ANA Discussion Forum
AN Community => AN Community => Topic started by: Soundy on August 14, 2011, 09:39:17 pm
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need prayers for three girls that got up this morning to a world without Mom and their Dad who is going to be lost without her too ... Debbie was 42 and the mother of one of my girls Scouts ... her and Tim have 3 girls ... Keeley is 13 , older sister Chastity who is 18 and younger sister Leticia who is 9 ... Chastity is suppose to leave out for college this week ... they had a big going away party last night for her ...Debbie cleaned up after wards and went to bed somewhere around 1:00 this morning ... when they got up this morning she was dead in her bed ... her husband is fighting several cancers and for past 4 years or so she has been working at walmart 6 days a week ,10 hours a day to make ends meet...
I have had Keely in my Troop since kindergarten ... she has gotten a little boy crazy over past month or two and Debbie was worried she would land in trouble ...when I talked to Debbie Thursday she said the girls were gonna be the death of her one day ...
we went to Ronald McDonald House this morning and cooked breakfast for the families that are there... cleaned up part of the basement , washed windows , played with kids ...just whatever ...went to Centennial Park to have a short devotion; then to Shoneys to eat ... had a good day ...when I got home there were countless messages for me ... kinda numb and in shock ...
the shopping trip I took with my girls to buy prom dresses when they were worried I wouldn't come home from surgery alive and they wanted that memory with Mom , keeps running through my head ... all the firsts she is going to miss with her girls ... she did things with the girls when she could but trying to survive day to day living meant she didn't have nearly enough time with them... she always was appreciative of the three GS leaders that have her girls and give them a little time
my girls are very subdued ... they have unfinished projects that are suppose to be turned in tomorrow morning for 4-H ... they came in and tried to finish them but kept piling on or around me until I told them to take showers and go to bed ...
the world lost a good woman today
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My heart breaks for Debbie's family and friends. I will pray for them, although that doesn't seem like much - it is all I can do. Hearing of tragedies such as this is a reminder to live life as fully as possible with our loved ones, because we really don't know what day may be our last with them in this lifetime.
God be with Tim, Chastity, Keeley and Leticia. And with Debbie's good friend Soundy as well.
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What a terribly sad story. My heart is breaking thinking of what they are going through. God Bless them all. I'm not sure where/what city you are in...but if they are in the Greater Boston area...I'd love to figure out how to help.
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Soundy ~
What a heartrending situation!
I've seen this kind of sudden, untimely, death before (wife's friend died of a ruptured aneurism) and it is always devastating, and even overwhelming due to the unexpectedness of the loss. As we all know, life is ephemeral but we have expectations of our biblical 'threescore and ten' (70) years on earth and build our lives on that premise. When a life is cut short (by illness or accident) many people suffer the loss in various ways, not the least of which are the children of the decedent. When it is a loving mother that dies prematurely, the shock and loss is, at the least, doubled. With that sad reality in mind, my prayers go out for Debbi's husband Tim and the children, Chasity, Keeley and Leticia. May they find solace in the love of their friends, like you and your girls, Soundy, and in the everlasting grace of God that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
Jim
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The world did lose a good woman. There are still several living in the area, though...you and all the caring, loving women who will be there for those girls and their dad. God bless you, Soundy. Our prayers are w/ the family and all those who care for them.
Priscilla
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Wow, I just echo what Jim and Sara and everyone said. You are a great friend and support. But.. life is so tough. I pray for the day when "He will swallow up death for all time, and the Lord God will wipe tears away from all faces." (Isaiah 25:8)
Keri
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Amen :)
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Dear Soundy,
This is so sad at every level, that I cannot even find the right words to respond. Like many of us, I've known tradegy as well, and we all worry about the kids. I hope there is an extended family and friends that can help in rearng these girls. I am praying for Debbie's husband, for a healthy recovery. Thank you for sharing, I have them all on my prayer list now.
God Bless !
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Soundy, my heart goes out to Debbie's husband and children - and everyone else who knew her.
This is a true example of how short life can be and how unexpectedly it can end. A tragic story for sure.
Prayers and hugs to all,
Jan
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went to visitation last night ... the two older girls and Tim are doing OK ... Leticia was with family and had to be sedated ... she is going to have the hardest time of the three ... Funeral today was not as bad as I thought it would be ... celebration of Debbie's life ...I mean friends and family are sad but were remembering good times and the person she was ...
Tim is currently in remission and looked real good ... last time I saw him he was worn out looking from just coming off chemo and radiation ... he has gained weight back and seemed his old self ... both sides of the family has rallied round to help them along with many friends ...
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PS
preliminary findings indicate a ruptured aneurysm that was not known to be there ...
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So sad for them and for you Soundy. One day at a time, one minute at a time if need be...
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My family has had their share of tragedy, so just a suggestion. See if a close family member can intervene and see if the girls can go for grief therapy, either professionally or through their local church. I believe it will help them.
I have them in my prayers.
God Bless.
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Sarah's Upward coach last year is the youth minister at the church that Debbie's kids attend ...I know he is working with them and I plan on putting a bug in his ears about things she was worried about concerning the girls ... I have discussed them with the school guidance councilor and she says that speaking to him would be appropriate
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It is very difficult to understand why these things happen to good people. I will pray for the family and for God to wrap His arms of love and comfort around them and fill the void they have. Thank you for sharing this tragedy with us.
Skip
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Soundy,
My heart goes out to you and your friend Debbie's family. What a tragic loss!
While I certainly do not have the right words for this situation, and I do not want to turn it into something about me ... I will try to relate from past experience. At 13 I lost both of my parents in a car accident. My twin sister and I were with them and we were hit broadside by another driver. I recall many people afterwards struggling with the right words of comfort as well. At the time, it made me angry when someone would tell me they knew just how I felt or would try to tell me how to feel. My advice for you in this situation is to listen to the girls, let them tell you how they feel and what they need. Whatever they are feeling is okay and they made need reassurance from you to know this is a part of the grieving process.
It sounds like you are already thinking of their future without their mom. I think this can be a very good thing. Hold on to that. When many may move on, the girls will still need someone to think of those special times that their mom would have been there for them. While you certainly cannot replace Debbie, being able to express how proud she would have been of them or how much she would have enjoyed being a part of those special days can help them know how very much others still care and think of her too.
You are a special person to bring the needs of others to the AN family for support. Thoughts and prayers go out to you and Debbie's family!
Kathy
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?Yesterday the youngest just came up to me and hugged me ... I hugged her back and told her have a good day and she returned to her friends with a wave and a smile ... Chastity is not leaving for college for a couple weeks so they can get a plan of people helping get the girls out the door for school which she always did with Debbie leaving before the bus runs ... she is trying to kick Keekley into gear to get Leticia ready and not miss the bus ... I could help there if they lived closer ... the way it is in this rural area , we are about 10 miles east of the school and they are about 20 miles west ... so they are about 30 miles from us ...
Right now just taking cues from the girls ... Leticia has always been a bit shy at school even though I have known her since she was a year old ... I see them daily and I am watching for anything that the youth minister could help with ...he is working on a degree in family counseling and will finish it in October ... I think he is the best bet to help the girls ... I worry most about Keeley who has a bad case of boys on the mild ... Debbie would keep her in check ... Tim is lost and numb ... with Chastity leaving soon I hope that one of her grandmothers will step into Debbie's place of watching her and keeping her from harming herself through bad choices ... we can only pray ...
with all that said , I think that with time they will be OK ... their life will never be the same and they will always miss Mom not I think they will be OK ...
Kathy , thanks for input ... someone who has been there can offer better advise than someone who is just on the sidelines
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Soundy,
I just read this post, as I am trying to catch up. I hope things are going ok since school has started. I do know what it can be like, as I lost my father unexpectedly and my grandfather the same week during the first quarter of college, right before finals. I feel for these girls and their dad. You have been a terrific friend and comfort for them. I will add them to my prayers.
Sandy
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Chastity is not going to school until mid October ...she is trying to make sure everyone has someone lined up to take care of them with her not there ... she has talked to several people and all have told her Debbie would want her to move on ... me and Debbie discussed her wanting her girls to have an easier life work wise than she did ... and now that a little shock has worn off she says she know she will need to fly the nest ...
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Hi Soundy,
Just checking in to see how things are going for you and Debbie's family. Thoughts and prayers coming your way ~ Kathy
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They are doing OK ... Chastity is leaving October 9th ... she has been doing some work on-line but needs to get in class ... I am hoping she sticks with it and doesn't come back until done ... an I love this girl to death have known her since she was about 5 ... I want her back but she needs the education ...
Leticia ... ( she has always been Tecia but has decided she is now a big girl and Leticia ) ... she is doing OK too ... she came in the book fair with money that her grandma gave her ... Debbie would usually take off a morning to bring the girls in and shop ... I walked her around and just let her talk ... she looks like her mom and I almost said "you look like your Momma " ... but my brain caught up and made me replace "your Mom" with "Chastity" ... I helped her find some books and sent her off to class with a hug ...
Keeley , the 7th grader is the one I worry about most ... I talked to the youth minister of her church and they have been helping her some ... trying to guide her a little in the way she has been acting and dressing ... she had been dressing inappropriately at school , but now is dressing like she should ... she is always smiling and has not cried ... she says she can't ... I wish she would just break down and cry and get it out ... Tim says she acts like she is mad at Debbie for leaving
so many prayers are still needed ...we have a prayer chain at church and have added the whole family to it ...
I can hardly go by the shoe department ... she was manager and I knew when I could stop by and chat ... kinda sad that we mostly talked at Walmart during her breaks but in this busy world you catch each other as you can ... I guess talkimg at Walamrt face to face is better than Face Book or eamil but now doesn't seem like it was enough even though I talked to her 2 or 3 times a week ....I miss her and it doesn't seem right seeing someone else in her place ....
gotta get to school and wrap up book fair ... we bought 3 books for the library in memory of Debbie ... she was a good mom and friend and a good help at anything at school where we needed an extra hand ...
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Soundy ~
Thanks for that informative and sensitive update. The kids seem to be doing as well as can be expected, under the circumstances. Keeley's seeming anger at her mom for 'leaving' her is quite common and not necessarily restricted to children. It should pass . Hopefully, without the girl putting her father and siblings through a lot of drama.
Our church family just lost a young (44) wife and mother to (brain) cancer. She was absolutely inspiring. Even though she knew her illness was terminal, this summer, when her husband offered her a trip to Europe, she declined it and went on a church mission trip to Africa, instead. Fortunately, two of her children (from a previous marriage) are college age and the two boys are in high school, making it a bit easier on their grieving dad, who seems to be doing O.K., again, under the circumstances. Lots of prayers for both families and all who suffer unexpected loss, as these families have.
Jim