ANA Discussion Forum
General Category => AN Issues => Topic started by: vicki1967 on March 22, 2008, 12:04:24 pm
-
I was somewhat hard of hearing for the last six, or so, years. I often found myself asking others to repeat themselves, and I always found it hard to hear someone whispering. In August of '06, the hearing in my left ear suddenly sounded different, as I answered the telephone. I went to the doctor, who ordered an MRI. I was diagnosed with an Acoustic Neuroma.
Since my diagnosis, I've been suffering from severe depression - the tumor is the least of the causes, though, yet it is the reason I am constantly made fun of - at work. I work for a large corporation in Cleveland, Ohio. Since my diagnosis, our Office Administrator has called me 'deaf', 'dumb', 'retarded', and more, on numerous occasions. On a few occasions, she has stood right next to me, pretending like she is 'talking', yet no words come out of her mouth - on the first occasion, I asked 'what are you doing'? She said 'Ha!Ha! You so deaf, you couldn't even HEAR me!!' She does this to entertain the other workers. The department manager will use sarcastic 'sign language' when she speaks to me (although I don't have a problem hearing when someone speaks directly to me) - if she were to say 'Kim will be calling the client', she would (all the while) roll her two pointing fingers in the air (around in circles) - directly to the individual (Kim) sitting next to me, then pretend as if she is picking up an invisible telephone, dialing numbers on it, and placing it (the invisible phone) up to her ear. This is so embarrassing to me. On other occasions, during corporate meetings, for no reason at all - she would suddenly ask someone (for no reason),'is Vicki wearing her hearing aid today'? After diagnosis, I became the office joke. At work, I am treated as if I should feel guilty for even living.
After dealing with this treatment on a daily basis, I notified my corporate Human Resource Department. I asked to be transferred to another department because I could not deal with this treatment. The HR Director advised me 'that is not our policy', and recommended I seek a job somewhere else. Since I would consider AN surgery within the next year, I don't believe I want to seek another job due to the fact I would lose my short term disability benefits (to cover the weeks following surgery) since I had been with this company for several years. When the two individuals (that I complained about) found out about my HR complaint, they took me aside, in private, and 'scolded' me. After that 'meeting', I've become isolated. I am now completely ignored by the Office Administrator, and my manager now treats me worse (she reprimanded me in front of other workers for my 'sending a coworker a work-related issue - with no sense of urgency - to her (company) email on her day off).
I am recently divorced, and raising my two year old son on my own. I always try to stay positive, but it's so hard when I'm treated like a dog everyday. Nearly everyone in my department received large salary increases, and/or job advancements - yet nothing was ever offered to me. I am a responsible, hard worker. I treat others respectively. I don't even have much time to consider my options for surgery, or to even find a brain-tumor specialist. I would like to know if anyone else out there has ever experienced this type of treatment after diagnosis. Any help would truly be appreciated.
-
Vicki~
I replied to your other post...
K
-
That is just so wrong you do not deserve this treatment. You need to contact a good employment lawyer and proceed with litigation. Sometimes that is the only way you can get justice. Start keeping a log of what happens daily and who said and did what. If you can remember write down past abusive behavior. Stay focused for yourself and your child and let us help you through this. Kisses to your forehead 16
-
I second 16's response. This is way out of line >:( and you can do something to "right" their wrongs by taking 16's advice with a lawyer, documenting as much as you can, etc. You do have it hard given your recent diagnosis, a single mom with a child, and abusive co-workers, your trying to cope with many serious and important issues as best you can. You must rise above the taunting and abuse, we are here to support you in your efforts, don't become "the victim", you are worth so much more. Keep forging ahead, even though it is rough having to face the abuse, come here to "vent" to keep yourself clear headed for yourself and your child. Come up with a "mantra" (a saying that will bring you joy or peace) that you can say to yourself over and over when times are tough, even if it sounds ridiculous, it works by taking your focus off what is causing you distraction.
-
Hi Vicki
I am very sorry to hear that. I've been in exactly the same place. I was working for a major ad agency and my client was one of the top three pizza chains. My boss ridiculed me continuously. I tried to get a phone headset but he denied it. One day, while I was in a meeting, I was writing something down and didn't hear him speak to me -- suddenly he was yelling "hey clean the wax out of your ears." Every one in the room laughed. I didn't. He responded by telling me to chill. I went to HR. They filed the complaint and a month later I was terminated because the client didn't trust me to hear in meetings. I filed an EEOC claim which they felt was warranted. Unfortunately, on the way out, I signed a waiver so I could get my final paycheck. The EEOC could not continue. I left the ad business.
My advice to you is to document everything. Make note of potential witnesses. Eventually you will want to contact the EEOC. But in the meantime, I think you realize that you are stuck until you have your surgery -- if you do. Then take full advantage of medical, medical leave, disability insurance whatever there is to offer. Then I would check into hearing aids and see what the company insurance will cover. I'm an actor and I wear one. They are very descreet and do an amazing job. It doesn't help with severe tinnitus or on the AN side, but I hear a lot more than I ever did before with an aid in my "good ear" which has about a 50% loss. Mine cost $2700, but insurance paid for half of it. Once you've taken full advantage of what the company has to offer, take your case to the EEOC and see what they have to say. Then look for a new job.
I know there are some who might say that's a bit radical, but damnit, I've been there and I know what you are dealing with. It's ugly, it's unfair, and but it takes a plan -- as calculated as it is. It's tough to go through but keep the objective in mind and know that you have friends on this board who care.
If you ever want to contact me for a shoulder to email on, please feel free to. In the meantime, best wishes.
David
-
Hi Vicki,
I experienced similar abuse at work from the managers. Not because of my AN. But other medical issues I had. I also called regional HR and was told basically the same thing you were. I often wonder if they knew the expense it was going to be for short term dissabilty and in their own way trying to force me out. When I left for my 3 month leave these specific managers and the head of HR never wished me luck. I hung in their had my treatment for my AN . On return to work they said they missed me and glad I came back. Sure!. The day I retired the head manager came up to me, hugged me and said she'd miss me. I looked her straight in the eye in front of 10 other co-workers and said "really, you could of fooled me" She was speechless and I walked away. And the day my other manager left for another store I said "I hear you are leaving. Bye!" So I felt I got the last work on both of them. Hang in there. Your focus right now should be on you and your daughter. Remember none of us on this forum will ever mock you.
mema
-
Vicki, I am shocked that you should get such treatment especially from an HR person who should know better than try this type of bullying. Hang in there and don't leave your job under their guise. The folks at your office and thr managers need a heads up. Get yourself some documentation and a lawyer at the same time. Don't tip them off until your arguments are lined up.
-
Vicki-
I agree with all the others who advise to document, document, document - and find a top level legal beagle.
I would also add that you sounds like you may be suffering from depression - it would be more than understandable given all that you are facing and experiencing, both personally and professionally. Please don't hesitate to talk to your doctor about this, and don't be afraid or embarrassed to seek out medical solutions. There are a number of very effective drugs on the market that have given many people a new lease on life in terrms of helping manage depression. And, it is not like you need to sign up for a lifetime of anti-depressants - many of us can and do take them for a period of time and then, when the time is right (and only under medical supervision!), we wean off of them.
I hope you won't take offense at me offering this up - it is just that I hear the fear and sadness coming through your email and I know how hopepless life can feel at times. You don't have to try to get through it alone, or without help.
hugs,
Debbi - awaiting surgery on the 16th
-
Vicki -
what you are describing is called discrimination and it is against the law. It also falls under the category of harassment.
You need to talk to a lawyer - first consultations are usually free. There is absolutely no reason you need to stand for this abuse.
Being a single parent to a two-year old is stressful enough, you certainly don't need the added stress that you are dealing with at your job.
Good luck and hang in there for your son,
Jan
-
Vicki -
I agree with everyone else who has answered you - it is illegal - they are creating a "hostile work environment", not to even mention the fact that it's rude and childish for them to act that way. Would they make fun of someone who came in to your office in a wheelchair because they were paralyzed, or someone who used a guide dog because they are blind? Probably not. They obviously don't understand how much of a disability it is to lose your hearing - even if it's only on one side.
I would suggest checking out the website for the League for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing - there may be some resources or someone there that can help you out - those of us that are only half deaf are covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and your employer is required to accomodate your needs - not make your time there unbearable.
I'm wondering if they know the reason you are hard of hearing? I would totally understand if you didn't feel like disclosing that information to them, but I can't imagine any adult with any sense of right or wrong teasing someone who had a brain tumor and had clearly already suffered a loss as a result of it. Maybe the next time she starts making fun of you in front of others, just blurt out the fact that you have a brain tumor and that is the reason you are hard of hearing. I'd be willing to bet that would shut her up pretty quickly.
I'm sorry that this is happening to you. It makes me so hot under the collar just thinking there are people like that out there. Stay strong and do whatever you have to do to prove to them that this behavior is unacceptable! You deserve better than that - and your little boy sure deserves to have a mommy who isn't being beaten down at work every day.
I hope things get better very soon.
Lori
-
Vicki,
That's absolutely shocking! I'm not in the US, but here that would be a case of harassment, bullying and discrimination! All in one. Perfect case for a legal route. I agree with all the others, keep a record of what happens and when and with whom. Not only is it useful for any action you may take, but it also helps you. I found writing things down helped coping with it. Remember, you're the one that is wronged, there's nothing, NOTHING wrong with you, you're just deaf on one side. It's their ignorance and heartlessness that is wrong. Try to rise above it if you can, but at the same time try not to react in any way. Bullies like that tend to go to any length, even accusing the person of bullying against them! I know. Stay focused on your life, see the work as a means to an end and exploit it for as much as you can, as David said. Also, if you are depressed, seek medical advice. That in itself is a record of the effects of the bullying / harassment you are suffering, and will be useful if you decide to take action.
Ignorance in others is a terrible thing, for them! We're the ones that end up suffering from it. Unfortunately I don't find it hard to believe that people like that exist out there!
Lastly, remember that none of us will ever judge you or ridicule you, neither will the people that really mater to you. We're here to listen and support.
Be strong, you are strong, you are dealing with a lot, and a lot more than those idiots ever will be able to!
Ciao
Lorenzo
-
Vicki,
Most important during this time is that you make choices for you and your son. It is a vulnerable time and you are tackling two different hurdles: a recent divorce and a diagnosis of your AN.
I urge you to set a timeline and goals for yourself that help you feel that you have some control of what is occurring around you. Make the steps as small as you need to, but a few steps become a block and then a mile and before you know it you are there. It helps fuel the ever important sense of "hope".
Related to work, those type of sarcastic comments are inappropriate. Not only are they unprofessional, they are downright mean. That being said, it sounds like you need the job for insurance purposes. This is a question for you to think about and not one that needs to be answered on the listserv: If insurance is keeping you there, how long do you anticipate before you can treat your AN? What is your timeline? Then keep your eye on that decision and keep moving toward it.
There are times that quotes from others are inspirational. Easier said than done, but I love Eleanor Roosevelt's quote:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."
As you move forward, keep this quote in mind and if possible, ignore those rude comments so that it doesn't distract you. One can never know your workplaces motivation, so don't even try to figure it out. Do what is best for you and your son!
Kate
-
I can't do anything to help you - sorry, except offer support and say you are doing amazingly well to bring up a child alone and have to cope with an AN too. Your co-workers are nothing more than playground bullies. If you were in the UK they would be fired and you would be compensated. Be secure in the knowledge that you are better than them, hang on until after any surgery and then look for another job. I wish you loads of luck. :)
-
Vicki,
I filed and won a lawsuit against an employer for creating hostile work environment. It did not hurt my employablity, as I was told it would. It has been twelve years and the same employer has been under fire several time since. They didn't learn their lesson, but have settled out of court on several of the lawsuits.
Like others have said, document, document, document. I think yours also comes under the ADA. Good luck and hang in there.
Brenda
-
Lori, thanks for your response. They all know I have a brain tumor, and that the tumor is the reason for my hearing loss. They just don't care. They seem to use my weakness to drag me down as far as they can. They are the most insensitive, cruelest group of people I've ever encountered. What took me to my breaking point, and made me go directly to HR, was when I was kneeling down, filing some paperwork in a bottom drawer, and the office admin walked by and said, loudly, 'Get out my way before I kick you in your face!' On a separate occasion, during a small meeting with the manager, the office admin, and several others, the office admin said - after I finished speaking - 'Wah, wah, wah, wah, that's the sound Laura (the manager) hears everytime Vicki speaks...she (me) sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher'. I thought, for sure, the manager, or my direct supervisor, would finally take some kind of appropriate action, but they didn't. They actually ENCOURAGE IT. The manager continually causes hostility, as she talks about the workers (negatively) right behind others' backs.
Vicki -
I agree with everyone else who has answered you - it is illegal - they are creating a "hostile work environment", not to even mention the fact that it's rude and childish for them to act that way. Would they make fun of someone who came in to your office in a wheelchair because they were paralyzed, or someone who used a guide dog because they are blind? Probably not. They obviously don't understand how much of a disability it is to lose your hearing - even if it's only on one side.
I would suggest checking out the website for the League for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing - there may be some resources or someone there that can help you out - those of us that are only half deaf are covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and your employer is required to accomodate your needs - not make your time there unbearable.
I'm wondering if they know the reason you are hard of hearing? I would totally understand if you didn't feel like disclosing that information to them, but I can't imagine any adult with any sense of right or wrong teasing someone who had a brain tumor and had clearly already suffered a loss as a result of it. Maybe the next time she starts making fun of you in front of others, just blurt out the fact that you have a brain tumor and that is the reason you are hard of hearing. I'd be willing to bet that would shut her up pretty quickly.
I'm sorry that this is happening to you. It makes me so hot under the collar just thinking there are people like that out there. Stay strong and do whatever you have to do to prove to them that this behavior is unacceptable! You deserve better than that - and your little boy sure deserves to have a mommy who isn't being beaten down at work every day.
I hope things get better very soon.
Lori
[/quote]
-
What is wrong with you can be treated; what is wrong with your co-workers is likely beyond hope.
Tamara
-
Tamara has hit it right on the head -- PERFECT wording!!
K
-
I agree with Kaybo; your post is right on Tamara ;D
-
Amazing story Vicki!
I am here to tell you that I both sympathize as well as empathize with you. I've been through the "human relations wringer" in the corporate arena as well as in my personal life.
I left the corporate world ten years ago and never looked back. I had my fill of the drudgery, treachery and viciousness long before I had even felt the first symptoms of impending illness. For the past ten years I've made a living as a performing musician and was doing really well with it up until September 2005 when I couldn't go on any longer without treatment. If I had been stricken with this illness while employed in the corporate realm, I can imagine the treatment I would have received at the hands of those people that I was already naturally at odds with. People are liars. They're venal, opportunistic, desperate, self-righteous, odious, money-grubbing egomaniacs that will stop at nothing in attempts to leverage themselves above you. I've cultivated an intense loathing for the average human being that words can scarcely express. Don't misunderstand me though. It's not at all that I would ever want to hurt anyone. For me it is strictly spiritual. It's like walking around every day with a knot in my gut and a lump in my throat; like having a poisonous serpent coiled-up in my chest and poised to strike, to lash-out but only with words.
It's a crazy world filled with very desperate and confused people. While I've always had a somewhat cynical nature and possessed a healthy wariness of others, it wasn't until I became ill with a brain tumor that I truly received a crash-course on human nature. Being stricken with an illness such as we have tends to put a person in an exclusive situation of sorts in that it cuts people to the quick; it brings out behavior and information that ordinarily remains hidden. It's like this beam of light shines through and reveals everything, putting so much into perspective. In my case, I received a glimpse of how people would react to my expected demise. This is a situation that fostered both good and bad. I was pretty much left for dead by some people whereas other persons came into my life that were literal "godsends".
Up until my diagnosis and treatment I was laughed at, ridiculed and accused of being a hypochondriac by people whom I thought were my friends.
Believe it or not, people continue to chide and berate me because of my hearing loss.
You're not alone in this.
Going through life in practically any situation is like treading an abyss or being a lion tamer. It's just that when you are thrust into a position as you are now with the A.N., you are afforded first-hand, drivers seat glimpses of the sordid viciousness of human nature that can be somewhat disturbing to say the leastâ€â€but this is nothing new under the sun, mind you.
All I can suggest to you is that you try to be as strong as possible. How and if you can get away from the enemies you have around you I cannot say. We are all in different situations in regard to our personal situations or "stations' in life.
I have to go now but feel free to contact me if you wish to communicate.
Take care, Paul
-
Vicki,
I'm coming out of "the woodwork." I've had numerous surgeries over the past twenty years, physical therapy, other medical issues, dental problems, severe eye concerns, living problems on the "home-front" and now, just lost one of my Golden Retriever littermates! (to lymphoma) I worked in the dental-field most of my life however, I had other professional work. I can relate to your being "full-up," with all of it.
I lost most of my friends with the AN problem. It is a growing experience, Vikki. (not to mention the AN growing) I'm here to tell you that you will be stronger later on. Right now you need us, any family that you do have, support from the right source, proper calming-care, enough sleep and above all---do take time to do all the research you need for a proper evaluation of your AN.
With my experience I'd just like to mention this, for all newly diagnosed people with Acoustic Neuroma---please consider your options for treatment of the AN at different times of the day or night. What I mean by this is, think it over after all information is gathered. Consider the treatment options in the morning, think them over at noon-time and in an evening. (not all in the same day) Go to a park and think. Sit by a stream. Do Yoga if you find the time and then think. This also includes thinking about how you were treated at work, which is not acceptable. We sometimes process information and feelings differently under duress. You need to think clearly under proper circumstances or conditions!
It all looks over-whelming however---one step at a time and put "you" first on the list. (along with your child as, this is for both of you) People are numb these days. They are plugged into phones, computers, etc. They are not caring or sensitive due to "twisted" media exposure, shocking movies and not being polite anymore. The "50's" of the 1900 are long gone and so is the "family-unit." Sadly, you must care strictly for yourself as, people are out there ready to "strike" at their first chance.
Please set time aside for you to meditate and focus. You are all you have and can be sure of. (along with your son) Yes, it has come to that.
I lost friends but, gained Paul and Lorenzo from this forum as my closest friends. (when the truth comes out)
Bless you,
Palace
-
Hi Vicki,
My heart goes out to you. It's tough enough to be diagnosed with an AN, but to endure such cruel and ignorant treatment at work doesn't help. If your employer has more than 15 employees, they are required by law to comply with title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Americans with Disabilities Act. Here's a paragraph from the EEOC website (http://www.eeoc.gov/).
"Harassment is unwelcome conduct that is based on race, color, sex, religion, national origin, disability, and/or age. Harassment becomes unlawful where 1) enduring the offensive conduct becomes a condition of continued employment, or 2) the conduct is severe or pervasive enough to create a work environment that a reasonable person would consider intimidating, hostile, or abusive. Anti-discrimination laws also prohibit harassment against individuals in retaliation for filing a discrimination charge, testifying, or participating in any way in an investigation, proceeding, or lawsuit under these laws; or opposing employment practices that they reasonably believe discriminate against individuals, in violation of these laws."
You've gotten some good advice about insurance and disability benefits, and that is a huge consideration. If you feel you need to stay for awhile, you can use the time to start collecting evidence to show just how hostile the environment is. Make copies of any emails that are insulting to you, and keep them off site. If you have any incriminating voicemail messages, figure out how to record them (or play them into your home answering machine). In meetings when someone insults you, ask them to repeat themselves and make a big show about writing down exactly who said what. Maybe even repeat back what they said just to be sure you got it right. Heck, you could even take a little tape recorder into meetings "to be sure you don't miss anything". Either they'll be wary about being recorded and bite their tongues, or (more likely) they'll be idiots and continue to harass you. Only you know exactly how stupid these people are, though...if you think this will bait them into physical violence it's best to lay low.
Do you believe that someone may cause you physical harm? Have you been pushed or shoved hard enough to raise bruises? I sure hope not, but if so, go to your doctor and get it documented with photos.
It's hard to think about the future when you're trying to deal with "now". I do hope your employer sees the light and begins treating you with the respect you deserve. However, even if they do clean up their act, there are ways of discriminating that aren't illegal. You can change behavior, but it's really hard to change how people think.
Hang in there Vicki. Be strong and watch your back. You've got a lot on your plate right now, but you're not alone.
Betsy
-
Wow! Some very good advice here from Palace and Betsy!
-
Quote from Vicki- I thought, for sure, the manager, or my direct supervisor, would finally take some kind of appropriate action, but they didn't. They actually ENCOURAGE IT. The manager continually causes hostility, as she talks about the workers (negatively) right behind others' backs.
As I suspected. It is amazing how many people in work places act like it is still high school. And as this illustrates it usually starts at the top and goes down from there. I also amazes me that people cannot think for themselves and are such followers of this kind of behavior. Try not to take it on and remember they are horrible. It has nothing to do with you. It is abuse and abuse usually is isolated. Some of the worst abuse and bullying happens in workplaces and I believe that management and owners are the ones who it starts with. They don't have anyone else seeing it so it becomes seemingly more and more normal to them. I would say do what every you have to do because you need to stay there for your surgery. Good luck.
Palace wrote-I lost most of my friends with the AN problem.
I
I have to say that my son's friends were awful during this time. They or their parents did not call us or wish us well or anything. I absolutely refuse to blame it on being a teenager or being boys. I have spent my whole parental life trying to teach my kids that you don't do things just because you are a "woman" or a "man" (boys will be boys) or whatever. I was very disappointed with his friends. He still hangs out with them too because he really has had trouble findng other kids that are like him. ??? We did find many people that were fairly supportive. My exs family was just there so they could go around and tell all their friends about how their relative had this and how they were there to help. It was all about "them". I have to say I find it harder and harder to find people that don't just want materials out of life. But, sorry I know I am ranting a little.
There were some very sweet people too. The people at my exs work was really great. They took up a collection and gave him a 200 dollar gift certificate and a signed autograph of a hockey player and they were really caring. ANd all our neighbors were really caring. I know there are some people that don't know how to handle it and I try very hard to understand everyone deals with things differently. But there are some that are just cruel and uncaring.
Don't let it bother you if you can. Get support here. :)
-
I've been reading all the posts to this subject that Vicki brought up. I too am totally appalled by the actions of these "adults" in your work place, Vicki. >:( It sounds like everyone is following the lead of the manager and since this person is mean and uncaring, then other's seem to be following along. What a horrible experience for you! It also sounds like you are getting some great advice from everyone. If I were you, I'd almost be tempted to "wear a wire", like you've seen on TV, to document the harsh words and actions thrown your way. Jeez, I'd be tempted to "bug" the whole office to get the goods on these people. I'd also be tempted to looking into getting this person "whacked", but then maybe that's too "Sopranos" for you. ;) I'd also be tempted to contact the president of your company, the CEO, or whoever is the highest up in your firm and tell them what is going on. Or have your lawyer do it. I think your manager needs to take a hike and somebody further up the chain of command needs to know about this. They can't ALL be this evil. Can they?
Hang in there kiddo, and take some action. You've got plenty of ammunition to unload on these idiots. That should give you some strength and motivation. Be strong, keep your cool, gather evidence, talk to somebody in the know about your rights, and when the time is right - man the guns and blow them out of the water. You can do it.
Sue in Vancouver
-
ya know, vicki... one thing I love about this site is truly, unconditionally, how much everyone looks out for each other. :) As you can see.... everyone is filled with insight and knowledge and compassion... and thus, why I remain here and appreciate all that everyone here does for each other. We truly do understand.
Like you, I questioned a while back about the human nature of why folks would react (regardless if at work or family or friends) as they do... and many here gave wonderful insight that I still carry with me. This thread ended up being 6 pages and you can honestly feel true love from other AN'ers here...
Thought... sit back with your favorite beverage/snack etc... may be worth a peek.
http://anausa.org/forum/index.php?topic=966.0
I send my infamous wellness huggles... and from me to you... I'm glad you are here! :) Truly!
Hang in there.
Phyl
-
Vicky-
I am sending good vibes out to you... and also to the "losers" with whom you work. (I actually think they need it more. Bullies obviously are missing goodness in their lives.)
Hang onto your dignity and continue to do your job. Document the nonsense, then call a good lawyer.
I wish you all the best.
Terry
-
Vicky,
Here is an artcile in today's NY Times on workplace bullying. You are hardly alone.
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/03/24/have-you-been-bullied-at-work/
Eve