ANA Discussion Forum
Archive => Archives => Topic started by: msuscottie on May 22, 2006, 01:56:58 pm
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After my first complication filled AN surgery I was out of work for almost 4 months and then after my last surgery I missed about 6 weeks and since I've returned to work I notice that I'm treated a little differently. After my first surgery there was a great deal of sympathy and support, but after going through everything again and missing 6 more weeks, people are treating me like I've taken 6 months of vacation in the past few years. It's hard for me to even get a few hours off to get to all of my Dr. appointments without getting those "missing MORE work?" looks. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like I've worked hard for this company for 5 years and some bad luck kind of ruined my reputation. My wife & I just had a baby and I took a week of for that and it was greatly frowned upon. I find myself wishing that they knew what it was like to have some life changing experiences like I have had over the past few years so that they understood. I just had an exchange with my boss who said that "now that all of my hospital time is over I should realize that work is my priority," to which I responded, "no, work is YOUR priority, my priorities are my family & my health, THEN work." I don't think he liked that answer, but I'm frustrated with it. I guess us survivors see life in a differnt light? Maybe it's just time for a new job and a fresh start
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I know that I've talked to several people about this lately. I haven't even had surgery yet and my work is doing the opposite in a way...they're wanting me not to be stressed, so now I don't get involved in any discussions or decisions, and I feel like I'm invisible. Which, I think, is even more stressful then letting me handle things. I've been in 3 times to try to coordinate things with my boss to make it easier for them when I leave and I get brushed off. I don't know what they'll do when I come back. At this rate, the invisible thing makes me feel unappreciated, and I don't want to come back, but have to pay the mortgage somehow. It's so frustrating. I've been here 17 years.
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I feel like I have INVISIBLE tatooed on my forehead.
I think there is nothing worse than giving it all to your place of employment and them turning their back on you at at time like this. I've bee with my company for 8 years..this is my 9th and I feel like I'm walking a tight rope trying to hang on and recover with all the problems I'm having.
Scott maybe a new start is the right answer but then again..if you're still needing to miss time for appts that gets sticky too. It's all so frustrating to me!
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OH, Scott, I can sooooooo relate. Since I told my bosses of my diagnosis and since I had my CK procedure, not only are they watching me like a hawk but now have verbalized on many occassions, "if you don't feel you can do/handle it, we'll give the project to someone else". Trust me, my self-esteem is not easily tarnished, but I've been there for over 6 yrs, with glowing reviews and even rec'd "President's Award" on 2 occassions... and now this. Only since my diagnosis and procedure.
Private email is open if you need a good ear.
Phyl
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Well, I'm sorry to hear that you guys are in the same boat, but at the same time it's nice to know I'm not alone. Invisible is a perfect word. I've been here 5 years and people that started in the past two years, when I was out recovering, treat me like I've been here a week. I was promoted 3 times before my first surgery, demoted twice after. It's not performance related ever, it's just that whole, if you're body can't take the 70 hour work weeks anymore, maybe this is a better position for you. So now I'm in a cube in the back corner of the office with very limited interaction with anyone. Two years ago I was the Director of Communications. I feel like Milton in Office Space =) Maybe we should all just start the National AN Society and work together, that would be a fun office =)
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Or, we could make our own company!!!!! Great idea!!!!!!!!! We have enough creativity in here, I think we could do almost anything!
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At least everyone would understand if we had to go to a Dr. appointment :)
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LOL Lately I don't seem to understand much of anything! I'm so tired of dealing with people and their problems who are fit enoguh to work, have no medical problems just live crisis to crisis through everyone else. Ok, can we tell I'm having a bad day? Found out first thing this morning denied for ssd, got chewed out from my boss, got chewed out from an employee, had to gently tell another she had no job as of today and the saga continues....CALGON.....think it will help? or maybe heavy drinking? I wanna a job where you don't have to intereract with people face to face, you don't have to dress up and put on professional attire (pantyhose LOL) and you can take off for drs appts whenever you need to!
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Well, when we open our office there will be no dress code, no set hours and no requirement to speak to anyone.
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I can relate to these issues on somewhat of a different level. I did an enourmous amount of volunteer work in my community for many years, spending 60+ hours a week. As soon as I was diagnosed and had surgery, I became invisible. I was not included on projects that I once headed and people questioned my ability. I constantly told them that I was ok, but I guess they never bought it. Pretty sad when you are fired from a volunteer position.
Msuscottie - Don't let em take your stapler (great movie)
Battyp - I would try both the calgon and the heavy drinking LOL
Our own company...what a great idea. Definetly would be a fun place to work ;D
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Alright Tom, you're president.
msuscottie, you're CEO and head of the board for thinking of this.
Batty, you're in charge of booze and pill procurement.
Matti, you can be in charge of our volunteer department
Phyllis, you're our cheering squad and counselor.
I'll schedule everyone's doctor's appointments for them.
We don't need no stinkin' jobs!!! We'll run this thing and make all the non-AN people work and bring us money!!!! Or winning lottery tickets.
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well we better get on it before I lose my house..my sanity I lost months ago LOL
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I guess, in spite of frequent raging migraines, I am totally lucky to have the kind of job Batty just described. I don't even have to change outta my jammies to go to work, or outta my birthday suit if I don't wanta. Downside: no health benefits or regular paycheck! Or unemployment. Or paid vacation.
Can I be the art director for the new business and have medical, dental and a weekly paycheck?
Thanks,
Capt Deb
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I'm writing this for newly diagnosed people who may be worried about returning to work. I had my AN surgery on September 6 and returned to work on October 31. I guess I am very lucky that I am a teacher. My superintendent arranged for me to come back half days my first two weeks, with the sub being there all day the first week. If I had needed the sub the second week I could have had that also. It was a great transition especially considering the fact that I had started the year in Kindergarten. An opening occured in third grade right before my surgery so I took it. My sub explained to my students what had happened to me. So did the teacher across the hall. The whole staff treated me as a fellow professional and were happy to see me return. Even though I was, and still am, carrying the side effects of facial paralysis and numbness from the AN surgery nobody seemed to think any less of me. Luckily my balance was fairly good and has steadily improved with time.
In addition to my regular teaching duties I also do some teaching for teachers. The person in charge of this was thrilled that I was able to return. Before my workshop she explained to the participants what I'd gone through. Then we continued as normal.
All in all, I'm grateful to be working with such wonderful people who still treat me as the professional I've always been. I wish that all of us could be working in such environments.
Jean
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Deb you havta paint purty pics for all our offices! (said with my best southern twang LOL)
Jean how are you handeling the talking with your facial paraylsis? My tongue is numb which is the root of my problems with speaking for long periods..do you have any of that going on?
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Now, if we only had a purpose for this business or money to start it.
Always a catch!
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The purpose is to have fun and quality of life, and I've learned that if you build it, they will come. Think Gilda's place for AN patients and caregivers....somewhere in the Caribbean.
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Hey, I'm in.
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Oh yess! A vestibular rehab place where folks could practice walking on the beautiful white sand of Cinnamon Bay....no...no....Trunk Bay.....no....Salt Pond......no...welll, any St John Beach will do--they're all beautiful. We'll take over Maho Bay--the Ritz-Carlton of campgrounds! Make it into an AN Spa for patients and their families and friends! Get a big government grant-(well, maybe not from this particular government!)
Howzat sound?
Capt Deb
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I vote for Hawksnest....my favorite easy to get to snorkeling spot (Trunk is for tourists!). We'll just take over the parking lot and the road there.
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Yah Mon--Hawknest be de locals beach fa true! Been to many many great beach parties there. I love snorkeling there--shallow, but plenty fish. My friend, John Gibney, owns the next beach over. You can swim or sail there, but can't cut thru his property. All VI beaches are public, but the access isn't. We be makin' it de official AN beach!
We now need a name for dis business!
Capt Deb 8) 8) 8) 8)
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Capt.,
We ccould call the business What's My Line.
Rob
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Jean how are you handeling the talking with your facial paraylsis? My tongue is numb which is the root of my problems with speaking for long periods..do you have any of that going on?
Batty,
I do quite well with my talking. Must be from all the practice I get. LOL People tell me they don't notice anything different. I only had some difficulty in the beginning.
Jean
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I like the reefing at Hawksnest, there's plenty, with that split down the middle so you can go straight out and then back around the reefing. And the water is so clear there you can see through the waves. Saw a cool octopus there.
Since St. John is the land of "artists", I say we can all paint, draw, sculpt, whatever, interpretations of ANs. I have a cool silver necklace from there from one of the artifacts they pulled out of Cinnamon...a cool face....we could find that artist (Deb, ya know her?) and we could "cast" an AN and make AN jewelry!
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HEY!
I was brainstorming a name fer our business--seems like alla us are looking for a "magic bullet" for our health issues. How 'bout callin' it Magic Bullet Inc.
We could name the facility the "Magic Bullet Rehab Spa, Sanitorium (or Insanitorium) and Theme Park"
Whaddaya think?
Capt Deb
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Isn't the magic bullet the little amazing food processor? LOL
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No, I believe I am the amazing little food processor!
Capt Deb 8)
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Gee guys,
Prior to my surgery, I really struggled to understand people's medical issues - as a guy who was into sport a lot, I was lucky to never get badly injured so never really needed to see a doctor. It's not until "it happens to you" that people understand. Now I can offer a little advice to those of you having difficulties with your bosses. I have done a fair bit of people coaching in the past and this process does help people understand what you are going through.
Bullet point your key circumstances
1. kids, partner / other dependants
2. your professional status - key positions held
3. length of time at current work - long term servant of company
Bullet point the headlines of your op.
1. identify that it was a brain tumour - thats a growth pressing on the brain. Without doing anything, I would ventually die.
2. How long the surgery was and how many doctors were involved
3. identify the riskiness of the op - the downsides such as facial paralysis, drye eye - don't mention headaches coz that will be viewed that it could affect your daily judgement.
4. provide a picture with the bandage on your head.
5. Identify, that it happens to one in ?? not sure of stat and its random. It could grow in anyones head.
Now, the above is designed to give your boss a very small appreciation of what you have been through
Do not provide the sympathy angle if you are experiencing financial difficultuies coz that will overshaow what you are trying to achieve.
Now, with that info, arrange a 1 hour meeting with your boss
here comes the tricky bit and i suggest that you practice with yourself first. It's simply called Role modelling. when you are in a room with a table and two chairs facing opposite each other (this is very important) sit down and virtually the first thing you say, and its very important that you don't go into pleasantries first like how are you. you say "boss's name" I would like to discuss the way I am being viewed following my brain surgery. Can we role model please.
Instantly, you stand up, leaving your bullet points piece of paper where you were sitting, and say "lets swap places". Now this might seem a little silly but its designed to get your boss to see things from a different angle - now its fitting into place isn't it.
Next you tell your boss that you appreciate that its difficuult for anyone to understand what i went through so i have briefly identified my circumstances so you are familiar with them.
Now, this is the tough but most critical bit, tell you boss that for the next 20 minutes, he/she is to be you. That is, for purpose of the mtg, swap roles.
You then, in an unthreatening manner, start to question the key issues such as time off etc,
e.g Now Fred, why do you need all this time off?
if your boss is serious about this, and you'll need to coach hin/her a little, he should start defending by saying, well, I had this major surgery, and i need to see the doctors regularly, I need to spend time with my kids etc.
Hopefully, through this process you will have a more sympathetic boss.
I strongly suggest that you practice on your own a little first and try and be your boss. This means saying, I need time off..... then you physically get up and change seats and respond to how your boss would react. This will help you say things in a different way so that you can achieve results.
This is a major process and if you embark on it, be careful that you are well planned and versed in the process. It does take time to master but I have found it very successful in working with difficult people.
good luck
Laz.
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Or, you could just whack the bas**** upside the head with a big stinky fish!*
*Now you see why Captain Deb hasn't had a real job in years and has been deemed "unemployable!"
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me being me and having the week I am..I vote for the stinky fish!
No offense laz just seems easier and quicker LOL :-*
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Come to think of it. I think the stinky fish is plan A too. Geesh, I would have loved to do that to a number of people I have worked with and for in the past.
Don't fight with words, use stinky fish!
I like it.
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Yeah and after ya finish with the whackin' you can enjoy a delicios meal! Kill 2 birds with one stone! I wonder if anyone has said--"BACK OFF--this fish is a registered weapon!"
Captain Deb 8)
PS I actually witnessed a fish fight while I was provisioning a boat in Antigua. These 2 old women were duking it out at the open air market and cussing up a storm--I guess one of 'ems husband was sniffin' around the other one or something. It was hilarious--the whole market was watching in a big circle and laughing their a**es off!
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If you want to hold a steady job, you can’t afford to be sick. If you want to climb the corporate ladder,you can’t afford to be sick. And if you don’t have good health coverage, you certainly can’t afford to be sick In these demanding, competitive, capitalistic waters that we’re all treading, a perfect attendance record is one of the keys to staying afloat. That’s because perfect attendance means you’re dedicated to your job. It means you don’t make excuses. It means you’re making sacrifices for the 'good of the company'. Sometimes we sacrifice our health (not to mention our mental stability) for the good of the company. Working weekends and holidays, or long hours that cut into much needed sleep time.
Sure, some people’s bodies have a higher tolerance for these dangerous side effects of the corporate climb, but at some point, mentally or physically, things are bound to catch up..But what happens when the go-getter employee becomes sick?  Any way you slice it, in our career-driven society, you just cannot afford to be sick.isnt it true ?? My company deserted me when i was diagnosed for AN , for 6 months i was not paid except the insurance taken care of ...It forced me to spring back to normal life fater and search for a new Job . Its since 1 year that iam in this new company and people still find it hard to work with the limitations that the AN surgery left me ie a Deaf ear and Facial Paralysis ....
I pray to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
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Pejavar..it's frustrating but true! You give them you're all often with health affects then the minute you can't produce it's NEXT! It's all so frustrating...especially losing the health insurance which I'm facing. :o(