ANA Discussion Forum
AN Community => AN Community => Topic started by: Soundy on April 01, 2008, 12:41:00 pm
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Not sure where to stick this but here seems as good a place as any
I was in Walmart yesterday trying to get shopping done and out fast... they had a truck that
was suppose to have been there around midnight not get there at 10:00am and so there were
alot of workers buzzing around restocking ... forklifts buzzing around beeping and making other
noises... announcement after announcement and it was getting to be too much for me ... but I was
going to stick it out because I didn't want to have to come back to town later... if not for the
trip back to sticks and having to trudge back to town later I would have just left and came back...
I was looking at heavy mailing envelopes... a woman in a wheelchair with no legs pushing herself along
with a cane and dragging a buggy came into the aile... I moved my buggy to make more room for
her and went back to looking for what I needed... my back was to her... all of the sudden I get
three hard jabs to the middle of my back... I spin around and she is going off on me ... telling me how
she was sick and tired of a world of rude people who think they are to good to talk to a legless
person or acknowledge their existence ... she is getting louder and shaking her cane and I am only
getting part of what was coming out of her mouth because I had backed away from her(out of reach
of the cane) and couldn't hear her clearly through her rage and the store noise ...
she threw the cane and said so your too good for the likes of me ... I wanted to say yes ...not because of
her loss of legs but because she was a rude obnoxious person... instead I told her I am deaf in one ear
and losing hearing in the other and asked if she needed something ...
said she couldn't tell that I couldn't hear...she was looking at my ears as if she could see deafness... I asked again
if she needed something...yes ...a box of 20 -13 gallon trash bags ...I got them for her and then handed her her cane
and tried to escape...
she told me that she had to have them to get rid of her depends as soon as possible and it sucked
having no legs ... told me she lost them cause she was stupid when the doctors told her to work
with them to get diabetes under control or she would ...she didn't listen and now is trapped in the chair..
by this time she is teary ...and I am lost ... didn't want to leave her but wanted to run and leave
my basket where it is and come home to hide from world... she pulled herself together and said she
had to finish up before the Handicapped Van was ready to leave ... they get her once a week to bring her
to shop and take her to doctor appointments etc
She apologized but I was still mad as we parted ways
a couple weeks ago a checkout boy at the Movie Gallery when I didn't under stand what he said and
asked him to repeat himself asked if I was deaf or just stupid ... he no longer works there ...
he had had other complaints besides mine against him but mine was the straw that broke the mangers
back...but that was not the first or I am sure the last time someone is rude to me as a result of me
not hearing well...
This morning as I was dressing my husband asked what the marks on my back were from... I looked in mirror
and have three closely spaced blue marks about as big around as a half dollar coin where she jabbed me ...
and I am mad all over again... and not especially at her ... the boy actually made me madder ...
I think I am just mad at the world and getting down... still fighting for BAHA and stuff like this just reinforces
why it would be nice to hear a bit more ...
It is nice to have a place to vent... was talking to a friend this morning who suggested tracking down and
suing the lady ... but as someone with a disability ...one that is invisible to the world and seeing some of
the treatment I have gotten by rude people , I can see where she was coming from ...she crossed the line
by jabbing me with her cane but can feel a bit of her frustrtion...
OK... I am done ... gonna go sit in my corner and read a book til kids come home to entertain me
Thanks for being here
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Soundy:
Wow, what an experience! You have good cause to be upset...who wouldn't be?
Of course the legless old lady was rude, obnoxious and totally wrong for hitting you with her cane and going into a tirade. However, even though it doesn't absolve her of responsibility, I can understand her frustration - to a point. She hates her paraplegic plight and knows that she practically put herself in this awful situation by not taking care of her diabetes so she's doubly angry and wants to lash out, even at strangers like you who really did nothing to her except not hear what she said due to your own handicap (SSD). Well, at least she apologized. Still, you certainly didn't deserve this unpleasant drama.
The incident with the moron clerk was worse, as you stated. He flat-out insulted you for no good reason and deserved to be fired. Those of us with SSD do have a handicap and it does impact our daily lives. I try to lean in and hear what clerks are saying but sometimes I can't, especially when they talk softly or there are loud ambient sounds. So far, no one has complained. Once in awhile I have to ask a clerk to repeat something I need to hear a third or fourth time, usually due to their soft and/or slurring speech. When that happens, I always apologize and state that I'm hard of hearing. I also try to lean as close to the speaker as possible.
I agree that SSD is a hassle sometimes. Our impaired hearing is, as you noted, invisible but still an impediment. The legless old lady's behavior was outrageous and something no one should have to endure. I think the old woman needs psychiatric help but you have your own emotional issues to deal with. Meanwhile, realize that obnoxious people can only ruin our outlook if we allow their stupid behavior to do so. The legless old lady is sad but you have your own life to live and can't allow rude morons you inevitably encounter to affect your attitude for long. I doubt that you will. :)
Jim
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Wow, I am so sorry for the rude people you have encountered! My husband is usually with me when I encounter rude people and he announces loudly, "She can't hear what you are saying, she's deaf on that side." He usually finishes it up with muttering what a bunch of morons!
After all of this time, people just don't get it, that deafness is a disability or handicap or whatever is politically correct at the moment. A lot of them you can it explain it to them and they still look at you like you are stupid.
Again, Soundy, I am sooo very sorry you had to go through this. I'm glad you had a place to vent.
Hugs,
Brenda
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I sometimes find it helpful to curse at rude people in another language (usually Italian for me.) A (clean) favorite is - Cretino!! (which loosely translates to "moron!")
Meanwhile, Soundy, console yourself with the knowledge that you are so much better in all ways than those miserable people. For starters, imagine how crumby is is to wake up each morning and be THEM???
Hang in there!
Debbi (occasionally muttering Italian curses in NJ)
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Soundy -
not to make light of the rudeness of others, but the good news is that you have a place like this where you can come and vent and we understand.
The legless old lady probably doesn't have the same, so I'm guessing she has to take her frustrations out on others.
Jan
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Jim... I don't usually let people get to me much but this just did ...I think it was the physical
assault on me even though a small assault that tipped me over into a sort of rage... and the rude
kid at the movie store was worse than she was ten times over...
Brenda... my 8 year old helps me sometimes by telling people speak up she's getting old and
giggling ... :-\ ... not sure how much help that really is ... by the way ...nice name :)
Debbi ... Cretino!! ... gonna borrow that ... it sounds more official than the bumberpoop that a 3
year old grandson calls people he is mad at ...maybe I should share the word with him
Jan... I was going to say that you don't know how glad I am for this place ... but you all do...
I am feeling better and over most of anger at whole mess... feel like I should hang a sign on myself
pointing to my ears ... Out Of Order
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Jan... I was going to say that you don't know how glad I am for this place ... but you all do...
We're all glad :)
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Jan
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Soundy - I think you exercised great control not grabbing that cane and hitting her over the head with it! I probably would have grabbed my back and yelled "Ouch, I just donated a kidney yesterday and you just opened up the incision - I think I'm bleeding", as I was falling over.... Okay, maybe that would have been a little dramatic. Don't worry, I just think these things, I don't actually do them! :D
I had a similar situation at the grocery store a few weeks ago. I was at one end of the counter unloading the groceries onto the conveyor, and the bag boy (with purple hair, I might add) was looking at me saying something. Well, all I hear are beeps from the register and other noise. So I asked him what he'd said. He mumbled it again. I just looked at the cashier and said "I can't hear a word he's saying, so if it's important, you'd better ask me yourself". Finally, purple bag boy yelled and really slowed his speech like I was some sort of idiot and said "I saaaaiiiiidddd "Hoooooowwwww aaaaarrrreeee yyyooooouuuuu?" When I got to the end of the line I just said "Oh,I'm sorry I didn't hear you earlier, but I'm deaf and I only read lips". Perhaps an exaggeration on my part, but I think he felt kinda bad after that. I figure if his own mother couldn't teach him respect and common courtesy, someone should.
Hope your bruises are healing. Maybe that lady will stop and think twice before treating someone like that again.
Lori
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Soundy, I agree with Lori. I think I would have wanted to grab the cane and hit her back! Legs or not, that is no way to act towards anyone! I know that most people totally misunderstand SSD by saying, "well you have the other ear, you can still hear", which pisses me off to no end. They really have no idea what it's like and guess what, yeah I have another ear but it's next to impossible to hear other people in crowded situations with so much background noise and everything trying to be processed on one side and the loud screaming tinnitus in the other. I shouldn't have to explain myself, I'm trying my best and always try to have a pleasant outlook, people are just plain rude!
SSD is NOT easy, it's a struggle for me every day, even in my own home. I wonder how long it will be, it's been 4 years now, when my own family will remember not to try to talk to me from the next room so I don't have to tell them to just forget it until they can take the time to sit down and talk to me, I wouldn't want to trouble them! Why can't people just speak up more clearly in the first place and look at you when they are talking to you! Okay, sorry for the attitude, but Soundy's experience is really upsetting. There are way too many people in our world who are rude, obnoxious and just plain stupid! Hugs to you Soundy, and everyone else who has to deal with this BS!
~Karen
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Walmart I have found has always had an “interesting� atmosphere whether I am in Canada, Oregon, California, Hawaii or Louisiana. I personally do not find it to be a positive shopping experience even if there are many bargains in the one-stop-shopping.
Both people there were abusive towards you and whether the situation came out of misunderstanding or just plain poor social skills, on their part, remains unclear. Regardless I am sorry you had to experience this. HUGS
I am in the habit of wearing my deaf left pin everywhere I go now. It is part of the morning routine of brushing my teeth and hair, putting on the watch and attaching one “deaf left� pin to my outfit and one to my overcoat of the day. (as one might put on their jewelry)
Without it my disability is invisible to others… and people are less understanding and accommodating- especially when I am shopping. With it people tend to be patient and actually look me in the eye when they are speaking to me.
There are always going to be rude people out there. They probably are not the first you encountered and sadly will not be the last.
Try this:
AN11: Pin for Single-Sided Deafness
• Designed to be worn on the side of your non-hearing ear.
• Helps direct the speaker to your hearing ear.
• The pin is approximately 1 ¾" wide by 2 ¾" high.
Price: $5.00
https://secure.baxinternet.com/~anausa/for_sale.html
I think the $10 I spent has brought me understanding and has helped me to avoid rudeness- when I am out and about in public.
Keep moving forward,
4
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I'm reading this incredible book called "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle and also downloading an online class on the book on Oprah.com. It gives some perspective on why people react to situations like they do and how to deal with difficult people and situations in your own life from a spiritual perspective. What an eye-opener. I'm minding people like this less and less and finding more compassion. They are always going to be around. It's my reaction to them that need to change.
Capt Deb 8)
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Should have called the police for her hitting you w/ the cane. Rudeness is not a crime, but hitting you w/ the cane is!!!!
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Today is better... even saw the sun for a little bit ... ground is so wet earthworms are crawling out to get dry
Sam ... you are right ... it was a crime for her to turn her cane on me and I think I may have called police
or at least store manager or both had I not been in a bit of shock... whole time I spent with her I had a voice
in my head screaming ...she hit me ! ... some friends I have talk to said I should have called
Deb... thanks for heads up on the book...always looking for something worth reading... I think I was very tolerant
in my handling of things even though the thought of committing a crime by whopping her back with her cane
did cross my mind... I reacted calmly by understanding where she was coming from... I hope she doesn't
hit too many people... sooner or later someone is not going to take it as well
Lori ....hahahahahahahahahahhahaha... kidney donation incision opening up ... I guess that would have been
good but my brain wasn't thinking that fast...
What gets me more than the not hearing is the disorientation that comes with it ... I know I was there for certain
things and had left home with no list which is a no no for me to start with ... I have what the rheumatologist termed
as brain fog from lupus to go with the wonky head from AN surgery and together they make my mind turn to mush...I
get dizzy from brain running to catch up with what I am trying to think of and get tense and head achy...
then throw in some of the people I have encountered and I really get thrown sideways...
but onward and up ward right ???
the only thing my doctor said much about pre-surgery is loss of hearing ...everything else would be a minor
inconvenience in his opinion...
he don't know nothing ...
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This totally reminds me of a trip to Walgreens. I was ready to check out and no one was in sight. I heard a voice say I can check you out over here. ( now where the devil is over here to a single sided hearing person) I did the famous round and round thing and no person in sight. After a couple of over hears I said show me where over here is. The silly girl was peeking at me from between two signs. I put my stuff in the counter and she said something to me and of course I had to ask her to repeat and explaned I was deaf in one ear and losing hearing in the other. Her very nice response was.....tah da.....why don't you get a hearing aid instead of having people yell. I said "I'll make a deal with you, If you will overlook my deafness I will over look your stupidity". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!
Hang in there. You can have the last laugh. Don't answer anyone, just learn to sign I am deaf and stand there looking helpless. This works very well if you have other people around. They stop and give the guilty person a really special look.
Sandy
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Sandy - LOVE the suggestion about signing "I am deaf!" I am going to go online and see if I can find that one - maybe I'll try it out in the hospital. HA HA! ;D
Debbi - soon to be signing from NJ...
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Sandy:
I liked your response to the rude clerk. "If you'll overlook my deafness I'll overlook your stupidity." Good one.
Is it me or is rudeness a job requirement for counter clerks these days? Fortunately, I can usually hear them and when I can't and have to ask them to repeat and state that I'm 'hard of hearing', no one has been a jerk about it...yet. I'm saving up witty replies like yours for when that happens, which I assume is inevitable, human nature and the moronic attitudes of some people who deal with the public being what it is.
Jim
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Obviously I differ from most on this post...I can realize that I did have it pretty bad...I don't live in rose-colored glasses...but I CHOOSE to make the most of every situation. Instead of always thinking how bad it is or how someone "wronged" me, I try to put myself in their shoes (or knubs, in the case of the poor woman who now has no legs). Have I had some HORRIBLE things said to me? YEAH! But that is not how I am going to live my life. What kind of example is that to others and especially to my kids -- do I want them growing up hearing about how horrible everybody treats me or focusing on the ways we can help others?? This discussion has really made me realize that I need to do an even better job at trying to help others!
K
PS - I also think that "minor inconveniences" are just like everything else in life -- there are 2 ways to view them...
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Debbi -
if you enter ASL into your search engine, there are options on there for the American Sign Language Dictionary. "I am deaf" is an easy one to sign. Of course, since most people don't know how to sign, you could probably just wave your hands around and they wouldn't know any different. I am taking a sign language class now and my family is learning it from me, so it's been fun being able to talk to each other out in public without anyone understanding! he he...and no, of course we don't make fun of people.... ;) While you're on there, learn how to sign "You're ignorant". Another easy one!
Lori
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My 9 year old just showed me how to sign "I am deaf" ... I am going to practice that too... Good suggestion
4
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Kaybo...
My feelings are like yours... I am alot better off than her as I can get around ... I
will take the hearing loss over legs anyday...
I was polite to her and got down what she needed and listened to her...
But I was still furious at being struck... a tug at my jacket or a tap with the cane on the
shoulder would have got my attention....
I have been thinking about the details she told me about her loss of her legs through her not
taking care of her diabetes and have pretty much decided that the person that she is most angry
at is herself... and may at times in frustration strike out at others like she did me... hopefully
she doesn't hit someone someday that picks up the cane and beats her over the head with it
instead of handing it back to her...
I have seen her at a distance before ...haven't ignored her just never had a reason to
talk to her
next time I see her I am going to make a point of going
over to her and just saying hi... see what happens... from her comments I don't
think she has many people that just talk to her ... I do know she has no way except the County Van to
get around to take care of her needs... anger and lonesomeness may be eating her...
Have a friend when I told her my idea of just saying hi or something tell me I was nuts...
I am kinda rambling... it has been a long kinda rough two weeks and the cane thing topple me
somehow... not sure what I am wanting to say... just that I am gonna be bigger than my lack of hearing
and people who are not understanding ...I have kinda hid in the house all week just because I
was mad and frustrated and I guess licking wounds... I am not going to become a prisoner in my
house
this still isn't typing out like what I am thinking ... I will leave you all to figure out what I
mean... ???
got kids to feed so they can go to the skating rink and I am going to a movie with a friend...
rinky dink theater in our little college's old lecture hall is showing Horton Hear A Who...due to local
flooding we decided not to drive somewhere to see a grownup movie... we are gonna be kids tonight... :)
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Well, it will probably make you feel better and like the bigger person if you do say hi to her next time. Just make sure you stay out of striking distance!
Just for the record though, I still think she was way out of line and even if she's angry with herself because of her situation, she had no right to direct her anger towards you - or anyone else. What would this world be like if we all took our anger out on everyone that crossed our path? Geez, not pretty. Let's hope she at least felt bad afterwards and maybe it taught her that she's not the only one in the world who has things rough.
Enjoy Horton Hears a Who. I saw it. It's cute. And it's okay to be a kid - as a matter of fact, I can't remember the last movie I saw that didn't have cartoon characters or Muppets in it. I need to get out more.. ::)
Lori
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HI again Soundy-
here's something else to think about ... you were the recipient of a violent act. This is something that, in our part of the world, we are singularly unprepared to deal with. It is not at all surprising that it has been on your mind so much - this was probably the first time anyone has ever physically attacked you with no warning. Make sure you honor your feelings around this. In many ways, you may be feeling some of the same symptoms as someone experiencing post traumatic stress. I can say that I, and probalby many people here, would be pretty freaked out if they were attacked the way you were. so, take whatever time you need to process, vent, talk it out.
I know, this is pretty serious post for me... I have two people in my life right now who are dealing with PTS and i am extremely aware of how tough it can be. One just returned from a tour in Iraq (not the kind with a tour guide) and other was attacked on a street in Hong Kong last year. It is hard to understand these things, so take your time. And talk to us all you want...
Debbi (hanging in NYC today...)
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I have been talking to myself... and answering myself too ...scary huh?
Anyway... what gets to me is my anger and how I seriously thought of hitting her back... I
am not a violent person and slow to anger but this was an instant almost overwhelming anger
that even though I am pretty much past the anger the whole thing is stuck in my head ...
try not to dwell but it won't go away...
Hadn't thought about it as PTS... keep thinking how I should have done things different and
keep coming back to I think I handled it right but still think about it every other thought
My younger sister told me I should have reported her ... she said I don't have to be nice to everyone
and that I should rock boats more often... but I grew up as a third adult in the house and the family
peace keeper and it is so ingrained that I probably don't stick up for myself as I should... now with my kids
it is another thing... if someone had attacked them I would probably attacked back and not thought much of it
but for myself I take stuff...
But the anger and feelings of doing physical harm to someone is kinda haunting me ... have had weird
dreams last few nights...
have been tossed off a balcony by someone and saw myself fall and made a sound like a water balloon
bursting when I hit the ground...lay there smiling at myself...
ran over myself with my truck and as I lay on ground was thinking that my husband was going to be mad
because the bumper was dented...he never said a word when I did $2000 worth of damage hitting a deer
other than asking if I was OK
another dream I was in the house I shared with ex husband and was watching him out the cracks
between curtains..
watching him putter around with a car motor ... he starts toward house with a tire iron in his hand
and I wake up... he was abusive but never used anything other than his hands...
I think I need to pay a visit to my doctor and tell him I am losing my marbles... I am losing sleep and
grouchy with the girls ... can't keep on like this ...
Thanks for letting me ramble... people I can reach out an touch are mostly thinking I should have reported
her which maybe I should have or say just forget about it ...
Don't know why this has bugged me so much...or I do and just haven't told myself... I think the knowledge
that I am more capable of violence than I thought I was ...
Confirmed Redneck friend of ours told me to go paint balling with him and some of his group of
paint ball warriors... might be therapeutic and fun...
Thanks again for just being here... seeing this is not really an AN problem ... except brought on in
a round about way by the AN
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I am thinking now that maybe you need to talk to the store as you may not be the first person she has done this to. She is probably a regular customer and they may know who she is.
I think everyone has an occ time under certain conditions that they find themselves reacting angrily and the first thought is to retaliate with violence. But the fact we do not on second thought is the important one.
I have very weird and bizarre dreams and wake up just when something scary possibly could happen. I have mentioned it to my dr a couple times. All I got was if I wanted a sleep study. I wake up every couple hours most nights. I have wondered if my BP med could be part of the cause.
Cheryl R
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In the presence of rude folks, I like to "kill 'em with kindness".... with a big old grin to my face... shuts them right up.... works for me. :D
Phyl
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In the presence of rude folks, I like to "kill 'em with kindness".... with a big old grin to my face... shuts them right up.... works for me. :D
Phyl
My grandma always said you get further in life with honey than vinegar.
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Soundy,
I don't think you need to be too worried about yourself turning violent. You obviously are a caring, compassionate person and just because you might think about how you could have gotten even with that person, I don't think you'd ever act on it. Sometimes I think it just makes us feel better to know that we could have done something if we wanted to - the important thing to remember is that you were the bigger person and didn't need to. Besides, you wouldn't want your kids walking around telling their friends that Mom decked some handicapped woman in Walmart.
Who knows, maybe both of you were just having a bad day that day. She chose to take it out on you, because you happened to be there at the time. Lucky you. I'm sure she would have done the same to anyone else she had encountered that day. I'm sure she didn't single you out to pick on that day, so I wouldn't take it too personally. And you can be happy that even if you were having a bad day too, you didn't chose to stoop to her level of dealing with it.
I think maybe a chat with your doctor would be a good idea. I know when I was losing sleep and snapping at my family for little things, he started me on some Effexor and it has worked wonders. I haven't had any side effects at all and I feel like it really helps me keep things in perspective. Just this morning, my 5 year old spilled cinnamon all over the kitchen floor I had just mopped. A year ago, I would have snapped at her and she would have wound up with her feelings hurt and I would have felt bad and mad at myself. Today we just cleaned it up together and decided that maybe next time I should put the cinnamon on her toast.
And if that doesn't work - I think that paintball thing might be a good idea! :D
The sun is finally shining in my part of TN - hope it is in yours too!
Lori
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Soundy~
Hi! I have been wanting to write you the last couple of days but have just been too wiped out! I LOVE being home and back with my girlies, but I am also trying to go to some of their games and stuff and am REALLY tired in between!!
I, in no way, think that what she did was right...no one should ever "attack" someone else. I agree with you in that she is probably more upset with herself for allowing herself to get in that condition. However, just like us, she is going to have to let go of the "what if's' and "should have's" and make the most of the life she has now. I am SO EXCITED that you might see her again and will be able to speak to her. I bet that one interaction will make all the difference in the world to her...I would be willing to guess that she is not having people stand in line to talk to her. Maybe see if you can get her address too so that you can send her little notes. I can't imagine what I would be like if I could only get out once a week and ONLY on someone else's agenda. I agree with Phyl in the "kill with kindness" thing.
I know that this has been traumatic for you...hopefully we can all learn something from it. Do talk to your Dr. about it...like Lori said, maybe you can get something to just round out the sharp edges for you!
Good luck!
K
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Well I saw my PCP today and he says I ain't nuts... :) ... that was nice to be told
After explaining everything from incident to dreams he says that I am too tired and
run down... and since this woman is the only one ever to attack me aside from my ex
that it just brought to the surface old feelings of fear of being physically assaulted ...that
maybe my subconscious thought Oh no here we go again ... as if thinking maybe it would be
a new round of ongoing abuse...
I don't think that people are going to start hitting me... at least consciously I don't... but
who knows what the subconscious is thinking... alot of what he said made sense... it opened old
wounds... the ex never did find fault with hitting me til I packed and left and he went into
counseling to get past abuse he had suffered as a child and was passing on to me ... to late to save
us but he is a different person ... but the memories are there shut away and never really dealt with...
my doctor already knew about all this and I think he hit the nail on the head
put me on low dose of Prozac and will see what happens over next week or so... he said it would
take a while to get in system ... and said if not improving in two weeks to come back in and not
let this eat me up... me and the ex are on civil speaking terms ... we have kids and grandkids to
get along for... doctor suggested meeting and talking to him and clearing the air... let him know
how his actions made me feel and are still affecting me ... something I never did and
he didn't really comprehend the emotional toll it took on me even after a bruise fade...not
sure that I want to go there... we'll see how next week or two go first
Doctor also said speaking to the woman would be healing ... don't mention the attack just say hi ...
how are you doing stuff like that
and he said to also think of it as an attack and stop calling it the incident or the problem...said it
was an attack and to admit it ... and say it ... and not feel weak by being attacked...
he said he thought I handled it as a strong person... that a weaker person would have picked up the
cane and hit her back ... he said that I probably should have called authorities ... but hind sight is 20/20 and
I was blind by shock at the time and didn't and at this point won't...
I think I knew everything he told me but hadn't put it together in a logical order...
So officially I am not crazy and actually feel better hearing it from him and people here...maybe
I will get some rest soon and things will straighten back out to just a bit off kilter instead of the
spiral I have been in
onward and up ...
thanks for being here and suggestions
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Soundy -
it sounds like you have one hell of a PCP - and he verified what all of us know - you are definitely not nuts.
A lot of what he said makes perfect sense to me and I'm glad to hear that he is so supportive.
Hang in there, things WILL get better,
Jan
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Soundy -
We knew you weren't nuts! But I guess it's nice to hear it from someone who's qualified to tell you that.
I hope that you are able to work this out and move past it so you don't ever have to feel this way again. It's amazing how much something in the past can still hurt us sometimes, even when we thought it was long over with.
And I agree with Jan, that sounds like a great doctor you have. They should all listen to their patients and be as comforting as he sounds.
Hang in there. There's a light at the end of the tunnel!
Lori
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Soundy,
It sounds like you have a gem of a PCP! Good luck and I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Brenda
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My PCP is my second favorite man on earth... he is a friend as well as my doctor which at times
can be awkward but he knows me inside out and that is a big help...me and
his wife did a pregnancy together...love him to bits and have informed him he can not
retired til I expire... :)
I have been away from ex for over 12 years and thought this stuff didn't bother me ... but talking to
doctor and thinking since , I know it does ... I just push it back and don't think about it much...time
to toss out old baggage I guess... maybe old lady whacking me was a blessing in disguise... I was realizing
yesterday that the anger that still lingers was not even focused at her but at past ... she just opened
the wounds...
Didn't sleep great last night but felt better today ... things are gonna start looking up... I can tell...I feel
lighter
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Soundy -
I'm glad to hear you are feeling better.
IMO, the affects of a bad marriage never really leave you. You can ignore the bad feelings and your anger, but they are always there in the back of your mind. Sometimes the wounds get opened back up when you least expect it. My ex was abusive - not physically, but verbally - so I can relate to what you are going through. I'd like to say that I've taken the high road and have been able to forgive him, but I don't think I'll ever forget the things he put me and our children through.
Just take things one day at a time, and remember that life is better without him :)
Stay strong,
Jan
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My ex was also emotionally abusive... I think in alot of ways that was worse than
the physical end of things...heals slower
Thought I had completely forgiven him but maybe not... or may have and just not did the
forgetting part of forgiveand forget
Already doing better...still up and down at night but two nights with no bad dreams...
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Today I did self imposed therapy... I knew from the van driver that he would be taking the little cane
wielding lady to town and she would be dropped off at Walmart at around 7:45 and be there for an hour ...
so I went to Walmart and did a little shopping and looked for her... I just happened to walk down the
aisle she was on and got a little close to her cart... I go ...excues me and move my cart over ...she
looks up and did a little double take and looked sheepish but said that's OK...
I act like I was shopping and after a moment she says I'm sorry about my outburst... I tell her that is OK..
all is forgiven... I asked if she needed any help today and she said she didn't think so , that she didn't have much
to pick up but thank you for asking ... we talked about crazy weather... it was 60 at 5 am yesterday and 35
the morning before and talked about flowers ... she got some cat food for a new kitten ... I told her I had lost
my 15 year old dog this week...nice little visit... we parted ways with a See ya later...
My husband said to avoid her before I was reported as a stalker or got whomp again but I decided to
make sure we met again... I feel better for it and I think she did to...at least she was smiling when we parted...
it was an odd but nice little visit...
I am sleeping a bit better and no crazy dreams ...and all is right (almost) with my world :)
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Good for you, Soundy. I'll bet all is almost right in her world too. I'm sure you made her day by caring about her feelings.
You did a nice thing and should feel good about it and yourself. I just finished reading the book "A Complaint Free World" by Will Bowen.. I think that's his name...good book.... he says that "anger is fear directed outward" - so maybe her anger was just her way of expressing her fear of her situation and fear of not being able to do the things she used to do - like shop without help. Maybe you helped her start to overcome some of her fear of asking for help - graciously instead of beating people into "wanting" to help her.
Smile! It's all water under the bridge now!! ;D
Lori
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Two times at work, when several people in my department were standing around tallking, I spoke up about something and my boss said "Shush!" I am deaf in my right ear, so I may talk a little louder than normal. But she does not have to treat me like a child. I am 57 years old, after all. I just think this is rude of her.
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I finally got to your post Soundy.
Try to keep a couple of things in mind: 1, Life is a proverbial "battlefield" and proving ground for virtually everyone in one way or another, regardless of whether they are are impaired or not in some way, shape or form; and 2), There are many individuals humping around out there that are far worse-off than many of us here on this forum will EVER be from our dilemma.
Generally speaking, the rule is that a person can never truly understand what it is like to endure any particular condition or predicament until he or she is experiences it physically and psychologically for themselves, firsthand. Then, and only then can one really understand, know, commiserate and empathize with another individual in a similar predicament.
Yet it is true that there are people that are so blatantly rude, obnoxious and even pugnacious that the only way to handle them ( like an animal trainer) is with equal and opposite force like that jerk in the video storeâ€â€i.e., "fighting fire with fire".
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Soundy,
I'm so happy that you allowed that compassionate place inside you to awaken. The world needs more people like you!
Capt Deb (http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee60/Captdeb_photos/pirate2.gif)
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I am so sorry for your experience. I have not yet had that kind of experience but I do see it around me. It embarrasses me to see that kind of actions out of people. I firmly believe in to do on to others as I would like them to do on to me.
I do see some clerks or people look frustrated with me and then I realize they have tried speaking to me and I didn't hear them. So I'll ask if they said something to me, and if they say yes I explained I am deaf on my left side, and they are very understanding and they will repeat what they had said.
eve
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I, along with many here have encountered rude people and have found a very simple way to deal with their unsolicited statements. "I can't hear you when you talk to me that way." Have a nice day everyone!
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I had to run into town yesterday and ran into the lady ... she was with a man maybe 30 years old ...she
waved and said hi... glad I didn't pick up cane and beat her as my first instinct was ... and hope that it was
just a bad day for her when she hit me and not as habit she has ...
Movie check out guy is now at Mc Donald's ...
Crazycat... life is a battle field... and I have been fighting some impairment or another pretty much since birth and
try not to let it change the way I deal with people ... born with miss made elbow,knee and hip joints...was told I
would be wheelchair bound by 20 or so at 46 I am still going ... I have always had a gait all my own now enhanced
with the pirate swagger :D...
then lupus which is invisible most of the time and the the AN also invisible ... I have people tell me all the time
I don't look sick when dealing with lupus issues ... looks as you all know can be deceiving ...I can look OK and feel like
crawling in a hole and hiding from the world ... but I have not yet let how my body is feeling make me act rudely
to others ...
I think you are right in that some people are going to be rude or obnoxious just because that is the way they are ...
I am hoping the little cane carrying lady is not one of them or if she is she will at least think before acting next
time she feels slighted
Part of the nail patella syndrome that created my odd joints , is also odd misshapen thumbnails ... this seems to be
of more concern to people than things that give me real trouble they just look funny but are painless...
one rude woman who kinda cornered my mom , myself and three siblings whan I was about 8 kept on and on about
our lack of thumbnails ... wouldn't take my moms explainatition that we were born that way ... told mom that she was
not giving us enough milk and vegtables and that she needed to give us vitamins ... mom shut her up after about 5
minutes of politely listening by telling her that we were extremely bad children and as punishment she had pulled our
thumbnails out with pliers... I guess not the right answer but it did make the woman stop talking ...today it would probably
get me arrested if I were to say that ... my youngest daughter has no thumbnails or knee caps ...when kids ask her
what happened she just tells them she was special ordered... she has a better outlook on it than I did because I was never
taught how to handle things ... had to learn as I go along
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Wow Soundy, Your Mom sounds like a great person. Of course, you are amazing also. I know about that invisible Lupus. There were days that I would drop the kids off at the grocery store and wait for them to get the groceries we needed (they were about 10 &12), because I hurt so bad I could hardly walk. I'm sure if you saw me sitting there you would say there is a healthy young Mom being really lazy. I try never to judge by the outside because I know how much some people carry on the inside that's invisible to me.
You are a wonderful person to carry and care so much!
Mary