. You have buddies here on the forum.
Happy New Year 2008!
Cheers and a HUG :) ,
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gosh 4, what great advice......... I with second the exersize. I have a video called Walk Away The Pounds with Leslie Sansone. Do it right in my living room. I too feel worse on days that I don't fit that in....... and boy it will be nice to have a abundance of sunlight here at home. I felt much better in FLA. Maybe it was the sun??? hmmmm
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Sound advice re exercise
Also you may want to have a word with your Doc
Pain meds, more-or-less act in two ways
One group definately works on the central nervous system
(bit like the vino ?)
great, in many situations - but not so good if you have balance issues
there are other pain med (swelling reduction) types that may impact rather less
on the balance issues - the doc may decide on some alternative options
- caution, best not to cease the current meds till the Doc gives the OK
- or changes them ?
Hope your year improves
Best Regards
Tony
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Sound advice re exercise
Also you may want to have a word with your Doc
Pain meds, more-or-less act in two ways
One group definately works on the central nervous system
(bit like the vino ?)
great, in many situations - but not so good if you have balance issues
there are other pain med (swelling reduction) types that may impact rather less
on the balance issues - the doc may decide on some alternative options
- caution, best not to cease the current meds till the Doc gives the OK
- or changes them ?
Hope your year improves
Best Regards
Tony
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Catflower: When I read what you wrote, I couldn't reply - it hit too close to home; well, it HIT home. But, you got me finally taking a serious look at how I've been feeling & living, or NOT living. I've decided this depression is too big for me. I've been telling myself, 'I'll get over this', but I haven't, & I can't do it alone. I'm calling a psychiatrist tomorrow to make an appt. So, thank you for YOUR honesty, & letting me see it's time to be honest with myself.
I wish you peace Catflower, & happier times, Nancy
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I went through the depression/anger thing too and kept telling myself I could get though it. When I talked to my doctor about it, he really made me feel like I was not being "crazy" or "weak" like I thought I was - he said it was an absolutely normal response to an abnormal situation. I mean geez, you just had a brain tumor. I think even the strongest person would be depressed and angry about it. My point is, it's nothing to be ashamed of - it actually means you're normal!
He put me on a mild anti-depressant which has worked wonders. I haven't had any side-effects and it really just helps to make the seemingly insurmountable things not such a big deal anymore. I have to admit that I used to think people who took them were just whiny or not as tough as I thought I was. Then I mentioned it to a friend who I always thought was tough as nails, and it turns out she's been taking them too.
Now, I'll get off my pharmaceutical sales pitch here and tell you that I also could not agree more with the sunlight and exercise things. I have SAD as well. Not nearly as bad since I moved from Upstate NY to TN, obviously, but I learned that I would be in a miserable mood if I didn't force myself to get outside and get some fresh and and soak up some sunlight. I'll admit, sometimes it was pretty cold out there, but it really did help. I would squeeze in some exercise at the same time - walking, cross country skiing, snow shoeing, just playing with the kids. I've also found that this always hits the same time of year for me - right after Christmas. i think it's because I spend so much time preparing - cooking, travelling, shopping - everything else that goes along with the holidays - that once it's over I kinda feel like I have nothing else to keep me busy.
Nancy - I'm so glad that you decided it's time to start enjoying your life again. You've been through so much that you deserve to feel like yourself again! You've helped so many people - it's okay to help yourself every now and then! :)
Here's to a better 2008 for everyone! I am more than ready to tuck 2007 away in the PAST!!
Lori
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Big HUG to you too Nancy...
You too have had quite the year… and extra HUGS are being sent your way also. My wish for you is that 2008 will be in the up-and-up … but know that we are here for you even when some days don’t go that way.
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YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! I was experiencing the same symptoms because I was a first year head volleyball coach that was very athletic pre-surgery and it frusterated me so much how I couldn't demonstrate the skill let alone explain it! But I got through that hard time and so will you! You just have to be strong and believe that God gave us these obstacles and not other people because He knew we could get through it! Best of luck to you and stay positive!
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Thanks for everyone for their words of encouragement. My doctor did increase my Prozac dose and I did manage to exercise once so far this week. I have the Walk Away The Pounds DVD for "older" folks. Boy, it's hard to admit I need that ;)
Linda in WV
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Just put a piece of tape over the "Older". I won't tell anyone!!
At least they don't have a version for "ancient folks" - do they? I don't think I'd admit to buying that one.
Glad you're feeling better!
Lori
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I do the walk away the lbs video too :) I am soooooo glad to see that you were able to start excersizing and change your meds. Take care Linda and keep walking! :D
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I also have anger and depression problems after my surgery. My family help me cope with these emotional problems (though I sometimes could see the stress on my wife's face and the frustrated look from my son). What I have been doing is to take a deep breath or taking a walk before I blow up. I also count to 20 in my head when I sense my anger boiling up.
My balance problem went away after I saw a PT who specializes in vestibular problems. Treatments included doing exercises with my eyes closed or walking in the pool (chest deep). Hang in there because everything will be better from now on.
Hip - MD
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I exercised again today. Just being able to do the DVD given my multiple joint problems is a big accomplishments. I made it two days this week and will set a goal of 3 next week. This weekend I'm taking care of my 18 month old granddaughter so that should provide some exercise :)
I do feel better emotionally if I exercise even if I have to make myself do it. Once I get started I'm glad I'm doing it. Hopefully, this will help with my residual balance issues as well.
Linda in WV
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When I maxed out my prescription medication coverage in May of this year I had to go off my Cymbalta in favor of staying on the Topamax and Imitrex injectable--could not afford both. OK in the summer, but not fun in the winter. I also have Seasonal Affective Disorder problems (no wonder I lived in the Caribbean most of my life!) I saw my neurologist last week and he just sort of threw some generic prozac at me. No counseling about the side effects of the med no nothing. "Here, take these." Didn't ask me anything about the extent or symptoms of my depression. Needless to say I haven't filled the prescription yet. I'm very wary of taking yet another med right now. I'm going to try the puppy therapy route in a week or so. Should get me out of the house, especially in the middle of the night.
It is sooooo hard to pull yourself out of it when you are in the middle of it. You just want to sit there, don't you. But when you get tired enough of it, you will do it. You will go for a walk. You will take a bath and put on clean clothes and get some fresh air and some exercise. And eventually you will feel better. All that big stuff that you were carrying around will get lighter and smaller and eventually you will put it down!
Be well everyone!
Capt Deb(http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee60/Captdeb_photos/pirate2.gif)
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Linda,
Is there anywhere with an indoor pool by you? Pool exercises are great for people with joint problems. Usually the YMCA or Jewish Community Centers have a nice warm pool and all the ones I've ever been in also had an exercise program for people with joint issues. (We move a lot, so I've been in quite a few..).
And that might help with seasonal depression too - you can get a raft and float while pretending you're in Hawaii. If that doesn't work, maybe Deb can start her own traveling puppy therapy group and travel to each of us so we can play with the new bundle of fur. By the time she made it around the globe, she'd be a great big bundle or fur.
Lori
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From an experience I had this week where I missed a few days of my Omega 3/6/9 supplement...if you're not on it, give it a try. It's doing wonders for my anxiety issues. Haven't had a problem in the 2 months I've been taking it...no more anxiety attacks...I go off for a couple days, and I'm down for the count. I take one, and I'm better by the afternoon. It's amazing stuff!
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I'M NOT ASHAMED TO SAY THAT I CAN'T GET OUT OF BED ON MOST DAYS. I HAVE A 3 AND 5 YEAR OLD LITTLE BOYS AND I DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO HELP DAD AROUND THE HOUSE AND WITH THESE BUNDLES OF JOY. MY KIDS ARE WHAT I LIVE FOR. IF I DIDN'T HAVE THEM I AM SCARED TO SAY WHERE I MIGHT BE. I CRY EVERY DAY AND HATE TO SEE OLD PHOTOS OF MYSELF. I AM MOST COMFORTABLE AT THE END OF THE DAY WHEN I KNOW THAT I DON'T HAVE TO BE OUT IN PUBLIC ANYMORE AND CAN TURN THE LIGHTS DOWN LOW AND CRAWL INTO BED WITH MY "TOOTIE TOOTS" AND MY HUSBAND AND WATCH TV AND SNUGGLE. I AM ON LEXAPRO AND IT IS HELPING SOME. I THINK SPRING TIME WILL BE BETTER WHEN I CAN PLANT FLOWERS IN MY COURTYARD AND FEEL THE WARMTH OF THE SUN ON MY SKIN. I HATE WINTER BLAH DAYS ANYWAY.
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Crookedsmile: Believe me, I had my nightmare days, big crying times at night, ALOT of anger the first few months,
heck, the year & a half before I was able to get this TTT surgery done.
I & I know others have been there/are still going thru it. You're not alone my friend.
Someone on this forum said 'this AN is bigger than me', something like that,
but it's NOT bigger than all of us on this forum. We're all here for you.
I was glad to have this 'cyber-site' shoulder to cry on, & cry I did.
Get angry when you need to, SCREAM - the relief feels good after you've let it all out; we've all been there......
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Crooked-smile
I just put on a baseball cap and my glasses (makes my face less noticeable) and just went out for a power walk … the kind that makes one hot sweaty, panting ,and red in the face. (I.e. to get the ole blood circulating)
My spirits were much brighter once I came in after my walk.
Try to see if you can get outside (buddle up if you need to) and get some fresh air and exercise… it will be good for your body mind and soul.
Keep moving forward
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Crooked Smile~
Through out all of my recovery, I discovered that I am very "goal" oriented. I would set little goals for myself each day and then when I accomplished them I felt so much better -- like I had acually acheived something!! I made sure that I vocallized my intentions so that I felt a little more like I had to do them if my hubby or others knew...Pretty soon I was able to do more & more -- not just physical things, but emotional/mental challenges too. It will get better -- I've been doing this for a LONG time now...some things take longer than others, but you CAN get past this. PLEASE don't let this rob you of the life you can have with sweet boys and hubby!!
K
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There are days when I feel especially ugly and lonely - today being one of them.
I agree with the advice on exercise and getting involved in outside activities. Once I start focusing on other things and other people, I don't feel as depressed.
What a great group of folks on this forum - we can all empathize.
Sending good thoughts your way.
Jan D
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I wish I could swope in give you all kisses and take away all the pain and anger. Hang in there and let us help. Kisses to all of your foreheads. :-* 16
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I started this thread and just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing much better. My rhumatologist started me on Humaria for the Rheumatoid Arthritis and it has given me tremendous relief from the joint pain. This allows me to better deal with the post AN surgery issues.
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Hey CAt, ya excercise-is the only thing that at least gives me some amount of hope and less stress. Long term goal of Iron Man 2010.
My running is the worst. I am a running cadaver. If you go to these events, everybody there is for their own goals, pride is swept under the rug with new atheletes that are starting the sport.
Another thing I notices with SSD.
Two ears give us orientation where objects are and where WE ARE in relation to those objects. WITH SSD, I have noticed that since I do not know where things are, those things do not reflect back to me where I am and therefore, I do not exist-or as in -I float in space. This definitely is a downer and makes me need to pay much more attention to things, but for races like triathlons, it is a Godsend, because I have absolutely NO ANXIETY while starting the race, Gun going off, WHERE!? who knows, people cheering, WHERE!? Biker behind me yelling "ON YOUR LEFT!"-WHERE?!=who knows...I am not existent.
so It is all dampened out for me-I only focus on not stopping.
It's as if I am in my own internal world and the only one racing is me.
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IXTA
Totally off the AN topic for a second here... but do you know about this one?
http://www.ironman.ca/
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Talk about cognitive thinking ability or lack there of... I was scrolling up and down looking for reply
button for several minutes before seeing login lit up... I had logged on for an hour and time was up ... I
though there for a few minutes I was losing it ...
back on subject...
I have gone through many emotional states ...anger mostly when I can not do something I used to do...
I usually work around it and find a way to get things doen... yesterday I spent a good deal of time laying in
bed just looking at TV... can't say I was really watching it as I don't know what was on... just felt down and
couldn't make myself get up... and I stayed in PJs all day long...
I feel better if I can get myself up and moving... out side when posible...can't walk around property alone as
to uneven and wouldn't like to fall alone... I have Lupus and a big no no is too much sun exposure ... it was 80
over weekend and sunny and I was out there and now I am peeling from head to toe... I itch and my eyebrows
have dandruff :o ... but the sun felt good and even with this reaction I feel better than if I stayed in hiding
from the sun
I am just rambling now ... I think I may have had a point that I lost in my panic of losing the reply button >:( ...
anyway hang in there ... you will go up and down have good days and bad but with help of friend, family,
doctors,this forum , and most of all your self you will get through ...
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I am just rambling now ... I think I may have had a point that I lost in my panic of losing the reply button >:( ...
*smacks "reply" button*... ok, all fixed now Soundy! Huggles! Phyl ;)
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Thanks ... I needed that :)
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I too have been so very much depressed but have actually focused on something else. I am on Weight Watchers and am running an 8k (which was my goal before surgery). I have lost 12 lbs as of today and am taking my mind off my face and onto my body. I feel a ton better (of course still depressed) but i am a control freak and need something else to focus on!!
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Meagan~
Snaps for you!! I know that you are proud of the weight that you have lost. I am doing WW too and have started working out again. I go to the gym every morning at 5:35. Exercise definitely helps takes the focus off other things -- for me just trying to gasp air!! ;D
K
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I get up at 5 am. and my family thinks i am insane....ww totally works and i am 3 lbs away from my 10% loss....wahoo....gives you something else to worry about...i plan/worry about everything....i think i have a little bit of ocd....oh well :)
have a good day....it snowed here in chicago :(
Meagan
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Meagan~
That is great about your 10%!!! ;D I am just over 2 pounds away from my goal. I would have already made it if I hadn't changed it to an even 30. I didn't go weigh in today, though, my birthday was this week so I figured why put myself through it when I figured I had gained!! Keep up the good work!!
K
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There are no calories in birthday cake!! ::)
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I going with that too (I just had my 2nd...um, 3rd piece today -- they were little!!!)!
K
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Happy Belated Birthday!!