ANA Discussion Forum
AN Community => AN Community => Topic started by: mimoore on February 25, 2011, 07:06:56 pm
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Hi Gang! ;D ;D ;D
How are you all? I have missed you!
No, I didn't drop off the face of the earth just busy, busy! Everything is going well. Far too busy in my teacher career, I need to find a balance in my life; I think I am on the right road. You would think that after brain surgery that I would have learned or listened to my body.
My husband' company was bought out so he was offered a package. He took it and started his own company making and selling utility vaults. Its called Utilicon if that sort of thing interests you. He has a web site and is doing very well.
We moved into a much larger house that needs renovations, before he started his business, so the renos have slowed down.
It is almost 3 years since my surgery and lots to tell. Just a quick summary; my surgeon was wonderful. He really took his job seriously. I did have complications due to the fact that my tumour was large (went undetected for 10 yrs) and quite stuck on my facial nerve. Ideally the plan was that just maybe he might save my hearing (I had not lost any), remove the whole tumour and avoid facial paralysis. None of which happened. My surgery was 12-14 hours. My facial nerve was still intact.
I don't see him now at all - interns read my MRI and quite frankly I could do it on my own now. Yearly MRIs. I was told by another surgeon that he probably doesn’t want to see me because he is reminded of a failure. I see it differently - I am alive and my facial nerve is recovering nicely, I am looking into a transear (so close to coming to Canada, I will be letting you all know once I am holding it!) and I monitor my wee piece yearly and which I will deal with whatever head on.
I see a facial therapist every 6 weeks. Not 100% but getting better, I am still self conscious when I meet new people and I do miss my smile. The eye is good (no weight) I still put drops in every hour, near the end of the day maybe more often. I do think of maybe getting one… I sleep with my eye taped up, I am such a pro now it’s just one of my night time routines like brushing my teeth. I used to wear sunglasses that I modified with sleep eze foam now I just wear big sunglasses. Thank goodness they are in style.
I do get a throbbing in my head (where my surgery was) if I over do it and am very tired.
Do I wish things turned out differently? Yes, of course but I need to remind myself things could have turned out a lot worse. I do not stress about these minor things there is so much to live for and enjoy!
I cannot wait to get caught up and read and hear all about you all!
Hugs Michelle
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Hi, Michelle - and welcome back!
Good to see you posting again. Your update was certainly interesting and I'm glad to learn that you and your family are doing well, even if you're a bit overworked at times.
Your acceptance of and adjustment to the physical deficits you incurred as a result of your AN surgery are excellent examples of how to cope with these issues. I have to say that I truly respect your attitude. Positive and forward-looking with a touch of philosophic sagacity that is admirable. Thanks for dropping in - and now that you're back, 'don't be a stranger'. :)
Jim
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Thank you Jim! :-* i HAVE MISSED YOU ALL.
Let the truth be known I also lost my password! >:D
HAHA and I thought it a little lame blaming it on brain surgery! :o
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Hey Michelle! Good to "see" you!
Around here, you can blame ANYTHING on brain surgery! :D
I'm so glad to hear things are going well for you and it sounds like you've been full speed ahead! Good for you! I agree with Jim - I respect your awesome attitude (he just phrases it more eloquently).
Good luck to your husband on his new business venture!
Lori
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I have to say. I blame a lot on brain surgery! I am so glad to hear your positive attitude, Michelle! You sound really great. Welcome back to the forum :D :D :D You have been missed.
Priscilla
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*runs in.... gives Michelle a BIG welcome-back smoochie :-* :-*.... runs back out!*
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Hey, Michelle! Glad to hear from you and that things are going well for you! New house, new business...sounds very exciting - good for you guys!
Take care,
Cindy
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Thanks everyone, it is so nice to be back! Balance - balance I need to keep it in check - life can get so busy!
XOXOXOXOX
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Hi Michelle!
Nice seeing and hearing from you again!
Sounds like life is good, and like most of us, we overdo it and our bodies tell us.
I've been an Operating room aholic, (?) ::)with all my recent surgeries for the facial paralysis.
After the doctor finally admitted that the 12/7 had "marginal results" i.e. didn't work, I had an amazing procedure at UW in Seattle-cheek implant from muscle on my inner thigh to cheek. I have movement to that cheek area now. Woo hoo :D
Then the BAHA, just finished a BROW LIFT and CANTHOPLASTY-(need to add that to my sig.)
I hope I'm Done. I'm so burned out on surgeries, but they were all necessary.
I'm on FB if you want to see pics...
Keep in touch!
Maureen
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Hey, Michelle is back and posting. Woo-hoo! ;D
Hi, welcome back. The AN turns out to really just be a detour, doesn't it? Life ends up plowing full steam ahead, no matter what. Glad you are doing okay.
Steve
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HI Michelle
I can almost hear your excitement at being in the land of the living. Good on ya! ;D
Cheers,
Suu
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Hi Michelle: Great to hear you're doing so well ! Wow, lots of changes for you. It seems like it was all so long ago, & we have all learned life does go on. I tend to 'stay in the moment' & do enjoy life so much more after we have all been through so much.
Always good thoughts, Nancy
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Hi, Michelle. Glad you're back; hope you stick around.
Your attitude is very refreshing, and just for the record I think you look marvelous in your profile picture.
I hope the TransEar comes your way soon; I've heard it's a good solution to SSD.
Best,
Jan
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Nice to hear from you too, Michelle. It was good to read an upate on everything that's happening. I hope your husband's new business continues to grow and all goes well with the home renovation!
I took a long break from the forum too a while back. I think I lost my login, and then I felt like if I got back on I'd need to read everything about everybody, which can be too difficult at times. But I missed everyone - this forum has so much help, so much information. I don't keep us as well with the newbies as I'd like. But, life is busy!
Again, great to hear of your updates and progress.
Keri
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Hey, Michelle!
Nice to hear from you, and so glad that things seem to be going well.
Debbi
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Hi Michelle - I wrote you a response before, but it seems to have disappeared. I'm glad to see you posting; I had been wondering how my surgery triplets are doing. Havent' heard from calimom in a while either.
Glad to hear things are well with you. You look very pretty.
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WOW! Maybe my post was premature? I just had the most crushing news. My husband is having an affair with a friend of mine! I use that term loosely now, some friend!
I am crushed and now I have to deal with everything on my own. My heart aches I love him. I cannot and with not be able to repair our marriage. It is over!
:'( :'( :'( :'( I have a 14 year old stilll at home. So much to do now and where do I start.
Thanks for listening.
I wave between anger, sadness, and hatred.
He said I am consumed with my tumour and that I have changed since the surgery.
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Michelle ~
Your post came as a shock and it is definitely heartbreaking news to all of us, I'm sure. I won't attempt to advise you of anything at this point, but I will tell you, emphatically, that you have the support and prayers of many folks who you've never met but consider you a friend. A friend who is hurting and that we want to know that she is cared about. Try to take some solace in that small fact.
Jim
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Oh, Michelle .....
..... and I had not even welcomed you back yet! Oh my, you need us now more than ever. Not too much to say except, what happened to the part about "for better or for worse ..... in sickness and in health??"
Please know that my thoughts and prayers are very much with you!
Clarice
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Michelle, I am shocked and so very very sorry. I have to say though that it is extremely lame for your husband to try to blame his poor behavior on your tumor. As Clarice said, there's a sickness and health clause in the marriage vows. Let me know if there is any way to help - feel free to send me a PM and I'll give you my e-mail address.
Sending love your way,
Sara
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Oh Michelle, I am so sorry to hear this. I don't have words. you have been through so much and now this.
I have a very good friend who went through the same thing a few years ago. I remember vividly how much she was hurt - she had given up everything for this guy. She went on though, and after a couple of years she met a wonderful guy who really loves her and takes care of her.
Big hugs to you
Marianna
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Oh, Michelle, I am SO sorry to read this. I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Know that you have my thoughts and prayers.
Debbi
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Michelle,
#@$% ! (fill in blank with desirable word or phrase).
What a blow, I am soooo sorry. What timing that you came back and posted about how well you were doing, and now this. Well, you are HERE now and we are HERE for you. I'm so sorry :'( :'( :'( :'(
I can totally relate to being consumed with the tumor. I am reminded every day, in lots of ways, that the after effects are here to stay with me till the day I die :o
My husband I believe is a little envious about how I spend time on the computer, helping others. He sees me consumed with all my facial issues, tinnitus, (I am), and even sometimes says flippantly "get over it." That sends me into a screaming rage....Better or worse, sickness and health, good times and bad times. Those are tough rules. I recently posted in the ANA Mailbag section of the recent ANA Newsletter . He helped me with wording, so he was a bit involved and that seemed to help. He is a physician and I am a nurse, so we usually seem to do OK understanding the ramifications of all this messy post op stuff.
As per your husband:
He said I am consumed with my tumour and that I have changed since the surgery.
No s@!t Sherlock! We have ALL changed, and I remind my husband and family that I am NOT the same person. Man if he could be in your shoes for just a short time......There are those invisible post op issues, which no one can understand except if we have been there.
I hope and pray that you just give it a try to resolve this and seek counseling, so the two of you can present your own version of how this ordeal has affected your life and marriage. He was obviously feeling neglected and reached out, unfortunately, to find someone to give him solace. You are reaching out to us and just trying to survive. It's like one day at a time, one problem at a time......It is so stressful and mentally fatiguing.
You are angry, bitter, sad and feeling probably just like someone hit you with a brick right at the heart.
Give it some time...you have a child to think about....
PM me if you want to vent, cry, scream, just let it out>>>>
Hugs and hugs,
Maureen
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Michelle,
I am shocked and dismayed. What a selfish b a s t a r d !!!!! Don't get me started about your so called "friend" with a friend like her, who needs an enemy.
You have so much support here on this forum and I'm sure your family are behind you 100%. It hurts, it is hard to reason through at the moment but you are a very strong woman and I know you are a survivor!
Hugs,
Anne Marie
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Thank you for your support! One day at a time. I'll keep you posted.
Packing, lawyers, crap crap and more crap.
Man this sucks.
:'(
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My heart goes out to you for what you are going through!
I am truly sorry and pray for your well-being. You have many friends here wanting to comfort you............
Jackie in oregon
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Michelle,
What a shame, and shame on him. There are no words that will comfort you, but rather knowing you have support out there should be somewhat of a comfort. It's not an answer, there are no answers, but just know this group will do all possible to keep your spirits lifted.
~Dale
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michelle,
i'm just so sorry. as others have said before, we will all be here to try to support or encourage or pray for you and your teen anyway we can.
keri
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Oh, I just wish we all lived in the same city so we could hug you, help you, and give looks that could kill to the lousy husband and even lousier friend! My heart goes out to you as you try to find your way through all of this. You have made my daily prayer list, rest assured, my dear.
Priscilla
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Thank you I can feel the warm fuzzy hugs. Crazy time!
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Michelle,
Your intial post was encouraging to me, as I am also a teacher with similar AN issues - but struggling. Then I read the later news, and just wanted to cry. I'm so very sorry about your husband - as if you have not gone through enough. I hope you reach your happy place again even sooner than since surgery.
Allison
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Man is this a test of strength or what?
Honestly this is more pain than I can bear. I find out this terrible news, then its a friend of mine, then its been going on for a year. We all hung around together. Then tonight my 14 year old daughter has a complete break down kicking her walls, telling me its all my fault because if I would have stopped talking about my brain tumor he would not have left. (shes heard him say this) Her life is ruined. Shes far too involved because she intercepted a text on his black berry. I told her its not my fault or hers, he made a bad choice and continued to do so. I told her I was just as shocked as her and although all marriages have troubles its how we handle them that matters. Blaming me does not help. F@#$k I honestly cannot take anymore pain and heart ache. This is such a big mess. All I want is for him to suffer like we are!
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( >:D
I need to remember i am a fighter, a survivor and I will be happy again! :-X :-X
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Grrrrrrrrr. The right words will not come to me. All sorts of emotions when reading your post ..... but most of all anger that anyone would accuse you (or any of us) of talking too much about your tumor. They do not have to live with the daily compensations we have to make and/or resulting pain and/or the fear of regrowth and need for more treatment. I'm not sure I can remember a day when some reference was not made by either me or my husband to my brain tumor. Like it or not, it is a part of who we are now.
Two things: 1) please try to remember you are not the cause of any of this ..... this was an easy excuse for your husband's weak behavior and huge character flaw and 2) please seek some counseling for both you and your daughter.
..... and yes, you are a fighter, a survivor, and you will be happy again!!
Many thoughts and prayers.
Clarice
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Clarice said it well! I feel for you and hope for the best for you. Your daughter is at that teenage age where anything and everything can be hard and this is making life even harder. it is very hard for a mom to not take it personally. We are thinking of you. We know too well how the AN is with us every day and hard for others to understand!
Hugs, Cheryl R
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Michelle ~
I'm so sorry to learn of your continuing, escalating pain over this cataclysmic event in your life.
First, 14-year-old girls who love their father will say terrible, hurtful things when their world has been turned upside down. I'm sure, as you noted, that your daughter is simply repeating what her father has told her to justify his adultery and attempt to shift the blame for dishonoring his marriage vows from his immoral behavior onto you, which is outrageous but, alas, fairly typical in these situations. I could make all sorts of negative comments about the lack of character of such a man but I'll refrain for the sake of civility on the forums and my obligation to lead by example. I will suggest that harboring animosity, although justified and understandable, will do you little good. Your soon-to-be ex-husband will go on with his new life and your bitterness won't have much, if any effect on him but it can poison your spirit if held too tightly or too long. I'm sure you're aware of that and will eventually be able to move on, yourself. Your daughter has to be forgiven for her foolish accusations, based on ignorance, immaturity and the influence of her father who is desperate to excuse himself for the disruption he has caused, not to mention the heartbreak and sorrow. She won't always be 14 and in time, if you allow her to be angry at the disruption in her life and repeat the wise words you have already said to her (he made a very bad choice) she will probably be O.K. with you again - but it may take awhile. Meanwhile, you have to call on your inner strength and face this horrible situation head-on and with integrity and as much equanimity as you can muster. If you have a spiritual faith, this is the time to call on it. Otherwise, simply chose to do what is best for you and your family and realize that things won't always be this chaotic.
You know that you have our support and our prayers. I hope things get better for you, soon.
Jim
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Michelle,
Thank you Jim, Cheryl, and Clarice for your wise words.
I rescind my previous post about "counseling" or whatever it was for you and your husband. Time to get ugly.
But DO get counseling for you and your daughter.
I'm so sorry, my heart aches for you.
My prayers are with you and your daughter for peace and forgiveness...
Maureen
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What kind of judge would be symathetic to a man who runs out on his family because his wife was "consumed" with brain surgery? I hope you take all you can get so that you will be as financially secure as possible - since you may need it for doctor visits in the future.
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Thank you for all of the great advice and your warm embrace. My daughter was angry and I am the one who is h. She needed to let the anger out and I happen to be the one who got the brunt of it. It was hurtful but I know where it is coming from and who she really wishes it could be directed to. I love her and that she knows. Teenagers are a funny bunch because the next day she came into my bed and snuggled. I wrote her a long letter that I told her she could read and reread validating her feelings good or bad and that although I am hurting as well I am the adult in the situation and that I will take care of her. We will be happy again. She knows she can count on me. I told her and her feelings are my top priority.
She and I are both in counseling and looking for a new house. Lots going on but trying to move forward and know that I am a good person and I deserve to be happy again. Some times it's one day at a time and other times it's hour by hour. I have a lot of support here and through my friends and family.
Thanks for listening. :-*
Michelle
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Michelle,
Your last post sounded strong, wise, and loving, and I am sure your daughter heard that loud and clear. You are right....teenagers ARE a funny bunch! I remember those years with my daughter. There will be days when you just want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over your head, but remember that we are praying for you and pulling for you, so soldier on as best you can. The good days will eventually outnumber the bad ones.
"Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant."
— Maya Angelou
You go out there and thrive, girlfriend! You have elegant written all over you. ;) ;)
Priscilla
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Hi Michelle
I'm sending the biggest and warmest hug that I can muster for you and your family.
Suu xxoo