ANA Discussion Forum
General Category => AN Issues => Topic started by: TMK on April 22, 2012, 07:14:09 pm
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I'm looking for children's books to help prepare my story-loving nearly 3 yr. old for me to undergo a second AN surgery and recovery.
Thanks,
Tasha
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I'm looking for children's books to help prepare my story-loving nearly 3 yr. old for me to undergo a second AN surgery and recovery.
Thanks,
Tasha
Sorry I could not think or help with any books all my children and grandson is grown I just wanted to say my thoughts and prayers with you and your family and to have to go through this a second time.
Best Wishes,
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I went looking for the same thing before my surgery (my kids were 4 years and 18 months at the time) and found nothing. I hope there's something available now! If not, it'd be a grat Ida for an aspiring children's author to tackle.
:-)
Katie
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I think I'd say as little as possible to a 3 year old about AN surgery.
Just stick to generalities - mommy's going to the hospital for a few days. The doctors are going to take something out of mommy's head. Etc.
Above all, stress that mommy will be alright.
Patients don't look bad after AN surgery - I was concerned that I'd have bruises or something that would be upsetting to my kids (both were 11 at the time, but had been through a lot of emotional issues due to a prolonged, contentious divorce). The main things they focused on were my mastoid bandage (huge white thing wrapped around my head) and my catheter. They thought it was neat that I didn't have to get up to pee ;D
To your child, you'll still be mommy; nothing scary will be visible.
Make sure you have a good support system in place for when you are in the hospital and the days after you come home (since you'll need help initially to do things like driving, cooking, laundry, etc). Also make sure you keep your child's routine as normal as possible when you aren't there; less worry for your child.
Encourage your child to make you drawings that you can put in your hospital room. I had a bulletin board at the foot of my hospital bed where I displayed all kinds of stuff my kids made. It made me feel better, and it also thrilled them when they came to visit me.
Best,
Jan
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Tasha ~
As often is the case, I agree with Jan's comments on this issue. A 3-year-old child cannot understand surgery, much less, AN surgery and shouldn't be burdened with many details. You are that child's whole world and the best thing you can do is, as Jan mentioned, keep his or her life as normal as possible during this time.
My son was an adult at the time of my AN surgery but years earlier, when he was only 7 years old, I had a serious fall (on ice) and had to have micro-surgery to repair some broken cheekbones. I looked horrible and he was visibly upset by that. I downplayed the whole incident, made silly jokes about being 'beat up' and got him to laugh about it with me. It worked - and he soon lost his anxiety over the situation - and my unnatural appearance. Fortunately, the surgery went perfectly, I healed quickly and a month later we were on a (pre-planned) family vacation to Disney World in Florida. 25 years later, my son only vaguely recalls the incident. I can assure you that he was in no way traumatized by it, due, I believe, by the way I approached it with him.
With a 3-year-old, I believe that minimizing the operation (and your absence) is the best approach. Of course, these are only opinions. As a parent, you should do what you believe is best for your child, as I'm sure you will. :)
Jim
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With my kids at the time (as I said, 4 years and 18 months), I just told them that mommy was going to the hospital for a while so that the doctors could remove something growing in my ear that shouldn't be there. We reassured them that I'd be fine, and that it wasn't something likely to happen to them.
We also told them that after the surgery, mommy's left ear wouldn't work anymore so we'd all have to get used to me hearing on only one side. In addition to all the stuff about needing lots of sleep, etc. during recovery. We kept the kids on their regular schedules and routines (helped by my mom moving in with us for several weeks) and they don't remember it at all. Not that I'd expect the younger one to remember it.
They were a bit freaked out by the huge bandage I came home with. That came off after a few days, and then things returned to more normal. I also made the choice to not have them come visit in the hospital - they were too young and I was too out of it.
Katie
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This will not help yet, but I am in the process of
Writing one to help families. I just went through
It and we have six children and I also looked
For material but only found books on terminally
I'll parents. This is a difficult time, but life does
Resume to a fairly normal time after a little
While. Good luck and this is a wonderful place
For support.
Stephanie
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Tasha,
As you inquired about it I thought it was important to Google it. What I found was nothing you could explain to a 3 year old though, mostly for older kids about dealing with tough subjects like death and loss.
I couldn't find anything! Exasperating!
Mike
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I agree with what everyone else has said. Don't worry too much about detailed explanations. My kids where 4 and 8 at the time of my surgery, so older than yours. We didn't make a big deal, we just said that there was something in mommy's ear that the doctor had to take out and that I would be away for a couple of weeks to go visit the doctor (I had my surgery out of town). My MIL came to stay with the kids along with my husband. They tried to keep everything as normal as possible, in terms of routine etc. When I came back they knew that mommy needs to rest, don't jump on mommy etc. (for the 4 year old), but that's pretty much it. As Jim said having AN surgery doesn't make you look any different, and even if it does (for example in the case of facial weakness) the kids get over it quickly.
I doubt that even my (now 9 year old) daughter ever realized the seriousness of the situation, so I guess we were pretty successful at downplaying the whole thing.
Marianna