ANA Discussion Forum
AN Community => AN Community => Topic started by: badbadbrain67 on November 13, 2010, 01:32:05 am
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Today my mother passed away after a few months of being ill. She was my caregiver before and after my AN surgery. She did it without any complaints.
She made six months of pure hell much easier. Although I hadn't fully recovered when she got sick, I was well enough to be able to return the favor.
It was a year ago last month that I came to visit my family, got sick, and ended up living with my mom for the last year of her life.
Before I left the hospital last night, I gave her a kiss and made a little joke that made chuckle and make a little comment of her own.
This morning they told us she had at most 10 days to live. I went to the hospital and planned on giving her a little message but she was heavily sedated
and she never regained consciousness.
I wanted to tell her that the last thing she did as a mother was to take care of one of her children while he was going through the most difficult experience of his life.
She didn't do it because she thought she had to do it, it was just a natural thing for her. And her son is going to be ok one day and that she should be very
proud of herself.
I never got to tell her that but somehow, I think she knows.
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Thanks Victor for sharing ... should help make many others share their thoughts with their loved ones.
Prayers and virtual hugs to you.
Greg
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She knows.... oh, I bet she knows. Please accept my VERY deepest condolence for your loss. I know your journey has been a very difficult one and knowing such a loving mother, out of pure natural mother instinct, did all she can for her son.... and as you were able to be there for her, what a true, lovely testiment of what mother-son relationships can be. Know in your heart that she loved you dearly and as we read here, your endless love for her helped to bring peace to her soul.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Phyl
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I'm sorry for your loss, Victor, but how wonderful that you have such loving memories of your mother. May they sustain you in the days ahead. I will have you and your family in my prayers.
Sara
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Oh, Victor, I know what it is like to lose a parent...I am so very sorry. I will be praying for you and your family during this time. I know it can be busy & demanding taking care of everything and all the emotions, but try to take care of YOU (that's what she would have wanted, sounds like) and get plenty of rest.
K :'(
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So sorry I am sure she knows and you were blessed to have lived with her this past year..
My prayers and thoughts are with you..
Best Wishes,
Pat
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Victor ~
Please accept my sincere sympathy on the death of your beloved mother. Her love for you, manifested in her care and concern is poignantly reflected in your obvious respect and affection for her. I'm sure she deeply appreciated your help and your presence during her final days. I agree with you that your mother knows how you felt and that her love will always be with you.
Jim
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I am so sorry for the loss of you Mom. She sounds like she was a very special lady. Please accept my deepest sympathy and my prayers. Brenda
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God's peace be with you during this difficult time. My heart goes out to you because I know how this feels. She sounds likes a wonderful woman, and I am glad that you have treasured memories of your time together.
Priscilla
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Victor .....
May you have many fond memories of the love and warmth your mother gave to you. But also remember the love and warmth you gave to her. This mutual love and respect will remain with you the rest of your life.
Peace, my friend .....
Clarice
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I'm so sorry.
I'm also sorry about the AN hell you've been through, but happy that it brought you closer to your mother with so much time together over the last year of her life.
Adrienne
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is so painful to lose a parent, but it sounds like you have wonderful memories of the time you had together that will help you through such a difficult time.
I know she is proud of you and grateful for you being there for her - you can be sure of that. Sounds like you were very lucky to have each other.
Your family will be in my prayers.
Lori
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Victor,
I want to offer my deepest sympathy to you. It was good that you were able to spend so much time with her this past year. You were there for her, as she was for you and it is wonderful how close you two were. I know what you are going through, as my father passed away my first year of college in 1970 unexpectedly. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Sandy
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Victor,
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. You two had a very special bond;
The last thing you gave her was a kiss and a chuckle, and I'm sure she was at peace. A mother's love is NEVER ENDING. I pray you feel her peace and presence during this time and in times to come.
Take one day at a time and take care of yourself.
Maureen
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Dear Victor,
I am saddened to hear of your mother's passing. Please know however that you are fortunate to have had the love, caring and nurturing of your Mom.. Mine died when I was only 23 and we were not close. I wished she'd lived to be older as I think we could have bridged the gap. But it wasn't meant to be. And my dad died when I was 30 so I didn't have both parents my whole adult life. I am so happy for you that you had your Mom with you during your time of need and also you were there for her as well...
My deepest sympathy to you and your family
Sincerely, Mary (aka Grammy Mary)
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I am sorry for your loss ... sounds like she was a great lady and you a good son ...
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Victor,
I'm so sorry you lost your Mother, our parents are very special people in our lives. Although you had a rough time with your recovery you were able to "give back" and I can only imagine how much this meant to your Mom. Hang in there and try to remember the good times.
My deepest sympathy,
Liz
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Thank you everyone for your wonderful messages. I read them over and over. It was hard not to get emotional while reading them.
A year ago I was bone thin from the effects of the tumor and my mother always made sure I had my meals to gain my strength in preparation for the surgery, which was only a couple of weeks away.
Little did I know that a few months later we would be switching places. Because of my condition (the surgery was very traumatic on my body) there was only so much I could do for her, but I'm glad I
was able to be there s that she wouldn't be alone. Somewhere in there there was a time where we were both independent. I was able to go to therapy using public transport and she stayed home alone with no problem.
Wow, I thought everything was going to be ok. That's life I guess. Always a curve ball coming at you.
She had 11 living children and many friends, so she had many visitors but they all had to leave eventually. That's where I came in. The better and stronger I got, the more I could do for her.
I keep thinking that I could have done more, I could have done better, I could have spent more one on one time with her but frankly, I thought she'd be around longer. It was very quick.
She went in Wednesday night, and died on Friday night. The heavy, black feeling in the pit of my stomach will not go away, but I am surrounded by many friends and family and we have been having a good time to honor her memory.
I suspect it will fully hit me during the viewing and service. I am ready.
I am not one of those people who thinks that things happens for a reason, they just happen and you do with it what what you will, but my AN happened at a perfect time for me to help my mother out as I was the only
one of my siblings not working because of it. At least something good came out of it. Ok, so winning the lottery, quitting my job and taking care of my mother would have been a much better option but hey, whatever.
Sorry about my rambling but you all are such sympathetic and caring listeners (readers?). It calms me very much telling such an exclusive, understanding, (and fabulous may I add) group of people my inner thoughts.
And remember, always let your family and friends how you feel about them because you just never know.
Thank you guys,
Victor
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Victor .....
Do not ever apologize for rambling ..... that is one of the big reasons this forum exists ..... to shoulder some of the heavy loads we each carry ..... some are related to having an AN and some are related to our lives in general.
Thoughts and prayers as you work through your grieving.
Clarice
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Yes I agree with Clarice!
We support our AN's and other things too. It's a great place to be.
I understand the heavy feeling in the pit of the stomach. Just keep yourself surrounded by family and friends as much as possible. It's hard work to keep going, but the AN was good practice, I suppose.
My mother passed away while taking a nap, after having put the groceries away on a normal routine day. Probably a silent heart attack, related to her diabetes. The pain is almost physical.
It will pass, very slowly, but it does pass.
Hang in there~ So does this mean you have 10 siblings? Wow. Hopefully you will all be there for each other.
After my mom passed, we started a journal, writing our feelings, how we're coping.We passed it around, most of us living in different states. It helped A LOT.
Thinking of you during this time,
Maureen
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We all wish that we have done more and have guilts but I am sure you did the best you could and do not dwell on that you need your strength now to get through her death and your recovery as well. I lost both of my parents within 6 months of each other and deep down I know now that I did the best I could possibly have done..
My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
Best Wishes,
Pat
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My condolences, Victor. You and your Mom got to share something very special. Having an illness is an awful thing to go through, but it sure shows the lengths people will go to to be caregivers for their loved ones. My husband has been my caregiver for the past 8 years and it has really strengthened our relationship. Your are really blessed to have had such a loving, caring parent.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Capt Deb
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Victor,
So sorry for your loss. I am so glad that you were obviously close to her when she needed you most.