ANA Discussion Forum
AN Community => AN Community => Topic started by: saralynn143 on May 21, 2009, 06:10:34 pm
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My dad had mitral valve replacement last August, just a couple of months after my microvascular decompression surgery. He also has COPD. He has never bounced back as any of us, particularly he, would have wished.
He went back into the hospital with breathing problems a couple of months ago, and has been in a nursing home for rehab. Unfortunately he contracted Klebsiella pneumonia and went back to the hospital and now has C. diff as a result of the antibiotics for the pneumonia.
His doctors are planning to try another type of breathing treatment with him -- I'm not sure just what -- but if that fails they will put him on a ventilator. They told my mom tonight if that happens, we will need to prepare for the end.
My dad has lived a good long life (he's 78) and I know he is going to heaven, but I am not ready for him to go. I helped him and Mom find a lovely, handicap accessible house here where I live and I had grand visions of them moving here and caring for them as they grew older. But they have stalled and that is not going to happen, at least for my dad. It's been a hard year -- my husband's father passed away suddenly last October and his brother was killed in an auto accident in March. Complicating matters further, our oldest daughter is scheduled to leave on May 30 for a month long study program in Israel.
I am driving up to see him tomorrow morning after closing chapel at school. Please pray that his closing days are easy and that I accept God's will, whether it be for him to stay or go.
Thanks,
Sara
Quick update: he is on a BPAP machine and was doing well on it as of this afternoon. I should know a little more tomorrow morning. Thanks.
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Sara .....
So sorry that things are not turning out as you had planned and hoped. You and your family will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers as you walk through these troubled days. May you have peace with whatever lies ahead.
Clarice
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Sara,
I will pray for your Dad. I know how you feel. My Dad has survived Cancer, Heart attack where he was med flighted out of the deer woods (shocked and brought back...blood pressure was 40/0, Tick Fever (nearly died before they diagnosed it), He now has honeycomb of the lungs from environmental exposure...this causes progressive hardening of the lungs and everytime he gets a pneumonia we are terrifed as it is hard for him to get rid of. I tell you these personal things because I do understand your fear. I am best friends with my parents and I adore them. Can't imagine life without them. I do pray for their health and well-being on a daily basis and will include you Dad in my prayers.
Much love,
Angie
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Sara,
I will say prayers for your Dad and totally understand your situation.
My dad had a minor stroke on Wed. morning and is currently in the hospital, doing ok. (84 years old)
He has survived 2 heart attacks, and they put stents in the first time.
He also has mild parkinsons, so rehab will be a challenge.
Fortunately, since i live 4 hours away, i have a wonderful brother and sister who have helped my mom get things settled for the moment.
Go and be with your Dad.
This will be your gift to him.
We are going for a visit, too.
All my thoughts and prayers are with you and your extended family.
Sincerely,
Sue
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Sara~
You and your family will definitely be in my prayers...
K
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So sorry, Sara. Thoughts and prayers certainly with your family...
Cindy
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Sara ~
I'm so sorry to learn of this situation with your dad's failing health. To be honest, I don't think we're ever ready to 'let go' of our loved ones, no matter what their age or whether we feel secure about their eternal life.
During my AN surgery pre-op tests, I was mistakenly thought to have liver cancer. I told my wife that I was ready to 'go' if that was God's will for me (I was 63 at the time). She replied that I may be ready to leave this earth but she wasn't ready to let me go, reminding me, once again, why I love her so much. Fortunately, a biopsy proved there was no cancer and my AN surgery went well. I will pray that your dad's doctors are able to restore him and that you can have more time with him. If, not, I pray that you really will be able to gracefully accept God's will for your father.
Jim
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Sara,
Please accept my prayers and wishes for your dad... for you... for your family. I'm thinking of you all.
Phyl
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Sara,
You have been through so much. I will be praying for you and your family. I pray the Lord's presence and strength and peace will be evident to you all.
Keri
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Hi Sara.
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I don't think you're ever ready to accept that they are not well, no matter how old you are. My dad passed away last year after a long battle with Alzheimer's - and while I know it was best because I didn't want to see him suffer anymore, it didn't make it any easier at first. It did get better and I do take comfort in the fact that he's free of pain and back to his old self now in a much better place. It's been almost a year now and although I still miss him, I have all the great memories to keep him close to me.
My mom also had mitral valve replacement last year - it was a long, rocky road after the surgery - many trips back to the hospital, pneumonia a few times, on a ventilator for a few days, etc., but she'd doing really well now. It just took a while to get to that point. I hope your dad is able to get through this rough part of the road too.
I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Please keep us posted.
Lori
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Thank you all so much. I am up with my mom now. Dad has gone into renal failure and the doctor thinks we can expect three to five days, with less and less consciousness as time goes on. The doctor says it is not a painful way to go.
Dad is still accepting treatment for the renal failure, and is getting pain medication and anti-anxiety medication, but has decided that he does not want to be ventilated or resuscitated. I can see that he is tired of struggling, and this time there is just too much to fight. All of my siblings were here today with him. At one point my sister overheard a conversation between him and my mom about how much they loved one another and were happy to have been married all of this time (51 years and 9 months as of tomorrow).
I will likely not be on much for the next week or so, but I did want to thank everyone for their kind thoughts, words and prayers.
Sara
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Sara~
Please know that you, your mom and all your family is in my prayers - I know how tough this is for everyone. i will be praying for PEACE for you all and for your father that this may a quick and painless transition for him.
K
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Sara,
I ahve not been on much in the last few days but did see your post about your dad. I am so very sorry you and your family are going through this difficult time. You have all been in my prayers.
Stay strong,
Wendy
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Sara,
continued prayers to you all during this time. My thoughts are with you all....
Phyl
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Thank you all so much. I am up with my mom now.
All of my siblings were here today with him. At one point my sister overheard a conversation between him and my mom about how much they loved one another and were happy to have been married all of this time (51 years and 9 months as of tomorrow). Sara
Sara,
Continued thoughts and prayers to you and your extended family.
I am so glad you have this time together.
Sincerely,
Sue
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Thanks again, everyone. I have just returned home after my second trip up to be with Mom and Dad.
Dad is currently stable, but not yet out of crisis. He has given up his will to live, however, and is asking God to take him home. He keeps asking how long, and all we can tell him is that only God knows. But that answer calms him down. Mom and I bought cemetery plots today. There is a funny story behind that, but I am not up to telling it right now. Maybe soon.
I am home for at least couple of days now as my eldest is about to embark on a 4-week work-study program in Israel, and I want to spend some time with her before she leaves Friday.
Thanks again for the prayers, and keep them coming.
Sara
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Grace and peace to you and your family, Sara. I'll keep praying for your dad and mom and also for your daughter's trip to Israel - would love to hear about that at a later time.
Keri
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Dad made the decision today to stop medical treatments and go to palliative care only. He has been moved out of CCU to a regular floor. I'm glad that he decided himself so that we will not have to make that decision for him. The doctor said today there is no hope of regaining kidney function. He estimates one to six days depending on whether renal failure or heart failure comes first. I am praying for renal failure as it is a much gentler way to go. Dad is so ready to go to heaven.
I put my sweet girl on the train to St. Louis this morning and tomorrow morning she flies to Israel. We all miss her already.
Thanks again for your support through all of this.
Sara
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Sara~
What a hard time - may you feel the sweet arms of Jesus wrapped around you in comfort in the next few days and weeks...you are all in my prayers...
K
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Sara,
My heart goes out to you. We are in the same situation. My father-in-law is also receiving pallative care. Sending you many hugs and kisses!! :-* :-* :-* :-*
Anne Marie
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Hi Sara,
It is not an easy ordeal to go through when your parents get older. You are never ready to let them go. I have been there myself. My prayers go out to you. Keep well.
Vivian
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Sara ....
My prayers and thoughts continue as you walk through these next days. Not an easy time.
Clarice
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Sara,
I'll be thinking about you and your family. I know this is a hard time for all of you, but I hope you take comfort in the fact that you are honoring your dad's wishes and I'm sure he is grateful for that.
Lori
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Sara,
Sorry I haven't been on lately. I know what a hard time you and your family must be going through. Please know you are all in my prayers.
Wendy
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Sara ~
You are not alone. As one of many who has had to go through the heartrending ordeal of an aged, terminally ill parent going to palliative care, I can empathize with your emotions at this difficult time. You have our willing support and of course, our prayers as you walk through this valley.
Jim
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Hi Sara, I am so sorry and send good thoughts to you. I lost my father a little over a year ago. At the end my dad did not want any heroic efforts and I spent an incredible period of time with him. We talked about everything and left nothing unsaid. Just before he died he said that all of his friends were with him and waiting for him. I am not very religious, but it was amazing and his death was very tranquil. He looked incredibly peaceful after he died and I am completely at peace with his passing. I send you strength to get through this transition.
Lainie
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Dad slipped away quietly in his sleep about 5:00 this morning. My mom and both my brothers were with him. He had told my mom that he wanted to die by Sunday and he got his wish. I am so relieved that it was easy on him. He was a strong advocate for organ donation and we are checking into whether his eyes are viable. Unfortunately the rest of his organs cannot be used.
Thanks again for your support.
Sara
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Dear Sara,
May God grant you and your family peace.
Thoughts and prayers to you.
Sincerely,
Sue
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Sara~
I know how rough the next few hours, days and weeks can be...continue to rely on on all the thoughts & prayers coming your way.
Love and Hugs,
K
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Sara,
I'm so sorry. I know in my heart that your dad is surrounded by friends and free of pain and sickness now.
Lori
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My condolences, Sara.
A full life, with a gentle ending, is all any of us can ask for.
May he rest in peace, and may you grieve his passing with a peaceful heart.
Steve
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Sara .....
One never wants to say "goodbye" to a loving, caring parent. And your father sounds like he was just that. My thoughts and prayers continue with you as you walk through this grieving process.
Peace to you.
Clarice
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Sara,
Please accept my deep condolences for this loss... and know that his love surrounds you all now in time of grief.
I am so very sorry to hear of this news.
Phyl
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Sara ~
Please accept my personal condolences on the passing of your dad. From your posts, we know he lived a meaningful life. Your memories of him will never fade. He is at peace now and in a way, so are you and the rest of the family. Mourn, remember and know that many folks you've never met and who never knew your father, mourn with you, today. You are not alone.
Jim
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Sara,
Thinking of you and your family. Your Father's strength and courage has touched me deeply.
Anne Marie
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Sara -
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I'm thankful he passed peacefully.
Prayers to you and your family,
Jan
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Sara
I am of course sad for your loss. May your memories of him be happy and plenty. But please know that he went with dignity and grace. That in itself is a blessing. May God bless you and your family with the peace that he is His for eternity.
David
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Sara,
I'm glad that your dad got his wish and didn't linger too long, but am very sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences. You and your family are in my prayers.
Wendy
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My prayers are with you and your family as you move through these difficult days. You have had so much going on! Losing a parent is hard. I lost my dad suddenly, without warning, but my mom lingered. I battled conflicting emotions about wanting her to be at peace and not wanting to be a motherless child,even at the age of 55! I'm glad your dad was able to be coherent enough to make the final decisions. You can be at peace with his passing in that regard.
God's comfort be with all of you.
Priscilla
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Dad's obituary has been posted at http://www.davisplaylehudsonrimer.com/index.cfm (his name is Wally).
My younger brother and I have been in Kirksville the past few days helping Mom with arrangement details, and boy, there are a lot. My sister is there now to deal with flowers, food, etc. We will all converge again Thursday for visitation. I think the hardest time will be seeing him in the casket. My brother said he thinks I am right, and he was able to get that over with at the hospital the morning Dad died. Fortunately we will have some time alone with immediate family before guests arrive.
I thought a year ago when I woke up with facial paralysis that it was the worst day of my life. I was wrong. Writing an obituary and picking out the last suit my dad will ever wear was worse.
Sara
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Hi Sara,
You sound like you have a strong family to help you through this difficult time.
The obituary you wrote shares your dad's rich life. Wow. Your parents were married 50 years.
You are in my thoughts during this unsettling time.
Kate
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Sara,
My thoughts are with you. The hardest day for me was the day of my Dad's burial. I can honestly say I feel your pain. Sending you many hugs and kisses from Hamilton, Ont Canada.
Anne Marie OX :-*
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So very sorry, Sara...will be thinking of you and your family.
Cindy
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I join everyone else in wishing you my sincerest condolences at the lost of your loving father. Steve is so absolutely right that a full life and a peaceful ending is the ideal. It sounds like your dad had both. And now he is at rest, and you can live knowing that you and your family did the best for him and that he loved you and appreciated everything that you all did for him. Hugs from me,
Sue in Vancouver, USA
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Yesterday was a beautiful day in which to say a final goodbye to my dad. It was sunny, warm but not hot, breezy, the sky was blue with just a few puffy clouds. His funeral service was meaningful and attended by many loved ones and friends. The same military honor guard that participated in my father-in-law's graveside service last October participated in my father's as well. The church ladies provided a wonderful lunch. When I thanked one of them, she said that it was their pleasure, and added, "Everyone I asked said yes!"
As I had anticipated, the Thursday evening visitation was the hardest part. Seeing my father laid out was very emotional. There were lots of visitors, though, and many memories shared. I had prepared a slide show of my father's life from birth through my parent's fiftieth wedding anniversary in 2007, his job and interests. Working on that had been very therapeutic for me.
Thanks again for all of your support and prayers.
Sara
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Hi Sara,
Thank you for sharing. I've too found that the visitation, looking at pictures, etc is more emotional than the funeral. In fact, I found my dad's funeral more comforting,but before was so tough. Thank you for taking time to let us know how it's all gone even though I'm sure you've been so busy. I'm glad your father was given such honor. Our prayers are still with you.
Keri