ANA Discussion Forum
AN Community => AN Community => Topic started by: MDemisay on December 31, 2013, 10:03:19 am
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To all my friends,
This year my "foster" parents (actually my aunt and uncle) moved further away to a retirement community in southern Virginia. We actually used the Christmas vacation to visit My parents home in sunny Florida! How strange it felt,( when we usually for 20 Christmases spent it in New York) to hear "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" surrounded by green Palm trees! It felt good to us kids (who are 50ish now) to spend time together.
Of course, we were all surprised by my mothers gift of a Panama hat to me! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!
Mike
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A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too, Mike.
Glad to hear (no pun intended) that things are going well for you and that were you able to get away for the holidays.
I know from childhood experience that Christmas with palm trees and warm temps is definitely strange, but that doesn't stop me from envying you. I'm hoping one of these days - when the kids move out and and I've got some disposable income - that I'll be able to spend Christmas in a warm climate ;D
Best,
Jan
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I know from childhood experience that Christmas with palm trees and warm temps is definitely strange,
Quite normal here in Phoenix.
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Dear Jan and Jack and to others,
The major reason that it felt strange is because of the way my extended family celebrates Christmas!
My Mother downplays the drama of the "American" Christmas she is from Paris, France and has been an American for 57 years! This year my wife (who is the same age as me, 56) my 23 year old daughter and 90 year old sweet mother-in-law went and spent Christmas week because my father is feeling ill and we didn't know how much longer he will be around.
It was an incredibly torturous week for us to be together especially because the rest of the family doesn't really get along with my Mother. Very much STRAIN, I don't think my immediate family will be joining me if I go down again next year.It was good to see my brother and sister again though.
Why can't we be closer as an extended family without setting each other off?
Mike
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Why can't we be closer as an extended family without setting each other off?
Good question, Mike.
Family dynamics are complicated. Family members are intimately familiar with each other and as one reaches middle age, grudges and resentments from the distant past can still color familial relationships. Aging parents can become difficult, siblings and in-laws can become jealous and manifest it in unpleasant ways. Of course, as we age, some folks find themselves disappointed with their lot in life and express it with pettiness and bickering at family gatherings. Just because two people have the same parents does not make them compatible, as you know. Also, as we mature, we all tend to become 'set in our ways' and don't appreciate other family members telling us what is wrong with something we say or do or making divisive remarks intended to belittle us. Family relationships are always a source of strain except in rare cases. Psychiatrists make a career out of attempting to help folks deal with their family. Yours is likely no better or worse than most.
I'm glad you were able to visit your father with your siblings but now that the visit is over I would put it behind me and, as you stated, next time, visit your father solo.
Jim
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my father is feeling ill and we didn't know how much longer he will be around.
Know what you're dealing with. My father was diagnosed with bone cancer shortly after Christmas last year. He passed in early April.
Very hard situation; losing a parent. And, as Jim said, family dynamics are complicated. Hang in there!
Prayers,
Jan