ANA Discussion Forum
Post-Treatment => Cognitive/Emotional Issues => Topic started by: Lynn Mc on December 16, 2009, 07:10:47 am
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I thought I was all set for my BIG date in January, and THEN the other shoe drooped!!! I am really depressed now. My husband has just been diagnosed with a nerve issue in his back. (Doctor re comends he get a wheelchair!) I am also main caregiver for my 87 Y/O Dad who has the big ALZ (we still haven't gotten over the last full moon)! I was doing pretty good with the situation until my husband became laid up. We also have 3 horses and a couple of labs to care for & love. All of this was easily managed prior to Don screwing up his back. He is retired & around all the time so he would care for all the critters, and keep an eye on Dad during the day (while I worked). NOW I have inherited everything!! Which would be fine if I didn't have "LOOPY" in my brain! He is not concerned about me as he feels I have a bump in my ear canal! Why does he not get it? Now I am waiting to see what they are going to do for him before I make any decisions about the removal of "LOOPY".
Sorry to whine. I usually don't and it is so unlike me.
Lynn & the everpresent "LOOPY"
"Life IS Good"
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Lynn,
It sounds like you have every reason to whine! You have a whole lot on your plate right now. When it rains, it pours.
It seems to be difficult for those not blessed with their own "loopy" to understand what we deal with. Fortunately, you've come to the right place, because we all get it. So, vent, whine, whatever! We don't mind.
My dad had Alzheimer's too and caring for him became like having 3 full time jobs. Have you checked with your local Alzheimer's Association to see what kind of services they might be able to help you out with? They are a great source of information and support. If you don't have one near you, check with social services in your town and they might be able to help you out too. Right now you have to get some help - I don't think anyone could handle all that themselves! (labs are pretty smart - maybe you can train them to pick up some of the slack! :D).
I hope the doctors come up with a good solution to your husband's back problems so he'll be on his feet soon and you can spend some time caring for yourself.
Life IS good, but sometimes we need to remind ourselves! Hang in there!
Lori
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Lynn -
don't feel bad about "crabbing" - you aren't the first and you won't be the last to vent on the Forum. I'm sure I've done it myself - and a lot more than once ;D It's one of the things we're here for - so, don't ever hesitate to share your frustrations with us.
I'm sorry for the circumstances you're facing; I hope everything works out.
Best,
Jan
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Lynn .....
I am so glad you came here to vent! All of us here are very empathetic and can fully understand the need to release. If we could only wave a magic wand and make it all go away, we would!
Lori gave you some good suggestions on seeking some help with your dad. I hope you live in a place where services will be available for you. ..... and I hope the report on Don is more optimistic in terms of treatment possibilities.
You need to be able to address your own health issue. Do not push this surgery back without your surgeon's approval. Although not the same as your situation, my first brain surgery in 1994 had to be pushed back a week because I failed a bleeding time test on the morning of the surgery. I was so distraught because I had really psyched myself up to be ready for it and then the let down was awful.
Let us know how you and your husband are doing and please continue to vent all you want.
Thoughts and prayers.
Clarice
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Please advise your husband it is not just a bump in your head this is a brain tumor benign yes but it still affects the brain. You have to remember to take care of #1 and that is you, I know it is easier said then done. The only good thing about this bump in our heads is in most cases it is slow growing but still try not to put it off. I can suggest for you to look into everyone's insurance to see if you can have a caretaker for the time that you need to recover to assist in caring for your husband and dad, most insurance companies to have some sort of homecare coverage. I wish I had an answser for the animals maybe friends or neighbors could help with that.
My prayers are with you,
Pat
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Hi Lynne!
Do not feel bad about crabbing!Your other !/2 hasn't seen nothing till your on steroids for two weeks!!!! ;D
Where ar ;D u located?I see you go to Mass.For your care.I am in N.H....let me know if i am close enuf to help in any way.
cin
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Well! I just quit whining about my life. You make my life seem like a breeze, and a warm, summer one, not this cold wind that's blasting us.
I would love to take all of your animals for you. I wish you could get the surgery behind you, because it will lift your spirits to be a postie. Friends, family, extended family, neighbors? I'm sure you've thought of all the alternatives, and you're probably like me, not wanting to ask for help unless it is life threatening.
I'm so sorry this landed in your lap.
You deserve a spa day.
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Thanks everyone. I really love you all. Nancy, thought I should call Boston to make sure "Millie" did everything on her end. Glad I did as she totally dropped the ball!! All set now. (she is out of the office again indefinitely). I am going forward with a positive attitude although I feel like jello inside. I do have some wonderful help. One of the girls that grew up in my house offered to take family leave, she is a RN (she considers me her Mom). My three daughters live in the MD, VA area. They are all taking their turn coming up to help. I don't think any of them realize that the biggest problem will be Don & my Dad!!! I will be getting someone to take care of the horses until I am able again. I was just thrown a zinger with Don's back! Like the straw that broke the camels back. My nerves are just shot. Thank God for Ativan!!!
Thank you all.
Lynn
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Hey, I have some Atavan that Mili got for me because she accidentally scheduled me for the tube o' gloom in stead of the bun o' fun, but I got it moved. You want it? ;D
Sounds like you have it all under control. I'd say thank goodness for adrenalin, personally. That's what I run on when there are no steroids available (See my post-op thread.).
Go for it. Your husband can figure out how to fend for himself from a wheelchair. It will be a great experience. He can write a book. I hope he's feeling okay, though, seriously. You're lucky to have such a broad (no pun intended) support network.
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Cyber HUGS to Lynn.
DHM
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Lynn, you have every reason to run down the road, screaming, and ripping your clothes off. Don't recommend it, but..... Don't be hard on yourself. You are only human, and it can be so overwhelming at times. Find the article in the balance section about AN's affecting your balance system, and make your spouse read it. It fully explains a lot of what is going on when the balance system is compromised. There is a lot that goes with that "bump in your ear". Has he SEEN the photos of the AN in the head??? Hello, spouse...wake up and smell the tumor, pal.
Hoping you get help and some relief from all of this,
Sue in Vancouver, USA
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Damn...I'd be whining and cheesing. I let a lot of things go when things were bad and I had all kinds of support around me. No reason to feel bad. Are you seeing the McKenna/Barker team? I relied on Helen in McKenna's office to get things arranged when Milli dropped the ball. I heard Milli was out as well..in her defense I heard she had a lot dumped on her when they let go some other staff.
Oh...tell your husband I've had both nerve issues in my back/neck (blew out a disk and lost all use of my left arm and was immobilized for 6 weeks...still aches to this day) and the AN....I'd take the nerve issues anyday.
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Again Thanks to you all. Don is going for another MRI tonight at 10PM & we will see the DR tomorrow. Hopefully he has a game plan.
My support system is really gearing up. I finally heard some of their plans. At this point they have me (maybe it is actually the 2 old boys that live with me) covered for 5 weeks. My daughter from MD (Vicki) is coming up & staying in Boston while I am there. My daughter in DC (Major Melissa USAF) will be coming to my house for 2 weeks starting while I am in Boston to take care of the old boys. My daughter from VA (Buffy) just started a new job (Nurse Practitioner) & will be up for long weekends. The gal the grew up in my home, she is also my daughter (Crystal) has enough time accumulated at Bay State that she is willing to take family leave to help me out. I really think if someone cares for the old boys it would be the best help for me. They had all been planning this between them.
Thanks Again, I really do love you all. This forum is great. There is no one that can even begin to understand about this Loopy thing in my head.
For a real suprise my boss read that the WII Fit was good for balance & one is appearing on my desk Monday!!! Do you believe that!!! Also I am starting Acupuncture & stretching exercises next week for my neck (It has a tendency to be real stiff on a good day). I want it in the best shape it can be before surgery.
Life Is Good
Lynn
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Lynn, that's wonderful! I'm so happy that everything is falling into place. Great news about the Wii Fit from your boss, too.
Take care.
Sara
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Lynn .....
So glad all the pieces are coming together so you can have the treatment you need ..... you deserve it! Yeah for a supportive family ..... and boss, even!!
Best thoughts and prayers.
Clarice
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So glad to hear that you have a wonderful support group and you do not have to stress about the boys... I personally would be more concern about the animals just love animals... husband's hmmmmmmm questionable....
My prayers will be with you,
Pat
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I took care of all my animals BEFORE I did anything else, I have some great people stepping in to help with the barn & critters. They will be in better hands than than the rest of us. I am starting to be a wee bit less unhinged over all of this.
Lynn
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Lynn,
Please alert your surgeon about the neck issues before your surgery. If you can, get him to position your head prior to anesthesia. My neck, which was hyperflexed during my surgery, is what causes my headaches--scar tissue involvement with my occipital nerves. This topic was discussed during both headache workshops at the last Symposium in Chicago. Dr Ryzenman, one of the workshop presenters, uses this anesthesia protocol now and his incidence of prolonged post-op headaches has dropped considerably.
Good Luck with the old boys and your surgery and please know we are here for you!
Capt Deb(http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee60/Captdeb_photos/yohohoho-1.jpg)
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I took care of all my animals BEFORE I did anything else, I have some great people stepping in to help with the barn & critters. They will be in better hands than than the rest of us. I am starting to be a wee bit less unhinged over all of this.
Lynn
So happy you are becoming less unhinged over this you need to focus on yourself now I know it is easier said than done. But now all the pieces are falling into place so I am hoping you will be less stressed you'll need your strength once you come home.
Best Wishes,
Pat
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Thank you everyone. My husband is facing surgery also so I guess we will both be down at the same time. It WILL all work out. He still doesn't get it about my little not so friendly friend in my head. Did I mention he also suffers from severe depression so it probably all right that he doesn't get it! Oh well I am feeling a little better each day. I do find that if anyone s toooo kind to me I automatically burst into tears! Can't seem to control that! After the holidays things will start to really roll. My pre-op is January 7th & then we will steamroll into the rest. I give all of you so much credit & thanks. You all are very strong wonderful people. Thank You so much.
Happy Holidays to all,
Lynn
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Lynn ......
Yes, it WILL work out! Sorry your husband is facing surgery, as well. Your mention of his severe depression tells much about why he is seemingly unresponsive to the seriousness of your AN. My guess is that he is so overwhelmed with his own emotions right now that his defense mechanism is kicking in and preventing him from seeing anyone else's problems ..... even his wife's. You both have serious issues right now and when that happens it is very difficult to support each other. Lean on your family, friends, and of course, on us here on the Forum! We truly understand your emotional and physical rollercoaster right now. Soon you will have this little unwanted guest out of your head and you will be able to get on with life as you knew it.
Try to relax over the holidays and enjoy your family.
Best thoughts and prayers.
Clarice
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I am so sorry to hear about the extra worry you have with your husband's surgery and his severe depression that explains his reaction to your AN and you cannot take it to heart that is not his fault some husband's do not have that excuse and just do not care and they are not supportive at all. Your husband is not himself and I am sure if he did not have the depression he would understand and be there for you. If you need to vent or cry we are all here for you.
My prayers and thoughts will be with you and your husband.
Pat
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Lynn,
Just reading and I'm SO glad things have turned around so that you have some help coming your way. It was great reading how things just kept getting a little better with people chiming in.
We ANers just have all the "luck" of simultaneous happenings :'( It JUST figures.
We have no control of the booger in the brain, so when things don't go as planned.... Well, I'd be crying in the corner of the room or under my covers for who knows how long.....
You should be proud of your wonderful support system, especially your kids. They sound awesome.
The emotions of everything is so overwhelming, and with the "holidays." Oh happy times! ??? And your husband's health issues, along with your father with Alzheimers....
Calgon, take me away!
You are doing everything right- staying in shape, getting all your duckies in a row.Things will work out OK.
The WII fit is a great thing to have and you already have it!
What surgical approach are you having? Good advice from Captn DEB about the neck issue.
Merry Christmas!
Maureen
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Lynn,
Please alert your surgeon about the neck issues before your surgery. If you can, get him to position your head prior to anesthesia.
Captain Deb,
I have that on my "LIST" for pre-op. I have also decided to try to get my neck in shape prior to surgery. Yesterday I had acupuncture & extensive work on my neck & shoulders. She also gave me exercises to help me. I will be seeing her once a week until the 20th and then return to her ASAP when I become a postie. Hopefully this along with your suggestions will help me with my neck.
I really appreciate all the super valuable info here.
Happy Holidays to all,
Lynn