ANA Discussion Forum
Post-Treatment => Post-Treatment => Topic started by: Gennysmom on March 30, 2007, 01:31:25 pm
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OK, I'm diong it, I'm opening the can of worms. For you post microsurgical patients, did you have a loss of libido, and if so, how long did it last? I'm working with my doc and we can't seem to get it back up and running, and now I'm wondering if I'm dealing with perimenopause too. I've tried meds, B-6, multivitamins, exercise, lost 20 lbs, and it's still deader than a doornail. It's not depression. I'm running out of ideas and I don't think stealing anyone's viagra will work since I'm a girl. Thoughts?
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Gennysmom!! :o
Ok, folks... keep it clean....
GM, I think it happens to most folks that have run into medical issues... but going to sit back with my martini and popcorn and lounge chair to see how others respond to this... and make sure everyone keeps it on track and not *ahem* out of line, ok? remember folks, young eyes (such as Taylor, Chelsea and all...under 21 years) participate here and since this is a USA based website, all internet USA rules in affect.
GM, very important topic, I have to agree.....
Phyl
(lordy, who signed me up for this role around here ??? ;) )
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Okay Mother! Sheeesh.....(responding to Phyl)
My libido normal before surgery and normal after. No loss after surgery and I do mean closely after (one week?!) and I really did have a headache! Perhaps it's a "being tired" issue as brain fatigue sets in heavy in the late afternoon (lots of stimuli all day you know). Glass of wine might help (smiling sheepishly)?
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Thanks Karen, yeah, Phyl already called me and suggested many things I can't name here :D I did try the nip of alcohol tip, and it's just not there. I do think it's because I work 40+ hours a week and keep up a home and all I want to do is get to sleep, but still have that nagging something else is wrong feeling. We're going on vacation in a month, our first since surgery, so we will see if that helps. If it doesn't, then I think I'm going in for a blood test to run iron, hormones, calcium, etc.
We also talked about if there might be a little PTSD in it...I had brief trauma coming home from my CSF leak lumbar drain, and I'm very skiddish about any pressure, be it intra-cranial or anything else. And I don't like anyone touching my head much either. Which drives me nuts because I was soooooo not like this before surgery.
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Didn't effect me one bit.... Since much of libido is in the brain anyway,
have you had things going on in your life ? Increasing worries, problems, etc ???
Just another thing to think about.....
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Hi Nancy! Actually no, which is another weird thing post surgery. I will be riding in the car and my boyfriend will ask "what's wrong?" because he thinks I'm staring out the window stressing over something. Post surgery, I have nothing that worries me, I'm simply looking out thinking "look at the pretty flowers, or sky, or whatever it is". I have no worries other than just day to day "step carefully or you'll fall over" kind of stuff. I have purposely left my plate open so I can recover, so other than work and keeping up the house, I don't have to do anything. I try to play a lot, and don't agonize over my "new normal" too much, so ????? I'm not stressing over this, it would just be darn nice to be interested again.
I'm a right side AN, and I've been looking into that and the differences of what right side brain injury can do (mine was over 3.1 cm and distorting my cerebellum pretty good). It's interesting, much different from left.
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Well, I'm stumped GM. Maybe you're just in a lull for awhile. That I can relate to !!
I wouldn't worry too much about it, that in itself would cause problems.
I was watching a TV talk show a few weeks ago while recuperating from my eye surgery,
& I was happy to hear from the MD who specializes in menapause, that it should have no
effect on libido (wish I could remember her name, it was a great show, she's written a book on menapause).
I'm a believer in candles, lighting, bubble bath, a long massage, a fine bottle of wine, chocolates of course.....
Just shutting out the rest of the world..... Now, if I only had a man to share THAT with.....
Good thoughts my friend, Nancy
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Thanks my friends. I don't want to stress either, it's just that my sweetie is such a good caretaker and I love him to bits, and selfishly I wish I could enjoy it like I used to. At this point though, I'm thinking I'd have to quit my job, win the lottery, buy a tropical island and live a life of leisure for a bit to get back to those days. I'm tired, so I'm headed home from work to sleep this weekend ;)
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just wondering...
... what is libido?
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Darn - I looked here and was expecting some dark insight
- all I got was more questions.......
Anyway I definately noticed about 3mths post OP that I actually
lost my temper with someone - only then did I realise that
I hadent done so in the previous 3mths
(in my pre-op state, 3 hrs between tantrums was a long time)
In time I came to realise that there is a relationship between
spare or surplus energy and anger and tension etc.
ie you almost need to have that energy in order for the
emotional state to exist.
So Post-Op, energy levels are lower (so no tantrums)
But also sadley rather less gasoline for "makin woopie"
(this does change as the energy levels return)
If you add the sense that "sense of self/value/appearence"
may have changed in some way - then confidence
may also be reduced as well.
So deep stuff - but basically energy levels
and confidence are key issues here.
And finally to answer Chelsea :
"Libido" is something that women talk about alot
- but you never get to see it.....
Best regards
Tony
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Tony! Sheesh.
Chelsea - Got a dictionary? ;D
Sue in
Vancouver USA
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Oh, and Gennysmom......Seems like the vacation would help. The working and being so tired doesn't help much. You're still a young and vibrant woman....it ain't gone yet, honey!! ;D
Sue in Vancouver USA
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Hi Chelsea... it's um.... when you feel "amourous" with your partner, to put it mildly. Will leave it at that.
Phyl
just wondering...
... what is libido?
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Oh, and Gennysmom......Seems like the vacation would help. The working and being so tired doesn't help much. Your still a young and vibrant woman....it ain't gone yet, honey!! ;D
Sue in Vancouver USA
What Sue said! :)
... and Gennysmom, gave you my suggestions offline... :D
xo
Phyl
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haha wow can you say DUMB question on my part? lol i asked my mom (quite embarrassing after she told me and then i understood her shocked look)
well to answer you question:
even with how young i am and dont have much experience in that field i had no drive AT ALL to have a boyfriend or to even look "good" when i went out to the store or anything. i just didnt have the energy to care i think.
but in this past week i have seen myself being more interested in that area. like i have been more interested in going out or looking good or even trying to impress.
and i totally agree with the fact that it all comes back as your energy comes back.
the other day was the first time post op i have gotten mad! or wanted to prove to someone that i WAS right. and i really think that is energy coming back. before i REALLY just DIDNT care whatsoever, but i see myself caring more and more. but in a good way.
and i think as energy comes back the libido will come back haha
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Chelsea, you rawk! you really do! :-*
...and great answer you share! I'm impressed!
xo
Phyl
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I couldnt get excited for a week.
I posted about it on my blog at thestatus.com
I almost threwup when my brain was sending me weird emotin/ images.
I rationaled it as being God telling me that I was not "ready yet" so I had to "keep ye thy mind off thee doity thoughts!"
upon getting home to my wife about 2 weeks post, we had a rippin yet careful not to kill me time.
intrusive images of Shahinian pointing his finger at me "45 Degree angle all the time! didnt help..
post 3 mos now everything is not "dizzy s__", but ya, the "Libido" was down for sure.
CSF LEAK s__ WOOT!
(http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00005QJFX.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg)
healing takes time.
minor clean up of wording here Ixta... slight adjustment and doesn't take away from what you are trying to share... thanks for understanding.
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Yeah, I know what you mean....maybe it is all psychological....the day after my first time after surgery, I was rushing up to the hospital for a CSF leak...sure it wasn't related, but I did wonder. I don't know, still working on it, researched some vitamin therapy this weekend, so will see if that helps. Now have flaxseed and evening primrose oil, and progesterone cream. I'd take Phyl's advice, but considering Brian is a cop and I work in the prosecutor's office....I'll stick to the legal realm! ;D
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Yes, well, yer keep'in it nice here girlies.
So far, I've begun using the spade in the garden, and hacking down errant plants. Its about time. The old spirit moves in mysterious ways...sooooo slowly.
Did ya think I'd never sign in on this one?
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I haev a good one here,
My doc cleared me for Se# er relations after 4weeks post op, my wife is afraid that I will get injured, I am 9 weeks postop and Before surgery could bench press three of her 118 lbs.. Now she is tired all the time, this weekend I put in new ballisters and rails the main stariwell to out house and lugged about an actual ton of mulch onto our covered porch, I am super into the concept of relations and have tried the usual things for her chocolate, crunch n munch, and nothing, could it be my scar?, she told me she thinks it makes me look tougher. Wait this is about my libido, nothing wrong with that, I was *feeling amourous* in in- patient rehab for goodness sakes. This tinnitus makes me loopy at times.
Sorry to drift off thread,
Steve
*Steve, light touch up on certain words to keep it... um.... for all to read... thanks for understanding
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No worries, and yes, Boppie, we're keeping it clean....I think it's a legitimate thought, just like how the heck to do #2 without intracrainial pressure and blowing out your brains after surgery. The thing I find really difficult about post surgery is that if your hand or foot or knee hurts, you can take a vacation in your brain to get away from it...but what if it's your brain? There's no escaping all the wonky feelings going on up there. Not that I'm dwelling it, but I would give almost anything for one day's vacation from my head. Stevey, I don't know what to tell you...other than just remember that it's an emotional thing for most women, not a physical thing.
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folks, thanks for sharing all you are sharing and greatly appreciated. I remind everyone to CAREFULLY watch wording here as minors are also reading this. Please keep on track as you all are doing and please be careful in specific words you type. As you can see, I've already had to clean up a couple of posts. This is an AN website and although the conversation is essential to what many experience, it's just the wording you gotta watch, ok? Thanks for understanding...
... and Gennysmom, heck, my suggestions may not be kewl but hey... was worth a thought! :)
Phyl
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I am not sure this may be just a surgrery thing. I have a friend that had GK for her AN. She said she feels about as sexy as a used dish rag and no desire to make woopie. I have noticed she does not dress or act the same as before AN. She used to flirt with her husband and initiate things.
It took me quite a while to go back wearing jewelry. I also seemed to pick out my most plane jane cloths. I simply didn't seem to want to be noticed. I also gained a lot of weight. I am back now. Get out the flash and put it on. Something about that year marker seemed to click.
Sandy
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Personally having your head cut open, paralysis in the face, double vision, sometimes food falling out of your mouth and a gold weight in your eye lid, well it just doesn't make you feel very attractive. I still like to get dressed up and wear my make up but I don't like the fact that I have to wear black tape on one side of my glasses, I am getting a little tired of kids looking at me and telling their mommy and daddy, look at that lady, what is wrong with her eye? Fortunately I have a good sense of humor but ....when I initially had the surgery and was wearing a black patch on my eye, I did on occasion growl like a pirate at some kids in the grocery store ..I got a good laugh out of it.
Let's face it we've gone thru some tough stuff here with many of us having lots of patience in our recovery process. It does change you. I am very very thankful I am alive. My husband has been wonderful, understanding and very helpful but I just look at things a little differently these days.
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TP,
I loved your post, you said it like it is, "Personally having your head cut open, paralysis in the face, double vision, sometimes food falling out of your mouth and a gold weight in your eye lid, well it just doesn't make you feel very attractive."
I use to be jealous that I didn't have an AN like the rest of you but if having one means the libido takes a hit then no thank you I will keep my Facial Neuroma. Ha, Ha!
I broke my leg a month before my surgery and just a week after finding out I needed the surgery. The short time between my leg surgery (tri-lateral break) and Facial Neuroma surgery I was extremely amourous, emotions were running high. As someone mentioned before women are very emotional. After the Facial surgery I was to busy being in pain from the lack of info. on how to take care of my non-watering eye, add to it the inability to eat and other issues I won't go into, to even think about being amorous, let alone feeling that way. It's been almost 15 years so I don't recall how long it was before I took a chance on being intimate, I don't think it was really all that long though. One of my main concerns was that since I couldn't smile or speak clearly how could I possibly kiss?
To quote TP again, "My husband has been wonderful, understanding and very helpful but I just look at things a little differently these days." My husband was and is wonderfull as well. The kissing never became an issue and spending "quality time" with my husband has been the best thing for me mentally & emotionally as when I'm with him I'm not someone that had a tumor, I'm not someone who can't smile, I'm not someone that has to put ointment in her eye every 5 to 15 minutes. I'm loved for who I am today and there's nothing more I could ask for! My Mom became ill when I was 5 and things got worse over the years, my Dad and Mom hardly spoke while I was growing up. When I got sick I was afraid that would happen to me & my husband as well. Thankfully it wasn't the case. I'm not saying that the only time I'm happy is when I'm with my husband I'm just saying that if it isn't working for you now, be patient, it will work when the emotions and the healing process are in order, it's worth the wait. Sometimes we think we are doing fine and then when we are "actually" doing fine we realize we weren't doing as well as we thought we were.
Take Care, Jill Marie ;)
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I hear you loud & clear TP.....
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TP and Jill Marie....you guys are great! I can so totally relate to "Sometimes we think we are doing fine and then when we are "actually" doing fine we realize we weren't doing as well as we thought we were." I just want to say again that this whole experience has really brought us closer as a couple, and I am so happy....that was one of my fears pre-surgery....how would we relate to each other and will he be OK being my caretaker. He's been amazing. I think it's just that I'm finally starting to feel well enough that I think I should be back wanting to be "in the saddle" (so to speak). I'm feeling even better than last week after adjusting my meds and vitamins, so I think talking about this was the push I needed to take care of it. Thanks so much!
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I had no loss either.... I was acrually more interest. All the love and caring I received from my man made me more willing than ever ;) ;)1st week easy does it, third week, almost ..... I think i'll drive... :o :)
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Good thread. Well handled. Thanks
I think Chelsea got it about right. AN surgery, even none-invasive radiation, takes a lot out of our bodies and they need some time to recover and get us back to our normal state, which would include our respective libido levels. I suspect there are probably a lot of mental issues, too, that effect post-op libido. As Nancy correctly stated, most of our amorous inclinations begin in the mind and the body simply responds to that mental stimulus. If we hurt, are tired and stressed (like GM), have anxiety, anger or other, possibly subconscious, 'issues', I'm certain they'll have a negative effect on our libido level, no matter how much we might wish otherwise.
Fortunately, I had a rapid recovery and no real problems with my libido. It was back to normal in about 10 days. My wife was a bit surprised but didn't complain. :)
Jim
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There is a tendancy these days to send patients home very soon
(too soon in my view)
- with the effect that they are mostly, still recovering, at home
This creates issues, a bit more like a carer relationship / or almost parental
I am sure this confuses things, and of course the homebase
now has associations with illness/hospitals etc etc
Anyone still having firework issues might look at
a vacation romance, or second honeymoon
Best Regards
S. Freud
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My dearest Sigmund:
I will take that advise as I saw my (then, fiance) 3 weeks post CK... and have yet to have a honeymoon.... may advise you all of outcome... or not! ;)
Signed,
Boggled in Boston